Headbangers 12/29/23
Headbangers 12/22/23
Headbangers 12/15/23
Headbangers 12/08/23
Headbangers 12/01/23
Headbangers 11/24/23
Headbangers 11/17/23
Headbangers 11/10/23
Headbangers 11/03/23
Headbangers 10/27/23
Headbangers 10/20/23
Headbangers 10/13/23
Headbangers 10/06/23
Headbangers 07-09/23
Headbangers 04-06/23
Headbangers 01-03/23
Headbangers 2022
Headbangers 2021
Headbangers 2020
Headbangers 2019
Headbangers 2018
Headbangers 2017
Headbangers 2016
Headbangers 2015
Headbangers 2014
Headbangers 2013

Headliners 2011-2012
Headliners 2010-2009
Headliners 2008
Headliners 2007

Bloc Friday
Week of 11/24/23

Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.

Spoof of a toy advertisement entitled Dingalings, a satirical version of Fingerlings, picturing a Sleepy Joe Monkey with President Joe Biden's face wrapped around one voter's index finger across from Felon Don Dragon with Donald Trump's face wrapped around  an opposing voter's index finger.  The headline above the Dingalings' logo reads This Holiday Season's Hottest Choices.The Great Disconnect: Why Voters Feel One Way About the Economy but Act Differently
–– They're students of TikTokian economics.

Does Rob Reiner Know Who Killed John F. Kennedy?
–– Archie Bunker.

The viral $16 McDonald’s meal that may explain voter anger at Biden
–– Does it contain alien brain virus?

Trump’s Monday gag ordering hearing comes after week of ‘exceptionally alarming’ behavior
–– 'Like 5-alarm chilly!'

Radio host calls Trump a ‘fascist'
–– After last 8 years of vitriol sounds downright friendly.

Former Trump Org. controller breaks down in tears on witness stand in fraud trial
–– Doesn’t break down falsified evaluations.

Lara Trump’s Video of How Donald Interacts With His Grandkids Has Split the Internet
–– Between those with little life, those with none.

MAGA Republicans Lose Their Minds Over New January 6 Footage
–– Tiny objects easy to misplace.

Flurry of sexual assault lawsuits filed before temporary New York law expires
–– Metooric rise.

Andrew Cuomo sued for sexual harassment by former executive assistant
–– Gov. Hochul: ‘xoxo from your former Lieutenant Gov!’

New York Mayor Eric Adams is accused of sexual assault
–– Doesn’t know whether to deny or brag about.

Axl Rose, Jamie Foxx, and Politicians Face Sexual Assault Allegations Ahead of NY's Filing Deadline
–– The humpire state.

The Very Good Reason People Like George Santos Lie About Nonsense
–– Mouths are already moving.

Israel and Hamas agree to hostage exchange deal, 4-day pause in fighting
–– And swap of felafel recipes.

Palestinian families rejoice over release of minors and women in wartime prisoner swap
–– Thank Hamas, ask if they can now bring back dead relatives they sacrificed.

Susan Sarandon Dropped by UTA Over Comments About Israel-Hamas Conflict
–– Like UTI.

Melissa Barrera Dropped From ‘Scream VII’ After Social Media Posts Amid Israel-Hamas War
–– Fails Scream test.

Violent protests in Dublin after woman and children injured in knife attack
–– Dublin down on mayhem.

Trump-like libertarian Javier Milei wins Argentina’s presidency
–– Disappeared spinning in watery graves.

Philippines’ Marcos Rejects International Probe on Duterte
–– Would world want to touch him with 10-foot pole?

Canada Moves to Restore Ties with Maduro Regime in Venezuela
–– Using former noose.

Meloni and Scholz Deepen Ties, Leaving France Behind
–– Denied Axis?

Elon Musk Promises “Thermonuclear Lawsuit” After Big Brands Pause Ads On X
–– X marks the stop.

Elon Musk addresses claims of antisemitism: ‘Nothing could be further from the truth’
–– Except this assurance of his.

Linda Yaccarino: “Deceptive Attacks” Are Fueling X Advertiser Exodus
–– ‘And, y’know, our owner.’

Sam Altman warns AI could kill us all. But he still wants the world to use it
–– Because it’s like ‘his thing.’

OpenAI Employees Say Firm's Chief Scientist Has Been Making Strange Spiritual Claims
–– During pseudo-religious ceremonies climaxing in GigaPet sacrifices.

Binance Founder Agrees to Plead Guilty to Violating Money Laundering Rules
–– Hang or fold?

Ex-Binance CEO Zhao urges judge to allow him to leave US before sentencing
–– Only if he promises to change company’s asinine name.

Chinese shadow bank says it has ‘huge’ debt and can’t pay its bills
–– Known for shady dealings.

Sam Bankman-Fried reportedly used pouches of fish as payment for haircut in jail
–– Looks like coiffeur combed with fish bone.

Jack Ma backs off on plans to sell Alibaba shares after stock plunge
–– Ma and pass.

John Woo on Superhero Movies: “I Like Watching Real Cinema”
–– Intimate naturalistic dramas like Face/Off.

Ridley Scott Isn’t Worried About ‘Napoleon’ Critics Because ‘the French Don’t Even Like Themselves’
–– ‘Or their stinky cheese and bloody baguettes. Oh, my film’s now playing in Paris –– enjoy, frog bastards.’

How the Whole World Came to Believe That Napoleon Bonaparte Liked Smelly Women
–– Because they were French?

Daryl Hall files lawsuit and restraining order against bandmate John Oates
–– Not feeling his Oates.

‘I was a prostitute at the highest rate’: Ex-star slams reality TV industry
–– Frankel shares skinny, girl.

Adam Sandler Reveals Roseanne Barr Turned Down Singing Iconic ‘Chanukah Song’ on ‘SNL’ and Said: ‘He Wrote It. That’s His Song’
–– See, she’s not just racist, Trump-loving, unbalanced harridan.

Robin Williams Was Such a Master of Improv That ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’ Shot 2 Million Feet of Film
–– And still couldn’t find 125 funny minutes.

Joel Kinnaman Says He Tried Not Speaking for Two Months While Filming ‘Silent Night’
–– If only he’d kept it up.

Peter Dinklage Says Viewers Don’t Have to Watch the ‘Hunger Games’ to Understand the Prequel
–– Because it’s impossible to understand.

’Hunger Games’ Prequel Leads Box Office With $45 Million As ‘Marvels’ Plummets 79%
–– Flying skills not helping.

’The Marvels’ Star Iman Vellani Isn’t Concerned With Box Office Discussion: “That’s for Bob Iger”
–– The Iger sanction.

Why ‘Marvels’ Director Nia DaCosta Bailed on the Cast-and-Crew Screening
–– She’d have to watch it.

Ahead Of Fantastic Four, Monarch's Matt Shakman Told Us Why Godzilla And The MonsterVerse Have The Same Appeal As Marvel Characters
–– Kaiju have same level of character development.

Wish is Rated Worst Disney Film in 2 Decades
–– Wish boner.

Asked My Kids If They'd Rather See Trolls Band Together In Theaters, Or Disney's Wish, And They Chose Trolls. Here's Why
–– Old enough to read?

Matt Rife Wants You to Think He’s Edgier Than He Actually Is
–– Rife with attitude.

Buffy Sainte-Marie Says CBC Investigation Into Ancestry Includes Fabricated Evidence: “These Allegations Do Not Shake Me”
–– "I am not doing war dance nor whooping it up.'

Fans Say They Weren't "Prepared" for Dakota Johnson in This Formitting Black Dress
–– It’s formittable?

‘Lessons in Chemistry’ Creator Can’t Stop Gushing Over Brie Larson
–– Will need sodium hypochlorite to get out stains.

From airlines to ticket sellers, companies fight U.S. to keep junk fees
–– Insist 1st Amendment protects right to rip-off.

California man sentenced to 700 years in prison for sexual assaults on boys while serving as nanny
–– Reduced by two weeks for Mrs. Doubtfire costume.

Where Is Harvey Weinstein Today?
–– In Miramax prison?

Kaitlin Armstrong is sentenced to 90 years in prison for the murder of elite cyclist Moriah ‘Mo’ Wilson
–– Wheels of justice kick into 12th gear.

Adult film star Ron Jeremy released to ‘private residence’ in rape case due to declining health
-– Ruled ‘practically bedridden’ as he was for much of his career.

Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs settles lawsuit one day after ex-girlfriend Cassie’s allegations of years of rape
–– This week in Coinkydinks.

Jared Fogle Sentence Length: Where Is the Subway Guy Now & What Is His Potential Release Date?
–– Was it foot long?

Hulk Hogan's son arrested for DUI in same Florida city where he was involved in a car crash 16 years ago
–– In lamest homage.

Tiffany Haddish arrested for alleged DUI
–– Funnier than any of her films.

‘Zoom fatigue’ may take toll on the brain and the heart, researchers say
–– Of generation too soft to sit in front of computer, chat.

Best Buy’s simple strategy for beating shoplifting: More workers in stores
–– With blackjacks.

Black Friday Isn’t What It Used to Be
–– Not still pagan orgy of mindless consumption?

The tug-of-war is on between retailers wary of throw-away prices and deal-hungry Black Friday shoppers
–– Both sides clutch last shred of dignity.

Shop pet DNA kits at Amazon for Black Friday and find your dog or cat's origin story
–– If you’re total muttcase.

‘Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade’ Draws Its Biggest TV Audience Ever
–– Santa's agent demands new contract.

Pro-Palestinian protesters glue their hands to 6th Avenue, disrupting Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
— Couldn't organize Hamas Fireworks Float?

Trump posts 'Thanksgiving message' at 2 a.m. with a list of insults
–– He can stuff it.

Wisconsin Gov. Evers pardons 82 more, total now exceeds 1,100
–– But no turkeys for Thanksgiving!

Did Thomas Jefferson hate Thanksgiving?
–– We heard he enjoyed dark meat.

Does red wine give you headaches? Buy a cheaper bottle, scientists say.
––And hit over head of person annoying you.

The Reason You Should Never Let Beans Reach A Strong Boil
–– Simmer down.

Burger King’s New Sandwich Is Unlike Any Other Fast Food Option
–– Edible?

Burger King menu adds sandwiches McDonald's and Wendy's can't make
— Without vomiting.

Raunchy, alcohol-fueled Taco Bell party included open sex, lawsuit claims
–– Taco balls.

Ex-officer Derek Chauvin, convicted in George Floyd’s killing, stabbed in prison: AP source
–– Can he breathe?

FBI investigating New York vehicle explosion reported near the Rainbow Bridge near Niagara Falls
–– Made Rainbow connection with ground.

Investigators believe New York man and his wife were killed in vehicle that exploded at US-Canada bridge, sources say. Here’s what we know
–– Worst second honeymoon ever.

Bentley in Border Bridge Crash Was a Luxury Car Packed With Power
–– Weirdest car ad ever.

Vehicle that crashed at U.S.-Canada border traced back to at least one location
–– Really bizarre if it originated in two.

Louisville bank shooter killed 5 people to highlight gun laws, police report shows
–– Was he pro or against?

‘You lose a child, but you’re so thankful': Organ donation bonds families in tragedy, hope
–– ‘Because kid was a pain in the ass.’

Opinion | At 33, I knew everything. At 69, I know something much more important.
–– Nobody cares.

Opinion Smoking helped me find quiet. So does my new vice.
–– Morphine drip for lung cancer.

I talked to 263 of the world’s longest-living people—their 9 'non-negotiables' for a long, happy life
–– 1) Stop asking us stupid questions.

How Targeted Weight Loss Ads Can Haunt Future Brides
–– Puts load on their mind?

‘He paid the ultimate price’: the grisly fate of the missionary who met the last ‘uncontacted’ tribe
–– Ignored pictogram ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign.

Restaurant for dogs in Rome sees pooches dine on hake and courgette
–– Mondo Cane 2023.

Relief in Netherlands as 'escaped' mamba never left home
–– Six-footer found on couch enjoying bitterballen, Amstel bier.

Ladybugs are oddly vicious. Here’s how to keep them out of your house.
–– Buzz Off door mat.

10 new species of trilobite fossil rise from volcanic ash
–– Ashended?

De-Extinction Of The Dodo Takes Another Step Closer to Reality
–– Dumb oxen & bunnies, chickens without heads, slow lorises rejoice.

Ancient elephant faced extreme evolution and had babies size of dogs
–– Who wagged trunks when excited.

If Nuclear War Breaks Out, This Will Be the Most Dangerous Plane in the Sky
–– If nuclear war breaks our we'll be scanning sky for missiles.

Lithium Rout Deepens With Battery Metal Now Down 75% This Year
–– Assault and battery.

NASA mission achieves most distant demo of laser communications across space
–– Removes polyp on Alpha Centauri.

What we actually know about aliens, according to science
–– Favorite color’s green.

Archaeologists are terrified to look inside the tomb of China's first Emperor
–– Qin Shi Huang was total slob.

Archaeologists Think That They Might Have Found the Real Noah’s Ark
–– Looking for sheep to climb aboard theory.

Why Was a Human Skull on Sale at a Florida Thrift Shop?
–– Could’ve easily fetched full price.

World facing ‘hellish’ 3C of climate heating, UN warns before Cop28
–– Other scientists call '2Cs'.

WHO asks China about clusters of respiratory disease among children
–– After they did such stellar work on Covid.

World's largest iceberg breaks free, heads toward Southern Ocean
–– Parents ‘heartbroken.’

Rosalynn Carter, Politically Active First Lady, Dies at 96
–– After looong illness.

Why Rosalynn Carter Was Boldly Opposed To A White House Alcohol Ban
–– Billy.

Jimmy Carter's last moments with Rosalynn Carter, his wife of 77 years
–– He tagged her, cried, 'It!'

Rosalynn Carter's strawberry cake recipe shared after her death: 'A Carter Family Favorite’
–– Had to pry from cold, dead hands.