All Lied Force
Week of 08/21/26
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
US-Canada trade negotiations suspended, Carney vows dollar-for-dollar retaliation against Trump's 50% tariffs
–– No TACO for actual ally.
US national debt surpasses $40 trillion
–– King of Debt astride throne, pants at ankles.
I’m a hawk. I’m shocked by a $1.5 trillion defense budget.
–– And Hegseth's a hog.
US says it will impose 'toughest sanctions in history' on Iran
–– So US does have more ways to bomb.
Iran dismisses Trump's "economic D-Day" threat as more "failed policies"
–– Sad that nost accurate reporting is coming out of Tehran.
Pentagon weighing smaller U.S. military presence in Gulf once Iran war ends
–– Will be able to afford 4 rowboats, tactical rubber ducky.
Forty-five Reapers lost as Iran's defenses expose a costly weakness
–– Aw, relax that’s only 25% of fleet.
JD Vance and the Trump team keep moving the goalposts on Iran
–– Currently mounted on catering cart they keep wheeling closer to midfield.
‘One person kind of controls our fate’: Republicans confront growing midterm peril due to Iran war
–– You kinda completely, entirely, utterly asked for it.
Trump Threatens to Bomb Oman if It ‘Gets in the Way’ of Iran Conflict
–– Finally some crystal clarity in fog of war.
U.S. and Iran Blow Through Deadline to Agree to a Broad Deal to End War
–– Blowing up and it primary strategies.
Ossoff: ‘Something uniquely despicable about lying a nation into war’
–– ‘Uniquely despicable’ or ‘singulariter despectus’ on Trump family coat of arms.
Journo Claims He’s Seen Prisoners ‘Having Better Meals’ Than Some U.S. Sailors Are Getting
–– They’re not typically served crow.
Stars and Stripes publisher announces departure with a parting shot at Pentagon
–– Scars and gripes.
Blanche on whether DOJ will be independent: ‘I’m not going to pledge that’
–– And add to already record-breaking list of lies.
Todd Blanche is right about DOJ ‘independence,’ like it or not
–– Sure, WaPo, bending knee to unprincipled boss something you’re totally familiar with.
Scott Jennings emerges as early favorite to replace Karoline Leavitt but process is just beginning
–– Will need to clear physical confirming absence of spine, testicles.
Bond Sell-Off Sends Borrowing Costs to Highest Level Since 2007
–– Trump really is turning back clock.
The government’s Intel bet was even worse than expected
–– Intel outside.
What’s behind the bond market roller coaster?
–– Trump’s Tariff Tilt-a-Whirl?
Americans have more money. They’re done eating and shopping at places that suck
–– Have begun wasting bucks on places that bite.
Walmart posts weakest growth in years, a worrying sign of inflation-weary Americans
–– Hit the Walmart?
Apparently, Nathalie Harp’s Love for Trump Isn’t Physical
–– We got to ‘phy…’ before retching.
Nathalie Harp reportedly Jumped Into SUV Trunk to Follow Trump After ‘Screaming Match’
–– Had to make room between dead bodies, other sycophants.
‘My Guardian and Protector’: Natalie Harp letters express her devotion to Trump
–– Still Harping on that?
Navy weighs major warship redesign to match Trump’s preferences
–– Sure to sink in?
Supreme Court rejects renewed Trump appeal in E. Jean Carroll case
–– True definition of insanity? Hearing same thing over and over and expecting different results.
With increasing enthusiasm, Democrats are embracing need for Supreme Court reform
–– Cavil-to-gavel.
Trump blames vandals for dead grass on lawn where he held Fourth of July event
–– Seen screaming over hedges towards Capitol at Democrats' kids.
Kentucky Gov. Says Mitch McConnell ‘Absolutely Refuses’ to Give Public Update
–– We thought we heard prolonged groan.
Sen. Darline Graham admits in debate: ‘National security is not my thing’
–– Balls to run for office for which I'm utterly unqualified is.
After Trump-endorsed Cory Mills loses primary, Trump says he told him to drop out
–– Went through the Mills?
Feds seize Eric Swalwell’s devices, search home as part of sexual assault inquiry
–– Spit or Swalwell?
Putin’s Military Festival Axed as Humiliating Cancellations Spiral
–– Annual full-body shave by virgins might be next.
Russia's Lavrov says Britain risks being seen as party to Ukraine war
–– Warning by syphilitic 76-year-old degenerate must have John Bull shaking in his gaiters.
Lavrov says Russia, North Korea fighting for 'new, righteous' world order
–– See above.
Ukraine unveils the Dovbush T40, a long-range drone built for deep strikes
–– Below panty line?
Canadian Petition to Expel U.S. Ambassador Pete Hoekstra Takes Off
–– Even courtesy hit with 50% toll.
Disney CEO Josh D’Amaro Says ABC Is ‘Not Going to Be Told How to Run’ Its Business Amid FCC Fight
–– Move over Donald for character with balls.
CBS News Chief Correspondent Matt Gutman Accused of Harassment Over ‘Sexualized’ Comments by Former ABC Field Producer
–– Don't make us bust a Gutman. Or a gut, man.
Former ABC News correspondent admits network is liberal, claims ‘nobody’ voted for Trump
–– Liberal or moderately sane?
Anthropic says its AI agents are killing rivals and hiding their tracks
–– Behavior one treasures in savior of humankind.
Anthropic CEO says AI backlash is ‘fundamentally a crisis of trust’
–– See above.
AI isn’t changing how companies work. It’s changing what a company is
–– Sure, tech whiz, and definition of ex-worker.
Electricians Love Data Centers. You Should, Too.
–– Like saying coroners love mass shootings.
What Do Students Lose When They Stop Writing?
–– You have to ask?
‘A million dollars over asking’: AI wealth is fueling housing market frenzy in San Francisco
–– They should all look like this.
What I Learned From My Conversations With the Superrich
–– I probably am worthless POS.
Whistleblower Says Mark Zuckerberg Is Only Pretending to Care About Child Safety
–– Wow, talk about deep cover!
Marvel’s 'X-Men' cast includes Sadie Sink, Kit Connor and Adam Driver. See who they're playing.
–– Hit mute button.
Yahya Abdul-Mateen II Says the ‘Optics’ at Marvel Are ‘Obvious’ After ‘Wonder Man’ and ‘Blade’ Canceled: ‘If I’m Disney, I Do Not Want to Be Attached To These Optics’
–– Saying it’s black-eye?
Olivia Newton-John’s near-romance with John Travolta was deterred by Scientology, new biography claims
–– And there not being enough grease in world for lubricant.
‘Defying Democracy’: How Political Satirist Randy Rainbow Sang His Way Into His First Emmy Performer Nomination
–– We’re over the Rainbow.
Disney Had to Rename This Movie in Italy Because of a Famous Porn Star
–– Blow White? Cumbo? Peenocchio? Fannytasia?
Dave Filoni's goal as Lucasfilm president is serving "different generations" of Star Wars fans and "bringing them all together"
–– Can he do without stupid hat?
’Oppenheimer’ star says he’s stepping back from acting: ‘Frustrated, fed up, fried’
–– Nuked?
Paramount accuses Mark Ruffalo of "antisemitic" rhetoric about its ties to Oracle and Isr
–– Hulk schmear!
The Truth Behind the ‘Goldfinger’ Actress Who Was Rumored to Have Been Killed by Gold Paint
–– By some geniuses in glitterati?
‘Insidious: Out of the Further’ Writer-Director Jacob Chase Knows the Audience Is Asking, ‘Why Are We Still Making These Movies?’ So He Was Determined to Make a ‘Fresh Start’
–– Going to real estate training?
Michael Douglas’ privates are visible for "one frame" of 'Fatal Attraction,' director reveals
–– We thought they were rabbit's.
Kirk Douglas Regrets Turning Down Oscar-Winning Role in 1965's Cat Ballou
–– You asked him today?
Sci-Fi Author Isaac Asimov Has An Unexpected (And Controversial) Book Recommendation
–– Via time machine?
12 stars who say sobriety saved their careers
–– And 32 more who claim it did to get attention.
Dane Cook’s Brother Stole $12 Million From Comedian, Hid Bricks of Cash in Pasta
–– Finally, some funny material.
Emily Watson Says Growing Up in a Religious Cult Almost Stopped Her From Starring in ‘Breaking the Waves’: ‘I Was Like a Piece of Wire That Had Been Unplugged’
–– Cult obviously not big on metaphor or conductivity.
‘Paul McCartney asked for my autograph!’ Su Pollard on Hi-de-Hi! and her amazing celebrity encounters
–– Face of someone who’s every anecdote you’d believe.
Jimmy Webb, Writer of Bob Dylan's 'Greatest Song,' Celebrates 80th Birthday
–– Now Webb crawler.
Five unanswered questions around Harry and Meghan’s surprise move back to Britain
–– 1. Who gives a f**k?
After Six Years, Harry and Meghan Are Coming Home. What Changed?
–– Neighbors got to know them.
’They Demand Loyalty, But Give None’ — Report Reveals CBS Could Cut Ties With Tony Romo After Cowboys Legend’s Arrest
–– Not unusual to leave game when you're blitzed.
I Let My Students Watch Me Struggle With a Masterpiece. It Changed Everything.
–– Lost total respect when I could barely lift 1,050-page Brothers Karamazov.
World's oldest living person turns 117
–– Many happy returns wishes referred to her recyclables..
My Husband Has Alzheimer’s. Can I Date Other People?
–– Yes? Mine is forgetful, can I say he does?
3 Things Cardiologists Wish You Would Stop Doing If You Have High Cholesterol
–– 1. Calling their office.
The Embarrassing Brazilian Wax Side Effect Your Esthetician Forgot to Mention
–– Let's just say you'll hear after too much Feijoada.
They were told to park outside. Then their cars burst into flames.
–– Not over the fire pit!
This Is the Worst Thing to See on Your Boarding Pass––and No, It’s Not SSSS
–– Unless you’re snake.
Everyone Dreams of Island-Hopping Through Greece––Until They Board the ‘Vomit Comet’
–– You'll wish ferry was captained by Charon.
Shuck It, We’re Going Oyster Farming, With Tours From California to Florida
–– Not a pearl to be found.
The First Fast Food Chain To Sell One Billion Burgers Wasn't Burger King Or McDonald's
–– White Castle, but it takes 3 sliders to make one real burger.
This Pizzeria Was Named the Best in America for the 5th Year in a Row
–– Must've oiled some palms.
I Spent a Day Training as a Beef Sommelier at D.C.’s Hottest New Steakhouse — Here's What I Learned
–– Boning up?
6 Things You Might Not Know About 'Chocolate King' Milton Hershey
–– 1. Nickname may have had more to do with orphan boys’ fund then candy making.
How Much Should You Pay for a Lobster Roll? Maine Chefs Give Their Professional Opinion
–– Is $60 lobster rolled?
It weighs the same as a gorilla, can reach 3m long and has a huge mouth packed with rasping teeth – and it’s been biting swimmers
–– Who are being used as bait.
Polar bear destroys almost entire colony of seabird nests in Alaska. This is why it did it
–– To impress Jodie Foster?
“The male has a terrifying needle-like reproductive organ that leaves the female with a gaping wound in her abdomen…”
–– What a dick!
The humongous, deadly and highly venomous Komodo dragon can kill a human, yet Indonesian villagers let them roam on school playing fields
–– To lower school taxes.
This prehistoric sea monster was the size of a car, weighed the same as a rhino and had a deadly hooked beak for tearing flesh…
–– …but was vegan!
Meet Bucky Dent, one of Katmai’s most innovative fish-finder
–– Not sure what this is translated from, but it ain’t Yankee.
“It causes confusion, comas, and extreme daytime sleepiness and without treatment, it’s fatal.” 10 deadliest, most terrifying parasites on the planet
–– 10) Narcolepus, 9) Slug-ish, 8) Seadull, 7) Tizmanian Devil, 6) Slothfulmar, 5) Napu, 4) Snooze Hound, 3) Muddle Hen, 2) Bewildebeest, 1) Fox News.
Bigfoot-Like Ancient Apes Might Have Been Closer to Humans Than We Realize
–– Have you met our neighbors?
These Are the 5 Dirtiest Cities in the U.S.—and 3 of Them Are in the Same State
–– Filthiness?
’Uncharted territory’: Second-largest reservoir in US plunges to a record low
–– Threatening hydroPowell failure.
‘She never forgot where she came from’: Bonnie Tyler mourners turn out for Swansea service
–– Swansong.
Zale Parry, Aquatic Hollywood Star and Early Acid Tripper, Dies at 93
–– And recipient of NY Times obit appropriate to ex-President.
Neve Campbell and ‘Scream’ Stars Pay Tribute to Hayden Panettiere After Her Death: She “Brought a Magnetic Energy to Set”
–– She carried compass?
What we know about Hayden Panettiere’s sudden death
–– Too much.
Tommy John, whose surgery blazed trail for countless others, dies at 83
–– Elbowed out.
