Commander-in-Thief
Week of 05/22/26
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
Trump legal deal draws bipartisan scrutiny as it expands to end IRS audits
–– Like blood-sucking tick.
Donald Trump’s Ballroom Project Loses Major Funding
–– Mad Hatter, March Hare pull out.
Justice Department announces a $1.7B fund to compensate Trump allies in a deal to drop IRS suit
–– You mean ‘suit’ of which judge said, “It is unclear to this Court whether the Parties are sufficiently adverse to each other so as to satisfy [the Constitution’s] case or controversy requirement.”
Trump’s Fund Shows Blanche Choosing Loyalty Over Pushing Back
–– Isn’t that ‘traitor Blanche?’
’Have We Ever Seen Anything Like This?’ CNN Panel Stunned By Trump Slush Fund to Pay Out Allies
–– Were you around in days of Tammany Hall?
Officers who defended Capitol from rioters sue to block payouts from $1.8B ‘anti-weaponization’ fund
–– Not afraid DOJ thugs will beat them with own equipment?
Trump seeks to establish 'Truth and Justice Commission' for victims of government 'weaponization'
–– Not enough parens in English language to express depths of euphemization.
Jim Cramer froze on live TV after seeing Trump's 3,700 stock trades — here's what's in the president's portfolio
–– Even career stock manipulator shocked.
Iran is consolidating control of Hormuz with island checkpoints, diplomatic deals – and sometimes ‘fees’
–– Level of bribery Trump’s gotta be jealous of.
Revised Iranian proposal to end war shared with US, Pakistani source says
–– But they want it back.
Trump says he's called off Iran strike planned for Tuesday at request of Gulf allies
–– More from old-fashioned blunderbuster.
Trump claims ‘most’ Iranians have same first name: ‘Muhammad something’
–– In US, worst presidents of all time have only one.
US and Israel planned to install Ahmadinejad as Iranian leader, NYT says
–– Before or after killed?
Graham on Trump’s affordability remarks: ‘That’s his Churchill moment’
–– That’s Graham’s Benedict Arnold moment.
Tulsi Gabbard is resigning as director of national intelligence
–– Against all odds, Trump will replace with someone worse.
Trump-backed prayer festival on National Mall draws thousands: ‘We welcome Jesus!’
–– He turned down invite citing ‘prior commitment.’
Speaker says God ‘raised up’ Trump to build White House ballroom at national prayer event
–– If allowed to build, then God will finally smite down?
Trump Says He Will ‘Try and Make’ Son’s Wedding, but Timing ‘Not Good’
–– Couldn't reach pre-nup?
Trump vows to ‘work very hard’ to enact permanent daylight saving time
–– Real reason for blowing off Don Jr.’s nuptials.
Trump postpones long-awaited artificial intelligence order signing
–– Suspicious of anything with ‘intelligence’ in title.
Trump’s 25% cut on Nvidia chips sold to China backfired — Beijing won't approve a single H200 purchase, costs Huang $30B
–– Left Huanging?
Pete Hegseth thinks the lawmakers who know the most about the military should have the least to say
–– Even less than him?
Trump posts AI images of himself with buff alien and space lasers in latest Truth Social spree
–– In most presidential act of week.
Pete Buttigieg Spells Out Why Sean Duffy's Reality Show Is A National ‘Embarrassment'
–– Like this nation is capable of shame.
Trump Promised to Refill America’s Emergency Oil Reserve. Instead, It Just Saw Its Largest Weekly Drain in History.
–– He'll want you to emphasize 'largest.'
Comey on Justice Department case: Blanche needs to ‘bone up on the rules’
–– Trump only thing he bones up on.
Pardoned Capitol Rioter Who Vowed to ‘Bring Violence’ Arrested Again
–– BYOV?
Speaker Mike Johnson responds to domestic abuse allegations against a GOP congressman: ‘He’s got to work that out’
–– On spouse’s body?
Supreme Court rejects Big Pharma appeals challenging negotiated drug prices in Medicare
–– You’d think BP would know how to bribe.
Vice President JD Vance reveals 186,000 dead people getting food stamps
–– Zombies gotta eat.
Disputed Democratic autopsy of 2024 loss says White House failed Harris
–– And Harris just failed?
'Jim Crow 2.0’: Republicans move to oust James Clyburn, South Carolina’s only Black Democratic congressman
–– Ban Clyburn?
The “Made in America” Trump Phone Appears to be a Disguised Cheapo Chinese Smartphone
–– Reengineered to create dumbphone.
Eric Trump Brags About New Trump Tower He Says Will Be ‘Tallest Building’ in Nation ‘Governed by Russia’
–– If nation ever deserved it.
Bangladesh’s rare ‘Donald Trump’ buffalo becomes Eid sensation
–– Nickname based not on hair, but brain power.
US charges Raúl Castro with murder as Trump escalates pressure on Cuba
–– Will they offer 94-year-old bail?
‘Just in Time’ Recoups $12.5 Million Broadway Investment
–– And not minute too soon.
Musk’s SpaceX discloses massive losses ahead of expected record-breaking IPO
–– Can losses –– $4.3B –– be said to be skyrocketing?
What Colbert’s show ending means for the rest of late-night TV
–– Higher ratings, presumably?
Bruce Springsteen Calls Out Trump, Larry and David Ellison in Colbert's Second-to-Last 'Late Show’
–– Boss on boss violence.
Stephen Colbert Ends ‘Late Show’ With Joyous Paul McCartney ‘Hello Goodbye’ Performance, as Ex-Beatle Turns Lights Out at Ed Sullivan Theater
–– Not Can't Buy Me Love?
Paul McCartney Says 'Republicans and Democrats Are at Each Other's Throats' in 'Trump's America' but Not When He Plays 'Hey Jude': 'Suddenly They Forget' About Politics
–– Except far left who think it’s Zionist.
In Hollywood, image is everything. And David has an image problem
–– Especially when asshole image is reality.
Sydney Sweeney’s ‘Provacative’ Euphoria Scenes Have Been A Huge Topic Of Conversation. How Does Scooter Braun Fee
–– Lumpy?
AI-Created Vintage Adult Film Unveiled at Cannes
–– So jerk off your dildo.
Selena Gomez’s Genre-Defying 'X-Rated' Movie Has Cannes Buzzing
–– You mean one that hasn’t even begun filming?
Javier Bardem Says Tide Is Turning on Hollywood Speaking Up for Palestine: Those Making Blacklists ‘Will Be the Ones Suffering the Consequences’
–– Sure, sure, Javi, from the ocean to the Strip.
Miles Teller stopped doing big interviews after viral story called him a ‘dick’: ‘That was so mishandled’
–– The dick?
William Daniels, 99, and Bonnie Bartlett, 96, clarify 'open marriage' remarks
–– Now it means unscrewing jars.
Bruce Dern Was Surprised to Learn People ‘Give a S—-‘ About His Career Because He Feels He ‘Never Became a Big Star’
–– Dern tootin'.
‘A lot of people don’t think I can act’: Wallace Shawn on Hollywood, therapy and speaking out on Palestine
–– Far more never gave it thought.
Michelle Pfeiffer says there was ‘no bathroom’ and ‘no food’ on ‘The Madison' set
–– How about ‘no script?’
Sally Field’s son says ‘Steel Magnolias’ made him gay
–– Original title: ‘Iron Pansies.’
Adrien Brody Lives in Isolation Six Days a Week
–– Who can stand the guy?
‘We Want to Help People Have Good Sex’: How Jane Schoenbrun Turned the Slasher Film Inside Out
–– Pre- or post-mortem?
Emile Hirsch Wanted to Live in a World Where People Dug ‘Speed Racer’ — and Now He Does
–– It’s called Hell.
’Hope’ Director Na Hong-jin Confirms Sequel Already Written as Michael Fassbender and Alicia Vikander Explain Why They’re Playing Aliens in Cannes’ Craziest Movie
–– Can they really explain any of their casting choices of last decade?
‘I want to hit 100’: Derek Jacobi on Aids, ageing and failing to boil an egg
–– Tell his driver.
See the first look at 'The Resurrection of the Christ' and Mel Gibson's new Jesus
–– Does it rise to occasion?
Wanna Buy Matthew Perry’s Wallet? All Yours for $1,650
–– And it contains $1,800!
Blood, Blasphemy and Boning: Ken Russell's 'The Devils' Turns 55, and It's Still the Freshest, Wildest Film at Cannes
–– E. Basil St. Blaise's 1972 review: The Devils –– Nun too pleased.
Moonwalking to Box Office Glory: How Lionsgate’s Nostalgic, Fan-Centric Marketing Campaign Turned ‘Michael’ Into a Blockbuster
–– Don’t forget fans’ moral blindness.
‘Death Becomes Her’ to End Broadway Run
–– Death becomes it.
‘Hocus Pocus' star Thora Birch comes out as bisexual
–– Nokiss Pokeus?
The Real Reason Andrew Wasn’t Invited to Anne’s Son’s Wedding After Report She’s ‘Fed Up’ by Her ‘Disgraced’ Brother
–– Afraid he’d steal canapés.
Prince William accidentally lets slip Prince George’s temporary living situation live on air
–– While discussing royal stables.
Netflix drops Ronda Rousey’s brutally honest message to Gina Carano after 17-second finish
–– Didn’t have time?
Rory McIlroy defended after having spectator removed as what was shouted at him during round disclosed
–– Headline writer as how they phrased this should be removed.
Nationals ban spectator who displayed white nationalist banner”
–– Couldn’t just add ‘ist’ to name?
Artist Outraged After His Conservationist Mural in Dallas Is Painted Over to Allow for FIFA Promo
–– FIFA known for protecting whales who bet the most.
W.E.B. Du Bois’ Lofty Achievements, Sexually Unfulfilling Marriage, Daughter’s Wedding to a Gay Man All Examined in Doc
–– Oh, what a tangled W.E.B. we weave.
Dorothy’s Red Ruby Slippers from ‘The Wizard of Oz’ Sell for a Whopping $28 M. at Auction
–– Now that’s real friend of Dorothy.
Jackson Pollock painting sells for record $181m at Christie’s in New York
–– To some drip.
‘Her crotchless trousers are etched in my brain for ever’: Valie Export remembered by the artists she influenced
–– ‘Like V for Victory.’
‘How can nudity be so provocative?’ Florentina Holzinger on rocking Venice with naked jetskiers, human bells and urine divers
–– Do you wanna explain human sexual response to her?
The babydoll is back – and so is the moral panic
–– In Age of Trump this is freaking you out?
Scientists have mapped all the nerves of the clitoris for the first time
––After years of not quite putting finger on it.
Harvard faculty vote to limit A grades for undergraduates
–– Want to get down to 59% level?
Staggering Drop of Canadian Visitors to U.S. Cities Under Trump Revealed
–– They’re not missing anything.
This U.S. Lake Is So Clear and Turquoise It's Nicknamed the 'Caribbean of the North'—and You Can Swim, Snorkel, and Scuba in It
–– Even when frozen over?
Katz's Delicatessen Is Reopening A Forgotten Piece Of Its History — Here's A Look Inside
–– Katz out of bag.
Pabst discontinues Schlitz beer after 177 years
–– Local barfly threatens to Schlitz wrist.
White Claw hard seltzer rival files receivership, not bankruptcy
–– Guess there aren’t enough amateur alkies out there.
Lettuce introduce you to the live frog found in this grocery store salad bag
–– Leaf us be!
‘London pizza’ is now a thing — and some say it’s the best in the world
–– You mean bangers and mutz?
This Alabama City’s Famous Hot Dog Comes With 1 Very Unexpected Topping
–– Hope it’s not whatever this looks like.
My Partner Fired a Gun in Our Home. Was I Wrong to Take It Away?
–– If you have to ask, here's t-shirt with target on it.
Tennessee set to execute first person forced to represent himself at trial in more than a century
–– After he fires lawyer.
Some items from Mangione’s backpack won’t be allowed in state trial, judge rules
–– Kind bars?
A Dimpled Koala Fossil Found in a Cave in Western Australia Revealed Why This Previously Unknown Species Went Extinct
–– Too much smiling?
Belugas Can Recognize Themselves in Mirrors, Joining a Short List of Nonhuman Species That Show Signs of Self-Awareness
–– How about in selfies?
Daddy longlegs are actually bloodthirsty killers––of frogs
–– Deady frog legs.
Black mamba, blue-ringed octopus, boa constrictor, blobfish... 25 animals starting with 'B', including some of the world's deadliest and weirdest...
–– 25. Blobfinch 24. Bichon Frizzy, 23. Battleox, 22. Billy Shoat, 21. Bleached Whale, 20. Bile Duck, 19. Brown Batty, 18. Blunderbustard, 17. Bull Dik-dik, 16. Brussels Trout, 15. Bony Asp, 14. Brokeback Mountain Goat, 13. Beetle Barely, 12. Bloatfish, 11. Bum Steer, 10. Bloodhog, 9. Bee-lister, 8. Bumblebeast, 7. Butterflea, 6. Boston Bruin, 5. Baskin and Robins, 4. Bad Bunny, 3. Brave Hart, 2. Bowling Bull, 1. Bleary Aye-aye.
This is what happened when a scientist made a clone of a clone of a clone of a clone
–– Nothing because it’s quadruple negative?
The LaBrea Tar Pits Have Been Sucking in Visitors for Millenia. Paleontologists Are Still Finding Out What Lies Within the Ooze
–– Ooze and ahas!
Pompeii victim ID'd as a likely doctor
–– Not, apparently, of volcanology.
Groundbreaking DNA Analysis Identifies 1.3 Million Living Relatives of Colonial Maryland's Earliest Settlers
–– So-called Chesapeake Bay fuck-bunnies.
Richard III’s teeth, Hitler’s balls and the DNA expert
–– Who knows some pretty colorful antiquated epithets.
‘Stop lying!' Conspiracy theorist confronts Artemis 2 astronauts, accuses them of faking their moon mission
–– How could they have accomplished slightly more than Apollo 8 mission from 1968?
Rare, high-end tornado threat issued for central US as severe storm outbreak peaks Monday
–– If you need to ask how much you can’t afford it.
Scientists now say this worst-case climate scenario is ‘implausible.’ Here’s what it means.
–– Lots of folks who lost homes to weather will be relieved.
A Sailor Shot Distress Flares. Now a California Island Is Burning.
–– This week in 'misfires.'
Barney Frank, influential congressman and gay rights hero, dies at 86
–– Frank and been.
