Afford Escape
Week of 12/12/25
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
Trump grades his economy "A+++++" — most Americans don't agree
–– On scale of 1 to 10.
A sickening moral slum of an administration
–– This week in ‘understatement’, via George Will.
Trump says Hegseth will decide whether to release boat strike video
–– Might include as blooper reel with Epstein files.
Right-wing podcast host Tim Dillon accuses the Trump administration of blowing up boats to distract from the Epstein files
–– Took this genius to crack case.
Kaitlan Collins Responds To Trump’s Rant Calling Her “Stupid And Nasty”: “Technically My Question Was About Venezuela”
–– And, technically, he’s stupid and nasty.
U.S. Pours More Firepower Into the Caribbean as Trump Ramps Up Threats
–– And they claim price of oil's come down.
Satellite images suggest seized tanker manipulated its location data
–– Ooo, bad tanker.
Why Trump Keeps Getting Away With Insulting Female White House Reporters | Analysis
–– Because it’s male reporters who are pussies.
Trump administration says sign language services 'intrude' on Trump's ability to control his image
–– As he signals lower life forms with his gesticulations.
Trump Loses It on Paramount Over 60 Minutes Sit-Down With ‘Traitor’ Marjorie Taylor Greene: ‘NO BETTER THAN THE OLD OWNERSHIP!’
–– ‘COULDN’T BE WORSE IF IT WAS INTERVIEW WITH EDWARD R. MURROW!’
Marjorie Taylor Greene Tells ’60 Minutes’ That ‘It Would Shock People’ to Hear How Congressional Republicans Talk About Trump in Private
–– Like sentient human beings with eyes, ears?
Marjorie Taylor Greene Slams Trump for Bragging About the Economy: ‘It’s Insulting to People’s Intelligence’
–– ‘If you like have that.’
Trump, 79, Jolts Awake After Nodding Off at Roundtable
–– How can you tell?
Elon Musk Says Trump's DOGE Initiative Was Just a 'Bit Successful' Cutting Waste and Was 'Made Up' Thanks to the Internet
–– If it diminished his fortune at all.
‘Roads Will Not Be Paved’: GOP Think Tank Says Trump Will Cut Off All Funding to Red State Unless It Passes New Map
–– What in tar nation?
Trump sued by preservation group to halt White House ballroom
–– Rubble-filled hole in ground would be perfect symbol of his reign.
A divided GOP forges ahead on health care message — without plan to address spiking premiums
–– Like operating on corpse.
Republican Rep. Brian Fitzpatrick Slams Own Party’s Response to Healthcare Crisis: ‘Doing Nothing Is Not an Option’
–– No, it's very way of life.
On Immigration, Stephen Miller Is no Calvin Coolidge
–– Coolidge was human.
Trump’s 'gold card' offers fast-track citizenship for wealthy, but experts question the payoff
–– Amexed message?
Sheinbaum: Trump administration so far deporting fewer people than Biden
–– But far more cruelly.
App That Tracks ICE Raids Sues U.S., Saying Officials Pressured Apple to Remove It
–– Tim Cook offered to personally erase from Trump’s brand new, solid gold embossed iPhone!
Kristi Noem Testifies DHS Hasn't Deported Any Veterans. Seconds Later, a Kicked-Out War Hero Calls into the Hearing
–– Then she says, 'Oh, I thought you said veterinarian.' And he's like, 'Don't you remember this doctor?' and brings in a guy carrying a shih tzu with a bandaged foot. And then she goes, 'Yeah, but where did he get his veterinary license?, causing the Rep. to chuckle as he produces a diploma…'
–– But who can blame her for still loving this Dreamboat?
I was a red state governor. What I saw at Harvard surprised me.
–– Literate young people wearing shoes?
Trump Allegedly Committed Same ‘Mortgage Fraud’ His Admin Prosecuted Letitia James For: Report
–– But only because he was asked to provide actual facts on a form under penalty of law..
CNN Anchor Stunned as CDC Vaccine Advisor Warns Newborn Jabs Rollback ‘Wasn’t Based on Data’
–– Was all jabber jabber.
Education Dept. officially kills Biden-era student loan repayment plan
–– Their only lesson is greed.
Alina Habba, Trump’s embattled New Jersey prosecutor, says she will leave role
–– Habba yabber doo.
Kamala Harris Isn’t Ready to Be Written Off
–– She better get on the stick.
‘Delusional and crazy’: Nancy Mace’s Republican rival denies he’s behind a ‘political hit job’ over her expletive-ridden airport rant
–– Doesn't he realize that's what South Carolinians demand?
Zelensky rules out ceding land to Russia, refusing to bow to Putin or Trump
–– Pro cede with caution.
Putin does not want to restore the U.S.S.R. or attack NATO, the Kremlin says
–– Today.
Nvidia CEO says data centers take about 3 years to construct in the U.S., while in China ‘they can build a hospital in a weekend’
–– Oh, can’t we be more like China, with no protests, no questions, no rights?
Despite Trump tariffs, China’s global trade surplus tops $1 trillion
–– Take that!
Tucker Carlson Tells Forum in Doha That He’s Buying a House in Qatar to ‘Make a Statement That I’m an American and a Free Man’
–– As always, making perfect sense.
Trump Ridicules Truman for His ‘Cheap’ White House Decor
–– Trump: the man from Misery.
Trump says he’s ‘fixed’ the Kennedy Center as its signature weekend begins
–– Like Lassie.
Megyn Kelly Fumes Over Charlie Kirk Not Being Named Time’s Person of the Year: ‘A Thumb in the Eye’ | Video
–– What not living patriot like Nick Fuentes?
Charlie’s Widow Erika Kirk Appears on ‘Hannity,’ Says Daughter ‘Can’t Wait’ to Go to Heaven
–– We have own list.
Candace Owens Sparks Outrage by Sharing Charlie Kirk Dating Texts: ‘Absolutely Deranged Behavior’
–– She and Kirk's fans represent derange of emotions.
Iran arrests Nobel laureate Narges Mohammadi, supporters say
–– In Shia pet?
French First Lady’s Insult Against Feminist Protesters Prompts Outcry
–– Bitch slapdash.
Bari Weiss Poaches Matt Gutman from ABC News in First Major CBS Hire
–– Convinces him what he needs is more mature audience.
Netflix has a big unanswered question. That may kill its Warner Bros. deal
–– How big a bribe for Trump?
Warner Bros. founder's grandson says the studio's Netflix sale "does not sit well with me": "The idea of only making 'content' is such a low bar for the medium of film and TV"
–– Doesn’t leave him ‘content’?
MAGA influencer believes Netflix’s Warner Bros takeover is evidence that the Obamas are ‘trying to take over all of media’
–– Let’s hear what brain-damaged hamster has to say.
Disney Agrees to Bring Its Characters to OpenAI’s Sora Videos
–– Sora losers.
How Disney Got Hopelessly Lost in the Slop
–– Company run by Dopey.
Benny Johnson Suggests He’s ‘Duty Bound’ to Sue Milo Yiannopoulos for Claiming He Slept With ‘Boys’
–– And demands legal definition of ‘boy.’
Jimmy Kimmel Responds to Trump Calling Him a ‘Horrible’ Host: ‘I’m Starting to Think He Might Have a Crush on Me’
–– We imagine he'd be into hate f**ks.
James Cameron Says Studio Pushed Back Against Adding ‘Avatar’ Sequels, So He Asked: ‘What Part of You Getting Another Chance to Make $2 Billion Is in Question Here?’
–– How about pity on audience?
Guillermo del Toro Says “There’s No Substitute” for Watching Films on the Big Screen While Introducing ‘Frankenstein’ With Jacob Elordi
–– And his film is ‘no substitute’ for any previous version including this.
Simu Liu’s Brain Has Been Hacked in Peacock’s ‘Copenhagen Test’ Trailer
–– Like pork.
Charlie Sheen claims experimental HIV drug was kept off market because 'it's a threat' to industry
–– Charlie belongs in Bobby’s CDC.
Kristen Stewart Says Acting Is ‘Unmasculine’ and Asks: ‘Have You Ever Heard of a Female Actor That Was Method?’
-– Stop, you’re making us think too hard!
Kate Winslet Shocked by 'Personal Grooming' Request from Eminem When They Were on “Saturday Night Live” Together in 2004
–– Is she sure he didn't say 'save my butt'?
Stephen Colbert Wonders Why ‘The Late Show’ Was Canceled if Paramount Has $108 Billion to Offer for Warner Bros.
–– Would need Oracle to explain to him.
Andrew Scott calls out theatergoer who pulled out laptop during his big ‘Hamlet’ monologue
–– Gamer insisted, 'the play's the thing.'
Charlotte Church Reveals She Doesn't Shave or Wear Deodorant: 'I Generally Stink'
–– To high Heaven?
Mila Kunis says her neighbors send complaints in 'all day long' as head of HOA, admits they have no gratitude
–– Is ‘admits’ synonym for ‘complains?’
Donna Reed’s Daughter Reveals Jimmy Stewart’s Shocking 'It's a Wonderful Life' Betrayal: 'He Never Apologized' (Exclusive)
–– ‘George Bailey was railing Mrs. Hatch the whole time.’
Jim Carrey Offered to Return $20 Million 'Grinch' Payday and Quit the Movie Amid 'Panic Attacks' Over Makeup; A Man 'Who Trained the Military on Enduring Torture' Was Hired to Help
–– Audiences could’ve used his techniques.
‘The Fantastic Four’ On Track To Be One Of Disney's Cheapest Marvel Movies
–– And they wuz robbed.
John Cusack Says Most Movies Nowadays 'Suck,' but Reveals the One Film He'd Like to Revisit for a Sequel
–– To join in suckiness?
How Sarah Sherman Makes Audiences Squirm
–– Without laughing.
There’s Something About Late-Career Russell Crowe
–– Think that’s smell of ham.
Bonnie Blue Remains in Custody After Being Arrested in Bali Following Risque Stunt: Report
–– Blue it?
Lizzo Dancers Push for Trial in Sex Harassment Case: Banana Incident Was Not ‘Creative Expression’
–– On a peel?
Judi Jupiter, a 76-Year-Old Social Media Star, Is Gen Z at Heart
–– And pre-school mentally.
Where Is Bernie Madoff's Wife Ruth Madoff Now? All About Her Life 17 Years After His Billion Dollar Ponzi Scheme Was Exposed
–– Madoff with more money?
A.I. Actors Might Change Your View of Human Ones
–– Like styrofoam might make you think McDonald's tastes better.
Gianni Infantino accused of breaching FIFA’s ethics codes in relation to President Trump comments
–– How could you hear him between that accent and lips that far up ass?
Mets fans crash out online after reportedly losing Pete Alonso, Edwin Diaz in free agency
–– Mets the enemy and they are us.
Ex-Michigan coach Sherrone Moore charged with felony home invasion
–– Careeer comes to tight end.
Fan Who Wore 'Inappropriate' Outfit To College Football Game Arrested
–– In Louisiana, she should escape by tomorrow morning.
When Can You Wear a Sheer Dress?
–– When walking red carpet mat at middle school awards night?
I Can’t Stop Thinking About a Primate’s Bathrobe. How Can I Find It?
–– Mail order from Planet of the Apes?
Only 12 Pearl Harbor survivors remain. On the 84th anniversary, none can attend this year’s remembrance
–– Nor much remember it.
A Yacht for Your Yacht
–– More ‘for your yutz.’
Why Costco is the only big retailer to challenge Trump on tariff refunds
–– Others prefer BJs.
Stop Messing Up Your Precious Omelets — This Genius OXO Spatula Is the ‘Best Tool Ever’ for Cooking Eggs
–– You flipped for it?
Turns Out, This Everyday Breakfast Drink Could Help Lower Blood Pressure, Calm Inflammation, and Support Gut Health
–– OG OJ?
Peanut Allergies Have Plummeted in Children, Study Shows
–– In a Jif?
McDonald's Pulls Controversial AI-Generated Ad After Week-Long Release: Here's What Happened
–– Even robots were barfing.
Influencer Mary Magdalene, Known for Dramatic Cosmetic Surgeries, Dies at 33 After Falling from High-Rise Apartment
–– Social media as suicide watch.
The bigorexia problem that’s hitting every gym (and nobody is talking about it)
–– Because they're too embarrassed to say word.
‘Weaponized incompetence’ can harm relationships. Here’s how to counter it.
–– If you’re jawing about nonsense like this, just get divorced.
“Jeopardy” champ arrested on charges of felony secret peeping
–– $44,698 winnings bought some sweet toilet cams.
Man Who Died After Riding Roller Coaster 'Partially' Came Out of Seat and Hit Head Multiple Times: Final Report
–– With hand saying 'D'oh! Why didnt I stay in seat?'
Michigan Mom Rebecca Park’s Fiancé Allegedly Had Affairs With Her Mom and Sister Before Murder Charge
–– It was all evenings of champagne and caviar, tripping the light fantastic til dawn at trendy boîtes.
Accused Killer Claims He Received Message From Cockroach Telling Him He ‘Needed’ to Commit Crime
–– Sure it wasn’t relative?
Cruise Passenger Was Served 33 Drinks Before Deadly Encounter With Crew, Suit Says
–– Guess he didn't like any of them.
These Utah Beavers Are Moving. They’ll Get New Jobs and More Space.
–– If they can get work visas.
Female bonobos have “confusing” mating signals – but males have cracked their code, thanks to inflatable genitals
–– We're not going to ask who blows up.
“I endured one and a half hours submerged in the freezing water, with only my head visible.” Wildlife photographer shares adventures above the Arctic Circle
–– Was brain freeze that got you to pose with flies on face?
Earth forms hundreds of sinkholes in Turkey
–– Must’ve been pretty bored.
U.S. Helped to Weaken Report at U.N. Environment Talks, Participants Say
–– Dams all in distress.
Pacific Northwest faces "catastrophic" flood threats
–– And nobody can even guess why.
Luigi Mangione Pumps Fist in Court — Before Cop Says Ammunition Was Found in Pair of Wet Underwear
–– Legal briefs?
