Attn: Deficit Disorder
Week of 10/16/26
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
U.S. Budget Deficit Nears $2 Trillion, a Reality Check for Trump’s Cost Cutting
–– Wants to be called King of Debtficit.
What if the A.I. Economy Crashes?
–– Robot whispers, "not ‘what if’, ‘when'."
Elon Musk emerges as the top booster for Republicans with $276 million in donations
–– Begging question: how the f**k is that possible? Oh, right.
CBO chief warns it’s ‘probably not plausible’ that a strong economy alone can steady U.S. debt as 5%-6% growth is needed—more than Bessent’s 3% view
–– In latest slang for ‘utterly impossible.'
‘Ugly’ jump in US inflation, driven by gasoline prices, in blow to Trump before midterm elections – as it happened
–– Jumping ugly Trump's signature move.
The White House won’t even try to explain Trump’s fictional inflation numbers
–– Exhausted from lying to alibi every other lie.
Taxpayer-funded ads aired hundreds of times after judge ordered Trump to halt the push
–– Like sociopathic child spiting teacher.
Trump says 'days of plunder are over' in renewed push for Columbus Day
–– Irony finally succumbed today after final bullet to brain.
Secret documents reveal donors behind $330 million for Trump’s ballroom
–– Known as Ball Busters.
The average 50-something is worth $1.5 million. Most have far less
–– Think Musk et al skew that number?
Trump suggests ‘Ocean of Americas’ as new name for Atlantic or Pacific
–– It’s all reruns from here on out. Remember awfulness of original eps.
Trump fumes at ‘stain’ on Norway after missing out on Nobel Peace Prize
–– Ironic because Oval Office looks like Great Dane scooted over rug innumerable times.
Reflecting Pool liner failed in 85 places after flawed renovation, inspection found
–– Even worse than Trump's underwear liner.
New White House press secretary Katie Zacharia's legal career draws scrutiny
–– Consisted of watching Ally McBeal on DVD.
Katie Zacharia Admits Failing Bar, but Defends Calling Herself a Lawyer
–– Why lying dummy was hired.
Katie Zacharia Is Out After 5 Days as White House Press Secretary
–– Katie dud.
’Tired Of The Bulls**t': Marjorie Taylor Greene Calls Out Trump Admin Over Ilhan Omar Raid
–– O Mar!
ACA Premiums Will Rise by Double Digits for the Second Year in a Row
–– Should help fund Republican alternative plan we’ve been expecting since 2016.
Paxton Partied in Dubai With Fugitives Charged With Fraud, Lawsuit Says
–– Better than a Trump endorsement.
US military weighs use of ‘mother of all bombs’ in potential future strikes on Iran, CNN says
–– Nickname could easily apply to conflict itself.
12 killed and over 300 hurt in latest attack on Riyadh airport, Saudi authorities say
–– Leaders no great Sheikhs.
How the Houthis are helping Iran turn Saudi Arabia into a pressure point
–– Seemingly with ease.
Ukraine accuses SpaceX of restricting Starlink, disrupting military amid Trump pressure
–– Elon Muks about.
Trump claims Ukraine and Russia have agreed to energy ceasefire
–– To protect God’s most precious commodity… diesel fuel.
U.K. and Europe Recoil From Trump’s Diesel Deal With Putin
–– Fill up with rage.
Six senators call for Trump administration to ‘immediately reverse course’ on Russian diesel plan
–– Tough to do when you’re driving in circles.
Trump puts new Russia sanctions that he recently signed into law on hold, citing national interest
–– Putin says it makes him feel warm all over like whore’s pee.
Drone Attacks on Ships Sailing Near NATO Waters Present Fresh Threat for the Alliance
–– Anybody afraid of Putin after getting whipped by Ukraine?
MI5 chief says Iran is targeting military sites and suspected plot at RAF Fairford is ‘not unique’
–– Adds this about British citizens.
Trump asks Greece Ambassador Guilfoyle to resign after allegations of improper conduct: White House
–– Sending powerful message: only men can get away with this.
France Has a Phrase for What’s Happening, and It’s Not Good
–– ‘Not good?’ In English?!
AI godfather Geoffrey Hinton: ‘We’re creating alien beings. I’m willing to be selfish and choose humans’
–– Is will to survive selfish?
Jeff Bezos says people have been ‘incorrectly’ taught that success is a villain: ‘You can be a billionaire if you started a hamburger stand’
–– It’s your success correctly perceived that way.
The Kennedy Center names new artistic director, amid concerns
–– Real Canny choice.
Dan Levy Has a Message for Shane Gillis After His SNL Remarks About Women
–– Prig vs. pig.
Right-Wing Comedians Are Getting Absolutely Destroyed Online After Shane Gillis's "SNL" Appearance, And Honestly, They Deserve It
–– Not, 'Come back, Shane, all is forgiven?'
Chuck Lorre Says Roseanne Barr ‘Fundamentally Hated’ Iconic Sitcom’s Writers
–– Because they were human beings.
“Frasier”’s Jane Leeves Recalls Meeting ‘Devastatingly Sexy’ Costar David Hyde Pierce for the First Time
–– Admits to Paul Lynde crush growing up.
Hilary Swank, 52, pregnant with third baby
–– Million dollar one?
DC Studios’ James Gunn and Peter Safran Recall Detailing Long-Term Plans to New Boss David Ellison
–– Sure they can trust Man of Steal?
J.K. Rowling Docuseries Set at BBC
–– Ooh, get out your Stonewall UK t-shirts.
Elizabeth Holmes’ Partner Billy Evans Admits ‘She Looks Insane’ in ‘You Can See Everything’ Trailer but Defends Making the Doc: ‘Make Up Your Own Mind’
–– Hint: she is.
Michael Douglas confirms Charlie Sheen put ‘c---’ sign on Sean Young during “Wall Street” shoot
–– Was he down for the ‘c---’?
Steven Soderbergh To Work With Matt Reeves To Complete Final Weeks Of Principal Photography On ‘The Batman Part II’
–– Going to Bat for him?
Samuel L. Jackson Reflects on Friendship with Stan Lee, Says as a Kid He ‘Never’ Thought He’d Meet the Marvel Legend
–– Got along fast and Furyous.
‘SNL’ Sets Druski as First Online Content Creator to Host
–– Hand us a brewski.
Jessica Lange Calls Out FX for Being “Too F***ing Cheap” to Drive Actors Home From ‘AHS’ Set
–– Should hire hearse.
”James Gray Films Are a Safe Investment,” Says ‘Paper Tiger’ Producer
–– Who apparently doesn’t check Boxoffice Mojo.
Kirk Douglas called this legendary director a ‘little p––––‘ over the iconic movie scene
–– A Kuprick?
‘Fourth Wing’ TV Series Casts Esther McGregor and Emilio Sakraya as Violet Sorrengail and Xaden Riorson
–– Four names we’ve never heard before and wish never to again.
Seth Rogen Watched Curry Barker’s Next Movie, Says It’s “Even Better” Than ‘Obsession’
–– Is it called Damned With Faint Praise?
Why ‘Social Reckoning’ Went Silent as More Tech Movies Face Box Office Test
–– Even fictional Zuckerberg’s unwatchable.
'The Mummy 4' With Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz Officially Titled 'The Mummy: The Book of the Dead'
–– Well, they aren’t looking too lively.
’NCIS: Origins’ to Reunite Mark Harmon and Michael Weatherly on Screen For the First Time in 10 Years
–– Can you hear us breathing heavy?
Ron Howard Shares Sweet Reason He Puts Wife Cheryl in All of His Movies
–– She threatened to poison his desserts.
Nicolas Cage Reveals His Biggest Regret When It Comes to His Friendship with the Late Sean Connery
–– Forgot to ask how to chew scenery, still look cool.
Judge Greg Mathis Jokes Wife Linda Keeps Saying 'No' to One Bedroom Request
–– Bang his gavel.
Selma Blair charged with assault after alleged violent incident at JFK
–– Blair which projects.
Russell Brand made alleged rape victim take photos of him half naked, trial told
–– Didn’t think anything would make us miss P Diddy trial coverage.
Judge dismisses indictment of actor Timothy Busfield on child sexual assault
–– In touching gesture.
This Famous Beach Boys Song Was Written by Charles Manson
–– We’re sure you’re humming Never Learn Not to Love even now.
John Stamos Voices Concerns About The Beach Boys’ Mike Love’s “Health Challenges”: “We Don’t Know What the Future Holds”
–– Know Love lost?
Engelbert Humperdinck Says He ‘Went Through Hell’ During Early Career Due to Unwanted Advances from Talent Agents
–– Almost dropped N in last name.
‘Michael’ to Receive Musical Tribute at 2026 Gotham Film Awards
–– In this week’s ‘Pedo File.’
'Don’t do this!’ Why Paul McCartney cares about looking shorter than John Lennon in Sam Mendes’ Beatles films
–– Are there nude scenes?
Paul McCartney Reveals the One Artist He’s ‘Too Nervous’ to Ask to Collaborate with Him
–– Not dialin’ Dylan?
MLB proposes drastic changes, including 154-game season and big playoff tweaks
–– As Mets fan you’ve got to be thrilled with fewer games.
This Vincent van Gogh Painting Has Not Been Seen in Public for Over 60 Years. It Is Now Poised to Set a Record at an Upcoming Auction
–– As culture vultures with too much money begin to circle.
On an Island Outside Paris, a Sprawling Contemporary Arts Center Aptly Called 'Large' Prepares to Open Its Doors
–– Grand illusions.
5 Reasons You Can’t Miss the DIVA Exhibit at the Denver Art Museum
–– 5. You, 4. Know, 3. Nothing, 2. About, 1. Art.
5 Marriage Habits That Could Lead to Divorce, According to a Sexologist
–– 1. Sleeping with me.
I Constantly Get Told I Smell Good Thanks to This Long-Lasting Perfume I’ve Been Wearing for 15 Years
–– Initial spritz really lingered.
We’re finally unlocking the biggest mysteries of the clitoris
–– With our phallic keys.
Want to Get Naked Outside? These 9 U.S. Spots Welcome Clothing-Optional Adventure.
–– 9. Six Sags Great Adventure, 8. Nuts, Berries Farm, 7. Seemepee Place, 6. Bare Mountain State Park, 5. Wall Streak, 4. Oak Buffs, 3. Flashing, Queens, 2. Spread-Eagle Rock, 1. Bareass, Texas.
Why Are So Many Adult Children Cutting Off Their Parents? Readers Weigh In
–– They see them getting sloppy drunk.
Why Americans stopped throwing dinner parties
–– Cheap and lazy? Lazy and cheap?
Chick-fil-A CEO slammed over evasive answer about LGBTQ rights during ‘Today’ interview
–– Assumes customers would rather fil-a-chick?
Popular In The '90s, This Cheap American Beer Still Tastes Better Than Budweiser And Miller Lite
–– Cat Piss?
U.S. doctors are aging, raising concerns about patient safety
–– So always request inexperienced doctor.
This Bread Storage Hack May Seem 'Silly' at First, but It Keeps Loaves Fresh and Mold-Free for 2 Weeks Longer
–– Seems 'idiotic' later on.
London’s Oldest Restaurant, Frequented by Monarchs and Pop Stars Alike, Is Site of ‘Living History.’ Now it’s Protected by the National Trust for Generations to Come
–– Like Tater National Gallery?
’Piece of the puzzle.' Police identify man stuffed in Lake Mead barrel
–– We’d rather not see rest.
Scientists stunned by Jackie the bald eagle's cause of death
–– Auto-erotic asphyxiation.
Wildlife Biologists Start Vaccinating Shy Albatrosses by Hand, Taking Aim at the Spread of Avian Flu in Tasmania
–– Adding, ‘The pushy ones can die miserable deaths.’
Siberian hunters declare open season on bears after spate of deadly attacks
–– Why not station them at Ukrainian border?
Rotting meat smell sparks protest at Mexico's screwworm sterile-fly plant
–– They're trying to sterilize screwworms with castrating zippers?
DNA from centuries-old skeletons buried in Montreal reveals no genetic mixing between Indigenous people and French colonists
–– Gee, give us few weeks for that to sink in.
Ancient 'execution road' Jesus walked to his crucifixion unearthed after 2,000 years
–– He was struck in 'cross walk.'
Astronaut Who Walked on the Moon Says UFOs Are Actually Demons
–– Picked up lunar tic.
Tim Janus, One of the World’s Greatest Competitive Eaters, Has Died
–– Should be stuffed.
