Pretti Little Liars
Week of 01/30/26
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
Former DHS secretary says Trump's choice to send 'border czar' Tom Homan to Minnesota is 'stroke of genius'
–– Like when all blood cut off to brain.
Why a $40 Million Melania Trump Documentary Is Raising Eyebrows
–– Even with all that botox?
Federal agent secured gun from Minn. man before fatal shooting, videos show
–– To achieve maximum cowardliness.
Two federal agents in Minneapolis shot at Alex Pretti. DHS report says he did not brandish his gun
–– Missing back of man on ground at close range understandable concern.
Trump’s border czar suggests a possible drawdown in Minnesota, but only after ‘cooperation’
––
Defines as, 'disarming, lying face down, kissing cold earth goodbye.'
Journalist Don Lemon has been arrested after he covered a Minnesota church protest
–– Lemon crush.
‘I’m Not Giving ICE Another Dime’: Schiff Says Republicans Who Vote To Give ICE More Funding Will ‘See More Americans Die’
–– Republicans, 'If we're lucky!'
Border Patrol chief blames Democrats and journalists for Minneapolis chaos
–– Borders on hysteria.
The rise and fall of Border Patrol ‘commander at large’ Greg Bovino
–– Tiniest ‘at large’.
Bill Clinton Issues Chilling Warning After Pretti Shooting: ‘If We Give Our Freedoms Away After 250 Years, We Might Never Get Them Back’
–– Semiclinchcentennial.
Doctor Who Fought to Treat Alex Pretti Says Border Patrol Moved His Body to Count Wounds Instead of Doing CPR
–– They do have betting pools.
Stephen Colbert Says Comparing ICE o Gestapo Not ‘Fair’ Because at Least ‘Nazis Were Willing To Show Their Faces’
–– Do Nazi their faces.
Minnesota Republican Quits Governor’s Race in Stunning Video Trashing His Own Party Over ICE’s Recent Conduct
–– Republican with conscience? That is stunning.
The Trump Administration Is Lying to Our Faces. Congress Must Act.
–– Currently portraying Lloyd Christmas.
Man lunges at Rep. Ilhan Omar during town hall and tries to spray her with unknown substance
–– Mist opportunity.
Police Identify Orange Substance Sprayed at Rep. Ilhan Omar During Town Hall Attack: Reports
–– Five paragraphs later: apple cider vinegar.
GOP Congressman James Comer Suggests Trump Should Pull ICE Out of Minneapolis: ‘There’s a Chance of Losing More Innocent Lives’
–– When even moron can see it.
Gingrich: Time for 'national conversation' about immigrants living in country illegally who 'obey the law’
–– See above.
Purple Heart Recipient Held by ICE for 8 Hours Says He Wasn’t Allowed to Call a Lawyer
–– Offered text chat with Lindsey Halligan.
Amid Fallout From Minneapolis Shooting, Trump Again Attacks His Poor Poll Results: “Fraudulent,” “Should Be A Criminal Offense”
–– Shooting was ‘criminal offense.’
Top White House aide Stephen Miller acknowledges possible breach of protocol before Alex Pretti’s shooting
–– But adds, ‘F**k reality!’
‘This Is SICK’: Megyn Kelly Accuses Kara Swisher of ‘Trying To Get Stephen Miller Killed’
–– Make-a-Swish.
Scott Bessent Brawls With ABC’s Jonathan Karl Over Alex Pretti Shooting: He Should’ve ‘Brought a Billboard,’ Not a Gun
–– Bessent’s advertises ‘World’s Biggest Asshole.’
Tom Homan Admits to Mistakes in Minneapolis: ‘I Do Not Want to Hear That Everything That Has Been Done Here Has Been Perfect’
–– 'Near-perfect? Fine.'
Palantir/ICE connections draw fire as questions raised about tool tracking Medicaid data to find people to arrest
–– Karping about it?
Trump’s own Big Beautiful Bill could add $5.5 trillion to the deficit and help sabotage his plan to ‘grow out’ of the national debt crisis
–– Is wild boast ‘plan’?
Trump names Kevin Warsh as his pick to replace Jerome Powell at the Federal Reserve
–– HogWarsh!
Trump’s stock market: Worst first year of a term since George W. Bush
–– Appropriate –– worst president in modern era until Trump snatched title.
Trump Forgets the Word for “Alzheimer’s” While Insisting His Memory Is Fine
–– Didn't dementia it?
President Donald Trump, 79, Reportedly ‘Wants Mar-a-Lago to Be His Graceland’
–– Disgraceland.
Ghislaine Maxwell Claims 25 Other Epstein Accomplices Reached ‘Secret Settlements’ to Avoid Punishment
–– And will play charades with authorities for names if released.
Donald Trump Repulses Critics With '***' Comment About Doug Burgum's Wife
–– Wanted to f**k her and horse she rode in on?
Married Trump Cabinet Member Accused of Sex With Bodyguard
–– Was under Secretary?
Candace Owens Shares Alleged Audio of Erika Kirk Calling Charlie’s Memorial ‘Event of the Century’
–– Deluded deluding deluded’s delusions.
Trump claims secret ‘discombobulator’ weapon was used to help capture Maduro
–– Obviously tested on Commander-in-Chief.“
Venezuela’s acting president says she has had ‘enough’ of US orders
–– Every American, ‘Relatable.’
Trump’s Venezuela plan does not foresee more military force, Rubio says
–– Due to general blindness.
Very masculinist’: how Iran unrest felt different to 2022’s hijab protests
–– So sacrificing lives for freedom sexist?
Israeli Comedian Banned in Beverly Hills Amid Cries of Antisemitism
–– Shtick out like sore thumb?
Trump envoy showed ‘troubling lack of knowledge at Ukraine peace talks and could not say when war began’
–– Did have meticulous list of bribe recipients.
Trump’s China Policy Is Incoherent. That May Be the Point.
–– Sure, he’s playing 5-dimensional chess in the Multiverse.
Melania Trump Says Her White House Documentary Screening Was Historic — Not Everyone Is Convinced
–– Set record for vainest vanity project ever.
Melania Trump arrives at her documentary premiere — What did she wear?
–– Standard rictus smize?
Tim Cook Attended Melania's Movie Screening. Apple Customers Are Calling for a Boycott
–– iPhraud.
Lady Gaga Covers Mister Rogers' 'Won't You Be My Neighbor?'… and Kills It
–– So dead you’ll never have to listen to again.
The only person to win an Olympic medal and a Nobel Peace Prize
–– Now Trump’s gonna demand Gold Medal at Milano Cortina 2026.
Georgina Rodríguez Shares Glowing Instagram Message After Attending Melania Trump Movie Premiere
–– How many illegal relatives has she got?
Jimmy Kimmel Savages ‘Melania’ Documentary as a “$75 Million Bribe” to Jeff Bezos
–– Isn’t that ‘from’?
‘Melania,’ the First Lady’s New Documentary, Abruptly Pulled From Release in South Africa
–– Had enough torture during apartheid.
Nicki Minaj Holds Donald Trump’s Hand and Declares Herself ‘the President’s No. 1 Fan’: ‘God Is Protecting Him’
–– Minaj à twat.
Trump Washes Hands of Kennedy Center ‘Deficit’ After Takeover
–– In golden toilet.
Despite running $75 billion automaker General Motors, CEO Mary Barra still responds to ‘every single letter’ she gets by hand
–– Is that really top selling point for busy chief exec?
Geese Gives ‘Saturday Night Live’ Viewers Something to Talk About
–– Because comedy beneath comment.
Actress Sydney Sweeney could face legal trouble after draping Hollywood Sign with bras
–– Sued for support?
Kanye West Apologizes for Antisemitism After Manic Episodes: ‘I Lost Touch With Reality
–– But not his bank statements.
Rob Schneider, Patricia Azarcoya Break Up After 15 Years of Marriage
–– Finally caught act?
Kiefer Sutherland’s Inner Circle Believes His Alleged Attack on an Uber Driver Was ‘a Call For Help’
–– Didn’t have cell signal?
‘Little Rascals' child star declares he's now a 'radical Catholic extremist' living off the grid after giving away savings
–– Rascal's flat?
Ali Larter Reveals How the Push-Up Bras She Wears on Landman Help Define Her Character (Exclusive)
–– Always cleavage laughing.
Tyra Banks Admits “I Went Too Far” in Netflix’s ‘America’s Next Top Model’ Documentary Trailer
–– Banks shot.
Ariana Grande Says ‘Holy S—’ in Response to Vogue Cover of Her With 6 Fingers That Appeared to Be AI-Altered
–– Gave designers a hand?
Mel Brooks Is Still Laughing at 99: “When You’re Right, Nothing Can Stop You”
–– That’s also what ultra-conservatives claim.
Judd Apatow Honors Late Rob Reiner at ‘Mel Brooks: The 99 Year Old Man’ Premiere: ‘It’s an Unfillable Hole’
–– Um, uh, how poetic.
Trump’s White House Slams Bruce Springsteen’s Anti-ICE Song as ‘Random With Irrelevant Opinions and Inaccurate Information’
–– Do they have Greil Marcus reviewing for them?
Andy Dick Says He Checked Out of Rehab, Moved to Sober Living Facility After Drug Overdose
–– Dick’s around.
Judd Apatow Tries to Explain Maria Bamford
–– But he’s no shrink.
Bill Maher: 'If Democrats Want to Win Elections' Then Hollywood Celebrities Need to 'Shut the F— Up' Because 'You're Not Helping'
–– Heel thyself.
Comedian's 6 sold-out shows canceled after video of him mocking Renee Good went viral
–– And, yes, this moron is victim.
Joe Rogan Says He Wasn't Nominated for Golden Globes' Best Podcast Award Because He Refused to Pay the $500 Entry Fee: 'I Don't Want to Be a Part of That’
–– Those kind of principles keep us listening… to anyone else.
How John Wilson's 'The History of Concrete' Became A Reflection of Life as a Documentary Filmmaker
–– Was he all set?
Gauff crashes out of Australian Open
–– Not ‘Serenaty Now?’
Ex-FIFA president Sepp Blatter joins those calling for boycott of World Cup in United States
–– Relieved Blatter.
The ‘R-Word’ Returns, Dismaying Those Who Fought to Oust It
–– Tard of it?
How Bad Are A.I. Delusions? We Asked People Treating Them.
–– You mean in tech billionaires?
Just Let Your Kids Watch TV Already
–– Prep ‘em for social media brain death.
Wireless Earbuds Can Be Hacked. Here’s How to Protect Yourself.
–– With cleaver!
High January Is the New Dry January
–– So when you nod off, skid on ice, hit telephone pole, can’t blame booze.
Why Do Houseguests Expect Us to Pay for Any Food During Their Visits?
–– Don’t they know what cheap shits we are?
LA’s $1.2 Billion ‘Graffiti Tower’ Reaches Bankruptcy Exit Deal
–– Tag sale?
Cleaning a Toilet? Don’t Skip This Step
–– Swirly for sibling.
The 'Soul-Destroying' Restaurant Chain Anthony Bourdain Only Ate At Once
–– If you want to avoid airport food based on 10-year-old talk show chat…
McDonald’s quietly fixes its customers’ biggest menu beef
–– Is any beef on menu big enough to qualify?
The Best Cheeseburger in Arkansas Is Cooked in a Cast-Iron Skillet, in a Brick Oven, at a Pizza Joint
–– For those who’d put anything in mouth made in AR.
Man Dies After Eating World's 'Deadliest Mushroom' as California Health Officials Warn of 'Unprecedented Outbreak'
–– Doing stem research?
‘Selfless’ Lawyer, 44, Died on Plane After Falling Asleep on Her Mom’s Shoulder Mid-Flight
–– Warning about selflessness? Lawyering? Sleeping on planes?
Bill Cosby’s Longtime Rep ‘Blindsided’ and ‘Heartbroken’ Over Comedian’s Alleged Quaalude Confession
–– Who’s shocked by ‘lude behavior?
Luigi Mangione No Longer Facing Death Penalty as Some Federal Charges Are Tossed
–– Chuck Mangione?
He’s challenging decades of victim-blaming the ‘Black Dahlia’
–– Short on evidence.
When scientists set a test for apes they were astounded with what happened next...
–– One bragged he passed it!
Scientists record the first case of cannibalism among toads
–– What a way to croak!
Mysterious, numbered mollusk discovered on Australian beach
–– Who knew they could count?
These Pets Are Armored, Spiky and Pricey. Poachers Want to Cash In.
–– But do they fetch?
“Greater detail than ever before.” Ancient creature found immaculately entombed in amber
–– Amber waives of grain.
Strange, Shovel-Tusked Elephants Puzzled Paleontologists, Until Experts Took a Closer Look at Their Teeth
–– Had trench mouth?
From dinosaur-eaters and ferocious ocean predators to giant serpents as long as buses here are the 10 deadliest prehistoric snakes
–– Constrictly speaking.
Archaeologists Say This 9,500-Year-Old Burial Is the Oldest Known Evidence of Intentional Cremation Discovered in Africa
–– Many ash heaps remain of accidental ones.
I’ve reported on UFO sightings for decades — and come to this conclusion
–– People are ETotic?
An Oregon Town Needed Money for Snowplowing, Then 2 Women Created a Nude Calendar to Help
–– How much to unsee?
Nessa Hyams, Casting Director and 'Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman' Helmer, Dies at 84
–– Down cast.
Catherine O’Hara, ‘Schitt’s Creek’ and ‘Home Alone’ actress, dies at 71
–– Always best in show.
