Height in Plain Sight
Week of 06/26/26
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
Under pressure from Trump, Republican-led Senate reverses course on Iran
–– Yellow stains everywhere.
Trump Says Reflecting Pool Will Likely Need to Be Drained
–– Like his catheter.
Cassidy says he accomplished ‘mission’ by yelling at Trump
–– Forgot to lie on floor kicking, screaming.
Trump dismisses Iran’s rejection of nuclear inspections
–– Mocks it as ‘fact-based.’
From ‘Terrible People’ to ‘Smart People’: The Trump-Led Right Rethinks Iran
–– Smarter than him.
Fed-up Trump threatens to ‘blow the s–t’ out of Iran — prompting Tehran to storm out of US peace talks
–– Tired of hearing him blow the s–t out of own mouth?
Trump’s Gulf allies fear his Iran agreement is a ‘disastrous turning point’
–– Also designation for Strait of Hormuz.
Vance says Trump asked to turn over 'a new leaf' with Iranians
–– On poison sumac.
Iran’s Loyalists Promote a Wider Nationalism, Unveiled Women Included
–– Trump really has changed regime… by making more popular.
Trump in Medal of Honor ceremony: 'No higher privilege than serving as the Commander-in-Chief'
–– ‘Which is why I take such pleasure pissing all over it.’
Vance: ‘If everything is Jew hatred then nothing is Jew hatred’
–– If everything is a lie than everything is a lie.
U.S. intelligence warns Israel is likely to undermine Iran peace deal, officials say
–– What else did they ask Magic 8 Ball?
Supreme Court sides with Trump administration on immigration case dealing with green card holders
–– A for deportation, F for deportment.
Supreme Court says Alito’s verbal reaction to Sotomayor was based on a ‘misunderstanding’
–– By George W. Bush.
Supreme Court rules against Rastafarian who sued prison officials for cutting his dreadlocks
–– In braid dead decision.
John Bolton, Former Trump Adviser, Pleads Guilty in Classified Information Case
–– Bolton straight upright.
Trump boasts about crowd size and claims 45,000 people attended his State Fair speech – with no evidence
–– Won’t visit pavilion for Missouri, Show-Me State.
The Great American State Fair feels rushed, simulated and oddly sterile
–– A corny dog.
Lee Greenwood and the never-ending quest to get God to bless the U.S.A.
–– Or gig not tied to Trump.
Kash Patel’s girlfriend, booked for Freedom 250 event after artists drop out, melts down over nepotism accusations
–– More like no.
Trump Donor Who Pled Guilty to two Felonies Received No-Bid Contract for Reflecting Pool Work
–– Devil and the deep blew.
Trump claims vandals will force drainage of algae-plagued Reflecting Pool
–– Threatens to sue Poseidon and Triton.
Shocker! Government Docs Show Trump’s Reflecting Pool Vandalism Claims Are Total BS
–– Cows shat in it?
Melania Trump and Donald Trump repeatedly butted heads over White House renovations, new book says
–– Must’ve sounded like two dried-gourd maracas colliding.
Judge asks why Kennedy Center covering facade after Trump's name removed
–– Trump covers defeats like dog burying poo.
Trump brags about his color scheme for Air Force One as he unveils $400M plane from Qatar
–– Should be all in Bribe Green.
Trump, 80, Accused of ‘Very Unhealthy’ Relationship With Blonde Aide, 34
–– Does he Harp on her?
Two websites restrict reviews of JD Vance’s book after savage critiques
–– JD sole lyncher.
‘You’re an idiot’: Trump enjoyed ‘sport’ of watching Bessent tear into Lutnick right in front of him, book reveals
–– Or maybe likes rare statement of fact.
Markwayne Mullin's investments in the kratom industry look like a clear conflict of interest
–– Obviously heavily invested in kretin industry.
Trump loyalist Jim Jordan linked to group that received ‘dark money’ from ICE detention contractor
–– Slipping on black ICE?
FEMA Official Who Claimed He Once Teleported to a Waffle House Is Leaving
–– Returning to starship Enterprise.
Trump resurrected the statue of a slave owner - and it cost the taxpayer more than $500,000, report says
–– Add Reb.
Trump is so mad his late-night snack obsession was revealed he’s issued a new White House edict: report
–– 'Eat me.'
Trump Gives Teamsters a Chance to Shed Oversight Meant to Curb Mob Ties
–– As long as they include his family ties.
George W. Bush Saw the Obamas’ New Portrait & Had a Two-Word Review
–– 'Who dat?'
Obama Says He Occupies a ‘Suite’ in Trump’s Head
–– Painfully designed by same architects as his Center.
Ex-Dem insider reveals she will expose Democrats who covered up Biden's cognitive decline in new book
–– From Fox News which covers Trump like he’s compos mentis.
Democratic socialist won N.Y. primary despite scrutiny over inflammatory posts
–– Party determined to share wealth with needy Republicans.
Pete Buttigieg was briefly separated from his children after police say he was target of false report
–– Doxx of war.
Schlossberg’s Defeat Dampens Dream of a Renewed Camelot
–– Canned a lot.
Putin’s reign may not survive the impending fall of Crimea
–– Well, crymea river!
Kevin O'Leary warns China is winning the AI race because U.S. states are slowing data center production
–– Wonderful to have perspective of disinterested expert.
Iowa Anchor Dustin Nolan Calls Out ‘Sanitized News’ as He Quits on Air in Emotional Sign-Off: ‘We Have to Take People Out of Their Bubbles’
–– Disrespecting boss's investment in bubble machine.
Kelsey Grammer says he’s considering a run for political office
–– MAGA needs snob for slobs?
Megyn Kelly Blasts Larry David For Saying He’s ‘Embarrassed To Be An American’
–– As long as she's not deported.
GOP Strategist: Megyn Kelly Looked Like She Could 'Orgasm' From Hatred After Haiti Rant
–– Lovin' the hatey.
Anya Taylor-Joy says it’s ‘difficult’ to talk honestly about working with George Miller on ‘Furiosa’
–– Why she can’t shut up about it?
Tom Hanks Says Disney Could Use AI to Recreate Woody’s Voice for ‘Toy Story 6’ and Beyond if He Doesn’t Return: ‘It’s a Scary Thought’
–– Another uninspired sequel? Brrr.
‘Obsession’ Director Curry Barker Sits Front Row at Thom Browne Milan Fashion Week Show
–– Gets to see real horror.
What Does Steven Spielberg Mean to Gen Z Amid the Rise of YouTube Filmmakers?
–– Two grade Z flicks are surprise hits and history of Cinema rewritten.
‘Grease’ star Didi Conn recalls cast ‘being horny’ while shooting musical
–– And not lacking in lubricant.
Madonna Says a 'Falling Out' With Universal Pictures Over Budget Killed Her Biopic Movie: 'I've Had a Huge Life, So I Needed a Big Budget'
–– The scary makeup alone…
Chappel Roan Is a Little Freaked Out
–– Tough luck.
Olivia Rodrigo’s wardrobe isn’t rage bait. It’s researched
–– To tempt people to angrily comment on it.
Lizzo’s New Album Didn’t Even Chart. What Happened?
–– Answer’s in first sentence.
Jaden Smith Strips Down to Nothing But Red Paint, Calls It 'a Way of Life'
–– Here in looney bin.
World Cup visitors marvel at American food, from cheesesteaks to cheese slices
–– To cottage-cheese thighs, cheese-barrel bellies.
The not-so-silent war being fought in World Cup stadiums: Stadium DJs vs. hydration break boos
–– Maybe Rubio could settle that one.
Police ejecting fans from U.S. Open for heckling Wyndham Clark at Shinnecock
–– Like shin in cock.
In failing to address Pride Night controversy, Giants' Buster Posey risks tarnishing his once untouchable legacy
–– Couldn’t find rep with gayer name.
Jalen Brunson Pours Cold Water On Knicks Owner’s White House Visit Announcement
–– Dunks on it.
The Latest in College Pricing: Tuition at 10% of Your Income
–– Equal to chance of job at graduation.
Texas is poised to require millions of students to study Bible stories
–– As long as they're forced to read tale of Jael.
Should My Husband Tell His Best Friend That We Can’t Stand His Wife?
–– If you're too big a coward.
The Ordained Rabbi Who Owns PornHub
–– From schmutz to smut.
US man who claims to have world’s smallest penis launches fundraiser for enlargement surgery
–– And PornHub subscription.
Nanny Who Slept with Her Clients Reveals Why She Doesn't 'Regret' the Controversial Move
–– Big tips!
Behind Every Dad Bod Is a Healthy Dad Brain
–– By someone who has apparently never met dad.
We asked you to send us dad jokes. Here are 39 to delight and annoy you
–– If you're into pun rot.
How Family Estrangement Became Normal
–– Meet the parents.
Older Adults Are No Longer Staying in ‘Empty-Shell’ Marriages
–– Just wait til Social Security cracks.
5 symptoms neurologists say never to ignore
–– 1. Forgetting previous 4.
The Deck Is Stacked Against Healthy Eating
–– With pancakes.
The ‘King of Sandwiches’ Shares His Top 5 Sandwich Shops in the US
–– US of CA, apparently.
Barack Obama Has Strong Opinions About Cheeseburgers
–– He really is commie — smears on mustard instead of ketchup!
Anthony Bourdain Once Named This the ‘Finest Hot Dog on the Planet’
–– But he was red hot mess.
Why I’m celebrating Anthony Bourdain’s birthday this week
–– Fan of suicide?
Jackie Kennedy’s Favorite Sandwich Is a 2-Ingredient Comfort Food Classic
–– With Jack cheese?
The One Meat Taco Bell Employees Won't Order For Themselves, According To Reddit
–– Rat, but it’s in everything.
They Can’t Fly Spirit Anymore, So They’re Taking the Bus Instead
–– We assumed they were just hitching.
‘Teen takeovers’ spread fear. Here’s how to stop them.
–– Convert immigrant detention centers into mass rave venues.
Concertgoer, 51, falls to his death during Goose show at Madison Square Garden: police
–– Goose cooked.
Sydney woman attacked by shark wakes briefly from coma to say three words
–– 'I've seen bigger.'
Florida’s deadliest python hunter is a conservationist at heart
–– She recycles as gym battle ropes.
The feral hogs ravaging America could come to your home next
–– Especially in cities with big immigrant populations.
Venomous hunter chillingly stores paralysed victims ALIVE – with no chance of escape – underground for killing and eating later
–– Like being stuck in hole at Buffalo Bill cocktail party.
10 toilet-dwelling animals – "It was yanking very hard. I felt as though my penis had been severed…”
–– 10. Plumber’s Snake, 9. Pee Hen, 8. Dumpopotamus, 7. Swirly Bird, 6. John Dory, 5. Common Loo, 4. Turducken, 3. Lavving Hyena, 2. Ass Viper, 1. Stool Pigeon.
The Science That Turned Lizard Venom Into GLP-1s Is Under Attack
–– Have on a gila?
Watch incredible, close-up footage of three lions setting off on a deadly mission... "Their intent is unmistakable: they are going hunting"
–– “You can tell by the Winchester Model 70 Safari Express rifles.'
“22% of US men believe they could beat a chimpanzee in a fight” – Here’s how humans REALLY stack up against the world’s 10 strongest primate
–– But not at Scrabble.
What’s the most dangerous animal in the USA? AND just how deadly is it to humans? Clue – it’s responsible for a whopping 440 deaths a year
–– Answer's white-tailed deer –– we skid you not.
Two Well-Preserved Roman Busts Were Discovered Inside a Wine Vat in Israel Near the Capital City of a Roman Province
–– Of Loren, Antonelli.
Scientists have just unlocked the secrets of an ancient scroll torched by Mount Vesuvius
–– Roughly reads, ‘HELP!!!’
40 people drown as France seeks relief from record heat
–– In sweat?
Why Europe Is the Fastest-Warming Continent
–– Adorable Belgians?
More Temperature Records Fall as Deadly Heat Stifles Europe
–– Fall or rise?
Television Often Neglects Directors, but James Burrows’ Legacy Is Impossible to Overlook
–– Burrows down deep.
Ann Blyth, the Evil Daughter in ‘Mildred Pierce,’ Dies at 98
–– Bitch sapped.
David Clayton-Thomas, Lead Singer of Blood, Sweat & Tears, Dies at 84
–– What goes up must come down.
Clive Davis, Grammy-Winning Record Producer and Music Executive, Dies at 94
–– No longer a Clive.
Alan Greenspan, former head of Federal Reserve, dies at 100
–– Scores C-note.
