Ruin and Board
Week of 01/15/26
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
Trump Wants Nations to Pay $1 Billion to Stay on Peace Board
–– $1.5 bil to board Peace Train.
Donald Trump doesn't acknowledge Martin Luther King, Jr. Day
–– But only because prez is racist scumbag.
Former UK leader Blair joins Carney and Rubio on Trump’s ‘Board of Peace’ for Gaza
–– All carnies at this sideshow.
Putin invited to join Trump’s ‘Board of Peace’ for Gaza, Kremlin says
–– Board of trusties.
France rejects Trump’s comment on drug prices, calls it ‘fake news’
–– In latest slang for merde de cheval.
Big Insurers Try to Shift Blame for High Health Costs to Hospitals and Drug Makers
–– Not Macron?
Former Trump White House Lawyer Says ‘There’s Been a Significant Decline’ in the President’s Mental Faculties
–– Gets on down escalator in basement.
After Renee Good Killing, Derisive Term for White Women Spreads on the Far Right
–– AWFUL truth.
‘Cosplaying Nazism': Outrage Over Kristi Noem's 'One Of Ours All Of Yours' Nazi Podium Phrase
–– Eva Braunnose.
Man allegedly assaulted with flagpole by Minneapolis anti-ICE agitators in violent parking garage attack
–– It’s starting to sound a lot like J6.
Pardoned Jan 6 rioter chased from pro-ICE rally in Minneapolis after blasting ‘Ice, Ice Baby’ and threats to burn Quran
–– Isn't public playing of Vanilla Ice a felony?
ICE detains four children from Minnesota school district, including 5-year-old
–– Our joke: ICE = subhuman neo-Nazi scum.
Trump Wildly Claims Bystander Who Yelled ‘Shame!’ After Renee Good Shooting Was a ’Paid’ Agitator’
–– In his world any sympathetic human reaction would have to have been bought.
When a Coat Becomes a Symbol of Conflict
–– Greatgoat, puny human.
Chicago Jury Acquits Immigrant Accused in Bovino Murder-for-Hire Trial
–– Bovinehole.
60 Minutes: Trump DHS ‘Deflected All Questions’ About ‘Brutal’ El Salvador Prison — Even After Report Was Delayed a Month
–– CECOT and destroy.
Maggie Haberman Says Trump’s Greenland ‘Deal’ Appears To Be ‘Something That Is Already in Existence’
–– Domestic bullshit has been around for approximately 10,000 years.
Alarm Over Trump’s Greenland Threat Gives Way to Uncertainty Around Future Deal
–– More clarity about his designs on Iceland.
Karoline Leavitt Issues Brazen Denial of Trump Iceland-Greenland Flub Heard Round the World
–– Karolyin' left shit.
Jake Tapper Shames Karoline Leavitt for Lying About Trump’s Greenland-Iceland Mix-Up: ‘Let’s Roll the Tape’ | Video
–– If only shame were possible.
Trump ties Greenland demands to Nobel Prize in message to Norway leader
–– 25th Amendment? Impeachment? Tranquilizer dart?
Stocks sell off globally as traders digest Trump message saying he wants Greenland because ‘your Country decided not to give me the Nobel’
–– If this is not definition of insanity, name us another.
CNN Medical Analyst Calls for ‘A Bipartisan Congressional Inquiry’ Into Trump’s Mental Fitness After Letter to Norway PM
–– Would be shortest hearing on record.
After Trump Reignites a Trade War Over Greenland, Europe Weighs Going All-Out
–– Just another knock-Nuuk joke.
Trump’s Greenland threats send a visceral shock through Europe
–– Exploring Nuukular option?
Cruz says it is ‘overwhelmingly in America’s national interest’ to acquire Greenland
–– Lips still moist from Trump's sphincter.
Trump finds a Greenland offramp
–– Directly into massive snowdrift.
These islands were bought by US. Now they have a message for Greenland.
–– ‘Double asking price!’
US tariffs are paid almost entirely by Americans, a German study finds
–– Wurst case scenario.
‘Some form of crisis is almost inevitable’: The $38 trillion national debt will soon be growing faster than the U.S. economy itself, watchdog warns
–– Place your bets in debt pool.
6 months later, Amazon CEO Andy Jassy sings a different tune on tariffs, saying the pain of higher prices is coming soon in 2026
–– No more Jassy scat?
CNN poll: Just 6% of Americans satisfied with how much US has released from Epstein files so far
–– Millions that are named in them.
James Comer Says ‘Nobody on Our Side Is Defending Pam Bondi’ as Democrat Pushes for Her to Be Held in Contempt Over Epstein Files
–– But everyone there defending guilty party Trump.
In Testimony, Jack Smith Defends Decision to Prosecute Trump
–– Tells the truth, the whole truth.
Kennedy Plan to Test a Vaccine in West African Babies Is Blocked
–– Ruled insufficiently cruel.
Kennedy, Kicking Off National Tour, Says He’s Not Running for President
–– C'mon give it a shot.
Federal judges move to replace Lindsey Halligan as U.S. attorney
–– Let her keep toy gavel.
Trump announces he will sue JPMorgan ‘over the next two weeks’ for allegedly ‘DEBANKING’ him
–– And everyone else for ‘DEBUNKING’ him.
Barron Trump Quietly Rekindling Romance After Private Breakup
–– With Mrs. Thumb, four daughters.
Trump says heavy bruise on his left hand came after he ‘clipped it on the table’
–– On which vat of virgin's blood being pumped into arm sat.
Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Furry Marie Antoinette Party Blows Colbert’s Mind
–– Let them eat nuts.
Lara Trump's Singing Has Been Called a 'Geneva Convention Violation.' She Just Filmed Another Music Video
–– Will be shown in loop at CECOT.
Slavery displays removed from Philadelphia historical site after Trump directive
–– Out of sight, out of his mind.
The Gaza peace deal risks being buried in the sands of mistrust
–– So your Nobel Peace Prize-Whining President only settled 7.75 wars, WaPo EdBo?
Moscow cheers NATO crisis as the Ukraine war stifles Russia’s economy, forcing companies to use 4-day weeks and lay off worker
–– Like AI is doing in 'free world.'
Canada will regret cozying up with China to troll Trump
–– And you will regret cozying up to Trump, WaPo EdBo.
In New Dementia Trials, Ozempic’s ‘Miracle Drug’ Image Takes a Hit
–– Of LSD.
Ford CEO warns there’s a dearth of blue-collar workers able to construct AI data centers and operate factories: ‘Nothing to backfill the ambition’
–– Let bots build ‘em.
Local Newspapers Are Closing. Local News Is Surviving.
–– Produced by amateurs, fantasists, bots.
TikTok says U.S. spinoff is finalized
–– Coinciding with generation’s spinout.
Piers Morgan accident leads to hip replacement, fractured femur: 'I blame Donald Trump'
–– Legs weak from time on knees in front of him.
Ms. Rachel Apologizes for Liking Antisemitic Instagram Comment: 'I'm a Human Who Makes Mistakes'
–– Rachel mad cow.
‘The Abandons,’ ‘Vince Staples Show’ Canceled at Netflix
–– OMG! Those shows were on Netflix?
’Love Boat' star Ted Lange says famous guest star refused to shake his hand: 'Who does that to anybody?'”
–– Or nobody.
Matt Damon Says Netflix Wants Movies to Restate the ‘Plot Three or Four Times in the Dialogue’ Because Viewers are on ‘Their Phones While They’re Watching’
–– Trying to figure out tangled plot.
Matt Damon Says Getting ‘Canceled’ Will ‘Follow You to the Grave’: ‘I Bet Some of Those People Would’ve Preferred to Go to Jail for 18 Months’ Instead
–– Good will haunting.
Ethan Hawke and Woody Harrelson Swap Robert Redford Stories at Sundance: "I Wet Myself"
–– Quoting which one?
Box Office: ‘Avatar: Fire and Ash’ Remains No. 1 in Fifth Weekend as ’28 Years Later: Bone Temple’ Stumbles With $13 Million Debut
–– Just like you predicted day before, Variety.
’28 Years Later: The Bone Temple’ Director Nia DaCosta Breaks Down That Ending and What Lies Ahead
–– Like getting job after another flop.
Jennifer Lawrence Playfully Trolls White Men: ‘Oh My God! If I Could Just Be Their Champion. They Are So Misunderstood’
–– Reps rejoice as she alienates half of her dwindling audience.
How the Jenner-Approved Deep Plane Facelift Took Off in Hollywood
–– And crashed in dilated pore.
Mickey Rourke and Money: The Story of a Troubled Relationship”
–– Kinda like him and overacting.
‘Everybody’s at each other’s throats’: James Cameron says he has left the US permanently
–– 'It's real as Na'vi vs. Ash People!'
How to Live Like a Wolff
–– Den and now.
Did Hunter S. Thompson Really Die by Suicide
–– We thought its rate was only question.
Colorado investigators confirm Hunter S Thompson’s 2005 death was a suicide
–– This week in ‘wasting taxpayer dollars.’
Venus Williams delivers vintage Australian Open performance in agonizing loss
–– This week in ‘damning with feigned praise.’
No One’s Buying? Maybe Consumers Are Just ‘Choiceful,’ Executives Say.
–– And executives ‘delusionated.’
The bathroom door scandal: why hotels are putting toilets in glass boxes
–– Pervy interior designers?
This roasted cauliflower with white bean puree renewed my cooking joy
–– Then you should’ve let it die.
My Kitchen Would Be Incomplete Without My Beloved Spootle
–– Let’s not splooge over it.
25-year-old BBQ chain closes 39 restaurants as bankruptcy looms
–– Here’s the rub.
Joe's Crab Shack closing another location, now 14 remain. See where.
–– Deeply sympathetic USA Today posted this vid in article.
Jersey Mike’s Sold for $8 Billion. Their New CEO Is Ready to Double Their 3,200 U.S. Locations.
–– This week in ‘unrelated?’.
McDonald’s Sales Jump 2.4% After reviving This Old School Strategy
–– Appealing to broke people.
How this laid-back South Carolina city became a trending food destination
–– With our ridiculous claim.
What to ask yourself if you think you may be drinking too much
–– 'Is this my house?'
Donald Trump Orders Prison Release of GOP Congressman's Son, Who Got 8 Years for Distributing Meth
–– Like Quid Pro Blow.
“Lying for more than three hours in freezing water left me close to hypothermic.” A wildlife photographer on capturing the perfect shot”
–– “I wish I’d told truth.”
First-ever flexible tool use seen in a cow suggests livestock are smarter than believed
–– Mrs. O’Leary’s caught rubbing two sticks together.
Don’t pick up frozen iguanas
–– Sex is lousy.
These High-Status Individuals Were Given a 'Princely' Burial Alongside a Fully Harnessed Horse in an Early Medieval Cemetery
–– Screw them and horse they rode in on.
In the 1990s, scientists dug up a 500,000-year-old tool in England. They just figured out what it is
–– Privy plunger.
This crazy animal looks like a cross between a porcupine, hedgehog and a bee – meet one of Madagascar's weirdest animals
–– Weird or crazy, make up your mind.
It’s the fastest animal on Earth and ruthlessly kills prey in mid-air – and it’s taking over London’s skyscrapers
–– Luckily not too many commuters floating in tunnel.
“I will never forget that moment” Researcher finds new mammal species in bucket”
–– Trying to kick it?
This Mysterious 407-Million-Year-Old Fossil May Represent a Previously Unknown Branch of Life
–– We got your ‘branch’ right here.
Scientists blasted moss into space for 9 months. When they brought it back to earth, they were astonished
–– It was pregnant with astronaut's baby!
This Is Not an Average Winter Storm, Weather Experts Warn
–– As they ecstatically finger weather clickers.
The common vaccines that can prevent chronic disease or some cancers
–– But not flu, COVID?
Energy Dept. Says It Is Canceling $30 Billion in Clean Energy Loans
–– Will use money to pump raw sewage into sanctuary city reservoirs.
Joe Montgomery, Who Made Bicycles Lighter, Dies at 86
–– By getting off.
Valentino, Designer to Hollywood, High Society and Royalty Alike, Dies at 93
–– Stitched up.
