Know Retreat, Know Surrender
Week of 06/19/26
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
Trump threatens to read Iran peace deal to the media ‘word by word’
–– Before or after latest cognitive test?
Trump: There are no limits to my power after Iran
–– Except ignorance, incompetence, dementia.
Trump says Iran deal averted 'economic catastrophe' but says he could still restart war
–– And economic catastrophe.
Iran Closes Strait of Hormuz as Fighting Flares Again in Lebanon
–– Like Groundharm Day.
‘Trump has surrendered to Iran’: Some prominent GOP hawks fear Trump just caved
–– Caved harder than Eegah.
Iran Found Trump’s Bone Spur
–– In neocon’s throat, Bret Stephens.
US intel assesses Iran can shut down the Strait of Hormuz at will from now on
–– And won’t even send Trump thank-you note.
Trump heads to Camp David as Iran talks falter
–– Will challenge Ayatollah to potato sack race.
Secret Vetting and Blocked Promotions: Inside Hegseth’s War on Diversity
–– Bigger blackout than London Blitz.
Scores Fall Ill at Air Force Base After Hegseth Makes Flu Vaccine Optional
–– Shots were fired.
Trump shares post claiming he is the ‘most powerful person that has ever walked this planet’
–– If he said dinosaur, we'd agree.
Trump as Don Corleone: ‘Every time he does somebody a favour … he expects a quid pro quo’
–– ‘And he doesn’t even know what it means!’
This Painfully Awkward Photo Of Donald Trump With World Leaders Is Going Viral, And I Cannot Look Away
–– They certainly could.
What’s missing from the Epstein files? Here's what we found
–– That’s easy –– rape conviction for Trump.
Everyone in Trump’s Cabinet Is Eating Sauerkraut
–– Is that what we smell?
Dana White Says UFC Has No Plans to Return to the White House: ‘Will Never Happen Again’
–– Mighty White of him.
‘Out of Touch’: TMZ’s Harvey Levin Torches ‘Elitists’ Whining About Trump’s White House UFC Event
–– If anyone knows what dregs want, it’s Harvey.
Joe Rogan Says Going to President Trump’s UFC Freedom 250 ‘Doesn’t Mean You Endorse Foreign Policy’
–– Does mean you're a-hole no one should trust.
Opinion: Ratings-Obsessed Trump’s 80th Birthday Party Trounced by Knicks’ Big Win
–– But try to imagine nearly 17 million lost souls who did.
DOJ refuses to issue signed declaration verifying 'Anti-Weaponization Fund' is dead
–– Taking a wait and flee attitude.
Trump’s new acting intel chief Bill Pulte arrives early, eyes firing hundreds
–– Doesn't try acting intelligent.
Flesh-eating maggot outbreak puts Trump administration response under scrutiny
–– Stephen Miller’s got measles?
Beloved Comedian Who Says He's 'Not Political' Spotted At Trump's UFC Fight With RFK Jr.
–– Bargatze is for belovers of unfunny.
Serena Williams’ Husband Offers Eyebrow-Raising Defense For Going To Trump’s UFC Bash
–– Won't be pinned down?
Josh Hokit Posts Social Media 'Apology' Over Michelle Obama UFC Insult
–– Not man of his word?
Pool owners react to algae bloom turning Trump's reflecting pool green
–– Think it contrasts beautifully with orange face.
Blue material peeling off bottom of Reflecting Pool, days after costly renovation
–– Trump has same problem.
Trump Greenlights Emergency Action Over Algae in Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool
–– Green right color.
Firm Tied to Trump Donor Got No-Bid Contract to Clean Reflecting Pool
–– And name is, truly, Greenwater Services. Owned by this swamp creature.
RFK Jr.’s Sister Reveals He Released a Snake Into a Swimming Pool Filled With Children
–– At least it wasn’t filled with algae.
Kennedy Center says it has fully removed Trump’s name from its building
–– Stink to linger for years.
Records reveal $600M estimate for Trump’s ballroom project, with half from taxpayers
–– Is anyone doing the meth?
Trump administration quietly shifts $352m in federal funds for White House ballroom
–– Class, Is 352 half of 600?
FBI says it thwarted possible threat to UFC event in Washington
–– In Operation Gin Up Ballroom.
Judge orders Trump administration to restore signs changed at national parks
–– Rerighting rewriting of history.
Education Dept. plans to move special ed and civil rights out of the agency
–– After removing enlightenment and decency.
Pastors for Trump founder withdraws from US House race after texting scandal
–– Lust: the thread.
McCarthy Aide’s Tell-All Book Recounts Trump’s Expletive-Filled Threats to G.O.P.
–– Took oaths of office.
Gavin Newsom says DOJ is investigating him and his wife and blames Trump
–– Trump's enema of the people.
In Britain, a Rival’s Stunning Victory May Force Starmer’s Last Stand
–– Real barnStarmer.
Italian foreign minister cancels trip to US over Trump’s comments about Meloni
–– Has Trump got us rooting for Mussolini’s ideological stepchild?
Meloni slams Trump's claim she 'begged' for a photo with him as Italy's top diplomat cancels US trip
–– Claims it makes her Melonicholy.
US to end funding of South Africa's HIV programmes over claims of Afrikaner persecution
–– Epidemiological equivalent of Driving While Black.
Donald Trump Says He ‘Fell Deeply in Love’ With a World Leader
–– Is he a Sisi?
JD Vance’s Incendiary Tweet About LGBTQ+ Inclusion Displays A Concerning Pattern
–– Of sustained homophobia?
Vance calls his ‘childless cat ladies’ comment ‘one of the dumbest things I ever said’
–– Adding to list longer than couch he boned.
How much of Musk’s wealth comes from government help? Virtually all of it
–– Don’t forget idiot Cybertruck owners.
Obama Presidential Center is a disaster, like his presidency | Opinion
–– At least rightwing haters appreciated architecture, right?
With a Wink, Obama’s Tan Suit Is Back
–– Wacky khaki?
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Sophia Bush Defend Ties to Peter Thiel’s Secretive Dialog Group
–– Received Thiel of approval?
Aaron Sorkin on Why Jesse Eisenberg Didn’t Return as Mark Zuckerberg for ‘Social Reckoning’: “Has His Problems With the Guy”
–– Zuck's to be him?
Armie Hammer Wants a Second Chance: “I Made These Problems for Myself”
–– A cannibal for his actions?
Use Boll Says Armie Hammer Film ‘Citizen Vigilante’ Hs Been Banned in Germany for ‘Inciting Violence Against Migrants.’ but insists: ‘I Am Not a Nazi!’
–– Boll shit.
The Emmys Keep Arguing About Comedy — and TV Keeps Making the Argument Harder
–– Which is funnier that any show they’re considering.
Sally Field Had Barely Dated and ‘Nearly Passed Out’ During Her First Date with Burt Reynolds
–– Wow, guess he did have the Longest Yard.
Olivia Wilde knew relationship with Jason Sudeikis was over when he asked her this question
–– 'Olivia who?’
TV’s Top Showrunners Are Reading Your Comments
–– Why shows suck so hard?
How Netflix’s ‘Little House on the Prairie’ Brings Its Pioneering Black Doctor to the Screen
–– Ignoring source material.
Joan Cusack and Jessie Take the Lead in ‘Toy Story 5
–– Both of Buzz Lightyear’s ‘satellites’ put in orbit.
Kathy Bates Threw ‘Waterboy’ Script in Trash Because She “Didn’t Know Who Adam Sandler Was”
–– Flushed it down toilet when she found out.
'SNL' alum Garrett Morris, 89, goes viral after Taraji P. Henson shares photo of his bulge
–– He was definitiely not just happy to see her.
Judith Light Says She and Tony Danza Still Text 'to This Day,' 34 Years After 'Who's The Boss?'
–– Light on details.
Luca Guadagnino’s Sam Altman, OpenAI Film ‘Artificial’ Dropped by Amazon MGM Studio
–– For real?
Universal beat Disney as Hollywood’s maker of the most expensive movie of all time
–– Jurassic World: Dominion where even CGI dinos had motorhome trailers.
Rex Reed Hated Everything. Someone Had to Edit Him
–– Everything tended to return favor.
Jayne Mansfield’s Deadly Car Crash Was Traced Back to a Fog Machine and Tractor. Inside the Actress’ Final Moments
–– And her faulty air bags.
When Your dad Is Bono –– and Your Audience is Obama
–– U2 lucky.
Olivia Rodrigo says she has 'smelled' fans wearing diapers from the stage: 'I think about it kind of often'
–– Got standing O-dor.
Peter Frampton Says He 'Did Everything to Enhance' His Famous Hair as It Started to Thin in the '80s
–– Wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-what?
King Charles offers Prince Harry, family accommodations for UK visit
–– A beautifully-appointed dog house.
Knicks win first NBA championship since 1973, topping Spurs in Game 5
–– Disspursed opponent.
Knicks Owner James Dolan Faces Backlash for Accepting Trump's White House Invite
–– Dolan out favors.
The Knicks Have the Rings, but Rama Duwaji Won the Parade
–– NY Times version of Lifestyles of the Rich, Famous and Pro-Palestinian.
MLB warns players about altering uniforms after Giants pitchers add Bible verses on Pride Night
–– Not happy recap?
Protesting Giants say they were not pressured to wear Pride hats, weren’t discriminated against
–– Goliath insists his was knocked off by slingshot.
He’s studied procrastination for 40 years. Here’s what he’s learned.
–– Oh, wait, he thinks he’ll have next week.
FIFA reportedly to allow Donald Trump to hand World Cup trophy to winning team
–– Will then need to melt down, reform.
Paraguay’s Miguel Almirón gets first-ever red card for covering mouth in situation of confrontation
–– Would’ve preferred he spat?
What’s in a ‘Ripper Hot Dog’ — MetLife Stadium’s signature World Cup dish
–– Name refers to what it does to small intestine.
Tartan Army is drinking Boston dry – Scotland’s party is just getting started
–– Scotch on the rocks.
The One Surprising Mistake Everyone Makes With Pancakes
–– Flap jack-off.
The Infuriating Rise of the $8 Ice Cream Cone
–– When I trip and it flies into air before going splat!
How Healthy Are Peas?
–– Mind you, we have Qs.
San Francisco Film Patrons Are Found Dead on Side of Highway
–– Wrapped.
SoCal comedy club promotes Carlos Mencia standup shows as accused tax cheat is hauled off to jail
–– Couldn't get arrested for killing at show.
Canadian Billionaire Frank Stronach Convicted of Sexual and Indecent Assault
–– Wrong kind of hoser.
Man released on bail after boy, three, critically injured in zoo crocodile enclosure
–– In unrelated stories.
Possum vs opossum: what's the difference between these two curious creatures?
–– O, we don’t know.
It might look like a rabbit and act like a rabbit, but this is no rabbit – OR even a hare, instead it's something far more peculiar...
–– What could be more bizarre than bunny rabbit?
The Tassie devils in my neighbourhood keep stealing shoes and laundry, but I adore them
–– It's when they crap in me Uggies, mate, that I throw a wobbly.
“No one’s ever seen tigers do this before.” A film crew flew a drone over an island full of big cats – and captured something extraordinary
–– Never imagined they could flip bird.
The world’s weirdest cat keeps turning up where nobody expects
–– Not a cool jazz club… dude's been digging oompah bands at biergartens.
“We were speeding alongside a cheetah at night as he closed in on a gazelle when SLAM! Everything went black”
–– Hit panther?
“Its penis splits into two, and then each of those splits again, like a branching tree." 14 weirdest, most baffling genitals nature ever invented
–– Does echidna count for half of them?
“It would have seen Lucy and thought, ‘Dinner.’” The newly-discovered prehistoric monster croc that would have terrified – and hunted – humans
–– Saw Ricky and thought ‘Sex!’
Researchers record the first known noises from this prehistoric fish—and they’re loud
–– Like a sturgeon kissed for the very first time…
Scientists Discover a New Species of 'Walking' Shark in Papua New Guinea. They Suspect It's at Risk of Going Extinct
–– Offer to buy skates.
Deep-sea denizens go years without food with clever biological fix
–– Ozempic!
Scientists discover new parasite in jungle that preys on insect-killing "zombie fungus"
–– Who are we rooting for in this fight?
Archaeologists Opened a 2,600-Year-Old Tomb—and Found 4 People Who Time Forgot
–– The Pharaohs.
Does U.F.O. Disclosure Threaten Faith?
–– In charlatans.
Tom Dreesen, Stand-Up Comedian Who Opened for Frank Sinatra, Dies at 86
–– Slayed.
Oliver Tree revealed family is not 'going to get a penny' after his death, just weeks before fatal helicopter crash
–– Fallen Tree.
Robert Thurman, Leading Interpreter of Tibetan Buddhism, Dies at 84
–– Zen down.
“We Lost a Giant”: James Burrows Mourned by Eric McCormack, Tony Danza and More
–– Burrows into earth.
