Bubba Gummed
Week of 11/14/25
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
Donald Trump ‘Blowing Bubba’ Message in Epstein Emails Under Scrutiny
–– In fellation index rises.
Trump Tries to Seize ‘Affordability’ Message
–– Steal it like everything else.
Epstein Alleged in Emails That Trump Knew of His Conduct
–– Trump, ‘Jeffrey who?’
Latest Epstein files knock White House on its heels
–– Then clicking three times and repeating, 'There's no place like home.'
Jeffrey Epstein’s Brother Says Trump Is ‘Full of S–t’ After Email Release: ‘At What Point Is There Going to Be a Reckoning?’
–– Or, at least, a purge.
Speaker Johnson calls likely vote on releasing the Epstein files "a moot point"
–– In latest slang for “fatal.”
Democrat Adelita Grijalva to be sworn in 7 weeks after winning House election
–– Now that all Epstein fervor has died down.
Epstein wrote that Trump knew of sexual abuse but didn’t participate
–– ‘Never got a massage’ equivalent to no sexual abuse ever?
Megyn Kelly Wonders if Jeffrey Epstein Was Actually ‘Not a Pedophile’: ‘There’s a Difference Between a 15-Year-Old and a 5-Year-Old’
–– And 46-year-old with NBC contract and 54-year-old desperate for podcast listeners.
‘I Know What’s in Those Documents’: Alan Dershowitz Says He Has the Epstein Files, But Judges Are Blocking Their Release
–– Woodwork meet worms.
Why Is Ghislaine Maxwell Being Pampered in Prison?
–– This week in ‘Rhetorical Questions.’
Trump floats $2,000 tariff rebate checks. What you need to know
–– Source, unsurprisingly, is illegal.
Government Reopens Without Data That Guides Markets and the Fed
–– Will be getting weeks-long massage by Bessent.
Shocked by Trump’s profiteering? Here’s some perspective.
–– It was like this 150 years ago, in days of no suffrage for women and lynchings. Feel better?
A defeat this soul-crushing can mean only one thing
–– Yeah, Democrats caving on shutdown is… wha? Toronto ‘BFD’ Blue Jays?!
‘Schumer is no longer effective’: Dems outraged over shutdown deal
–– Nostalgically recalling 2016 went he almost was.
Republican Senator Says ‘I’m Going To Need Bail Money’ if Chuck Schumer Keeps Blocking Bill to End Shutdown
–– Just steal it like your president.
Senators distance themselves from controversial payout provision
–– Which they gleefully voted for.
Health insurers slide as US reaches government shutdown deal without extending subsidies
–– Out back door, hide from insured.
8 Senators Break Ranks With Democrats and Advance G.O.P. Plan to End Shutdown
–– Just follow scent of wussy.
Transportation Secretary says air traffic controllers who stopped working before missing pay could face consequences
–– Sure, fire them from severely understaffed force, cancel more flights.
Food Stamps May Face Lasting Damage From Trump’s Halt to Funds in Shutdown
–– SNAP draggin'.
The Trump administration plans major shift away from long-term housing for homelessness
–– Look to relocate in sewers.
Could another government shutdown be looming in January?
–– Do you already miss this one?
Federalist Chief Delivers Stunning Condemnation of Trump in Scorched Earth X Post: ‘He Looks Weak and Rudderless’
–– Like sinking shit?
‘Sold POTUS a bill of goods’: White House furious with Pulte over 50-year mortgage
–– Pulte fast one.
DHS head reportedly authorized purchase of 10 engineless Spirit Airlines planes that airline didn’t own
–– For deportees they just don't know where to ship.
How the Trump Administration Is Giving Even More Tax Breaks to the Wealthy
–– Hand over fist.
U.S. WWII cemetery in the Netherlands removes displays about Black troops
–– White War II?
BBC director general and News CEO resign over Trump documentary edit
–– Whipped out Big Black Crock.
BBC Resigning Director General Tim Davie Acknowledges ‘Mistake’ in Trump Speech Editing, but Tells Staff: ‘We’ve Got to Fight for Our Journalism’
–– Like making obviously dishonest seem more dishonest with dishonesty?
Trump officials illegally wrote furloughed workers’ out-of-office emails to blame Democrats for the shutdown, judge rules
–– Would somebody, somewhere, somehow please punish these hooligans?
Trump Official Slams Acquittal of Sandwich Thrower: 'It's No Laughing Matter'
–– But, hey, stupid, you are.
Fox’s McEnany Asks Trump DHS Spox About Acquitted Sandwich Guy: ‘You Can Just Throw Sandwiches at CBP Officials?!’
–– Guess you can drop-kick at them, too.
Man Who Appeared at Alina Habba’s Office With a Bat Remains at Large
–– Accused of mood swings.
Troubling truth about man who collapsed during White House Ozempic announcement... and why it should alarm anyone using weight-loss drugs
–– How dare MSM claim it was pharma exec –– was, more amusingly, schmuck taking their drugs.
Trump Pardons Giuliani and Others Involved in Effort to Overturn 2020 Election
–– Yes, Virginia, there is an insanity clause.
Trump Pardons Runner Who Took Prohibited Shortcut on Grand Teton
–– Using powers of presidency as they were meant to be.
Heritage Foundation backlash erupts over leader's defense of Tucker Carlson
–– Sick heil.
Tucker Carlson Says He Would 'Consider Suicide' If He Raised a Daughter Like Liz Cheney
–– How about we just say you did?
Supreme Court Denies Request to Revisit Same-Sex Marriage Decision
–– Also refuses to hear cat lady’s petition to declare tabby Galactic Overlord.
A Rastafarian goes to the Supreme Court after a prison shaved his dreadlocks
–– Justices knotted over decision.
Justice Department struggles as thousands exit — and few are replaced
–– While inept, thuggish leadership remains.
F.B.I. Director Is Said to Have Made a Pledge to Head of MI5, Then Broken It
–– Horses don’t come any slower.
Felon Freed by Trump Is Sentenced Again, This Time to 27 Months
–– Will pardon again and shoot for life, no parole.
"Suicide can't be my legacy for my children": Sen. Fetterman reflects on recovery after his stroke led to severe depression
–– This looney tenure can’t be your legacy to PA.
Pennsylvania senator John Fetterman suffers face injury in fall outside home
–– As metaphor, too on the nose.
Underage girl at center of Gaetz probe began sex work to pay for braces: report
–– He kept her on retainer?
A plan written by Trump’s NASA pick was leaked. Here’s what to know about ‘Project Athena’
–– Doesn't take rocket scientist to debunk.
Federal Judge, Warning of ‘Existential Threat’ to Democracy, Resigns
–– Quittin’ oughta teach ‘em.
Trump’s incoherent foreign policy defies explanation
–– Unrealpolitik?
Robotics Company Explains Why Its Terminator-Style Robot Features Prominent Bazongas
–– Gave clueless techs something to grab onto.
Russian humanoid robot falls on its face in hyped debut
–– Is that what they’re calling Trump?
German far-right activist seeks asylum in U.S. as Trump ties deepen
–– Or in Village of the Damned.
Hannibal Gadhafi, son of late Libyan leader Moammar, released by Lebanon after 10 years in detention
–– Looks forward to having friend for dinner with fava beans and nice chianti.
Billionaire Peter Thiel warns if you ‘proletarianize the young people,’ don’t be surprised they end up communist
–– Especially while you’re ‘trillionairizing rich bastards?’
Warren Buffett: ‘I’m going quiet’
–– Accept for normal noises 95-year-old body makes.
Mark Zuckerberg says researchers at his philanthropy don't want more lab space or head count: 'They just want GPUs'
–– ‘So we never ever have to take human responsibility again!’
We’re In a New Everything-Is-Connected Epoch. But What to Call It?
–– Babel?
Cheryl Hines Says She and RFK Jr. ‘Locked Ourselves in Our Room’ and ‘Drilled Down on the Truth’ After Sexting Scandal Broke
–– Only time he’s ever done that in life.
Hasan Piker slams Gal Gadot for pro-Israel stance, calls 'Snow White' star a 'dogs--- actress'
–– If you value opinion of piker.
’SNL’ Viewers Horrified by Host’s Rape and Pedophilia Jokes
–– Just kidding?
Bill Maher, Bill O'Reilly Engage In On-Air D**k-Measuring Contest: 'I'm Still On The Air And You're Not'
–– C’mon, they’re both huge dicks.
Barry Williams Admits It Became ‘Hard to Hide’ His ‘Chemistry’ with “Brady Bunch” Sibling Maureen McCormick
–– ‘Wearing those tight jeans and all.’
Sydney Sweeney “Proud” of ‘Christy’ Biopic Despite Low Box Office Debut: “We Don’t Always Just Make Art for Numbers”
–– You don’t always make art.
Miles Teller Blames ‘Fantastic Four’ Flop on ‘One Person Who F***ed It Up'”
–– Is that director quote?
Kim Kardashian Reveals She Didn’t Pass California Bar Exam: “I’m Not a Lawyer Yet, I Just Play a Very Well-Dressed One on TV”
–– Only way she could pass is to walk by copy left on desk.
‘Monster: The Ed Gein Story’ Team on Show’s Exploration of How “Mental Illness and Male Isolation Equals Danger”
–– Ed could’ve got body count up if he’d joined book club.
‘Showgirls’ Nearly Killed Her Career. Now She’s Touring the World With It
–– Victory lap dance?
Eddie Murphy Refused to Go on ‘SNL’ for Decades Because ‘Dirty Motherf—ers’ Joked About His Movie Flopping: ‘F— Y’all!’
–– After 1995 rip on Vampire in Brooklyn he went on to make sooo many comedy classics.
Eddie Murphy Says He Quietly Paid to Bury Rick James and Bought a Tombstone for Buckwheat from 'The Little Rascals'
–– Did he lower voice when he revealed in self-promoting doc?
Eddie Murphy reveals Yul Brynner tried to proposition him for sex with actor's wife
–– The kink and I?
Kermit shuts down Miss Piggy dating question, says 'a frog's got to have a little privacy'
–– Tell that to Frenchman!
Ken Burns on 'The American Revolution,' Going on Joe Rogan and the Future of Our Country: 'We Can Get Better'
–– Doing opposite almost impossible.
My colleague at Mad magazine was a war hero. Who knew?
–– Capt. Alfred E. Neuman?!
The Comic Genius Who Pushed Television Further Than It Could Go
–– Let us digest that Caesar word salad.
Jeff Goldblum reveals the movie role that made him stop eating meat: 'It changed me'
–– And what The Fly got him to eat?
David Letterman Offers a Full Sandwich of a Speech Inducting Warren Zevon Into Rock & Roll Hall of Fame
–– Mostly baloney.
Mike Smith, Bubbles on ‘Trailer Park Boys,’ Is Charged With Sexual Assault
–– Bubbles burst.
Duchess Meghan Shows Off Some Leg at Kris Jenner's 70th Birthday
–– Not her own.
The N.B.A.’s TV Broadcasts Have Lost Their Spark. Can We Learn to Love Them Again?
–– Don’t bet on it.
Trump wants his name on the Washington Commanders’ planned $3.7 billion stadium, and he has ‘plenty of cards to play,’ report says
–– TACO Bile Stadium?
Trump's Flub While Being Booed At An NFL Game Is Going Viral
–– Not his 'fumble?'
Jane Goodall revealed simple diet swap that was key to long life: 'I immediately felt better, lighter'
–– We’re not listening to longevity tips from anyone who didn’t make it to 92.
You Want to Throw Your Phone Into the Sea. Here’s a Better Way.
–– Throw all bloggers in sea.
A.I. Is on Its Way to Something Even More Remarkable Than Intelligence
–– But not this!
How different are urban and rural Americans? Take our quiz to find out.
–– All you rustics who read WaPo.
What’s the best place to raise kids? See how your county ranks.
–– Utility shed?
What will companies do without pennies? We asked McDonald's, Wendy's, Kroger and other top retailers.
–– How about JC?
Despite Its Fame, Geno's Steaks Ranked Last In Our Taste Test Of Philly Cheesesteaks — Here's Why
–– Meat tastes like Filly Cheesesteak.
PSA: These Fast Food Chains Don't Use Real Cheese
–– Creates real plaque in arteries.
Chili’s and Shake Shack are riffing on the Big Mac. We tried all 3 side by side.
–– Left colons with special sores.
This Frozen Pizza Is So Good I Ate It Three Nights In A Row
–– Unthawed!
Congress tightens THC restrictions on hemp, closing farm bill loophole
–– Hemp loophole should hold tight.
Ghislaine Maxwell's prison emails show she is 'happier' at minimum-security Texas facility
–– This week in ‘Awwww!’
Convicted killer Bryan Kohberger must reimburse families for their daughters’ urns
–– On what he earns?
Kidnapped CEO Was Found Slain in the Mountains. His Ex-Employee on Trial Claims He Made Them Do 500 Pushups for Paychecks
–– Would’ve just cut off some fingers for 300 or less.
Fort Lauderdale mayor attacked and dragged across a road by ex-partner, police say
–– Not Lover’s Lane.
Raccoons Are Showing Early Signs of Domestication
–– Cleaning gabage can covers, washing paws in gutter.
10 incredibly rare albino animals spotted in the wild –Including a snow-white hedgehog and a ghostly rattlesnake
–– 10. Ashen Elephant, 9. Powder Puffin, 8. Milky Snake, 7. Pale Eider, 6. Chalkadee, 5. Snowy Bunny, 4. MAGA Moose, 3. Ivory Tickler, 2. Waxy Earwig, 1. Pasty Toothed Tiger.
Bird Flu Ravaged the World’s Largest Elephant Seal Population, Study Finds
–– Sealed fate?
Soft tissue of 40,000-year-old Siberian mammoth offers astonishing glimpse into final moments of its life
–– And feels so soft on your bottom.
Scientists May Have Found a Secret Entrance to One of the Pyramids of Giza
–– Or outdoor urinal.
Archaeologists Excavating a Roman Fort in Britain Discovered a Rare Red Gemstone Engraved With a Surprising Design
–– Alfa Romeo logo.
Archaeologists Found a 5,000-Year-Old Tomb That May Be a Gateway to a Prehistoric Kingdom
–– And sent back this video!
Ancient dunes on Mars reveal long-lasting underground water
–– All well and good?
Donna Jean Godchaux, Who Backed Up Elvis and Brought Soul to the Dead, Dies at 78
–– She personally delivered soul.
Champs Leader, ‘Tequila’ Hit Maker Dave Burgess Dead at 90
–– Champs at the pit.
Ted Hartley, Actor, Producer and Former Chairman of RKO Pictures, Dies at 100
–– Will Hartley be missed?
Sally Kirkland, Oscar Nominee for ‘Anna,’ Dies at 84
–– Like expired Kirkland milk.
