ICE Iced Baby
Week of 01/09/26
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
Trump Lays Out a Vision of Power Restrained Only by ‘My Own Morality’
–– Or ‘Nothing.’
Trump Attacks Woman Killed In ICE Shooting, Directly Contradicts Minneapolis Police Statement
–– Bemoans fact that even murder couldn’t get him hard.
Trump says ‘own morality’ is only limit on his power: ‘I don’t need international law’
–– Make that mortality.
‘Can I check a pulse?’: Video shows ICE preventing doctor from tending to Minneapolis shooting victim
–– As you do with 'f**king bitch.'
The Trump Administration Says It's Illegal To Record Videos of ICE. Here's What the Law Says.
–– “Eat s**t."
Trump Cornered on ICE Shooting Evidence After His Jaw-Dropping Insult to Slain Mom
–– Not to worry, Vance was there for amoral support.
Hennepin County prosecutor calls on the public to share Renee Good shooting evidence with her office
–– Before Kash Patel's FBI loses it all.
‘Kristi Noem’s an Idiot’: Congressman Shreds DHS Secretary Who ‘Didn’t Even Realize That There Was Gonna Be Video’ of ICE Killing
–– Yes, but also know MAGA zombies don’t believe own eyes.
Tony Dokoupil Tells Tom Homan, ‘It’s Just Not Believable’ That ICE Agents Haven’t Used ‘Excessive Force’
–– Like ‘excessive force’ wasn’t mission.
Megyn Kelly relentlessly mocks CBS anchor Tony Dokoupil for crying on TV: 'Feminization of the newsroom'
–– How about humanization of MAGA robot?
‘A Disgrace!’ Ex-Editor Torches New York Post for ICE Shooting Victim Cover ‘Smear’
–– As disgusting as lionizing murderer Jonathan Ross?
Tucker Carlson Asks Why Conservatives Can’t View Renee Good Shooting Through ‘Human Lens’: ‘A Woman Got Shot in the Face’
–– Even this sad excuse for human being gets it.
Trump Ally Makes Stunning Declaration That Disobeying Feds Means You Can Be Killed: Obey and ‘You Get to Keep Your Life’
–– Some of these allies are going to do life.
Kyle Rittenhouse called ‘truly evil’ after post about Minnesota ICE shooting
–– Shit-in-house be back.
Trump warns of third impeachment if House Republicans lose midterms
–– For once we pray he’s right.
Trump floats canceling election, dismisses it to avoid 'dictator' label
–– Toilet he's made of White House full of these floaters.
White House publishes website that rewrites history of Jan. 6 attack
–– Even as it writes new horrific history in Minneapolis.
How the ‘Donroe Doctrine’ Reinforces Xi’s Vision of Power in Asia
–– How it reminds you of ranting of lunatic.
A president who treats Washington like his chew toy
–– Don’t you mean butt plug?
Maduro raid killed about 75 in Venezuela, U.S. officials assess
–– Delta Force dead pool had 85.
Protests erupt worldwide against US operation in Venezuela
–– Getting semiquincentennial off to rousing start.
After Venezuela, Trump Offers Hints About What Could Be Next
–– How many shitty sequels?
After Venezuela, Trump Says Cuba Is ‘Ready to Fall’
–– Wants to begin digging for rum.
Trump’s Threat of Force Against Colombia Draws Rebuke From Its Leader
–– Diet coke vs. coke.
Denmark Tells Trump to ‘Stop the Threats’ About Greenland
–– Cold comfort to residents.
Greenland's leader rejects Trump's latest annexation talk in the wake of Venezuela raid: 'Enough is enough'
–– Funnily enough, not phrase on Trump crest.
US Hostage Negotiator Who Worked Closely With Maduro Tells 60 Minutes He Didn’t Find Him a ‘Bloodthirsty Maniac’
–– Not talking about ex-boss Trump, right?
If the Supreme Court rules against Trump’s tariffs it could threaten one third of his proposed military budget
–– That’s ‘When.’
Josh Hawley Tries to Make Amends After Trump Calls For His Defeat: ‘I Love the President’
–– Whorely.
More than 2 million Epstein documents still unreleased, officials say
–– DOJ proud of less than 1% they squeezed out.
‘They’ve Got a Real Problem’: Massie Says Trump Officials Could Face Criminal Prosecution Over Epstein Files
–– We just need alternate DOJ.
Scott Jennings Aghast When Abby Phillip Suggests Trump Officials Might Not Be Credible: ‘You Say the Federal Government’s Lying?’
–– Drove nail into hand to approximate shock.
President Trump and Wife Melania Reportedly Have ‘Little Interaction’ With Each Other, But Share One Hobby
–– Pulling wings off flies.
Judge orders Lindsey Halligan to explain why she's still serving as U.S. attorney after previous ruling against her
–– It’s helping her turn higher class tricks.
Judge disqualifies US attorney in New York, tosses Letitia James subpoenas
–– Why doesn’t Bondi just take case to Judge Judy?
Jobs report: US economy adds 50,000 jobs in December to cap worst year of hiring since 2020
–– And that’s pending midnight release of actual numbers in several weeks.
Top economist says latest jobs data shows a ‘jobless expansion’ with no historical precedent—and it’s ‘gut-wrenching’ for the middle class
–– But 'dick-popping' for ruling one.
The chaos and confusion of RFK Jr.'s new alcohol policy
–– Same as with every policy.
U.S. overhauls childhood vaccine schedule, recommends fewer shots
–– By more shits.
Tim Walz Drops Re-election Bid, and Amy Klobuchar May Run Instead
–– The last Walz?
Slain Minnesota lawmaker's children call on Trump to remove social media video amplifying false claims about her death
–– Truth is stranger than fiction.
President Donald Trump’s Son Barron Trump Reportedly ‘Focused’ on Trying to Get Rid of His Accent
–– 19 years in US understandably left him with Slovenian twang.
Michael Rapaport, Zohran Mamdani’s Loudest Critic, Announces NYC Mayoral Bid
–– He does know election was last November?
Mamdani Backs Housing Appointee As Past Social-Media Posts Resurface
–– You don't have to be slumlord to question why she’s on government payroll.
Wealth tax threat prompts at least six billionaires to cut ties with California, as about 20 more mull exit: report
–– Tell us other ways these self-serving scumbags are trying to avoid debt to fellow humans, NY Post.
Reid Hoffman calls California's proposed billionaire tax 'horrendous' for innovation
–– Is that name of his offshore mega-mansion?
Bill Gates warns the world going is ‘backwards’ and gives 5-year deadline before we enter a new Dark Age
–– Reads like we're already there in editing.
Bongino Flamed by His Former Fans Upon Big Return to Podcasting: ‘Pedo Protector’
–– No Bongino fan has right to flame cockroach.
GOP Lawmaker's Staffer Reportedly Hired Girlfriend For Fake Internship And Paid Her Thousands
–– This week in 'Coinkydinks.'
Professor Fired for Charlie Kirk Post Gets $500,000 From School, Is Reinstated
–– We deserve twice that for emotional trauma of seeing American flag flown at half-mast in his honor.
Trump’s former Russia adviser says Russia offered US free rein in Venezuela in exchange for Ukraine
–– Quid pro blow.
Iranian protests, strikes escalate as Khamenei vows state will ‘not back down’
–– Khameiniac.
Iran's exiled crown prince rises as a figure in protests, decades after leaving his homeland
–– PShah.
Corporation for Public Broadcasting, gutted of federal funds, votes to dissolve
–– The proud triumph of conservatism's decades-long war against art, culture and Muppets.
“SNL” alum Chris Redd breaks silence on dating costar Kenan Thompson's ex-wife: 'I felt bad from the start'
–– Wouldn’t laugh at his lame jokes either?
Matt Damon says cutting one thing out of his diet got him down to his 'high school' weight
–– Food.
Eddie Murphy Recalls the Clint Eastwood Moment That Made Him Leave the 2007 Oscars
–– Threw him to floor, aimed .44 Magnum at him, hissed ‘Do you feel lucky, punk?’ Oh, rubbed his shoulder.
Nikki Glaser Plans to Change 9 Times at the Golden Globes: "I Don't Need to Be Understated"
–– Or funny, apparently.
Inside the Surprise Success of Sydney Sweeney Thriller ‘The Housemaid’: A ‘Family Feud’ Appearance That Went Viral and Servicing an Underserved Female Audience
–– And undeserving.
Mickey Rourke Approves GoFundMe to Prevent Eviction
–– Mickey ruin he?
Mickey Rourke Declines $100,000 in Donations After His Eviction
–– In best performance since Diner.
How Amy Poehler’s ‘Good Hang’ broke through celebrity podcast fatigue
–– It didn't.
James Wan Down to Direct ‘Avatar 4’ If James Cameron Decides to Step Aside
–– Wan down, two to go?
Beloved actress says she wishes she did more nudity early in her career
–– In naughty bits parts?
Jennifer Lawrence Prefers Filming Sex Scenes with Actors She Doesn't Know: 'Doing It With Strangers Is Preferable'
–– Quoting Heidi Fleiss?
Kat Dennings Says Marvel 'Did Scan Me. They Could Put Me in Anything They Want at This Point. I'm in the System'
–– Did they capture annoyingness?
Mike Epps Addresses His Issues With ‘Ferret-Looking’ Chris Rock: ‘I Don’t Get Him’
–– Nor, apparently, ferrets.
Leonardo DiCaprio worries movie theaters could become like 'jazz bars': 'Do people still have the appetite?'
–– When being fed slop?
‘She will go down as one of the best’: the rise of Jessie Buckley
–– She’s only 36, relax.
Evangeline Lilly Reveals Brain Damage After Freak Fall: “An Uphill Battle”
–– Evident months earlier when she endorsed Trump.
‘A perplexing, astonishing finale’: world pays tribute to David Bowie a decade after his death
–– He didn't miss much.
Bo Bichette offered steak for life at favorite restaurant to stay with Blue Jays
–– And life-time supply of birdseed.
Buffalo Bills: We’re Selling Stadium Keepsakes Even Trough Urinals!!!
–– Sound perfect for foyer of Trump’s ballroom.
Did Leonardo da Vinci paint a nude Mona Lisa? I may have just solved this centuries-old mystery
–– Reads like 'maybe not.'
The Race to Find Leonardo da Vinci’s DNA Just Took a Major Twist
–– On maybe nude Mona Lisa?
Anonymous painting bought at auction on ‘hunch’ identified as two-in-one Rubens
–– Peter and Paul?
The ravishing beauty and (almost) nihilism of Gerhard Richter’s art
–– Oh, please, the nihilism is prodigious, protean, in perpetuum.
Scientists find new clues to why female fertility declines with age
–– Thought it would counter trend of every other bodily process?
Wegovy weight loss pill now available: How to get it and the cost
–– Sorry, needle freaks.
This hat should be America’s national dress
–– Yeah, naked cowpokes in stupid headgear accentuating tininess of heads.
Kids are riding suitcases on wheels, and not everyone is amused
–– Fine as long as they stow kid in same overhead rack.
This Airline Just Put Texas Barbecue on the Menu
–– Will need to add fart filters, deodorizers to first-class seats.
America Is Falling Out of Love With Pizza
–– The moon no hit-a the eye like-a big-a pizza pie?
You may disagree, but Maryland has its own style of pizza
–– This week in ‘nonexistent debates.’
Nationwide Cheese Recall Carries Risk Of Death—Here's What To Know
–– You try to take away, rodents will eff you up.
A class-action lawsuit against McDonald’s Boldly asks: Is the McRib really rib?
–– Is anything they serve really food?
Get to Know the Legendary Edna Lewis by Making Her Biscuits, Cornbread, and More Southern Classics
–– At seance?
Want to cover Trump’s face on your national park pass? That’ll cost you.
–– How about just rub it in moose scat.
Judge disqualifies US attorney in New York, tosses Letitia James subpoenas
–– This clown who looks unfit to judge pie-eating contest?
Debunking the myth of ‘lesbian bed death’ – why this tired old concept needs to die out
–– In bed? With sex life?
Woman ‘Trying To Be a Mermaid' Arrested After Officers Allegedly Find Her Nude in Neighbor's Pond
–– Flippered out?
I Was Targeted By A Neighborhood Flasher. My Boyfriend Helped Me Feel Safe — Until I Learned His Secret.
–– Was even bigger dick?
'Horror movie come to life': Cops find more than 100 skeletal remains in Pa. man's home
–– Made his bones selling online.
Reality TV star arrested in connection with alleged sexual conduct with an animal
–– Was he on this?
Brown University suspect admitted to planning shooting for a long time, prosecutors say
–– Thirst for vengence only second to fellow madman in WH.
Nick Reiner, with a Newly Shaved Head, on Verge of Tears as He Appears for Arraignment Over Parents' Killings
–– On verge?!
It can be seen from space, is the equivalent to 8 football fields and could be 45 years old - but we have no idea how many families call it home...
–– Musk's sandbox?
“Our jungle guide sprang into action, shouting urgently 'Run! Quickly! Run!' We were seemingly running for our lives from we knew not what"
–– From book jacket of The Beasts of Tarzan?
They look like ants, they act like ants– but these destructive, house-wrecking little terrors are no ants
–– They're called White Ants, they're in your pants, they aren't uncles, but are no ants!
Jumping spiders are basically just cats
–– And you're basically no scientist.
We now know Cleveland’s apex predator of the Devonian was so much more: editorial
–– A devoted son, brother and dad.
Archaeologists Just Discovered the Oldest Known Evidence of Poison Arrows, Which Hunters Used to Slow Down Their Prey 60,000 Years Ago
–– Sat on one, passed out.
In Unprecedented Move, NASA to Rush Astronauts Home after Medical Incident on ISS
–– Not sure which one is alien host organism.
The EPA’s shock and awe deregulatory push learns from past mistakes
–– Will forego date rape drugs for Mother Nature.
For the first time in 25 years, California is 100 percent drought-free
–– Wet your whistle to celebrate.
Sidney Kibrick, ‘Our Gang’ child actor, dies at 97
–– And director of Dr. Strangelav, 2001: A Spicy Odyssey, Eyes Wired Shut.
Aldrich Ames, C.I.A. Turncoat Who Helped the Soviets, Dies at 84
–– Dead Ames.
