Smut and Jeff
Week of 07/18/25
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
'I don't draw pictures': Trump denies report he wrote Epstein lewd 50th birthday letter
–– Admirable assessment of execrable sketches.
Candace Owens: ‘Trump thinks his base is stupid’
–– When you’re both right, you’re both right.
Trump said he ‘never wrote a picture in my life.’ Here are four.
–– Has drawn countless texts.
Trump faces a revolt from his MAGA base over the Epstein files
–– Shitboxer Rebellion.
Trump lashes out at ‘weaklings’ who believe Epstein ‘bullsh*t’ amid building GOP pressure to release documents
–– Then what do you call people who believe Trump ‘bullsh*t’ about Epstein ‘bullsh*t’?
House passes Trump’s $9 billion DOGE cuts package in another legislative win for president
–– Never bet against this House.
Trump Is Gutting Weather Science and Reducing Disaster Response
–– Licks finger, sticks up ass instead of into air.
Trump judge pick declines to rule out 3rd Trump term, denounce Jan. 6 rioters
–– A Bove and beyond.
Ty Cobb: Trump pushing out Bondi over Epstein files would be ‘huge embarrassment’
–– And, boy, would his face be orange!
Former Trump FBI Director Shreds Bondi and Bongino Over Epstein Memo Spat
–– Worse then they've shredded Constitution?
Elon Musk rips Trump’s ‘boys and gals’ defense of AG Pam Bondi over Epstein-gate: ‘Worst post ever’
–– Better than 'ladies and germs' in first draft.
Justice Department tells Supreme Court not to toss the sex-trafficking conviction of Ghislaine Maxwell
–– Figure jail safest place for her with all those cameras that never fail.
Ghislaine Maxwell follows prison fitness routine, video shows, as DOJ's Jeffrey Epstein memo draws heat
–– Can we get hourly update on fitness routine delivered to inbox?
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Calls Trump a 'Rapist,' Accuses Him of Withholding Epstein Files
–– AOC ya later!
Bill O’Reilly Corrected On-Air Over False Claim Biden Oversaw Epstein Conviction: ‘How Do You Convict a Guy That Is Dead?’ | Video
–– How do you interview one?
Musk’s DOGE Goon Planned Mutiny After He Was Dismissed
–– But ship already sank.
White House aide on skipping budget plan: It ‘wasn’t in our interest’
–– In latest slang for 'f**k off.'
US inflation rebounded in June to highest level in four months
–– Really getting its second wind.
Trump Camp Blasts ‘The View’ Co-Host Ana Navarro for Condemning Florida ICE Detention Tourism: ‘Can’t Get Any Dumber’
–– Unless you look in mirror.
Fort Who? Republicans join House Dems to bar Hegseth's military base name changes
–– Plan B to rename them for Nazi generals.
Photos show every time Melania Trump has appeared at a public White House event this year
–– Still way too many.
Trump claims his MIT professor uncle taught the Unabomber (at a college he never attended)
–– His version of informative Ted Talk.
Hundreds turned out to protest JD Vance’s family vacation to Disneyland. The next day the park shut down rides for his visit
–– It's a tiny, petty, small world after all.
Republicans run a risky strategy for holding the House that rests on redrawn maps
–– Based on Westeros.
Democratic Voters Who Skipped 2024 Election Want Candidates Like Bernie, AOC
–– Further proof they love losing.
The Seeds of Democratic Revival Have Already Been Sown
–– In potty soil.
Former head of NYPD accuses mayor of ordering full body search of his wife in lawsuit
–– Not frisk averse.
Two Fox reporters got engaged to congressmen. How do you balance love and objectivity?
–– You did say Fox News, right?
Obamas joke about divorce rumors: ‘It was touch and go for a while’
–– Like Cuban Michelle crisis.
Is It Time to Stop Snubbing Your Right-Wing Family?
–– And start slugging them?
Parks gift shops directed to remove items that ‘disparage Americans’
–– Slave owner whoopee cushions, Ku Klux Klan joy buzzers, White Nationalist dribble glasses.
Donald Trump Threatens To Revoke Rosie O’Donnell’s Citizenship; She Calls Him “A Danger To The Nation” In Response — Update
–– Then he threatens to buy Ireland, deport her from there to South Sudan.
Trump diagnosed with chronic venous insufficiency, a minor vein condition, after noticing swelling in legs
–– We think 'chronic Venus insufficiency' aka impotence, real problem.
Brazil’s former President Bolsonaro ordered to wear an electronic ankle monitor
–– Isn’t that also treatment for chronic venous insufficiency?
Melania Trump's intervention on Ukraine
–– Didn't cure husband's dopey habit.
New U.S. assessment finds American strikes destroyed only one of three Iranian nuclear sites
–– You remember –– from war three weeks ago before dirty doodle changed world.
Israel's Netanyahu called Pope Leo after Gaza church strike, Vatican says
–– Pranked him about having ‘Prince Albert in a can.’
Nvidia’s CEO says the US should ‘reduce’ dependency on other countries, onshore technology manufacturing
–– So cut all production?
Conservatives Get the PBS and NPR Cuts They’ve Wanted for Decade
–– Will barbecue Bert, Ernie at House picnic.
Elmo’s X Account ‘Secured’ After Hacking; ‘Sesame Street’ Says ‘Unknown Hacker Posted Disgusting Messages, Including Antisemitic and Racist Posts’
–– Secret PBS bid to get Republicans to reinstate funding?
With PBS funding cut, will the next generation be raised by ‘Skibidi Toilet’?
–– Or turd emoji?
Dr. Phil Returns: Launches Envoy Media Co. in Comeback Bid
–– And how’s that workin’ for ya?
New York Times Reassigns Longtime Music, Theater and TV Critics in Surprise Move
–– Found them new echo chambers?
CBS Canceling ‘Late Show With Stephen Colbert’ After Next Season
–– Can definitely not take joke.
Trump Says ‘I Absolutely Love’ That Stephen Colbert Got ‘Fired’ and ‘I Hear Jimmy Kimmel Is Next’
–– Doing little Skydance.
Jimmy Kimmel Supports Stephen Colbert Amid Late Show Cancellation: ‘F–k You CBS and All Your Sheldons’
–– Pokes Eye Network.
Jon Stewart on Potential ‘Daily Show’ Cancellation After Skydance Merger: ‘Been Kicked Out of S–ttier Establishments’
–– Comedy Central? Couldn’t have been much.
‘The Gilded Age’ Enriches Its Portrait of Black High Society
–– Gold-leafing every conceivable cliché.
Anna Camp Shades the Emmys for “You” Nomination Snub: ‘I Gave One of the Best Performances of My Life’
–– This week in ‘Sez you.’
Tom Holland Says Nolan's 'The Odyssey' Is 'Unlike Anything We've Ever Seen,' Raves About Sharing Scenes With Matt Damon and Anne Hathaway: 'The Job of a Lifetime'
–– Guess ‘we’ve’ never seen any sword and sandal pics of 60s.
Vanessa Kirby Just Wore One Of The Most Detailed Dresses I've Seen During The "Fantastic Four" Press Tour
–– Tell us more about other most detailed dresses you’ve seen.
Pedro Pascal Parted Ways With His Stylist Just Weeks After She Revealed She Receives Death Threats Over His Red Carpet Looks
–– To protect him or her?
Christie Brinkley's swimsuit and gumboots combo at 71 will blow you away
–– Plastic explosives in heels?
’Indiana Jones' Whip Goes for $525,000 at Auction, While 'Citizen Kane' 'Rosebud' Sled Snags $14.75 Million
–– Not what it was cracked up to be.
Tom Cruise and Ana de Armas Continue to Spend Time Together as They're Seen Yachting in Spain
–– As she receives weekly check.
Ariana Grande Says It’s ‘Very Silly’ to Think She’s Abandoning Music Amid New Acting Roles: ‘I Plan to Sing for You All Next Year’
–– So kind, but it’s totally OK. Take a couple of years. Or decades.
Margot Robbie Is All In on 90’s Minimalism
–– Aspires to limited dramatic range of Alicia Silverstone.
Alexandra Daddario Turns Heads With Dramatic Hair Transformation
–– As she shakes head, tendrils threaten eyes.
Richard Dreyfuss Shares Heartbreaking Health Update, Cancels Appearance At SharkCon
–– Shark not-o.
Michael J. Fox made 'Back to the Future' co-star feel like she 'had a high school boyfriend'
–– She hadn’t seen in years.
‘Ted Lasso’ Star Hannah Waddingham Says Season 4 Is Like a ‘Beloved Dog That Was Buried, and Now We’ve Exhumed It’
–– ‘And are trying desperately to get it to do tricks.’
Meryl Streep Says Legendary Actor, 95, Intimidated ‘Other Men the Most’
–– Clint made their day… wussier.
Official Tina Turner Wig Recalled Amid Fan Backlash: “Is That Little Orphan Annie?”
–– Are you, with empty saucer eyes?
‘Gypsy,’ Starring Audra McDonald, Will End Broadway Run
–– Gypsy rose, leaked.
Jeremy Renner Addresses Ex-Wife’s Allegation That He Tried to Kill Her: ‘Doesn’t Feel Good’
–– Getting killed? One assumes.
‘Harry Potter’ star Emma Watson banned from driving for six months
–– Her broom!
Love Island USA Was Ruined by the USA
–– How do you ruin TV equivalent of VD?
Jelly Roll's Wife Bunnie XO Sends Bold Message After Fan Says She 'Looks Pregnant'
–– Then what does he look?
Are they ‘having an affair’ or just shy? The couple caught on Coldplay’s kiss cam
–– Definitely not shy of having an affair.
‘Match Point’ to ‘Challengers’: 10 Memorable Tennis Movies
–– 10? Nil.
Sale of Rays expected to be final by September, team likely to stay in Tampa area: Source
–– Rays: the price.
Teddy Bridgewater suspended from Miami Northwestern for allegedly giving impermissible benefits to his players
–– If that doesn’t sound dirty…
Trump kept FIFA Club World Cup trophy for himself - leaving champions Chelsea to lift a replica
–– If that doesn’t sound dirty…
President Trump working on executive order intending to 'preserve' college sports from 'threat'
–– While destroying actual higher education.
It’s Time to Let Go of ‘African American’
–– Let’s take peek at old euphemism Rolodex.
Why We Mistake the Wholesomeness of Gen Z for Conservatism
–– And their assholesomeness leaning towards Trump?
Inside the Silicon Valley push to breed super-babies
–– Übermenschen with stability of Musk, charm of Zuckerberg, wit of Bezos.
It’s a girl — again! And again! Why a baby’s sex isn’t random.
–– So save those pink stink bombs for next few reveal parties.
This Is the Hot Dog Hack You Didn't Know You Needed
–– Name’s Al and he sells dirty-water dogs in Central Park.
The Best Hot Dog I’ve Ever Tried Tastes Like a Steak
–– That’s fallen off grill into dirt.
Pensioner accidentally pepper sprays entire spa, injuring 13 people
–– Staff won't hit on 80-year-0ld again.
Indian Police Discover a Russian Woman Living in a Cave With Two Daughters
–– And the punchline?
Man Wearing Neck Chain Is Pulled Into M.R.I. Machine, Police Say
–– Fatal attraction?
Thai woman arrested for blackmailing monks with thousands of videos after sex
–– So tantric sex must last forever.
‘Calm’ Air India captain ‘cut off’ fuel while co-pilot panicked
–– After instruction to 'peddle harder.'
Justice Dept. Asks for 1-Day Sentence for Ex-Officer Convicted in Breonna Taylor Raid
–– And Congressional Medal of Honor.
Oklahoma Farmer Killed by Water Buffaloes He Had Just Bought, Police Say
–– Buffaloed.
World's 10 most agonisingly painful stings from insects and other creepy crawlies
–– 1) Kiss from Stephen Miller.
This Californian waterway was a polluted wasteland –then the sea otters arrived
–– And just pure frolicked in muck.
Archaeologists Found a 5th-Century Church Inscribed With a Message to Early Christians
–– ‘A tithe is a tenth share of thine wealth. Not a third. Not a fifth.’
The 4,000-year-old mystery of a shepherd's arrow to the back
–– And bow covered with sheep DNA.
Dark Age detoxes sometimes resembled TikTok health trends
–– But less benighted.
Lingering Moose Shuts Down Popular Adirondack Trail for a Month
–– C’mon, that’s malingering!
Prehistoric ‘scalopini’ mole fossil uncovered in an ancient Spanish volcano crater
–– Not in Italian bistro?
Underwater Archaeologists Were Looking for a Lost Shipwreck in Wisconsin. They Stumbled Upon a Different Vessel Instead
–– Mid-century gravy boat from Sears catalogue.
Archaeologists Discover Site Where George Washington Stopped a Friendly Fire Incident by Blocking Muskets With His Sword
–– Had over the barrel.
Opinion | Romans loved to wear socks and sandals — could that be the reason for the massive shoes found at Magna fort?
–– Were socks made of bubble wrap?
Scientists recover proteins from a 24 million-year-old rhino fossil. Are dinosaurs next?
–– Found half-chewed Clif bar.
World’s biggest Mars rock sells for $4.3 million at auction
–– Will serve as world's biggest paper weight.
Texas Newspaper Brutally Torches ICE Barbie Over Flood Crisis Failure: ‘Heck of a Job’
–– No ‘,Brown-nose?’
Why the New York Subway System Keeps Flooding
–– Underground springs?
Sol Stern, Lapsed Liberal and Conservative Heretic, Dies at 89
–– Left right.
Felix Baumgartner, 56, Professional Daredevil, Dies While Paragliding
–– Wind some, lose some.
–– All downhill from here.
Alan Bergman, Oscar-Winning ‘The Way We Were’ Songwriter, Dies at 99
–– Were alive.
–– Pops out.
David Gergen, consummate political insider, dies at 83
–– Can’t get any deeper.
