Little Noem Facts
Week of 07/11/25
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
Kristi Noem Under Fire As FEMA Officials Blast Her Texas Flood Response
–– Noem compos mentis?
Greene to introduce ‘weather modification’ bill
–– Forecast is hazy, hot and stupid.
Study Author Slams ICE Barbie for ‘Gross Manipulation’ of FEMA Blame
–– And face makeup.
‘Ice Barbie’ Kristi Noem ripped for asking fans to choose a favorite horseback portrait as Texas disaster continues
–– Bareback liar.
Death toll from Texas flood hits triple-digits as tally of missing tops 180
–– According to local officials who can’t count to 26 ft. in 45 minutes.
Trump spending cuts, his approach to climate change attacked as catalyst of catastrophic Texas flooding
–– Thanks, FOX News?!
Trump heading to Texas to meet with local officials, families impacted by deadly floods
–– And get euphoric hit of human misery.
As Floods Hit, Key Roles Were Vacant at Weather Service Offices in Texas
–– Thank god no DEI hires were there to botch call.
MAGA influencer Charlie Kirk claims Texas flood death toll ‘would not have been as high if it wasn’t for DEI’
–– Beam us up, Scotty.
Ted Cruz ensured Trump spending bill slashed weather forecasting funding
–– More interested in weather at vacation destination.
Texas flood victims furious as local officials blame Trump's National Weather Service over failed warnings
–– Furious they voted for own destruction?
Texas officials scrapped ‘Flash Flood Alley’ warning system before 27 killed at Camp Mystic — because it was too expensive
–– And name ‘Flash Flood Alley’ was somehow ambiguous?
Virginia Gov. Glenn Youngkin says his family escaped Texas floods
–– We really need full tally of Republican politicians’ families who weren’t endangered.
Where in the world is the FEMA head? Agency leader hasn’t been seen in over a week sparking concern
–– Up own ass.
State Department is firing more than 1,300 employees in downsizing plan
–– Rubio, "There are still way too many workers smarter than me."
Agriculture secretary says there will be ‘no amnesty’ for migrants, adults on Medicaid can replace them in workforce
–– Sowing seeds of dis-is-f**kin'-crazy.
Trump’s signing of 'One Big Beautiful Bill' includes $85 million to move space shuttle Discovery from Smithsonian to Texas
–– To serve as life craft in next unpredicted flood?
Trump's $100 million crypto mystery man
–– Not John Barron?
Trump combats TACO reputation as White House extends tariff deadline
–– With hot sores.
Bessent says tariffs will ‘boomerang’ to ‘Liberation Day’ levels if countries fail to negotiate deals
–– Aptly confused metaphor for policy which will hit him in back of head.
As Trump Sows Tariff Confusion, Rules of Global Commerce Give Way to Chaos
–– Even Greed is like, "Whut?"
Trump threatens 35 percent tariffs on Canada in latest trade war twist
–– As of July 11, 2025 at 10:58 a.m. EDT… wait, we have a possible… no, it seems… hold on…
Trump threatens 50 percent tariffs on Brazil over treatment of Bolsonaro
–– You're King of World –– just pardon if convicted.
Wisconsin Republican Deletes Post That Appeared To Celebrate Millions Of People Losing Health Insurance
–– Instead establishes dead pool among friends, betting how many poor people will die.
MAGA Congressional Candidate Calls Texas Floods ‘Fake’: It’s ‘Murder’
–– Passes movement’s mental illness exam with flying colors.
Jeffrey Epstein died by suicide and there’s no ‘client list,’ Justice Department says
–– “Especially not one with President Trump’s name on it as was claimed by Elon Musk who will not, out of the kindness of our hearts, be charged with slander for what under the circumstances is clearly an actionable offense. And forget everything we ever previously said about case.’”
Deputy FBI Director Bongino has told people he is considering resigning amid Epstein files fallout
–– Like Eliot Nuts quitting.
Alex Jones Breaks Down in Tears After DOJ, FBI Release Epstein Memo Finding No Evidence of a ‘Client List’: It ‘Tears My Guts Out’
–– ‘Kinda like what happened to my brains.’
FBI Boss’ Girlfriend Slams MAGA’s Epstein Conspiracy Theories About Her
–– Does admit she's in it for Kash transaction.
Elon Musk Rages As He Leads Angry Reactions To The FBI's Claim That There Is 'No Jeffrey Epstein List'
–– Musk and Jeff.
Elon Musk says he's formed the 'America Party.' Mark Cuban and Anthony Scaramucci are interested.
–– Few others give damn.
Musk calls Bannon a ‘fat, drunken slob’ and says he should be arrested as their feud rages on
–– This week in ‘stating the obvious.’
Linda Yaccarino is out as CEO of Elon Musk’s X
–– Hired May, 2023. What’s that in Musk years?
Elon Musk’s AI chatbot Grok launches into antisemitic rant amid updates
–– Imbued with soul of Creator.
Tesla is in deeper trouble than you think
–– Or hope?
Immigration Agents Appear to Urinate in Public at a California School
–– Not on detainees?
Measles cases surge to record high since disease was declared eliminated in the US
–– Don't let vaxx get in way of good story.
TSA to end shoe removal policy at airport security checkpoints
–– Taps for heels.
IRS says churches should be allowed to make political endorsements
–– Talk about free speech.
Trump names Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy as interim head of NASA
–– See how many spacecraft he can get to fall out of sky.
One year after Thomas Crooks tried to kill President Trump, here's what's known about him
–– He wasn’t great shot.
Pardoned Jan. 6 Rioter Sentenced to Life in Assassination Plot
–– Isn't trying to kill law enforcement officers investigating witch hunt justifiable cause? Asking for a felon.
The Gender Gap That Ate the Democrats
–– Men eating women usually sexier than this.
White House says Garden of American Heroes may not be complete until 2029
–– That’s long time for punchline.
Zohran Mamdani’s SAT scores revealed after Columbia application ‘African American’ bombshell
–– Is member of gaming generation.
Wife of Texas AG Ken Paxton files for divorce ‘on biblical grounds’
–– Testamental cruelty?
Trump hosting African leaders at White House to explore commercial opportunities
–– Suggests line of carved MAGA fertility statues for their ‘shit-hole gift shops.’
Trump praises ‘good English’ of Liberian president, prompting criticism across Africa
–– And commends him for wearing shoes.
Did Canada just change how we think of Trump’s 2024 election?
–– We don’t know what screwy ideas you have.
Trump says he’s ‘very disappointed’ with Putin conversation: ‘I don’t think he’s there’
–– In latest existential musing of poet/president.
Trump accuses Putin of talking 'bullshit' on Ukraine
–– aka ‘my language.’
Kremlin says it pays close attention to Trump statements after he voices disappointment with Putin call
–– As it uses them for basis of office jokes.
Russia’s ‘anti-woke’ visa lures those fearing a moral decline in the West
–– Oh, please, please, please leave!
Russian minister dies by suicide hours after getting fired by Putin, officials say
–– Saved time, State money.
Trump claimed victory against the Houthis in fight over Red Sea shipping. Now they are sinking tankers again
–– Guess savages don’t know meaning of word capitulated.
Top Iran Official Survived Israeli Strike
–– So that’s why Khamenei claimed victory.
How Netanyahu Prolonged the War in Gaza to Stay in Power
–– Wasn't just for pleasure?
In India’s deportation drive, Muslim men recount being tossed into the sea
–– ICE czar Homan, ‘Hmmm.’
Here is a way for Trump to win that Nobel Prize
–– Massive bribery.
Trump Payout Just the Latest – and Most Blatant – Political Interference at FCC: ‘Sad That It’s Come to This’
–– Retitle FDC, Federal Disinformation Commission.
Kevin O'Leary Says 'You'll Never Be Free' If You Remain An Employee, But There's Actually Nothing Wrong With It: Here's Why
–– Free to spew moronic pro-MAGA nonsense without fear of firing?
Jamie Dimon breaks with ‘idiots’ in Democratic Party, saying they ‘have big hearts and little brains’
–– He has no heart and reptile brain.
Melinda French Gates reveals she’s refusing to fund her Gen Z daughter’s startup—despite being worth nearly $31 billion
–– Has she ever read Mommie Dearest?
She ditched New York for Paris at the age of 79 and says it’s the best decision she’s ever made
–– After losing Lily Tomlin lookalike contest.
Look of the Week: Marc Jacobs totes a boxed Labubu
–– Looks like labooboob.
Box Office: ‘Jurassic World Rebirth’ Hatches New Era for Dino Franchise With Huge $318M Global Bow
–– Appropriate for new ICE Age.
James Gunn Says ‘Superman’ Is About an ‘Immigrant That Came From Other Places’ and How We’ve ‘Lost’ the Value of ‘Basic Human Kindness’: ‘Yes, it’s About Politics’
–– 'Basic human kindness?' Is this Superwuss from planet Queerton in love with Louis Lane?
Superman vs. ‘Superman’? Dean Cain cries ‘woke’ after James Gunn calls hero an immigrant
–– Cain and unable.
How long would it take Superman to travel from Krypton to Earth?
–– One panel?
Sean Combs’s Winning Defense: He’s Abusive, but He’s Not a Racketeer
–– Trump wishes he could say that.
Kenneth Branagh, Lily Gladstone Join Michael B. Jordan in ‘The Thomas Crown Affair’ Remake
–– White guy, British accent? Let us guess –– the real bad guy.
Lena Dunham Rises Again: The ‘Girls’ Creator on Netflix’s ‘Too Much,’ Hollywood’s ‘Merciless’ Body Shaming and Whether She’d Revive the HBO Classic
–– With some difficulty.
Lena Dunham Acknowledges How Lack of Diversity on ‘Girls’ Was “Really Disappointing to People”
–– Minorities should’ve been glad to not be seen in it.
Lauryn Hill Performs Strongly in Nearly Empty Stadium Until 3:37 a.m. After Essence Festival Runs Way Behind
–– Amounted to Hill of beans.
Larry David Returning to HBO With Obamas-Produced Sketch Series
–– Which is likely to be most dignified salute to nation’s 250th we’ll get.
’Duster’ Canceled After One Season at HBO Max
–– Dusted.
Ben Ahlers on Being a ‘Gilded Age’ Tech Bro and His Fashion World Cred (He’s 6-Foot-2!)
–– And if it was blow to head that gave him that expression.
Peter Jackson Says ‘I’m Not Retired’ When Asked About Not Directing a Feature Film in 11 Years; He’s Focused Now on Bringing a Giant Bird Back From Extinction
–– The moa, the merrier.
’MasterChef’ Host Gregg Wallace Fired as Over 50 People Come Forward With Fresh Claims
–– We could’ve sworn it read fresh clams. Alas.
Scott Rudin Returning to Broadway With Barry Diller-Backed Play
–– Not revival of Look Back in Anger?
Tyler Perry Accuser Derek Dixon Speaks: “I Couldn’t Stay Silent Anymore” (Exclusive)
–– “After taking another look at my bank balance.”
Gary Coleman’s Ex-Wife Didn’t Do Well on a Polygraph About His Death
–– Came up short?
Stellan Skarsgård on Ingmar Bergman: ‘The only person I know who cried when Hitler died’
–– Are you sure your favorite director, Von Trier, wouldn't have?
The Punchy Ingredient Frank Sinatra Always Requested Less Of
–– A big guy for him to take swing at.
Mary Lou Retton’s shocking mugshot, bodycam footage of DUI arrest released
–– Retton to the core?
How Does Alcohol Affect the Gut Microbiome?
–– Say ‘gut microbiome’ five times fast to see if you’ve had too much.
Only one country in the world produces all the food it needs
–– Feel jealous of Guyana if you too have pop. of 826,353.
Woman, 67, Called ‘Inappropriate’ for Wearing a Bikini to 19-Year-Old Granddaughter’s Birthday Pool Party
–– Did keep food budget down.
Risky sex act that's becoming increasingly popular can cause stroke, seizures and even paralysis
–– Choke chicken not partner.
A Century Ago, Adolescents Weren’t Fully Human
–– 100 years hasn’t changed much.
To save themselves, universities must cultivate civic friendship
–– Is that same as MAGAnimity?
Why Tesla’s Cybertruck has been such a flop
–– People got eyes, right?
CVS was so worried about shoplifting that it stole its own soul
–– CVS had a soul?
He Built a House With No Doors and Windows You Can’t Close
–– And other idiots you can get to design your living quarters.
In ‘Orgasmic Meditation’ Case, Did a Zealous Media Strategy Backfire?
–– Female judge rubbed the wrong way?
10 Secrets McDonald’s Employees Aren’t Supposed To Tell You
–– 7. McRibs are McSphincters.
‘Drunk’ United Airlines pilot was forced into rehab for alcoholism. He actually had a concussion, lawsuit claims
–– From drunken fall.
George Santos heads to prison, insists foul play is to blame if he dies behind bars
–– His new altar-ego's Martyr Hari.
Fatally Injured Teenager Is Discovered on Top of a N.Y.C. Subway Car
–– Surfs him right.
Nearly Half of America’s Murderers Get Away With It
–– That’s looking at case half-empty.
An Apartheid-Era Torture Method Endures Among South African Police
–– Learned from the masters.
Elephant kills two tourists from the UK and New Zealand in Zambian national park
–– So one each or four total?
Are you seeing more scorpions skittering about? What you should know
–– You really gotta lay off that sinsemilla.
How a Parasitic Bird With No Parents Learns What Species It Is
–– Ancestry.com?
Here's what a 3,000-year-old mummy actually smells like
–– Kris Jenner’s KKW X KRIS perfume.
The US has a plan to breed millions of flies and drop them from planes. Here’s why
–– Record dung heaps in Washington DC an irresistible target.
Musk’s AI Robot Blames Trump and Its Own Creator for Texas Flooding Deaths
–– Grok solid.
Paul Bugas, Director of a Secret Doomsday Bunker, Is Dead at 96
–– Always sounded bogus.
Richard Greenberg, Tony-Winning ‘Take Me Out’ Playwright, Dies at 67
–– Slides.
