Critic's Corner

CINEMA

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Malignant –– Has sense of tumor.
The Card Counter –– Shuffle bored.
Everybody’s Talking About Jamie –– Saying he sucks.
Queenpins –– Stolen kitsches.
Kate –– Crasher.
Small Engine Repairs –– Plug uglies.
Language Lessons –– Hola she bang.
Dating & New York –– City sicker.
Malibu Road –– High tide.
Catch the Bullet –– Pee shooter.
Gunfight at Dry River –– Gulch pit.
Bad Candy –– Candy ass.
The Manson Brothers Midnight Zombie Massacre –– Charley whores.
Death Drop Gorgeous –– Drop Death.
Time Is Up –– Ora fixation.
Azor –– Dull Azor.
Dogs –– Woof of desperation.
The Capote Tapes –– Bust Truman.
The Alpinist –– Alpine laze cheese.
Fauci –– Upon further infection.
Show Me the Father –– Not Show Me the Mommy?
The Wonderful: Stories From the Space Station –– Orbit glum.

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings –– Mandarin lemon.
Worth –– Less.
We Need to Do Something –– Turn off projector?
Zone 414 –– Disaster area.
Yakuza Princess –– The world of sushi wrong.
The Gateway –– In portal danger.
Wild Indian –– Native soiled.
Karen –– You’re a bigot girl now.
Good –– Grief!
Saving Paradise –– Eden rot.
Mogul Mowgli –– Pak of lies.
Anne at 13,000 Ft –– Drops off.
Who You Think I Am –– A pretentious bore?
Tango Shalom –– Hora show.
Memory House –– Forgets the key.
Powder Keg –– On a lighter note.
The Big Scary “S” Word –– “Stupid.”

Candyman –– Cacademon.
Together –– Out of joint.
No Man of God –– The fey of Bundy.
Echoes of Violence –– In empty theater.
The Colony –– You’re getting swarm.
Alia’s Birth –– Wet Alia.
Ellie and Abbie (and Ellie’s Dead Aunt) –– The lucky bitch.
Defining Moments –– Defines amateur.
American Sausage Standoff –– Brat worst.
Death Rider in the House of Vampires –– Cart before the hearse.
Rushed –– Rapid dog.
Final Set –– Love nil.
Isabella –– Is a meller.
Lily Topples the World –– Dominoes beats ‘er.
The Conservation Game –– Wild. Abandon.

Reminiscence –– Totaled recall.
The Protégé –– Tutee fruity.
Flag Day –– Does pennants.
Rare Beasts –– Rara obvious.
Ted Bundy: American Boogeyman –– Strangle management.
The Night House –– The nut house.
Demonic –– Damned shame.
Risen –– Still flat.
The Girl Who Got Away –– Escape fear.
Blood Conscious –– Less than sera.
Habit –– Deforming.
Wildland –– Short order crooks.
PAW Patrol: The Movie –– Piss PAW.
Cryptozoo –– Crypto corn.
Last Man Standing: Suge Knight and the Murders of Biggie & Tupac –– Caps off.
On Broadway –– Treads the bored.
Missing in Brooks County –– Our missed, Brooks.
Moments Like This Never Last –– Thank God!

Free Guy –– Guy retchy.
Respect –– Beneath a Franklin.
Coda –– Silence!
Don’t Breathe 2 –– Breathtakingly bad.
Rising Wolf –– Bull and howl.
Howling Village –– That’s laughter.
The Stairs –– Has its ups and downs.
Crime Story –– Felon hard times.
Raging Fire –– Burnt dumber.
Days –– Daze.
Ema –– Ragged tone.
Blanche Comme Neige –– Snow what?
The East –– The least.
The Meaning of Hitler –– Heil be back.
The Lost Leonardo –– The DaVinci load.
Not Going Quietly –– Noisy parter.
Sparkling: The Story of Champagne –– Put a cork in it.

The Suicide Squad –– Snuff said.
Infinitum: Subject Unknown –– Odd Infinitum.
Abducted –– Caught room drama.
6:45 –– Quarter dreck.
Naked Singularity –– Uniquely bad.
John and the Hole –– Don’t dig.
Playing God –– Bruise Almighty.
Notorious Nick –– Under armer.
She Ball –– Loose Cannon.
Swan Song –– Kiss-off death.
Annette –– Loss.
Escape from Mogadishu –– African scream.
Lucky –– Not if you're watching this.
Blackpink: The Movie –– Bubble teen.
Whirlybird –– Rotor ruder.

Jungle Cruise –– Amazon crime.
Stillwater –– Runs shallow.
The Green Knight –– Gawain for broke.
Nine Days –– New age slaves.
The Evening Hour –– Dusk buster.
Ride the Eagle –– Soar spots.
Lorelei –– Criminal lure.
Fully Realized Humans –- Will avoid.
Twist –– Artful todger.
Tailgate –– Bumper crap.
Never Gonna Snow Again –– Thaw loser.
Enemies of the State –– Hack snore.

Old –– Spites.
Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins –– Craps out.
Joe Bell –– Lowest rung.
How It Ends –– Mercifully.
Once I Was Engaged –– Fiancee Mcshmiancee.
Danny. Legend. God. –– Dummy God.
The Comeback Trail –– Back stabber.
Midnight in the Switchgrass –– Blade off.
Settlers –– Wouldn’t settle for this.
Broken Diamonds –– Diamonds dog.
Welcome to Smelliville –– Nobody nose.
Enormous: The Gorge Story –– Gaping whole.
Charlatan –– Faker heights.
Mandibles –– Fly spec script.
Eyimofe (This Is My Desire) –– Lagos blocks.
Ailey –– Alvin and the cheap drunks.
Val –– Choice Kilmer.
Fear and Loathing in Aspen –– Thompson repeating riffle.

Space Jam: A New Legacy –– Basket heaving.
Pig –– Solemn man grunty.
Escape Room: Tournament of Champions –– No, wade out.
Gunpowder Milkshake –– Sparks explosive diarrhea.
Great White –– Shark weak.
Die in a Gunfight –– Pistol wimped.
Out of Death –– They seem to have plenty.
Mama Weed –– Toke is cheap.
Josee, the Tiger and the Fish –– What’s up, Pussycats?
Roadrunner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain –– Weary coyote.
No Ordinary Man –– No man's band.
The Hidden Life of Trees –– Sappy.
The Boys in Red Hats –– MAGA cheese.
Fin –– In French sense?
The Sleepless Unrest –– Hits the snooze bottom.

Black Widow –– Natasha and bore us.
The Nest –– Crawl daddy.
Meander –– Woolly maze.
Dachra –– Canned Tunis.
Scales –– The depths.
Summertime –– Corn poem.
The Woman Who Ran –– Flee bag.
The Price of Freedom –– Trigger warping.
The Loneliest Whale: The Search for 52 –– Blubbery.
Going Furthur –– Ken queasy.
American 965 –– Flight risk.
The Witches of the Orient –– Volley of the dulls.

The Boss Baby: Family Business –– Mewl train.
The Tomorrow War –– Future dense.
The Forever Purge –– Laxative.
Till Death –– Doofus part.
Let Us In –– Keep out!
Fear Street Part 1: 1994 –– Addressed to kill.
First Date –– Meet brute.
The God Committee –– Surgeon destroy.
A Dim Valley –– Chump 'n' dale.
Long Story Short –– Not short enough.
Summer of Soul –– Funk in the sun.
The Phantom –– Menace.

F9: The Fast Saga –– The slow sagger.
I Carry You With Me –– Dud weight.
Lansky –– Not much to a Meyer.
Too Late –– It’s started.
Werewolves Within –– Werewolves without.
My Heart Can’t Beat Until You Tell It To –– Tickety boob.
The Evil Next Door –– Grim neighbors.
Angel –– Dust.
Felix and the Hidden Treasure –– Felix clunker.
The Accidental President –– Trump punch.
Echoes of the Invisible –– ¡Ays! and ears.
Rebel Hearts –– Why aorta…!
Against the Current –– Drowning achievement.
Lourdes –– Miracle wimp.

The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard –– Takes a bullshit.
A Father’s Legacy –– Son down.
Gaia –– Gaia pierce.
Sweet Thing –– Sugar plops.
Siberia –– Is hotter.
The Serpent –– What?! fang.
The Birthday Cake –– A portion clinic.
Take Back –– If only they would.
Crack House of the Dead –– Crap house.
School’s Out Forever –– After cool program.
Summer of 85 –– Été-otic.
Les Nôtres –– Nôtres dumb.
Sweat –– That bead's all.
Rita Moreno: Just a Girl Who Decided to Go For It –– Rita haywire.
The Sparks Brothers –– Sparks and recreation.
Truman & Tennessee: An Intimate Conversation –– Gays slur.
A Crime on the Bayou –– The Creole heave-ho.

In the Heights –– Dominican fryer.
Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway –– Densest hopper.
The Misfits –– Escape pan.
Censor –– Cutrate.
Occupation: Rainfall –– Drizzle shtick.
Rogue Hostage –– To held and back.
The House Next Door: Meet the Blacks 2 –– Knock off.
12 Mighty Orphans –– Mite, oh my!
Queen Bees –– An old bag.
Sublet –– Low rent.
Holler –– Scrap mettle.
Asia –– Maternity wart.
A Perfect Enemy –– Foe better for worse.
Return to Gorée –– Hard to N’Dour.
Upheaval: The Journey of Menachem Begin –– Begin again.

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It –– Hell’s spells.
Carnivores –– Bite me.
Gully –– Bull.
Flashback –– Before and dafter.
Witnesses –– Latter-day feints.
Death in Texas –– Tex addicts.
Hero Mode –– Glower champion.
Grace and Grit –– Disease of the weak.
Under the Stadium Lights –– Bleacher bumps.
Spirit Untamed –– Break rank.
Undine –– Wet nap.
My Tender Matador –– Toro doody.
All Light, Everywhere –– Flashy.
An Impossible Project –– Camera obscurer.
Super Frenchie –– BASE on balls.
The Real Thing –– Untrue confessions.

Cruella –– De Volve.
A Quiet Place Part II –– Heard immunity.
Endangered Species –– Graduates with extinction.
Port Authority –– Terminal.
American Traitor: The Trial of Axis Sally –– Long, small Sally.
Shepherd: The Story of a Jewish Dog –– Kvetch, boy!
Funhouse –– Arcade misfire.
Women –– !
Moby Doc –– Mopey dick.
Ahead of the Curve –– The road lez traveled.

The Dry –– Desiccation row.
Dream Horse –– Gallop pall.
I Carry You With Me –– Gay caballeros.
Milkwater –– The milky waste.
Drunk Bus –– Bum steers.
The Retreat –– Haven forbid.
Seance –– Moan down.
Dementia Part II –– Skulldrudgery.
New Order –– Chuckled decadence.
Bad Tales –– Doi story.
Spring Blossom –– Fleur model.
Into the Darkness –– Danes’ haul days.
When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit –– Loafer’s leap.
Final Account –– Dead to Reich’s.
The New Deal for Artists –– Hit the deco.

Army of the Dead –– Corporal punishment.
Those Who Wish Me Dead –– Not dead, exactly…
Spiral –– Screwy.
The Djinn –– Rummy.
The Killing of Two Lovers –– Screwicide.
Georgetown –– Washington nits.
Finding You –– Finding yawn.
Riders of Justice –– Doesn’t track.
The Man in The Hat –– Brimming with clichés.
High Ground –– Aboriginal sin.
There Is No Evil –– But there is Bad.
Profile –– In discourage.
The Perfect Candidate –– For recycling bin.

TOP

WHODAT? JUST OSCAR. 2021

Best Picture Nominees:

The Father –– Forget-me nod.
Judas and the Black Messiah –– Traitor joke.
Mank –– Wank.
Minari –– Farmer in the dull.
Nomadland –– Roamin’ noes.
Promising Young Woman –– Rapier whit.
Sound of Metal –– On blackboard.
The Trial of the Chicago Seven –– Yippie K.O.

Wrath of Man –– Fury rote.
Here Today –– Gonged tomorrow.
Above Suspicion –– Beneath contempt.
The Paper Tigers –– Dull roar.
Paper Spiders –– Crepey crawly.
The Water Man –– Takes a leak.
Mainstream –– Down your leg.
Benny Loves You –– Benny horror.
Initiation –– Feeble.
Equal Standard –– Par cheesy.
Locked In –– Too closed for comfort.
Mission Stories –– Abort Mission.
Undergods –– Do wha’? deity.
Enfant Terrible –– Reign ‘a wormy Fassbinder.
The Columnist –– Column bind.
The Unthinkable –– Who’d a thunk it?
Emily @ the Edge of Chaos –– Emily posed.

Four Good Days –– Two bad hours.
Percy vs. Goliath –– Percy sludge.
The Virtuoso –– Deft punk.
The Resort –– Stay away.
Triumph –– Palsy woozy.
Golden Arm –– Pin down.
Cliff Walkers –– Ravine lunatics.
Limbo –– Limpo.
About Endlessness –– Tedium rare.
Berlin Alexanderplatz –– Splatz.
Dope is Death –– Then this is dope.

Mortal Kombat –– Ham to ham.
The Asset –– Asset trips.
Together Together –– Out of joint.
The Space Between –– Which is empty.
Trigger Point –– Give the finger.
Wildcat –– Claw enforcement.
Sweet River –– Float and eddy.
Bloodthirsty –– Maw and paw.
Unearth –– Put back in.
The Deep Ones –– Shallow Hell.
Wet Season –– One damp thing after another.
Demon Slayer -Kimetsu No Yaiba- The Movie: Mugen Train –– Like the title says.
My Wonder Wanda –– Wanda version.
Street Gang: How We Got to Sesame Street –– Remember the Elmo.
Tiny Tim: King for a Day –– March of the falsetto.
8 Billion Angels –– Passing fancy.

Gunda –– Sow-sow.
In the Earth –– Bury it.
Vanquish –– Beaten down.
Night of the Sicario –– or You Can’t Trademark Nouns Even in Spanish.
The Rookies –– Rook us.
Jakob’s Wife –– Jakob’s sadder.
For the Sake of Vicious –– Hope he likes it.
Monday –– Week kneed.
We Broke Up –– The minute they opened their mouths.
Beast Beast –– Worst worst.
Hope –– Not.
Kenny Scharf: When Worlds Collide –– Scharf-witted.

Assault on VA-33 –– Vet work.
Voyagers –– Null, Voyagers.
Held –– In contempt.
My True Fairytale –– True blew.
Slalom –– Off ski.
The Tunnel –– Of hate.
Moffie –– Floppy and Moffie.
Giants Being Lonely –– No biggie.
Looking for a Lady With Fangs and a Mustache –– Nepal twister.
As Luck Would Have It –– Flat chance.

Godzilla vs. Kong –– Won’t you, behemoth neighbor?
Shiva Baby –– Wake until dark.
Every Breath You Take –– Suck it up.
Say Your Prayers –– And you might be spared this.
Funny Face –– Mask hysteria.
The Unholy –– Mess.
The Boonies –– Made by baboonies.
Space Dogs: Tropical Adventure –– Hit paws.
The Girl Who Believes in Miracles –– Thinks this will flop.
Violet Evergarden: The Movie –– Violet begets violence.

Nobody –– No, buddy.
The Toll –– Easy pass.
The Vault –– Combination lack.
Six Minutes to Midnight –– Brit blocks.
The Seventh Day –– Give it a rest.
First Signal –– On the blinker.
Senior Moment –– Senile biter.
Shoplifters of the World –– Klepto abysmal.
Mystery of the Kingdom of God –– Jesus Christ, alrighty?
Francesco –– Pope innocent?
Tina –– Turner for the worse.
Kuessipan –– Canada dry heave.

Zack Snyder’s Justice League –– Ouchy DC.
The Courier –– Doc block.
The Heiress –– Will call.
City of Lies –– No Biggie.
Happily –– Never after.
Doors –– Slam.
Last Call –– Cut to the chaser.
Phobias –– Afraid so.
Dark State –– Turn out the lights.
Enforcement –– Cops, some Zs.
Food Club –– Pruned Danish.
Wojnarowicz –– AIDS is enough.

Cosmic Sin –– Tabooboo.
Long Weekend –– Blown kisses.
Insight –– A riot.
Come True –– False positive.
Honydew –– Honey, don’t.
The Waiting –– Patient pending.
Dutch –– Go, Dutch!
Trust –– Inspires none.
Abandoned: Angelique’s Isle –– Maroon dive.
The Human Voice –– Butt heard.
Lamb of God: The Concert Film –– Agonies day.
Dark Web: Cicada 3301 –– Sick a' dat.
Still Life in Lodz –– Lodz, you be my neighbor.

Raya and the Last Dragon –– Raya’s Hell.
Chaos Walking –– Stumble bum.
Coming 2 America –– Point of no return.
The Spongebob Movie: Sponge on the Run –– Sponge unworthy.
Sophie Jones –– Sophie: love seat.
My Salinger –– Zany and Phooey.
Pixie –– Dust.
Boogie –– Noogie.
The Winter Lake –– Cuts no ice.
Sometime Other Than Now –– Later hosin’.
Son –– Belt.
Dreamcatcher –– Black sleep of the family.
The Devil Below –– Tush of evil.
The Truffle Hunters –– Hog mild.
Stray –– Stray bullshit.
F.T.A. –– Nam de guerre.
Gustave Stickley: American Craftsman –– Prickley.

Tom and Jerry –– Cat scant.
Cherry –– Bust Cherry.
The Father –– Forget-me nod.
Crisis –– Mold.
My Zoe –– Zoe tropes.
The United States vs. Billie Holiday –– Lady stinks, the blues.
The Killing of Two Lovers –– Stunned double.
Vigil –– Anti.
Night of the Kings –– Keister the kingdom.
Billie Eilish: The World's a Little Blurry –– Lack of the Eilish.

Nomadland –– Roamin’ noes.
Blithe Spirit –– Blight spirit.
Joe Bell –– Pea’s prize.
Silk Road –– High in plain site.
Body Brokers –– Junkie heap.
Burn It All –– Starting with the sets!
Paranormal Prison –– Scars and bars.
The Violent Heart –– Clinch mob.
Days of the Bagnold Summer –– Mother humpher.
Jumbo –– Buggy ride.
Sin –– Sistine scandals.
Truth to Power –– Huffy metal.

Judas and the Black Messiah –– Traitor joke.
Minari –– Farmer in the dull.
The Mauritanian –– Detention venter.
Land –– With a thud.
French Exit –– Any porte in a storm.
The World to Come –– Petticoat junk. Shun.
Music –– Hum-job.
Lapsis –– In judgment.
Cowboys –– And/or girls.
Willy’s Wonderland –– Doesn’t give me Willy’s.
Fear of Rain –– Drops off.
Adverse –– I am.
Dead Pigs –– Oink blot.
Twilight’s Kiss –– Apt original title: Suk Suk.
Show Me What You Got –– Can’t just be this.
Meltdown –– Go with the floe.

Little Fish –– In a big bomb.
Palmer –– Con descension.
Falling –– Flop doodle.
Minimata –– Mini matter.
Son of the South –– Klan getaway.
The Wanting Mare –– You'll be wanting more.
The Right One –– Ox beau incident.
The Reckoning –– Every witch way.
Reunion –– Out of joined.
Red Woods –– Root awakening.
The Mimic –– Stunted double.
Two of Us –– Ohhh… pair.
Rams –– Butt holes.
Dara of Jasenovac –– Serb as a guinea pig.
Earwig and the Witch –– Potion sickness.
Heartworn Highways –– More heart worm.
A Glitch in the Matrix –– Redress code.
Woman in Motion –– Uhuru the day.
M.C. Escher: Journey to Infinity –– Optical allusions.

The Little Things –– Nit knack.
Supernova –– The Firth of froth.
Breaking News in Yuba County –– And wind.
Saint Maud –– Maudlin.
The Night –– Distended stay.
Wrong Turn –– If you entered theatre.
Caged –– Can of worm.
Aliens, Clowns & Geeks –– Strange into lewd.
Haymaker –– Punchy.
Dear Comrades! –– The spasibo effect.
True Mothers –– Maternity. Leave.

Locked Down –– Quarantoon.
American Skin –– Thin Skin.
Our Friend –– Unfriend.
Baby Done –- Baby dumb.
No Man’s Land –– Grody to the Mex.
Brothers by Blood –– Type ‘Oh, negative!’
Psycho Goreman –– Roger, Goreman.
Atlantis –– Sinks without trace.
Identifying Features –– Facile recognition.
Spoor –– Loser.
Preparations to be Together For an Unknown Period of Time –– More pretentious than the title.
You Will Die at Twenty –– Minutes in.
Notturno –– False notte.

The Marksman –– A sorry sight.
The Dig –– You won’t.
Skyfire –– Lava's sleep.
Butchers –– Meatier shower.
Bloody Hell –– Pique à boo.
Beyond Hell –– Aghast leak.
The Bid –– Bars tools.
My Little Sister –– Sis dumb analysis.
The White Tiger –– Drive scam.
MLK/FBI –– King’s ransom.
Some Kind of Heaven –– Dorky Heaven.
Film About a Father Who –– Daughter in awe.
Acasa, My Home –– Acasa is not su casa.

Redemption Day –– Irredeemable.
Stars Fell on Alabama –– But not this movie.
Average Joe –– Well below.
If Not Now, When? –– Never.
The Devil’s Light –– In his loafers.
The Wrong Fiancé –– Marry, marry, quite contrary.
Zombie Bro –– Plaguemate.
The Reason I Jump –– Skip.