CINEMA 2013

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The Wolf of Wall Street –– Howl to succeed in business.
47 Ronin –– Ronin martyr’s laugh-in.
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty –– Mitty life crisis.
Grudge Match –– Punch and jowly.
August: Osage County –– Osage, can you see?
Lone Survivor –– Ambush league.
Justin Bieber’s Believe –– Bieb, Bieb, yer ass.
The Invisible Woman –– What the Dickens?!
Nocturna –– Night mutha'.
Hollywood Seagull –– Gullible.

Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues –– Anchor management.
Her –– To Siri With Love.
Walking With Dinosaurs –– Staggersaurus.
Wrong Cops –– Misapprehensions.
The Past –– Over and out.
The Selfish Giant –– Big ego.
All the Light in the Sky –– My friend flicker.
Infected –– Sores head.
Personal Tailor –– Fits and the tantrums.
The New Rijksmuseum (Parts 1 and 2) –– Rijks and wrongs.
Dancing on a Dry Salt Lake –– Saline, saline over the bounding main.

American Hustle –– Flabscam.
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug –– Smaug alert.
Saving Mr. Banks –– HellzaPoppins.
Tyler’s Perry’s A Madea Christmas –– A muddier Christmas.
Hours –– Minute race.
Here Comes the Devil –– Diablo cootie.
Some Velvet Morning –– Nil Labute.
The Crash Reel –– Skull session.
What’s In A Name? –– Nom nuts.
The Unknown Known –– Ginned Rummy.
The Last of the Unjust –– Fair to muddling.
The Unbelievers –– Dubious.
Trap For Cinderella –– Slipper shocks.
Tricked –– No treat.
Liv & Ingmar –– Racy Ullman.

Inside Llewyn Davis –– Simple folk.
Out of the Furnace –– The first one who smelt it…
The Last Days on Mars –– Mars bahs.
S#x Acts –– F#lching.
Twice Born –– Birthin’ at the seams.
Paradise: Hope –– Hope stinks eternal.
Adventures of the Penguin King 3D –– Won't fly.
Swerve –– Off road vehicle.
Night Train to Lisbon –– Smooth as the eponymous wine.
Twice Born –– Thrice bored.
Expecting –– This will suck.
Kumba –– Yaaaaargh, my lord!
White Reindeer –– Snow on the uptake.
Crave –– Yearn sample.
Lenny Cooke –– Chilly Cooke off.
A Journey to Planet Sanity –– Via the assteroid belt.
Rise of the Fellowship –– Ring worms.
Caught in the Web –– Jack Web.

Frozen –– Stiff.
Oldboy –– Bad Oldboy.
Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom –– Plodding.
The End of Time –– Hour town.
Homefront –– Take home pain.
Black Nativity –– Homey for the holidays.
The Unbelievers –– Skeptic tank.
The Punk Singer –– Rot grrrl.
11 A.M. –– Sham a.m.
Shored Up –– Shored on inspiration.
Journey to the South Pacific –– Papua smear.
Cousin Jules -– The family Jules.

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire –– Chick lit.
Delivery Man –– Seed the error of his ways.
Philomena –– Misplaced youth.
The Christmas Candle –– Snuff film.
Contracted –– Puckered, even.
Is the Man Who Is Tall Happy? –– Noam man’s land.
Narco Cultura –– El dope-a.
Bettie Page Reveals All –– Wimps and chains.
Everyday –– Wonted dead or alive.
Weekend of a Champion –– Stewart smally.
Home:_____ –– Empty nest.
It’s Better to Jump –– Jump suits.
JFK: A President Betrayed –– Pedestrian crossing.

Nebraska –– Dern tootin’.
The Best Man Holiday –– May the best man wince.
Charlie Countryman –– LaBeouf stews.
Dirty: Platinum Edition –– Filth the bill.
Sunlight Jr. –– Sun of a bitch.
Dear Mr. Watterson –– Calvin and hobbled.
Faust –– Soul pitch.
The Great Beauty –– Pretty? Puh-lease!
Geography Club –– Caught mapping.
Cold Turkey –– Reviews itself.
Junction –– Junk. Shun.

Thor: The Dark World –– Ass god.
The Book Thief –– Paperback writher.
How I Live Now –– Telepathetic.
Great Expectations –– Pip squeak.
Best Man Down –– Dead ringer.
The Armstrong Lie –– Lance boils.
The Starving Games –– Dundernourished.
The Wind Rises –– In Miyazaki's shorts.
Ass Backwards –– SSad.
The Motel Life –– Motel sux.
At Berkeley –– School of rot.
Reaching for the Moon –– After dropping trou.
Birth of the Living Dead –– Cheesier Romero.
A Case of You –– Incurable romantics.
Go For Sisters –– Don’t Go For.
Vengeance –– Like Montezuma’s.
Paris Countdown –– Trois, duh, un.
Caucus –– Carcass.

Last Vegas –– Lost Vegas.
Ender’s Game –– Dead Ender.
Free Birds –– Turkey club.
Dallas Buyers Club –– AIDS and abets.
About Time –– The 123 minutes you just wasted.
Man of T’ai Chi –– Chi willikers!
Diana –– Princess of wails.
The Pervert’s Guide to Ideology –– Bent rules.
Last Love –– Final score.
Underdogs –– You find this.
Casting By –– Cast irony.
Running From Crazy –– Poo-poo Hemingway.
In the Name of… –– The woes.
Skinwalker Ranch –– Playing for creeps.
A Perfect Man –– And mess.
Aftermath –– Comes recess.

The Counselor –– At loss.
Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa –– Gramps cracker.
Blue Is the Warmest Color –– Lez is more.
I Am Divine –– Punk flamingos.
Blood Brother –– Sib line.
Wilde Salomé –– Salomé on wry.
Spinning Plates –– Plat de snore.
Torn –– RIP Torn.
The Square –– Tahrir alert.
A True Story ––Honest to badness.
The Bastards –– Who’s your daddy?
Six Acts –– Acts grinding.
Losers Take All –– The credit for this.

Carrie –– Gash and Carrie.
Escape Plan –– Bull pen.
The Fifth Estate –– WackiLeaks.
12 Years a Slave –– Low yield bonds.
All Is Lost –– Seas and desist.
Kill Your Darlings –– Beats to a pulp.
2 Jacks –– Pairs of pans.
Hellbenders –– Demon rump.
Haunter –– Haunt dog.
Paradise –– Lost.
I’m In Love With a Church Girl –– Pew charitable trusts.
Big Ass Spider! ––– Hasn’t got legs.
The Mirror –– Crack’d.
Camille Claudel, 1915 –– Camille grammar.

Captain Phillips –– Hot Somalis.
Machete Kills –– Hack work.
Romeo and Juliet –– Mount-a-goose and Crapulet.
All the Boys Love Mandy Lane –– Puny Lane.
Escape From Tomorrow –– Disney bland.
CBGB –– Punko squad.
The Inevitable Defeat of Mister and Pete –– And our expectations.
Zero Charisma –– Charm offensive.
Where the Devil Hides –– Old Niche.
Broadway Idiot –– Green Doy.
A Love That Hurts –– Anal.
God Loves Uganda –– Uganda be kidding.
Ghost Team One –– Just ghost to show you.
I Will Follow You Into the Dark –– Gloombahs.
Design Is One: The Vignellis –– Smelli Vignelli.
Cooper and Hemingway: The True Gen –– Hem Coop.

Gravity –– A drag.
Runner Runner –– Bummer bummer.
A.C.O.D. –– Piece.
Argento’s Dracula 3D –– Depth valley.
Bad Milo! –– Butt gusting.
The Dirties –– Wooly bully.
Grace Unplugged –– Juiceless.
Concussion –– Conk shell.
All Is Bright –– Except this.
A Touch of Sin –– Touch and don’t go.
Pulling Strings –– Out of their asses.
Nothing Left to Fear –– Fear is foul and foul is Fear.
Linsanity –– Jeremy irony.
Dislecksia –– Scrambled ughs.
The Summit –– Peak, a boob.
AKA Doc Pomus –– Empty Pomus.

Rush –– Rats race.
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 –– Food fright.
Don Jon –– A jerk off.
Baggage Claim –– Rotator guff.
Metallica Through the Never –– Metal midgets.
We Are What We Are –– Which is boring.
As I Lay Dying –– Put a Faulkner in it.
Inequality For All –– The turd Reich.
The Citizen –– Visa versa.
Out in the Dark –– Hava fagelah.
Muscle Shoals –– Flabby Muscle.
Dark Touch –– Touch of clash.
Shepard and Dark –– Sum of Sam.

Prisoners –– Detainee boppers.
Thanks for Sharing –– TMI.
Enough Said –– His and hush.
Battle of the Year –– I gut rhythm.
The Face of Love –– Mug whomp.
Generation Iron –– Tales from the ripped.
Ip Man: The Final Fight –– Ip displacement.
The Colony –– Frost nixin’.
Parkland –– President evil.
A Single Shot –– Small bore.
C.O.G. –– Sucker.
Haute Cuisine –– Crème and punishment.
+1 –– -10.
I Spit on Your Grave 2 –– Well, loogie here!
After Tiller –– Abortion spill.
Zaytoun –– Lebanon-starter.
Jewtopia –– A tribe called kvetch.

The Family –– Mob and Dad.
Insidious: Chapter 2 –– Scarce stiff.
Blue Caprice –– Sniper tension.
Wadjda –– Expect?
Jayne Mansfield’s Car –– A total wreck.
And While We Were Here –– There is no there Here.
Plush –– And minus.
GMO OMG –– Food in mouth disease.
A Strange Brand of Happy –– Cheer idiocy.
Harry Dean Stanton: Partly Fiction –– Harry potty.
Informant –– Takes a leak.
Money for Nothing: Inside the Federal Reserve –– Right said Fed.
The Muslims Are Coming –– Islam dunk.

Riddick –– Ulous.
Salinger –– JDate.
Adore –– Jam.
Hell Baby –– Hater tot.
Winnie Mandela –– Winnie: the poop.
Populaire –– Not with l’audience.
Red Obsession –– Bordeaux patrol.
Touchy Feely –– Massageynistic.
A Teacher –– Lesson the load.
Fire in the Blood –– Capsule review.
I Am Breathing –– Expiration date.
36 Saints –– S’ain’t that a shame.
Mission Park –– San Antonio spurts.

Passion –– Pit.
Getaway –– From me.
One Direction: This Is Us –– Us and dim.
The Lifeguard –– Drown syndrome.
Empire State –– Empire of the scum.
Closed Circuit –– Short, too.
Instructions Not Included –– No comprende.
Afternoon Delight –– PM ass.
I Declare War –– Kiddie hawk.
Our Nixon –– Dick trickle.
The Last Christeros –– Plastic Jesús.
American Made Movie –– Disassembly line.
Abigail Harm –– First, do no Harm.

The World’s End –– The hurt lager.
You’re Next –– Murder, she rote.
The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones –– Humerus.
The Frozen Ground –– Whore frost.
Drinking Buddies –– Punks drunk.
The Grandmaster –– Flash.
Short Term 12 –– Dozen matter.
Scenic Route –– Square Route.
Thérèse –– Raquin ruin.
Savannah –– Sodden exposure.
The Trials of Muhammad Ali –– Feat of Clay.
Devil’s Pass –– Wind.
Paradise: Faith –– Just a faith they're going through.

Lee Daniels’ The Butler –– Uncanny valet.
Kick-Ass 2 –– Mask confusion.
jOBS –– Genius bah.
Ain’t Them Bodies Saints –– Really, really Badlands.
Austenland –– Pain Jane.
You Will Be My Son –– Pater rabid.
Paranoia –– No, I truly am out to get this.
Abandoned Mine –– And mind.
Cutie and the Boxer –– Punch and doody.
The Patience Stone –– The kind in your shoe.
Inch’Allah –– He’s a little fella.
Drew: The Man Behind the Poster –– Struzan for a bruisin’.

We’re the Millers –– Grass blowers.
Elysium –– Dis dopier.
Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters –– Jackson hole.
Planes –– Wing ding-a-lings.
Linda Lovelace –– Esophagus now.
Prince Avalanche –– Shit rolls downhill.
In a World… –– Of hurt.
I Give It a Year –– I give it a week.
Blood –– Boor relations.
Jug Face –– Ewer kidding me.
The Machine Which Makes Everything Disappear –– Especially the audience.
Off Label –– Dose ickies.
Saturday Morning Mystery –– Scooby Doo doo.
Implanted –– In the dirt.
The Good Son: The Life of Ray Boom Boom Mancini –– Boom boom ruin.
Herblock: The Black & the White –– Pain & ink.
The Conspiracy –– Against coherency.

2 Guns –– Mug shots.
The Smurfs 2 –– Blue nil.
The Canyons –– Canyon raunch.
Top Cat: The Movie –– Mewl train.
The Spectacular Now –– Now and thin.
Europa Report –– Continental drift.
When Comedy Went to School –– And flunked out.
Smash & Grab: The Story of the Pink Panthers –– Clouseau, but no cigar.
Cockneys vs Zombies –– ‘Orrible.
Drift –– Away from this.
Rising From Ashes –– Horse’s Ashes.

The Wolverine –– Icky and scratchy.
The To Do List –– Virgin on the ridiculous.
Blue Jasmine –– Allen wretch.
Frankenstein’s Army –– Military corpse.
Breaking the Girls –– Murder, she rote.
First Comes Love –– Five minutes after the credits, hate.
The Servant –– Harrumphy Bogarde.
Born in Chicago –– Chi of a full deck.
Stranded –– Just desert.
Drug War –– Junk dealer.
Wasteland –– Desolation row.
Extracted –– From somebody’s ass.
The Time Being –– Subtracted from your life.

R.I.P.D. –– Over my dead bobby.
Red 2 –– Same old same old.
Turbo –– Snail biting.
Dealin’ With Idiots –– Behind the camera.
The Conjuring –– Wraith baiting.
Only God Forgives –– But not this.
Girl Most Likely –– To suck seed.
Blackfish –– Scales down.
The Act of Killing –– Brain cells.
Broken –– Promise.
Grabbers –– Irish ick-o!
Ways to Live Forever –– Dying to know.
Evidence –– Of gross incompetence.
Under the Bed –– Where to hide from this.

Grown Ups 2 –– Infantile paralysis.
Pacific Rim ––– Job.
Killing Season –– Dead fall.
Fruitvale Station –– Black BART.
V/H/S/2 –– Eject.
The Hunt –– Hell 'n' Hunt.
Still Mine –– Never Mine.
Crystal Fairy –– Crystal mess.
Terms and Conditions May Apply –– Clicker license.
Pawn Shop Chronicles –– Ham hocks.
The Hot Flashes –– Whore moan therapy.

The Lone Ranger –– Heave-ho Silver!
Despicable Me 2 –– D’oh minions.
The Way, Way Back –– Aiee! Way Way.
The Look of Love –– Smut and chaff.
Stuck in Love –– Pulpy Love.
Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain –– I’m just not funny.
Hammer of the Gods –– Absence of mallets.
Just Like a Woman –– With two boobs.
Absence –– Makes the hard grow fonder.
Big Star: Nothing Can Hurt Me –– Mega hurts.
A Girl & a Gun –– Pieces of ass.

TOP

OSCAR HAMMERSWINE 2013

Best Picture Nominees:

Amour –– Or less.
Argo –– Naught.
Beasts of the Southern Wild –– New Orleans jazz.
Django Unchained –– Unchained malady.
Les Misérables –– Lame is.
Life of Pi –– Lemon Pi.
Lincoln –– Logorrhea.
Silver Linings Playbook –– Manic Cooper.
Zero Dark Thirty –– Bin Laden-di-da.

The Heat –– Fuzz busters.
White House Down –– I’m depressed now, too.
I’m So Excited! –– Spanish fly.
Redemption –– Redeem-witted.
Byzantium –– Tired blood.
A Band Called Death –– Death blows.
Laurence Anyways –– Manswitch.
Detention of the Dead –– After ghoul special.
Copperhead –– Reb bull.
100 Bloody Acres –– And a mule.
Museum Hours –– Art dreck-o.
Petunia –– Doesn’t smell like one.
The Secret Disco Revolution –– Disco infernal.
Some Girl(s) –– Exes baggage.

Monsters University –– Beast in class.
World War Z –– More dead than alive.
Maniac –– Not crazy about it.
A Hijacking –– From shit to shore.
Unfinished Song –– Hum job.
The Attack –– I remember bomber.
The Haunting of Helena –– Helena doy!
Liars All –– Say they like this.
Time Zero: The Last Year of Polaroid Film –– Underdeveloped.
Compulsion –– Do in what comes naturally.
Alien Uprising –– Awake and sink.
Somm –– Nambulent.

Man of Steel –– Steel wooly.
This Is The End –– You suck on.
The Bling Ring –– Don’t Bling me down.
Between Us –– Twixt and shout.
Vehicle 19 –– Rental breakdown.
Pandora’s Promise –– Dick in a box.
Berberian Sound Studio –– Post-sinking.
More Than Honey –– Oh, bee-hive!
Hatchet III –– Bury it.
In the Fog –– Haze tacks.
Storm Surfers 3D –– Wave bye-bye.
20 Feet From Stardom –– Backup doodah.
The Guillotines –– Necks to nothing.
The Stroller Strategy –– Pram tough.
Aliyah –– Blah-blah.
Far Out Isn’t Far Enough: The Tomi Ungerer Story –– The Ungerer Games.
My Best Day –– Is behind me.
My Little Pony: Equestria Girls –– Horse and buggy.

The Internship –– Google gloss.
The Purge –– Emetic.
Much Ado About Nothing –– Nothing doo dooing.
Wish You Were Here –– To share the pain.
Violet & Daisy –– Teeny boppers.
Syrup –– Sticky.
Finding Joy –– Joy cluck lub.
Rapture-Palooza –– End of daze.
Dirty Wars –– And drawers.
You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet! –– If you’ve seen this.
The Prey –– Hell ‘n’ hunt.
Tiger Eyes –– Kitten caboodle.
As Cool As I Am –– The ice have it.
The Rambler –– A fouler roamer.
London The Modern Babylon –– London crawling.

After Earth –– Like father, don't like son.
Now You See Me –– Depressed-o change-o!
The Kings of Summer –– Sweat pans.
The East –– East meets waste.
The History of Future Folk –– ET brutal?
Shadow Dancer –– Froth IRA.
The Wall –– Wall done.
Triumph of the Wall –– Brick bats.
American Mary –– Mary J. Bilge.
Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan –– Chop slop.
From the Head –– Flushed with pride.
Hannah Arendt –– The evil of banality.

The Hangover Part III –– Wolfpack it in.
Fast & Furious 6 –– Skidder-ma-rinky-dink.
Epic – Fail.
Before Midnight –– Late-night slack.
We Steal Secrets: The Story of Wikileaks –– Leak soup.
Fill the Void –– With caulk.
Alyce Kills –– Brain cells.
A Green Story –– It’s fungus.
Penguins 3D –– Beak deal.
Nancy, Please –– Turn it off!
3 Geezers –– Toothless.
Plimpton! Starring George Plimpton as Himself –– George tack-ay.

Star Trek Into Darkness –– Khan game.
Frances Ha –– Laughable.
Erased –– From my memory.
The English Teacher –– Death sentences.
Black Rock –– Blah crock.
Pieta –– Tear.
Populaire –– Not with sentient life forms.
33 Postcards –– Wish you weren't here.
Augustine –– Ach du lieber!
State 194 –– State of hysteria.
Elemental –– Excremental.

The Great Gatsby –– Effed Scott Fitzgerald.
Peeples –– Wee, the Peeples.
Aftershock –– Tremortized.
Sightseers –– Tour de farce.
Assault On Wall Street –– Bull shit.
Stories We Tell –– Polleyannaish.
The Painting –– Sketchy.
No One Lives –– Like this.
Java Heat –– Disabled Java script.
Venus and Serena –– Ace relations.
And Now a Word From Our Sponsor –– Pitch fuck.
White Frog –– Croak zero.
Go Goa Gone –– Goa way.
The Source Family –– Canker Source.

Iron Man 3 –– Ferrous dueller.
The Ice Man –– Bummeth.
What Maisie Knew –– A Maisie divorce.
Kiss of the Damned –– Vampire weakened.
You Will Be My Son –– Foul heir.
Greetings From Tim Buckley –– High pitch.
Generation Um… –– Generation Dum…
Something in the Air –– You can smell it.
Free the Mind –– A no-brainier.
The Happy House –– Bad & Breakfast.
Caroline and Jackie –– Sis who?
Scatter My Ashes at Bergdorf’s –– You can’t keep a Goodman down.
Post Tenebras Lux –– Lotsa’ Lux.

Pain & Gain –– Hammy roids.
The Big Wedding –– Union buster.
Mud –– In your eye.
Kon Tiki –– Rift raft.
The Reluctant Fundamentalist –– Radical I slam.
At Any Price –– I wouldn’t see it.
The Numbers Station –– Down for the count.
Love Is All You Need –– How about a decent script?
Midnight’s Children –– Rushdie hour.
Arthur Newman –– Love at Firth sight.
An Oversimplification of Her Beauty –– An underestimation of our intelligence.
Tai Chi Hero –– Tai chi feely.
Paradise: Lost –– So’s the director.
Sun Don’t Shine –– Where this is stuck.
Graceland –– Abduct tape.
Mortem –– Bordem.
One Night Stand –– Causal sex.
King’s Faith –– Lord of the manna.

Oblivion –– Rush limbo.
The Lords of Salem –– Salem’s slop.
In the House –– Maison, dicks in.
Home Run –– Baseless.
Errors of the Human Body –– And mind.
Pawn –– Torture Pawn.
Herman’s House -– Hokey pokey.
Ain’t In It for My Health: A Film About Levon Helm –– The Band of bothers.
Love Sick Love –– Germs of endearment.
Unmade in China –– Chinese chuckers.

42 –– Blackball.
Scary Movie V –– Horror duh har har.
To the Wonder –– Windy Malick.
Disconnect –– Plug and pray.
The Angels’ Share –– A loft.
Antiviral –– Bring Purell.
It’s A Disaster –– A hazardous waste.
Paris-Manhattan –– Woody ailin'.
Into the White –– Unlike the Kardashians.
Revolution –– Spins its wheels.
The Revolutionary –– Boned China.
This Ain’t California –– Cali ripper.
American Meat –– Pack it in.

The Company You Keep –– Flee radicals.
Evil Dead –– Gore exercises.
Trance –– Incidental.
Jurassic Park: An IMAX 3D Experience –– Tyranno-sore-ass Rex.
Upstream Color –– Yellow.
The Brass Teapot –– Whistle blower.
Simon Killer –– Simple Simon.
The Story of Luke –– Lacks autistic merit.
Thale –– Rummage Thale.
Tattoo Nation –– Inker dinker doo.
Lucky Bastard –– You’ll never see this.
Tomorrow You’re Gone –– Heel today, gone tomorrow.
Down the Shore –– Jersey cow.
Lotus Eaters –– Pleasure crews.
Andre Gregory: Before and After Dinner –– Gregory peckish.
Stevie Nicks: In Your Dreams –– Stevie nix.
Stitches –– What it kept me in.

The Host –– Meyers lemon.
G.I. Joe: Retaliation –– Joe sics pack.
Temptation –– To guffaw.
The Place Beyond the Pines –– Pines-sized.
Room 237 –– Third degree redrum.
Blancanieves –– Snow What?
Wrong –– Right.
Mental –– Breakdown.
Family Weekend –– Gag daughter.
Renoir –– Two of a père.
Violeta Went to Heaven –– Hell no.
Detour –– Slo.
Triumph of the Wall –– Mortar bored.

The Croods –– Caves.
Admission –– Not worth the price of.
Olympus Has Fallen –– And can’t get up.
InAPPropriate Comedy –– UnAPPealing.
The Sapphires –– Aboriginal sin.
Love and Honor –– GI bull.
Starbuck –– Sperm wail.
My Brother the Devil –– Hell boy.
Finding Joy –– My comical romance.
Hunky Dory –– Funky snory.
Gimme the Loot –– And a break.
Come Out and Play –– In drag!
A Resurrection –– Razed from the dead.
Dorfman in Love –– Shot putz.
Eden –– Crush.
The Happy Poet –– Bard vibes.
Le Pont du Nord –– Le Pont of no return.

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone –– Slight. Off-hand.
The Call –– Put on hold.
Spring Breakers –– New bile.
Upside Down –– Topsy turkey.
Welcome to the Punch –– Drunk.
From Up on Poppy Hill –– Poppycock.
K-11 –– K-rap.
Reality –– Bites.
My Amityville Horror –– My Own Private Horrorshow.
Reincarnated –– Snoop lyin’.
Mindless Behavior Lose Your Mind –– Your choice.
Vanishing Waves –– Curl postponed.
Old Goats –– Just goats to show you.
The Kitchen –– Table.

Oz the Great and Powerful –– Baum to fail.
Dead Man Down –– Bury gaudy.
The ABCs of Death –– That’s all, she rote.
Emperor –– Hiroheeheeto.
Electrick Children –– A turnoff.
The Monk –– Oh, brother!
The We and the I –– The wee in the eye.
Beyond the Hills –– Not so inclined.
The Silence –– –––––!
Somebody Up There Likes Me -– Somebody up there is lying.
Don’t Stop Believin’: Everyman’s Journey –– Just stop singin'.
Greedy Lying Bastards –– Or The Producers.
The Girl –– Can’t help it.

Jack the Giant Slayer –– Beans dork.
21 and Over –– Buzzedcocks.
The Last Exorcism Part II –– The devil take it up the hindmost.
Phantom –– Menace.
Stoker –– Uncle creepy.
War Witch –– Chick, a boom.
Ginger & Rosa –– Teen bedding.
The Sweeney –– Tard.
The End of Love –– A jeerjerker.
A Place at the Table –– The hunger games.
Leviathan –– Mopy dick.
Molly’s Theory of Relativity –– Einstein she ain’t.
Hava Nagila: The Movie –– A hora film.
White T –– Not tidy.

Snitch –– Stoolie noted.
Dark Skies –– U Eff Hole.
Bless Me, Ultima –– Nothing to sneeze at.
Inescapable –– I didn't get off.
11 Flowers –– Petal to the meddle.
Rubberneck –– Because it’s a car wreck.
Red Flag –– Heads-up. Their asses.
Stand Off –– Eye to ay yay yay!
Future Weather –– A topical depression.

A Good Day To Die Hard –– Die Hardy har har.
Beautiful Creatures –– Broad casters.
Safe Haven –– Shelter skelter.
Escape From Planet Earth 3D –– Space lam.
No –– Way.
Like Someone in Love –– With triviality.
Saving Lincoln –– Start with the one in your pocket.
The Power of Few –– Pheww!
The Package –– Is empty.
The Bitter Buddha –– Buddha nut. Squash.
The Berlin File –– Zip File.
The Jeffrey Dahmer Files –– I remember Dahmer.

Identity Thief –– ID fleece.
Side Effects –– Mostly nausea.
Caesar Must Die –– Ehh, too.
The Sorcerer and the White Snake –– You’d think he could take a hair band.
A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III –– A glance half empty.
Lore –– Criminal Lore.
The Playroom –– Kid wreck.
Ferlinghetti: A Rebirth of Wonder –– Beatroot.
Top Gun: An IMAX 3D Experience –– Jet lag.

Warm Bodies –– Blow off corpse.
Bullet to the Head –– In one ear, out the other.
Stand Up Guys –– No, sit down.
The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia –– Georgia dreck.
The Gatekeepers –– Shin Bet noir.
Sound City –– Tracks star.
Girls Against Boys –– Battle of the bilge.
As Luck Would Have It –– The projector worked!
The Last Gladiators –– Hockey pukes.
Mumia: Long Distance Revolutionary –– Mumia dearest.
Koch –– DeadEd.

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters –– Witchcrapt.
Movie 43 –– Boor wars.
Parker –– Pussy.
John Dies at the End –– Of embarrassment.
Noobz –– For boobz.
Happy People: A Year in the Taiga –– Taiga beat.
Yossi –– Chaimosexuals.
Supporting Characters –– Support hosed.
Resolution –– 0 dpi.
Knife Fight –– Slitheads.
The Taste of Money –– Cabbagey.

The Last Stand –– Snooze Stand.
Broken City –– Urban dick, eh?
Mama –– Crass idiot.
LUV –– A duck.
Hors Satan –– Hors of a different color.
Himizu –– Manga management.
Guilty of Romance –– In the turd degree.
Here and There –– Random louse.

Gangster Squad –– Gangnumb style.
A Haunted House –– Shit-level.
Storage 24 –– Cache poor.
Struck By Lightning –– Nuts and bolts.
$ellebrity –– Pooperazzi.
The Baytown Outlaws –– Killer delete.
Horrid Henry: The Movie –– A Horrid day’s night.
In Another Country –– Korea de coeur.
I Am Not a Hipster –– Nor an actor.
The Helpers –– Aides awareness.
Let My People Go –– No, keep them home.
Officer Down –– This would depress anyone.
Uprising –– It’s lunch.
My Best Enemy –– Made me watch this.

Texas Chainsaw 3D –– Leatherfarce.
A Dark Truth –– Not dark enough -- I could see it.
56 Up –– Middle age spreads.
Vs –– From bad to Vs.
A Bottle in the Gaza Sea –– Gaza’s drip.
Crawlspace –– Crawling to the wreckage.
My Brooklyn –– Borough hell.