The Bucket List — Grim weeper.
Honeydripper — Slow as molasses.
The Orphanage — Wraith relations.
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem — For a heavy date.
Water Horse: Legend of the Deep — Out of loch.
Persepolis — Iranimated.
The Great Debaters — Denzell in distress.
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story — Trip bad.
National Treasure: The Book of Secrets— Tome raider.
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street — Screen shaver.

P.S. I Love You — Pee pee, yes.
Charlie Wilson's War — Plugged Nichols.
Steep — Decline.
I Am Legend — Smithbusters.
Alvin and the Chipmunks — His voice is the least annoying part.
Revolver — Fires blanks.
The Perfect Holiday — Yule be sorry.
The Kite Runner — Tails off.
Youth Without Youth — Or clue.
The Golden Compass — Points towards the exit.
Grace is Gone — Graceless.

The Walker — American, giggle low.
Man in the Chair — Throw the switch.
The Savages — Family Freud.
Awake — The kind you grieve at.
The Diving Bell & the Butterfly — On the blink.
He Was A Quiet Man — The worm turns…my stomach.
Oswald's Ghost — Assassinine.
Starting Out in the Evening — Langella's ashes.
I'm Not There — Me either.
Enchanted — Crappily ever after.

Hitman — Croak monsieur.
The Mist — Damp Yankees.
August Rush — Plucks on your heartstrings with a club.
This Christmas — Home for the horror days.
Beowulf — 3-D… dumb dank din.
Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium — Junk shop.
Love in the Time of Cholera — Dear Diarrhea.
Redacted — IEDePalma.
Margot at the Wedding — Squawking down the aisle.
Southland Tales — LA bomber.

Elegy — Just sad.
Fred Claus — Unelfinbelievable.
Lions for Lambs — Lines for hams.
P2 — Noisy parker.
American Gangster — Dealer no deal.
Bee Movie — Beelabored.
Martian Child — Nyah-nyah, your dad's from Uranus!
Saw IV — The jig is up.
Dan in Real Life — A comedy-drama or coma.
The Comebacks — They return like genital herpes.

Before the Devil Knows You're Dead — Or just sleeping very, very heavily through this.
Slipstream — Hot air.
Rails and Ties — A train wreck.
Jimmy Carter Man from Plains — Carter blanche.
Wristcutters: A Love Story — Slice of life.
Rendition — Passing the torture.
Gone Baby Gone — Toodle-ooze.
Sarah Landon and the Paranormal Hour — Which feels like 12 normal hours.
Weirdsville — Smoked turkey.
Things We Lost in the Fire — Starting with our sense of humor.

30 Days of Night — The living dud.
We Own the Night — We got it wholesale!
Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married? — When I like dressing up like Granny?
Elizabeth: The Golden Age — Thin Lizzy.
The Heartbreak Kid — Stiller and jeerer.
The Seeker — Finders weepers.
Feel the Noise — Make your skin crawl.
The Good Night — Bring your sleep mask.
The Kingdom — Saudi doody.
The Darjeeling Limited — Training bros.

Feast of Love — Whore d'oeuvres.
Lust, Caution — Wang Lee.
Game Plan — Gamy.
Resident Evil: Extinction — Compost-apocalyptic.
Good Luck Chuck — Alba trosh.
Into the Wild — Blah yonder.
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford — Shot Pitt.
Sydney White — Syd viscous.
In the Valley of Elah — Elah-di-da.
Dragon Wars — Lunge lizards.

Eastern Promises — Blintzkrieg.
Across the Universe — Beatles barely.
Mr. Woodcock — Dulldo.
December Boys — Orphan overlooked.
Ira and Abby — Tired and flabby.
Silk — Worms.
3:10 to Yuma — Yumaless.
Shoot 'Em Up — Rat-tat-tatters.
The Hunting Party — Gere grinding.
The Brave One — Vagilante.

Romance and Cigarettes — Ciggy stardust.
Fierce People — Lifestyles of the rich and lamish.
The Brothers Solomon — Sibhumans.
Death Sentence — Bacon and yeggs.
The Nanny Diaries — Ninny 911.
Mr. Bean's Holiday — Junk it.
War — Is Hell.
Resurrecting The Champ — A Technical Knock Off.
Balls of Fury — Paddle of the bulge.
Halloween — Slash and earn.

Dedication — Amouronic.
The Hottest State — An extremely dense gas.
Right at Your Door — In a paper bag set on fire by vandals.
September Dawn — Stormin' Mormon.
Illegal Tender — Chumps change.
Superbad — Horny toads.
The Last Legion — Legionnaires' decease.
Death at a Funeral — And a boxoffice.
The Invasion — ETotic.
The 11th Hour — Apocalypse, nu?

Stardust — The ashes of DeNiro's career.
Rush Hour 3 — Tacky Chan.
Daddy Day Camp — Pup tense.
2 Days in Paris — Stupe de jour.
The Bourne Ultimatum — Stillbourne.
Underdog — When he rises from squatting.
No End in Sight — Except the horse's ass on view in the Oval Office.
Hot Rod — Stunt chump.
Bratz — The absolute wurst.
The Ten — Sins of the farters.

Becoming Jane — Austen taxes.
El Cantante — JLo shot.
The Simpsons Movie — Springfield trifle.
No Reservations — The kitchen stink.
Molière — Moldière.
I Know Who Killed Me — And her initials are Lindsay Lohan.
Who's You're Caddy? — A puttz.
Hairspray — Up doo.
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry — Wedding balls.
Sunshine — Not too bright.
Interview — Miscue&A.


Cinema 2023
Cinema 2022
Cinema 2021
Cinema 2020
Cinema 2019
Cinema 2018
Cinema 2017
Cinema 2016
Cinema 2015
Cinema 2014
Cinema 2013
Cinema 2012
Cinema 2011
Cinema 2010
Cinema 2009
Cinema 2008
Cinema 2007
Cinema 2006
Cinema 2005

E. Basil St. Blaise


Letters from Iwo Jima — Post mortem.
Babel — Me no speakee auteur.
The Departed — So long.
The Queen — Liz and dick.
Little Miss Sunshine — Even John Mark Karr isn't interested.

La Vie en Rose — Edith pee off.
Talk to Me — Jock kitsch.
Captivity — La cage awful.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix — Hogworst.
Rescue Dawn — Christian bails.
Introducing the Dwights — Aussie and harried.
License to Wed — Ties the knot in my stomach.
Transformers — Bot ugly.
Ratatouille — Rat, ptui!
Evening — Deathbed time story.

Vitus — Bitus.
Live Free Or Die Hard — Bruise Willis.
Evan Almighty — Evansgate.
Sicko — Care bare.
1408 — King-sized bad.
You Kill Me — Wasted.
Lady Chatterley — D.U.H. Lawrence.
A Mighty Heart — Pearl jam.
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer — Galactus-intolerant.
Nancy Drew — A blank.

Fido — Plays dead.
Strike — Three.
Eagle vs. Shark — Quirky-jerky.
Ocean's Thirteen — A banker's dozen.
Surf's Up — Hang ten executives who greenlit this.
Hostel Part II — Bunk.
Mr. Brooks — On the schiz.
Gracie — Goodnight.
Bug — A boo.
Knocked Up — What you'd expect.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End — Buried pleasure.
Shrek the Third — Ogre and out.
Fay Grim — Fey, grim.
Even Money — Won't get me to see this.
The Last Time — Promise?
The Wendell Baker Story — Pudhead Wilson.
The Valet — Of the dulls.
Once — Is too much.
28 Weeks Later — Brit ecch land.
The Ex — Crement.

Georgia Rule — Rule of dumb.
Delta Farce — Noncomedy.
Spider-Man 3 — Parker peters.
Lucky You — Hasn't the Vegas idea.
Waitress — The tipping point.
The Flying Scotsman — Junk pedaler.
Civic Duty — Report this to the EPA.
Away From Her — Forget-me-a-lot.
Paris Je T'aime — Aimeless.
Amercanizing Shelley — Hindie cinema.

Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror — Tales from the Crip.
Black Book — Resistance is futile.
The Condemned — Sentenced to 113 minutes of this.
Jindabyne — Downer Under.
Next — To nothing.
Kickin' It Old Skool — So long as you kick it.
The Invisible — I wish.
Vacancy — You can see it in their eyes.
Hot Fuzz — Shaved nuts.
Fracture — My funny bone.

In the Land of Women — His chick bounced.
Disturbia — Absurdia.
Pathfinder — Norse snore.
Perfect Stranger — Razz Berry jam.
Redline — Race riot.
Slow Burn — Like a book of wet matches.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters — Colon, for short.
Grindhouse — Chopped chuck.
The Hoax — Fraud Explorer.
The Reaping — Pass over.

Are We Done Yet? — To a crisp.
Firehouse Dog — Get hosed.
Blades of Glory — Rink amateurs.
Meet the Robinsons — Waste of time travel.
The Lookout — Can he see me creeping towards the exit?
Reign Over Me — And on my parade.
Shooter — Half-cocked.
TMNT — Turtle whacks.
The Hills Have Eyes 2 — And brains 0.
Pride — Stroke victims.

The Last Mimzy — Flimzy.
First Snow — And it's yellow.
Color Me Kubrick — Full mental racket.
Premonition — I'm seeing a 99¢ DVD bin.
The Wind That Shakes the Barley — The blarney is shaking, too.
I Think I Love My Wife — I know I hate this film.
Dead Silence — Sliced tongue.
300 — Bloody Hellas.
The Host — Tortured Seoul.
Full of It — A piece of 'it.

The Ultimate Gift — Where there's a will, there's a wait.
Beyond the Gates — Genocideshow.
Zodiac — Tsuris the bull.
Wild Hogs — More accurately, bores.
Black Snake Moan — Ho down.
Two Weeks — Interminable illness.
The Number 23 — 23-Skidoody.
Starter for 10 — BM on Campus.
The Astronaut Farmer — Abort.
Reno 911!: Miami — Cop-rophagic.

Amazing Grace — Save a retch, like me.
Gray Matters — Gray's Inanity.
Bridge to Terabithia — Terribathetic.
Ghost Rider — Boo hooey.
Breach — Mole yeller.
Breaking and Entering — Exceptionally petty larceny.
Avenue Montaigne — Amour phooey.
Music and Lyrics — Hum job.
Tyler Perry's Daddy's Little Girls — Does he mean his sisters?
Norbit — Torpid obesity.

Hannibal Rising — Along with dinner.
The Lives of Others — Ein spy, dry.
The Messengers — Shoot 'em.
Because I Said So — Smothering heights.
Smokin's Aces — Hit kickers.
Factory Girl — Burnt Sienna.
The Situation — In bedded journalist.
Epic Movie — A sagger.
Blood and Chocolate — Candy barf.
Catch and Release — Hook, line and stinker.

Seraphim Falls — How the West was wan.
Arthur and the Invisibles — But I can still smell them.
The Hitcher — Mr. Goodwretch.
Primeval — A croc.
Alpha Dog — Arful.
Stomp the Yard — Misstep.
Happily N'Ever After — Badtime story.
Code Name: The Cleaner — aka The Ty-D-Bol Man.
Freedom Writers — Def Poets Society.