OSCAR MILD 2007
Letters from Iwo Jima — Post mortem.
Babel — Me no speakee auteur.
The Departed — So long.
The Queen — Liz and dick.
Little Miss Sunshine — Even John Mark Karr isn't interested.
La Vie en Rose — Edith pee off.
Talk to Me — Jock kitsch.
Captivity — La cage awful.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix — Hogworst.
Rescue Dawn — Christian bails.
Introducing the Dwights — Aussie and harried.
License to Wed — Ties the knot in my stomach.
Transformers — Bot ugly.
Ratatouille — Rat, ptui!
Evening — Deathbed time story.
Vitus — Bitus.
Live Free Or Die Hard — Bruise Willis.
Evan Almighty — Evansgate.
Sicko — Care bare.
1408 — King-sized bad.
You Kill Me — Wasted.
Lady Chatterley — D.U.H. Lawrence.
A Mighty Heart — Pearl jam.
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer — Galactus-intolerant.
Nancy Drew — A blank.
Fido — Plays dead.
Strike — Three.
Eagle vs. Shark — Quirky-jerky.
Ocean's Thirteen — A banker's dozen.
Surf's Up — Hang ten executives who greenlit this.
Hostel Part II — Bunk.
Mr. Brooks — On the schiz.
Gracie — Goodnight.
Bug — A boo.
Knocked Up — What you'd expect.
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End — Buried pleasure.
Shrek the Third — Ogre and out.
Fay Grim — Fey, grim.
Even Money — Won't get me to see this.
The Last Time — Promise?
The Wendell Baker Story — Pudhead Wilson.
The Valet — Of the dulls.
Once — Is too much.
28 Weeks Later — Brit ecch land.
The Ex — Crement.
Georgia Rule — Rule of dumb.
Delta Farce — Noncomedy.
Spider-Man 3 — Parker peters.
Lucky You — Hasn't the Vegas idea.
Waitress — The tipping point.
The Flying Scotsman — Junk pedaler.
Civic Duty — Report this to the EPA.
Away From Her — Forget-me-a-lot.
Paris Je T'aime — Aimeless.
Amercanizing Shelley — Hindie cinema.
Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror — Tales from the Crip.
Black Book — Resistance is futile.
The Condemned — Sentenced to 113 minutes of this.
Jindabyne — Downer Under.
Next — To nothing.
Kickin' It Old Skool — So long as you kick it.
The Invisible — I wish.
Vacancy — You can see it in their eyes.
Hot Fuzz — Shaved nuts.
Fracture — My funny bone.
In the Land of Women — His chick bounced.
Disturbia — Absurdia.
Pathfinder — Norse snore.
Perfect Stranger — Razz Berry jam.
Redline — Race riot.
Slow Burn — Like a book of wet matches.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters — Colon, for short.
Grindhouse — Chopped chuck.
The Hoax — Fraud Explorer.
The Reaping — Pass over.
Are We Done Yet? — To a crisp.
Firehouse Dog — Get hosed.
Blades of Glory — Rink amateurs.
Meet the Robinsons — Waste of time travel.
The Lookout — Can he see me creeping towards the exit?
Reign Over Me — And on my parade.
Shooter — Half-cocked.
TMNT — Turtle whacks.
The Hills Have Eyes 2 — And brains 0.
Pride — Stroke victims.
The Last Mimzy — Flimzy.
First Snow — And it's yellow.
Color Me Kubrick — Full mental racket.
Premonition — I'm seeing a 99¢ DVD bin.
The Wind That Shakes the Barley — The blarney is shaking, too.
I Think I Love My Wife — I know I hate this film.
Dead Silence — Sliced tongue.
300 — Bloody Hellas.
The Host — Tortured Seoul.
Full of It — A piece of 'it.
The Ultimate Gift — Where there's a will, there's a wait.
Beyond the Gates — Genocideshow.
Zodiac — Tsuris the bull.
Wild Hogs — More accurately, bores.
Black Snake Moan — Ho down.
Two Weeks — Interminable illness.
The Number 23 — 23-Skidoody.
Starter for 10 — BM on Campus.
The Astronaut Farmer — Abort.
Reno 911!: Miami — Cop-rophagic.
Amazing Grace — Save a retch, like me.
Gray Matters — Gray's Inanity.
Bridge to Terabithia — Terribathetic.
Ghost Rider — Boo hooey.
Breach — Mole yeller.
Breaking and Entering — Exceptionally petty larceny.
Avenue Montaigne — Amour phooey.
Music and Lyrics — Hum job.
Tyler Perry's Daddy's Little Girls — Does he mean his sisters?
Norbit — Torpid obesity.
Hannibal Rising — Along with dinner.
The Lives of Others — Ein spy, dry.
The Messengers — Shoot 'em.
Because I Said So — Smothering heights.
Smokin's Aces — Hit kickers.
Factory Girl — Burnt Sienna.
The Situation — In bedded journalist.
Epic Movie — A sagger.
Blood and Chocolate — Candy barf.
Catch and Release — Hook, line and stinker.
Seraphim Falls — How the West was wan.
Arthur and the Invisibles — But I can still smell them.
The Hitcher — Mr. Goodwretch.
Primeval — A croc.
Alpha Dog — Arful.
Stomp the Yard — Misstep.
Happily N'Ever After — Badtime story.
Code Name: The Cleaner — aka The Ty-D-Bol Man.
Freedom Writers — Def Poets Society.