Monster Rally 2020
A Hitch in Time
Utterly Predictable
Stocking Suffers
The Phantom Minus
Slash and Burn
Breach Bum
Button Holes
Doxing Day
Ornamental Breakdown
Alabama Quakes
Hardy Horror
Booking the Cooks
WHAT NOT 2014-2016
WHAT NOT 2012-2013
WHAT NOT 2009-2011
WHAT NOT 2008
WHAT NOT 2007
WHAT NOT 2006
WHAT NOT 2005 2
WHAT NOT 2005
EDITORIAL

Monster Rally 2020

This Halloween season we've asked our master of critical jiu-jitsu, E. Basil St. Blaise, to review some of the most lumbering examples of that uniquely Japanese horror genre, Kaiju. The monster movies that feature sweaty actors in cumbersome rubber suits devastating elaborate, though unconvincing, models of their island nation. Which somehow reminded us of the ongoing 202o Presidential clashes we see unfolding every day on the Media's Monster Island. St. Blaise-san observes:

"Japan has long been a nation of fusion, a place where East and West meet and produce fascinating hybrids, along with other fuel-efficient models. There is a melding in commerce, culture and cuisine like the delicious Habanero Sushi Rolls and Negimaki Tacos I enjoy at our local eatery, Ito's Taqueria con Fusion. And then there is the fusion of, well, um, Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Apparently it was the the success of a re-release of King Kong ((1931) –– RomKong.) and the release of Ray Harryhausen's The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms ((1953) –– I can't fathom.) which inspired Toho Studis to produce their own version of a massive rampaging beast. Many scholars have noted the metaphorical significance of an atomic creature arising from the depths due to nuclear explosions and then devastating Japanese cities. Let me add that world leaders should have negotiated a test ban on the string of bombs Toho subsequently released.

Based upon my extensive research and this snippet pasted directly from Wikipedia –– the name Godzilla is a romanization of the original Japanese name Gojira — which is a combination of two Japanese words: gorira (ゴリラ), "gorilla", and kujira (クジラ), "whale". Which is, apparently, why the monster appears to be a cross between a dinosaur and a dragon. Fusion, you see. Hai or high?

American producers took the original film and added footage of Raymond Burr staring inscrutably at scenes off camera in Godzilla: King of the Monsters! ((1954) –– Burr blank.) Eventually a U.S.-set version, directed by disaster master Roland Emmerich, was released with the blessings of the Japanese producers. That Godzilla ((1998) –– Toho-ho.) would indirectly spawn an ongoing series of remakes and recombinations that resulted in this year's Godzilla: King of the Monsters –– of which I wrote 'Rex havoc.' –– with more fatal galumphing ahead. Kaiju? Gesundheit!"

Listen to E. Basil St. Blaise on his Critic's Corner Podcast.

American politicians as Japanese movie monsters including Trump, Biden, Sanders, Harris, Buttigieg, Klobuchar and Warren as Trumpzilla, Bidan, Bernguirus, King Moderah and Warthra

Godzilla (1954) –– Stomp signs.
Godzilla Raids Again
(1955) –– Cut-raid.
Rodan
(1956) –– Rodan's The Stinker.
Mothra
(1961) –– Flap dog.
King Kong vs. Godzilla (1962) –– The Karate Skid.
Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster (1964) –– Thrice steamer.
Mothra vs. Godzilla (1964) –– Wing dinged.
Frankenstein Conquers the World (1965) –– With charm.
Gamera: The Giant Monster (1965) –– Not the itsy one?
Invasion of Astro-Monster (1965) –– Astro turd.
The War of the Garganuas (1966) –– Ugly ducking.
Ebirah, Horror of the Deep (1966) –– Ebirah blast.
Gappa the Triphibian Monsters
(1967) –– Mind the Gappa.
King Kong Escapes (1967) –– Let out: a scream.
Destroy All Monsters (1968) –– Please!
Gamera vs. Monster X (1970) –– Shaky Gamera.
Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster (1971) –– Err pollution.
Godzill vs. Gigan (1972) –– Gigan counter.
Godzilla vs. Megalon (1973) –– Mega bust.
Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla (1974) –– Clank amateurs.
Godzilla vs. Biollante (1989) –– Threw 'er in manure.
Godzilla vs. Mothra (1992) –– Hissing-match.
Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla (1994) –– Lizard brained.
Rebirth of Mothra (1994) –– Pupa scoop.
Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack (2001) –– Whatever that's about.
Godzilla: Tokyo S.O.S. (2003) –– Edo maniacs.

10/29/19