Vaxxing Nostalgic
Week of 08/29/25
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
RFK Jr. bashes CDC after firing of director, resignation of key leaders
–– Prick gives shot.
Trump’s bravado is no match for crooks and rats
–– Except ones in own administration.
White House taps top RFK Jr. deputy as acting CDC director
–– Will never get vax straight.
CDC leaders who resigned said RFK Jr. undermined vaccine science, risking lives
–– Shitting on the doc of the bay.
COVID Vaccine Costs Just Spiked for Millions Thanks to RFK Jr.
–– Death on denial.
White House declares $4.9B in foreign aid unilaterally canceled in end-run around Congress' funding power
–– End-run easy around corpse.
In 3-hour televised Cabinet meeting, Trump soaks up flattery
–– Like sponge in backed-up gas station toilet stall.
‘Morning Joe’ Hosts Cringe Watching Trump’s Cabinet Heads Praise Him: ‘At What Point Does Personal Pride Come in?’ | Video
–– His mouth.
Trump Suggests People Might Want A Dictator For The Second Day In A Row
–– After that, not so much.
Trump, in a Move With Little Precedent, Says He Is Firing a Fed Governor
–– Fatso's Fed up?
Lisa Cook Issues Defiant Message to Trump Over Federal Reserve Firing
–– Cook in with gas.
Trump makes good on threat to impose 50% tariffs on India imports
–– Feared ringing of TACO bell.
‘Trump burger’ inventor and owner of restaurants celebrating president is taken into ICE custody
–– Expects meat between buns in custody.
’Sneakflation’: How Trump’s tariffs are gradually raising costs for American consumers
–– ‘Sneak’ because scheming Trump statisticians are underreporting.
Trump Finally Melts Down After Days Of Gavin Newsom’s Relentless Trolling
–– Getting harder to discern as his general appearance sags into flesh puddle.
Gavin Newsom Reveals What World Leaders Really Say About Trump Behind His Back
–– Kinda what he’s been saying to face.
Gov. Greg Abbott signs new Texas congressional map designed to give GOP five more seats
–– Out of which he will personally suck farts.
Justice Dept. Sent Congress Epstein Files That Were Already Public, Democrats Say
–– Transparency only in their motives.
CNN Analyst Pinpoints The Weirdest Part Of Ghislaine Maxwell's 'Simply Bizarre' DOJ Interview
–– No video to show Todd Blanche hand up her back.
’Give me a break': Chris Christie slams Ghislaine Maxwell's Trump praise as phony
–– It is Trump praise.
Donald Trump Threatens To Investigate Chris Christie After Former New Jersey Governor Criticizes Him On ABC’s ‘This Week’
–– Fulfilling his constant delusional duty.
Jim Jordan Says He Believes Ghislaine Maxwell. He Thinks You Should Too
–– Tooth Fairy corroborated story.
Pirro’s office fails three times to win felony indictment of alleged attacker of FBI agent
–– To be fair, it could be sheer illegality rather than pure incompetence.
GOP senator criticizes Democrats for halting confirmations of Trump nominees
–– When exactly did irony die?
Donald Trump Signals Move To Rebrand Kennedy Center With His Own Name: “Maybe In A Week Or So”
–– He's turning into porn theatre?
Donald Trump fulfills a dream role: Big city mayor
–– Has Rudy awakening.
New York Is a Big City. Its Graft Has Become Small-Town Stuff.
–– So bring back Boss Tweed?
Why Trump has a point on mail-in voting
–– Doesn’t WaPo know fluff pieces can’t work on His Impotence?
In latest purge, Hegseth removes head of Pentagon intelligence agency, other senior officials
–– Are they running out of female, Black targets?
'There's never been anything like’ Trump's military purge: Petraeus
–– ‘Except one time in latrine after mess hall food poisoning.’
Pastor: Donald Trump is worried about getting into heaven. He shouldn’t be. | Opinion
–– Because there ain’t no effin’ way, right, Rev? Wha…, a free freakin’ pass?
Sen. Chuck Grassley says he was 'naive' in how he looked at Biden as president, calls him ineffective
–– 91-year-old saw him as raw kid.
Trump cancels Kamala Harris’ Secret Service detail that was extended by undisclosed Biden order
–– No deportation order due to foreign-sounding first name?
Trump Desperately Hides Hand on Camera After Makeup Mishap
–– Can’t fully hide make up of face.
Donald Trump's Favorite Snack To Stock The White House Kitchen With
–– Orange nacho cheese-flavored Doritos’s. Reported without hint of irony.
MAGA Mainstay Nancy Mace Cancels Speech After Just Eight People Show Up
–– Mace win doo.
Greene issues scathing rebuke of conditions in Gaza: ‘I will not be silent about it’
–– When this is conscience of your party.
Rabbis Emerge as Growing Voice of Criticism of Israel’s Tactics in Gaza
–– About 80 non-Israeli Orthodox worldwide. Not deafening.
20 Killed in Gaza Hospital Strikes. Netanyahu Cites ‘Tragic Mishap.’
–– Count too low?
France summons US Ambassador Kushner over 'unacceptable' letter about rising antisemitism
–– Kushner threatens to tape French Foreign Minster having sex with prostitute.
It Seems JD Vance Has No Idea How World War II Ended
–– And why Nazis are considered 'bad.'
An ‘existential gamble’: Why some experts are worried as SpaceX gears up for next Starship test
–– Whose gambling existence on ground?
Nuclear-powered rockets will win the new space race
–– And create totally rad fireballs.
Millionaire Alexis Ohanian walked out of the LSAT 20 minutes in, went to a Waffle House and decided he was ‘gonna invent a career.’ He founded Reddit
–– While in john recovering from T-Bone Dinner.
Bombshell texts in Dr. Phil case appear to reveal brazen and ‘problematic’ bankruptcy ‘scheme’ to kickstart new media company
–– Phils us with joy.
Why Taylor Swift’s love story defies the gravity of spectacle
–– We think that’s spelled ‘defines.’
Taylor Swift Makes First Surprise Appearance Since Getting Engaged, Debuting Ring in Public
–– 10,000th unsurprising one.
Taylor Swift Reveals the Most Unexpected Bold Manicure to Publicly Debut Her 10-Carat Diamond Ring
–– Gives press the finger.
Venice: Francis Ford Coppola Will Give Werner Herzog His Golden Lion
–– Not his, his.
’Mandalorian’ Star Katee Sackhoff ‘Basically Didn’t Work’ for 3 Years After ‘Star Wars’ Show Because She ‘Didn’t Understand’ Her Character: ‘It Broke Me’
–– Will terrible performance do that to your career?
Kumail Nanjiani Signed on for Six Marvel Movies Before ‘Eternals’: I Thought It Was ‘My Job for the Next 10 Years’ but ‘None of That Happened’
–– No Eternals combustion.
Woody Allen Appears at Russian Film Festival: “A Disgrace and An Insult”
–– Title of new film?
George Clooney and Wife Amal Depart Venice Film Festival After Emotional Jay Kelly Premiere amid His Illness
–– Aging star looks about ready for huge George Burns-style cigar.
’Leave It to Beaver' Star Shares the Real Reason for Judy Hensler's Abrupt Exit from the Show After She Hit Puberty
–– Leave it to beaver.
’Harry Potter' actor Miriam Margolyes, 84, says she was 'foolish' for not taking better care of her body
–– That body?
Devon Walker exits ‘SNL’ with a message about the ‘toxic as hell’ workplace
–– Wow, that’ll hit craft services hard.
Michael Longfellow Exits ‘Saturday Night Live’ After Three Seasons
–– Longfellow short.
Heidi Gardner Is Leaving SNL After Eight Seasons
–– Gardner weeded.
Lorne Michaels says he would’ve asked banned singer Sinead O’Connor to perform at “SNL ”anniversary if she was still alive
–– Alongside Belushi, Farley in 'cheeseburger, cheeseburger' sketch.
Anthony Michael Hall recalls “National Lampoon's Vacation” dad Chevy Chase mocking him for going through puberty while filming
–– As Chase experienced premature senility due to coke abuse.
'I Dream of Jeannie' star Barbara Eden on why Jeannie and Tony were never intimate
–– He wasn’t into bottle blonde.
Amanda Bynes Reveals She Got Lip Injections as She Shares New Look in Car Selfie
–– Car looks fab.
This Chain Restaurant Was Actually Founded By Bruce Willis And Sylvester Stallone
–– Why Planet Hollywood service rocky, food forgettable.
The celebrities who've ditched their breast implants for a more natural look
–– Problems they got off their chests?
Jennifer Lopez’s Dating Requirements Reportedly Include Something None of Her Ex-Husbands Could Meet
–– 12-inch schlongeroo?
Kim Kardashian Channels Corpse Bride in a Completely Sheer, Nipple-Baring Dress and Cape
–– Totally put us off necrophilia.
Miley Cyrus Says Modeling Nothing But Body Paint and Tabi Boots for Margiela “Felt Major”
–– Cool that she still thrills to yet another nude photo-shoot.
Lisa Barlow Gets Emotional as She Deals with "Cracks" in Her Marriage to John Barlow
–– His and hers?
Lil Nas X Gives First Statement Since Arrest: “That Was Terrifying”
–– Lil nas t?
Boy George says singing his No. 1 hit 'Karma Chameleon' is like 'diarrhea through a wet sock'
–– His falsetto has gotten little rough.
Henry Winkler Gushes About 'Happy Days' Co-Star Ron Howard After Big News
–– 71-year-old pregnant!
“It’s My Name, Learn It": Kirsten Dunst Is Sparking A Major Debate After Admitting She Lets People Mispronounce Her Name Because Nobody Can "Say My Name Right"
–– Illiterate world problems.
Yankees legend to Trump after Hall of Fame support: ‘Everyone has their agendas’
–– Clemens’ was extending career by illegally doping.
Baseball Cheat Outs Winner-in-Chief Trump as Golf Loser
–– Displays roid stuff.
Tiger Woods Makes The Right Decision On The White House
–– This is guy dating Don Jr’s ex.
Why a professional tennis player turned to OnlyFans to help fund her career - and she may not be the last
–– Lots of sluts on circuit.
Why the absence of a common act of tennis sportsmanship led to heated on-court argument at the US Open
–– Nil love.
Learn to embrace cravings, starting with this chilled miso noodle soup
–– Miso not horny.
Is Kombucha Good for You?
–– Tasting like battery acid it better be.
Cracker Barrel founder, 93, gives damning verdict on $7M-a-year CEO after woke rebrand fiasco
–– Looks like cracker from bottom of barrel.
Why the Slugburger Might Be America’s Most Underrated Burger
–– With slimeballs.
Stop Stinking up the Fridge With Onions — These Containers Keep Them Fresh and Odor-Free for 'Weeks'
–– Weeks? Does it keep maggots fresh?
My Doctor Looked At My Vagina And Said 3 Shocking Words. It Started Me On A Life-Changing Journey.
–– This account took us on stomach-changing journey.
New study reveals the country where people age slowest
–– Denmark. And slowest people age? U.S.
This 92-year-old sprinter has the muscle cells of someone in their 20s
–– And should really give them back.
Conservatives Use Minneapolis Shooting in Anti-Transgender Campaigns
–– Subscribe to craziest dogma of trans-substantiation.
The Menendez brothers were denied parole. These are the factors that are keeping them behind bars
–– Gonna show us post-mortem pics of parents?
Baby orangutans spy on mom to build cozy treehouse nests
–– Or dad checking Zillow.
8 unlikely killers, from tortoises to beavers: Think apex predators are the most dangerous animals to humans? Think again!
–– Not with the vagina dentata again!
What Does the First Pig-to-Human Lung Transplant Mean for Xenotransplantation?
–– We were just asking selves that.
Meet the chonky, hard-working mules of Olympic National Park
–– Does Scientific American have 12-year-olds writing headlines? Chonk this.
The most expensive mistake in ancient Roman history
–– Self-driving chariots.
An Engineer Says He’s Found a Way to Overcome Earth’s Gravity
–– Discovered something called an ‘airplane.’
Underwater robot sent to toxic vents deep in Pacific Ocean. What it found stuns scientists
–– Aquaman's dirty underwear stuck in them.
FDA expands warning of radioactive shrimp as 2 more brands are recalled
–– And 2 more ships sunk by giant claws.
This prehistoric sea monster was the size of a car, weighed the same as a rhino, had a deadly hooked beak for tearing flesh and swam alongside plesiosaurs
–– Wearing water wings!
"We’ve never seen anything like this in any animal before": why this armoured dinosaur is one of the strangest ever discovered
–– Never seen anything like this in any hypothetical digital recreation of long-extinct animal before?
Making babies beyond Earth? Spaceflight may not hinder sperm production, mouse study suggests
–– But astronauts will have to have micro-penises.
This Swiss River is so clean, locals use it to commute to work
–– Can't take ferry in dirty water?
After Hurricane Katrina, the Superdome was a ‘symbol of misery and suffering.’ 5 years later, it was the home of the champs
–– And whole state was ‘symbol of misery and suffering.’
20 Years After Katrina, New Orleans Is ‘at a Tipping Point’
–– Parish the thought!
FEMA staff warn Trump officials’ actions risk a Katrina-level disaster
–– He just wants to turn back clock 20 years.
FEMA employees put on leave after criticizing Trump administration in open letter
–– Fall causes broken FEMA.
Number of Meteorologists at F.A.A. Is Critically Low, a Federal Watchdog Warns
–– Forecast low visibility.
Transportation Dept. Cancels $679 Million for Offshore Wind Projects
–– Totally blows it.
