Mexican Overdrive
Week of 11/29/24
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
Mexico’s president on Trump threat: ‘One tariff would be followed by another in response’
–– Ass tick two-step.
53 percent approve of Trump plans: Pew survey
–– .53% have any idea what they are.
Trump’s 'border tsar' vows to cut funding to 'sanctuary' states
–– Homan tragedy.
Trump plans to fire Jack Smith’s team, use DOJ to probe 2020 election
–– Force them to wear targets on backs.
Special counsel Jack Smith moves to drop Trump election, documents cases citing 'categorical' DOJ policy
–– Gives insurrectionists treason to believe.
GOP Rep. Van Orden willing to ‘pay more for guacamole’ if it means getting rid of fentanyl
–– His apparently laced with LSD.
Florida Drug Deaths Rose Dramatically as Pam Bondi Did Her 'Incredible Job' of Reducing Them (opinion)
–– As in "impossible to believe."
Pam Bondi, Trump’s AG pick, said ‘prosecutors will be prosecuted’
–– Her word is her Bondi, not matter how stupid.
Pam Bondi: Pick to replace Matt Gaetz wants to deport pro-Palestine protestors
–– On bright side, did not have sex with underage girls.
Can Wall Street Billionaires Deliver on Trump’s Blue-Collar Promise?
–– How does one measure fulfillment of massive lie?
Elon Musk publicized the names of government employees he wants to cut. It’s terrifying federal workers
–– What’s up, dox?
Elon Musk mocks own government efficiency department with ‘I can’t believe DOGE is real’ post with laughing emojis
–– Adopts DOGE position.
Elon Musk Suggests That He Is an Ancient Being Who Assumes Human Identities
–– Human?
Vivek Ramaswamy rages against ‘unelected’ bureaucrats - and everyone is saying the same thing
–– Sneering just because he’s ‘unelectable’?
Donald Trump once threatened to jail Mark Zuckerberg but last night they ate Thanksgiving Eve dinner together
–– With sides of shit.
Haberman says Zuckerberg’s Mar-a-Lago visit a signal industry may be courting Trump
–– In latest slang for ‘sucking his cock.’
’Unemployment never looked so good': Matt Gaetz's wife speaks after withdrawal from AG, House
–– 'The only time I can bear to look at him is asleep on the couch.'
Gaetz joins Cameo after withdrawing from AG consideration
–– Already on OnlyFans with face pixelated.
Trump taps art collector with no experience to lead US Navy
–– But committed to naval gazing.
Top Trump Aide Accused of Asking for Money to ‘Promote’ Potential Appointees
–– Typical anti-entrepreneurial prejudice.
Trump lashes out at NYT and its ‘third rate writer’ after report on president-elect’s aide’s adoring letters
–– Toady adorbs.
Trump unveils new strategy to stop Americans taking fentanyl – an ad campaign
–– Just say no-shit.
Bolton slams Trump’s pick for counterterrorism director as ‘con man’
–– And likely rapacious vampire.
Trump’s former chief of staff says Elon Musk will have an easier time getting to Mars than making proposed DOGE cuts
–– Acting like alien life form easiest task.
Neil deGrasse Tyson dismisses Musk’s Mars dreams: ‘I don’t see it happening’
–– We can still dream of him leaving Earth.
Lara Trump: Fears of retribution from president-elect result of ‘fearmongering’
–– Proceeding from his mouth.
Plastic Surgery Trend: Will “Mar-a-Lago Face” Take Over D.C.?
–– Which one of two?
Medicare proposes covering weight-loss drugs, teeing up clash with RFK Jr.
–– How about worm-loss drugs?
Bottom-of-the-class RFK Jr says he went to the top after he started taking heroin
–– Scored high marks.
GOP senator blocks promotion of top general who oversaw Afghanistan withdrawal
–– Doing duty now crime.
Bitcoin rockets toward $100,000 as Trump reportedly considers appointing a 'crypto czar'
–– Shocking he’d be good for scam scrip.
Opinion - America needs another Reagan — Nikki Haley is following his path to power
–– Who can forget her mediocre Hollywood career?
Transgender Activists Question the Movement’s Confrontational Approach
–– Tired of winning.
Kamala Harris reemerges after election loss with new message to supporters: ‘Don’t let anyone take your power'
–– 'Not named Trump.'
Kamala Harris' team wanted her to go on 'Hot Ones.' The show said no.
–– ‘Lukewarm Ones’ did offer standing invite.
Nate Silver Slams Harris Campaign Aides Over Postelection Takes: 'No Will Of Their Own’
–– Had willy nilly.
Harris Advisers Ripped to Shreds for Delusional Election Postmortem
–– Splitting Harris.
Joe Biden must cancel Thanksgiving. MAGA and non-MAGA cannot break bread. | Opinion
–– How about head?
‘Embarrassed’ Barron looks on as Trump and ‘First Buddy’ Elon Musk dance to YMCA at Mar-a-Lago Thanksgiving
–– Where could he have inherited shame gene?
Hezbollah chief pledges to coordinate with army to implement truce
–– When he can find living subordinates to sign letters.
Trump team says Israel-Hezbollah ceasefire deal brokered by Biden is actually Trump's win
––Then claimed credit for 1898 Treaty of Paris.
Russia says Trump Ukraine aid cut would be 'death sentence' for Kyiv's military
–– Have to underline villainy for idiot to get.
Russian President Vladimir Putin says Trump is ‘intelligent and experienced,’ capable of finding ‘solutions’
–– Mostly based in bleach.
Russia’s economy is so driven by the war in Ukraine that it cannot afford to either win or lose, economist says
–– War binds.
Trump taps Keith Kellogg as special envoy to Ukraine and Russia
–– Another frosted flake.
Opinion Trump wants to make a deal in Ukraine war. A bad deal is worse than none.
–– Only kind he’s ever made.
NYT changes headline about murdered Dubai rabbi following public outcry: 'Call it for what it is'
–– They made it sound like case for Miss Marple.
‘House of horrors': Investigators discover what's inside North Korean missile after deadly strike
–– The Haunted Mansion?
A police chief in Mexico kills himself as troops try to arrest him in a corruption probe
–– Gracias for your service.
'Everything is expensive!' Bolivia faces a shocking economic collapse
–– Don’t get us started on Bolivar watches.
CNN’s Kaitlan Collins Will Balance White House Chief Role With Primetime Show
–– This week in Softball.
Blood-Spattered & Underwear-Soiled Harvey Weinstein Sues NYC For $5M Over “Deplorable Conditions” At Rikers Island Jail
–– Sounds like a Dimension Pictures presentation of Eli Roth film.
Jussie Smollett's Hoax Case Prosecutor Rips Illinois Supreme Court's Ruling: 'He Is Not Innocent'
–– Just hoaxy humor?
Opinion | It takes a lot of discipline to look that effortless
–– More disciplined to hold same antediluvian views for over half century.
Cher Doesn't Hold Back While Slamming Late “Mask” Director Peter Bogdanovich: 'He Was a Pig'
–– Mask defect.
Fugees Founder Pras Michél Speaks Out While Facing 22 Years in Prison: ‘I Never Wanted to Be a Spy’
–– Or Fugeetive?
Brie Larson Debuts Unbelievable Pixie Hair Makeover for ‘Elektra’
–– Senses-defying! Brain-melting! Inconcievable in this world or next!!
Cynthia Erivo on Bringing Her Black Queer Identity to ‘Wicked’: ‘It’s a Love Letter to Everyone Who Feels Different’
–– How about those who feel different about 90% Tomatometer rating?
I was stunned by how movingly cinematic ‘Wicked’ is. I shouldn’t be, and here’s why
–– I haven’t lick of taste.
‘Wicked’ Pay-Disparity Rumor Debunked: Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo Were Paid the Same
–– Witch?
Keira Knightley Explains Why She Won’t Return to Movie Franchises After Starring in ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’
–– Franchises, ‘Phew… oh, we mean, what a loss.’
Blue Man Group to End New York Run After Three Decades Off Broadway
–– Blue out of town.
Tim McGraw Looks Almost Unrecognizable Without His Cowboy Hat as He Gives Rare Glimpse at His Hair
–– Hat flees, seen trying to slip across border.
Jesse James’ Wife Bonnie Rotten Files for Divorce, Couple Seek Restraining Orders Against Each Other: Report
–– Fight brewing over who will keep dumbest name.
Deflating Boobs, Shrinking Butts and Little Lips: The De-Kardashian-ification of America
–– White boyfriends, unexposed genitalia?
Members of K-pop group NewJeans say they are leaving agency after dispute
–– Distressed NewJeans.
Shohei Ohtani seeks $325,000 worth of baseball cards from his ex-interpreter
–– Of Bob Uecker!
Saquon Barkley on Giants releasing Daniel Jones: 'It sucks to see how everything went down'
–– Especially team stats.
Jake Paul’s Most Valuable Promotions Says Allegations That Mike Tyson Fight Was Rigged Are “Baseless”
–– Is ‘rigged’ slang for bullshit?
Crypto entrepreneur eats banana artwork bought for $6.2m
–– Wish he was in on choke.
How Gen Z Came to See Books As a Waste of Time
–– By plastering eyes to screens.
‘I want to be here for the rest of my life’: Why this man swapped San Francisco for Colombia
–– Purer coke.
This woman bought a dream house with a creek. Her community turned it into a living nightmare
–– Maybe she should’ve paid with other liquid asset.
This man vowed to eat McDonald’s every day for 100 days and has already lost 34 pounds
–– Was previously eating whale blubber thrice daily.
Popular Menu Items At Applebee's, Ranked
–– From batter to wurst.
Plastic surgeon turned patients’ noses into ‘potatoes’
–– With eyes?!
Surgeon who crashed into hospital barriers while five times the drink drive limit keeps his job
–– Just drumming up orthopedic patients.
Imagine a Drug That Feels Like Tylenol and Works Like Oxycontin
–– And injects between toes like smack.
Macy’s found a single employee hid up to $154 million worth of expenses
–– A temp cashier!
The battle against 6% broker fees isn’t over after a surprise 11th hour court filing
–– Liens in.
New study shows Tesla makes some of the most dangerous cars on the road
–– EekVs.
Accused Murderers Get Pregnant in Secret Despite Never Seeing Each Other in Miami Jail: 'I Can’t Believe It Worked'
–– Wore blindfolds or were named Mary and Joseph?
North Carolina siblings say late father is D.B. Cooper after finding alleged parachute in home: report
–– Silk stalkings.
Man arrested at LAX after allegedly checking suitcases filled with over 70 pounds of meth-caked clothing
–– Tweak suits, speed-ohs, gakky shorts.
Arizona county treasurer pleads guilty to embezzling more than $38 million for personal expenses
–– Gets points for going big.
The Man I Had An Affair With Died And I Didn't Know What To Tell My Husband
–– Did croak on top of me.
Mohamed Al Fayed may have raped and abused at least 111 women and girls, say police
–– Fayed worse than death.
Mayor Dies in Police Chase Days After Entire Force Resigns
–– Was he chasing potential recruits?
Menendez Resentencing Hearing Delayed Until January
–– By request of Lady Justice who wants no part of this.
Wife of Menendez Brother Reveals Shock Separation After Secret Affair Emerges
–– Affair with his left hand?
Lyle Menendez’s wife says they've been separated ‘for a while.’ Inside their relationship
–– This week in ‘Understatement.’
Tortured, Burned, Put to Death. Their Crime? ‘Sorcery.’
–– So Harry, Hermione should stay out of Papua, New Guinea?
Squirting cucumbers terrified the Romans – and this new high-speed video reveals exactly why
–– Referred to as 'cucummers.'
Orcas observed preying on massive whale sharks
–– Mostly with phone scams.
Forget sharks and bears – it’s deer that you should worry about hurting you
–– Of course, if all three gang up…
After 50 Years, Scientists Still Love Lucy
–– And she’s pretty sore.
80 prehistoric tombs filled with bizarre animal skulls found in Wyoming
–– And still no reason to visit state.
Hiker stumbles across 280-million-year-old footprints in Italian Alps in breakthrough discovery
–– Quite the feet.
Climate talks to offer $300 billion in aid for poor nations
–– What tail pipe is UN smoking?
Chocolate prices rise as climate change threatens cocoa harvest in West Africa
–– Shit's getting real.
World’s oldest man dies aged 112
–– Day shy of qualifying for free bucket of wings at KFC.
Actor Julien Arnold Dies Onstage During Performance Of ‘A Christmas Carol’
–– Went too method as Marley’s ghost.
Alice Brock, who helped inspire Arlo Guthrie’s classic ‘Alice’s Restaurant,’ dies at 83
–– Brock is dead.
Chuck Woolery, Host of ‘Wheel of Fortune’ and ‘Love Connection,’ Dies at 83
–– Buzzed off.
Jim Abrahams, ‘Airplane!,’ ‘Naked Gun’ and ‘Hot Shots!’ Master of Mirth, Dies at 80
–– Shirley, you jest.
Earl Holliman, Actor on ‘Police Woman,’ Dies at 96
–– On ice.
