Justice of the Pissed
Week of 11/22/24
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
What to know about Pam Bondi, Trump’s new pick for attorney general
–– Low-yield Bondi.
Opinion | Sometimes, Donald Trump tells the truth
–– Blind squirrel, ‘F-f-f-f**k you.’
Former Federal Prosecutor: Gaetz Has 'Zero Chance' Of Being Confirmed As AG
–– George Santos odds.
Trump AG pick Matt Gaetz says he’s withdrawing
–– Thing he’d refused to do with teenagers.
Matt Gaetz says he doesn’t intend to rejoin the House after withdrawing AG bid
–– And they were just rolling out red carpet.
Marjorie Taylor Greene: GOP Covered Up ‘Sexual Harassment and Assault’ Claims
–– Members’ dogs keep trying to hump her leg.
'Giving his middle finger to the American people': Bob Woodward reacts to Trump cabinet picks
–– Flips the national bird.
Trump Says It’s ‘TRUE’ He Will Declare National Emergency and Use Military to Mass Deport Millions
–– And Mexico will pay for it.
Trump: ‘No more Judges confirmed before Inauguration Day!’
–– Except in real world.
Donald Trump Jr. says pushback against Cabinet picks proves they're the disrupters voters wanted
–– Dressing monkey in NASCAR jumpsuit, have it toss feces at left-leaning politicians on Capitol steps all they wanted.
Defense pick Hegseth paid accuser but denies sexual assault, attorney says
–– Learned from Master.
Police Report Offers Graphic Details of Sexual Assault Claim Against Hegseth
–– Trump orders fully-illustrated version.
Trump defense secretary pick Pete Hegseth was flagged as potential military 'insider threat' because of 'Deus Vult' tattoo
–– Deus revulting.
After Flurry of Cabinet Picks, Trump Rethinks Candidates for Treasury Secretary
–– Like he thinked them to begin with.
Is Trump More Flexible on China Than His Hawkish Cabinet Picks Suggest?
–– Trenchant analysis of Trump’s geopolitical philosophy? Thanks, NYT.
Trump taps Brendan Carr, who opposed Kamala Harris' SNL cameo, to lead the FCC
–– Carr jacked.
Opinion | Yes, the FDA needs an overhaul. But RFK Jr. isn’t the answer.
–– Unless question is, ‘Name single most embarrassing Kennedy.’
NYT's fact-check of RFK Jr.'s claims about popular breakfast cereal stuns social media
–– With exposed brain that tiny strong breeze can stun.
Supreme Court rejects RFK Jr. group’s attempt to protect anti-Covid-vaccine doctors from investigations
–– The pricks.
Trump picks fracking firm CEO Chris Wright to be energy secretary
–– Hoping to increase cancer patients Medicaid can deny coverage.
Fox Business Host Sean Duffy Tapped by Trump to Lead Department of Transportation and ‘Make Our Skies Safe Again’
–– If confirmed will definitely improve airwaves.
Elon Musk Is an ‘Unelected Defense Contractor … Doing Ketamine’ While Directing Trump, Says The Verge EIC
–– Musk be kidding?
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene to chair a DOGE subcommittee to improve government efficiency
–– In high chair.
’SNL’ Roasts Elon Musk for Saying Trump Task Force Workers Will Get No Pay: ‘You Can’t Be Surprised the White African Guy’s First Idea Is Slavery’
–– Ironic.
Opinion A Democrat shows how to deal with Musk beyond reflexive criticism
–– Reflexive revulsion?
What to know about Linda McMahon, Trump’s pick for Education secretary
–– Got contact CTE as WWE CEO.
Clips of Linda McMahon taking violent wrestling slams from massive WWE giants spread amid Trump cabinet pick
–– Or maybe this caused brain damage.
Trump’s education pick once incorrectly claimed to have education degree
–– Couldn’t read own transcript.
Lawsuit alleges Linda McMahon, Trump’s Education pick, enabled sexual abuse of children
–– She added to resumé to impress Trump.
Melania Trump unlikely to move to the White House full time as first lady: ‘This time is different’
–– “This time we are not giving f**k.”
Trump calls for probe of famed Iowa pollster J. Ann Selzer after she quits role
–– Shaken Selzer under pressure.
Johnson says ‘bias would be to vote for the people that President Trump wants’ for upcoming administration
–– ‘And to systematize bias.’
Ken Cuccinelli says Trump using military will help drive migrant numbers at border ‘down into the dirt’
–– Where he, Trump live.
Dick Van Dyke says he 'fortunately' won't be around for Trump's second presidency
–– Lucky bastard.
‘Maybe there is a little backbone left’: Sen. Tammy Duckworth on the chances GOP Senators buck Trump
–– Spine tinkling.
Truth Social investors hoped to get ‘very rich’ after Trump’s win. Not quite.
–– That’s very rich.
Rudy Giuliani demands court delay his defamation trial so he can attend Trump’s inauguration
–– Needs to be insulted in person one more time.
An Oath Keeper Who Helped Feds Prosecute Seditious Conspiracy Cases Is Finally Sentenced
–– Ultimate reward for every hardcore Trumper.
Rep. Nancy Mace says her anti-trans bathroom bill 'absolutely' targets Rep.-elect Sarah McBride
–– Mace in face.
Johnson on transgender member-elect: ‘We treat all persons with dignity and respect’
–– ‘Unless they disagree with anything we pretend Bible says.’
Jasmine Crockett Says GOP Wants to Take Black History Out of Schools to Spread Lie of White ‘Oppression’
–– White nationalists assert freedom of oppression.
After beating Kari Lake, Ruben Gallego begs Democrats to ditch ‘Ivy League’ advisers
–– Need to outdumb GOP.
Opinion | Yes, a woman can be president
–– Glad you approve.
Bill Clinton predicts that USA is likelier to elect a female if she’s ‘a conservative Republican woman’
–– 'Who says no, but means yes.'
Bill Clinton: Trump has done ‘everything he could’ to ‘destroy’ confidence in government
–– How history books will remember him. Did we say ‘books’?
After Democrats lost the working class, union leaders say it's time to 'reconstruct the Democratic Party'
–– Any union workers left for job?
Harris fundraising page says a portion of donations will be directed to recount effort
–– Who wants to recount that campaign?
Opinion | I sleep in my office. The rest of Congress should, too.
–– How big is your office?!
From the Amazon rainforest, Biden declares nobody can reverse US progress on clean energy
–– Clear, cutting remark.
Scientific American Editor Resigns After Saying Trump Supporters Are the ‘Meanest, Dumbest, Most Bigoted’ Voters
–– Which can be scientifically proven.
‘Morning Joe’s’ Scarborough and Brzezinski Visit President-Elect Trump: ‘It’s Time to Do Something Different’
–– Offer to kiss whichever appendage he mandates.
‘Morning Joe’ meeting with Trump was driven by fears of retribution from incoming administration, sources say
–– Our heroes!
White House condemns 'sickening' Nazi march in Columbus, Ohio
–– Trump team insists that feeling in stomach is just anticipatory ‘butterflies.’
Top senator calls Salt Typhoon ‘worst telecom hack in our nation’s history’
–– 'With dumbest name.'
Marjorie Taylor Greene and Donald Trump Jr accuse Biden of trying to start WWIII with Ukraine missiles move
–– Biden looking at Greene, ‘I see BM.’
Biden approves antipersonnel mines for Ukraine, undoing his own policy
–– Insists it’s nothing personnel.
Netanyahu offers $5 million and safe passage out of Gaza to anyone returning a hostage
–– And sack of Hannukah gelt.
ICC issues arrest warrants for Netanyahu, Gallant over Israel’s war in Gaza
–– Did we mention war is hell?
Chinese President Xi arrives in Brazil for G20 summit talks with Lula
––
Merkel: I mistook Trump for ‘someone completely normal’
–– Angela depression.
Son of Norway’s Crown Princess Is Arrested on Suspicion of Rape
–– Or victim of typecasting?
Son of Norway’s crown princess accused of second rape
–– Succession.
FBI seizes websites that North Koreans allegedly used to impersonate American companies
–– Like Kimtel, Lee Genes, Park
‘The Substance’ Director Coralie Fargeat Pulls Film From Camerimage Following Festival Head’s Comments About Women
–– Fest short on Substance.
David Attenborough Reacts to AI Replica of His Voice: ‘I Am Profoundly Disturbed’ and ‘Greatly Object’ to It
–– Prefers being aped by primates.
Rebecca Hall 'Regrets' Apologizing for Working with Woody Allen: Not 'The Responsibility of His Actors to Speak to That'
–– Retains option for future ‘my bad’ for regretting apology.
How ‘Big Gay Jamboree’ and ‘Titanique’ Creator Marla Mindelle Became the Queen of Off-Broadway: I’m ‘the Homeless Man’s Lin-Manuel Miranda’
–– Hamilton bee-atch?
NYC priest who OK'd Sabrina Carpenter to film 'Feather' video in church stripped of duties
–– Didn’t tickle bishops?
Jay Leno shrugs off injuries after falling down a 60-foot hill: 'Not that big a deal'
–– ‘We all have our rolls.’
Erin Andrews Doesn't Understand Why 'People Are Still Talking' About Her Eyebrows
–– Or anything attached to them.
John David Washington Calls Danielle Brooks and Danielle Deadwyler the Next Viola Davis
–– Not-the-next-Denzel Washington sounds confused.
Josh Brolin saw John Travolta use Scientology techniques on Marlon Brando in Barbra Streisand's living room
–– Did he get his wallet?
Daniel Craig Circling DC Comics Movie ‘Sgt. Rock’ With ‘Queer’ Director Luca Guadagnino
–– Don’t ask, don’t tell.
Leonard Nimoy's Widow Susan Bay Nimoy Says His Family Didn’t Want Him to Play Spock: 'They Didn’t Understand' (Exclusive)
–– It was that or community theatre production of The Music Man.
Nicole Kidman, 57, reveals she wakes up ‘crying and gasping’ over her mortality — and Keith Urban marriage
–– And deadening effects of Botox.
Storm Reid Not Returning for ‘Euphoria’ Season 3: ‘I’m So Glad That’s a Part of My Legacy’
–– But not overjoyed.
Billy Bob Thornton Knows Who He Is
–– Pirate gas jockey?
Richard Gere Flips Savannah Guthrie the Bird During Live Interview on “Today ”as She Tells Him, 'I'm Bleeping You!’
–– Which guest took to be invitation to sex, politely declined.
‘Barbenheimer’ Ruled the Box Office. Can ‘Glicked’ Recapture the Magic?
–– Jiminy, Glicked!
Ridley Scott Says Denzel Washington’s ‘Gladiator II’ Same-Sex Kiss ‘Didn’t Happen’: ‘They Acted the Moment’
–– Smack dab.
Denzel Washington Reflects on Past Drug and Alcohol Use: 'I've Done a Lot of Damage to the Body'
–– Days of wine and neuroses.
Alec Baldwin’s ‘Rust’ Earns Polite Response at World Premiere as Halyna Hutchins Honored: The ‘People Who Made It’ Are ‘Heroic’
–– Rust odium.
The Miss Universe CEO said crowning a winner with 'blond hair and blue eyes' is the 'ultimate evolution' for the pageant
–– Not Trump, btw.
’Obscene’: Anger after cost of King Charles’s coronation revealed
–– £72m gorilla in room.
Jake Paul, Mike Tyson Fight Viewed by 60 Million Households, Netflix Says
–– That’s shitload of empty lives.
The ‘Trump dance’ takes the sports world by storm
–– Goose-stepping cheerleaders next.
René Magritte’s ‘L’empire des lumières’ sells for record $121 million
–– To dim bulb.
Man who spent $6.2 million on banana duct-taped to wall says he's going to eat it
–– The $6.2 mil?
Texas Education Board Backs Bible-Infused Lessons in Public Schools
–– Parable of the Really Lost Sheep.
I cried at my vegan wedding — the $15K menu was completely upstaged after guests did the unthinkable
–– It was all the onion.
I Was Eating Alone When A Man Came Up And Said 4 Words That Have Haunted Me Throughout My Life
–– ’Going to finish that?’
20 of the world’s best soups
–– 20) Chinese Panda Squash, 19) Indian Curry Hindi Hurry, 18) French Oignon avec Hauteur, 17) Italian Pasta e Fascista, 16) Hungarian Gulags, 15) Mexican Jumping Bean, 14) Flemish Phlegm Drop, 13) Cuban Cohiba Stew, 12) American Klan Chowder, 11) Russian Drunken Bear, 10) North Korean Spicy Gravel, 9) Israeli Matzah Bomb, 8) Palestinian Split Peace, 7) Iranian Mullahgatawny, 6) Congolese Ebola’ Noodles, 5) Colombian Coca No Joca, 4) Canadian Poutine Shake, 3) Irish Spud-crusted Potato, 2) Sudanese Sand Broth, 1) Australian Roo Barb.
Meet the Jersey Mike's founder, now worth $7.5 billion after selling his sandwich chain to Blackstone
–– Like subs, way too much bread.
I tried 9 Costco Kirkland wines. Some blew me away.
–– When I got lit.
Schwan’s Has Rung Its Last Doorbel
–– Schwan song.
I caught a Venice pickpocket in the act – here’s what happened
–– Invited him to slowly feel around in other pocket.
A kayaker faked his own death and fled overseas. Now he's telling how he did it
–– And boy, are his arms tired.
Pathologist disputes finding that Marine veteran’s chokehold caused subway rider’s death
–– Suggests collar too tight.
Cold case of Jodi Huisentruit, Iowa TV news anchor who went missing in 1995, takes a strange twist
–– Not interesting one, mind you.
Don’t sit on the toilet for over 10 minutes, doctors warn
–– Just hover and aim if not done.
Spirit Airlines files for bankruptcy
–– That’s the Spirit!
Dog goes missing in Oregon airport. A day later, workers catch a glimpse of him
–– Oh, our palms are sweating!
“Feral and not trained" emus Thelma and Louise on the loose in South Carolina as state's monkey search continues
–– Animal control officer pledges, ‘I’ll come to your emutional rescue.’
‘Doomsday fish’ returns to Southern California shores for the third time this year
–– Because ‘doomsday’ semi-regular event.
See hundreds of red crabs migrate in Australia
–– Climbing over sea wall.
Watch ingenious 'crab-safe' car drive through millions-strong red crab migration on Christmas Island
–– Then feast at pre-shelled crab boil.
New Zealand Is the First Country to Open Its Fossil Database to the Public
–– Hope they made good impression.
Neanderthals may have enjoyed collecting tchotchkes—just like us
–– Hummels a favorite.
Syracuse officials insist drinking water is clean as residents call for a state of emergency
–– Suggest you drink with eyes closed.
AI’s hunger for electric power is threatening U.S. climate goals
–– AI answers, ‘More. More! More!!’ when asked for solution.
U.S. abruptly backtracks on plastic treaty, refusing to support limits on plastic production
–– Papers over plastic.
Former One Direction Members Among Mourners at Liam Payne’s Private Funeral
–– Miss Direction.
Bela Karolyi, the polarizing coach who helped launch gymnasts to Olympic stardom, dies at 82
–– Bela he dead.
Vic Flick, Guitarist on the James Bond Theme Song, Dies at 87
–– Flick's off.
