Buddy Shaming
Week of 12/20/24
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
Mike Johnson to Elon Musk: ‘You want to be Speaker?'
–– Musk, 'But I already paid for Presidency.'
That Lingering ‘Meh’ Feeling Has a Name
–– The New York Times.
Trump’s wake-up call: Republicans are willing to defy him
–– Cockblockers crowed.
Trump threatens government shutdown unless debt limit demand met, blames Biden if it happens
–– Was met, with derision.
Chris Hayes Says Elon Musk is ‘Effectively Running the United States’ After He ‘Bought Himself Control’ | Video
–– 'Effectively'?!
Johnson’s speakership in doubt as Trump, Musk help scrap spending plan
–– Musk's statesmanship in deeper doubt.
Democratic whip on looming shutdown: Elon Musk ‘pulled the rug out’
–– From under Mike Rogers' hat?
Stephen Colbert Isn’t Surprised Musk Halted Spending Bill: ‘He’s an Expert at Blowing Things Up on the Launchpad’ | Video
–– SpaceXplosive.
Democratic senator says Trump’s plan to ‘cripple our democracy’ underway
–– His voters already did that.
Elon Musk Crashing Trump’s Jeff Bezos Dinner at Mar-a-Lago Mocked as ‘Deranged'
–– Heard it was pot luck, brought pound of sinsemilla.
Elon Musk endorses far-right German political party, wading deeper into global politics
–– Feeling heil and hearty.
Trump is vowing to pardon Jan. 6 rioters. Allies and critics alike say he needs a refresher.
–– Like he learned anything first time.
Oath Keepers leader who pleaded to seditious conspiracy gets probation
–– Was feeling his Oaths.
ABC, CBS and NBC evening newscast coverage of Trump’s Cabinet picks ‘almost uniformly negative,’ study finds
–– aka ‘accurate for a change.’
ABC’s George Stephanopoulos was repeatedly warned not to use word ‘rape’ by producer — but said it anyway: sources
–– Thought it sounded better than ‘finger-f**ked.’
Column: Kash Patel, Trump's FBI pick, would turn the agency into the Federal Bureau of Retribution
–– Up shit’s creek with a Patel.
Trump Moves $4 Billion of Media Firm Stake Into Trust Run by Son
–– So weird to see 'trust, Trump' in same sentence.
Sen. Bernie Sanders says Biden should 'very seriously' consider preemptive pardons
–– Doesn't he trust Trump? See.
McConnell on funding turmoil: ‘Oh, this is the way it’s going to be next year’
–– And thanks so much for keeping it from happening.
Georgia appeals court disqualifies Fulton County DA Fani Willis from prosecuting Trump
–– Gets Fani kicking.
Trump’s CDC pick wouldn’t let go of false theory vaccines cause autism
–– At least that’s his excuse for being unable to process 228 years of medical history.
Trump passes over RFK Jr.’s daughter-in-law for CIA’s No. 2 job
–– Figures there’s got to be someone even less qualified.
Trump to nominate ex-NFL star Herschel Walker as Bahamas ambassador
–– If he can learn to spell it.
Truth Social CEO Devin Nunes to head Intelligence Advisory Board
–– Truth, Intelligence two words never associated with him.
Ex-Post editor Martin Baron: Trump team will do ‘everything to undermine public confidence in the press’
–– John Barron: 'He's right.'
Trump’s former chef reveals how he would trick the president to eating and drinking healthier items
–– By hiding them inside Double Quarter Pounders with Cheese.
More than 120 House Democrats send letter to Biden urging him to ratify Equal Rights Amendment
–– This week in ‘in name only.’
Harris debates her future: A run for California governor that would take 2028 off the table
–– 2028 shouldn’t even be in room.
Shock as Trump Adviser Collapses on Stage at New York Young Republican Gala
–– And not in typical metaphorical sense.
ABC News to Apologize and Pay $15M to Settle Defamation Suit Brought By Trump
–– For accurately reporting what judge in case stated.
ABC News’ Trump Settlement ‘An Awful Precedent’ in ‘Bending the Knee,’ Media Pundits Say
–– And ‘kissing the ass.’
Trump says Big Tech CEOs like Tim Cook have been the 'opposite of hostile' ahead of his 2nd term: 'My personality changed or something'
–– 'Fearfully smarmy' is not 'opposite of hostile.'
Top adviser to NYC Mayor Eric Adams abruptly resigns amid federal investigation
–– Adams shame.
Adams Is Denied Public Matching Funds, Hampering Re-election Campaign
–– Should be denied public access to City Hall.
Atlantic City mayor indicted for allegedly asking his daughter to recant claims that he abused her
–– That beats all.
’The donkey is gone’: Syrians hit the streets to mark a momentous week
–– Kicked Assad.
He toppled a dictator and traded fatigues for a suit — Syria's new leader tries to reassure the U.S.
–– Now can he just trim fake-looking beard?
–– Offers $100 to
Assad dispatched $250mn of Syria’s cash to Moscow
–– Or 'made down payment' in modest dacha.
Candid photos of Syria’s Assad expose a world beyond the carefully crafted and repressive rule
–– Gee, he’s just regular guy like Luigi Mangione.
Man filmed by CNN ‘being rescued’ from Assad jail was ‘regime torturer’
–– Racked with laughter?
Iran's Khamenei says 'resistance' not over after Assad ouster
–– Just flabbier than soggy pita.
South Korea’s parliament votes to impeach president over martial law debacle
–– Han off of power. Like duck soup?
What does North Korea get out of sending its soldiers to fight Russia's war?
–– Thrill of own people dying killing strangers.
Why North Korean troops are proving a nightmare for Russia
–– All they're trained to do is march.
Putin says he pulled Russia back from the edge of the abyss
–– Then plunged into bottomless cavern.
Ukraine kills Russian chemical weapons chief Igor Kirillov in Moscow
–– A boom to science..
Russia must be ready to fight NATO in Europe in next decade, minister says
–– They can’t even beat Ukraine.
’Heart is bursting’: Lauren Sanchez announced son is headed to this Florida university
–– Other parts of chest, too.
Chad Michael Murray Wants to Do a Christmas Movie With Lindsay Lohan
–– We all have our mad dreams.
Chris Martin says Coldplay aims to spread love even in the face of haters
–– Like manure.
Nicole Kidman’s Glow Is Thanks to the Filter-Like Primer Shoppers Say Replaces Foundation
–– And blood of virgins.
Jamie Foxx gets stitches after glass thrown at him at California restaurant, representative says
–– Foxxcatcher.
Quentin Tarantino Says ‘There’s Not a Payoff’ on TV Shows Like ‘Yellowstone’: When It’s Over ‘It’s Out of My Head. It’s Completely Gone’
–– 'Not old enough for me to rip off.'
‘Barbie’ Sequel in “Early Stages” as Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach Settle on Story Idea (Exclusive)
–– Western culture hangs in balance.
Brian Cox Unloads on Kevin Spacey, Jeremy Strong and Why the Oscars Are “Nonsense”
–– If ‘unloads on’ means modestly praises.
‘Last Week Tonight’ Withdrawn From Critics Choice Awards Consideration Amid Controversy (Exclusive)
— Oliver twist.
Why It Would Be Really Dumb for the Oscars Not to Nominate ‘Challengers’ for Best Picture
–– Because it’s really dumb?
James Gunn Resisted Superman's Red Trunks Until David Corenswet's Pitch to Add Them to the Costume: 'Trying to Make It Look Serious Is Silly'
–– Faster than a Speedo bullet.
Clay Aiken recalls losing '50 percent' of his fans after coming out in 2008
–– Aiken for a fight.
John C. Reilly to Be Honored at the Oscar Wilde Awards (Exclusive)
–– The Importance of Being Irish.
A 'Dire' Clash Behind the Scenes Is Holding Up the Next James Bond Film:: Report
–– 'Dire', another day.
Timothée Chalamet Says It's 'Uniquely Hilarious' to Rip Up Acceptance Speeches After Losing Acting Awards: 'You Narcissistic Arrogant Prick'
–– Not 'you overrated undeserving narcissistic arrogant prick?'
People Are Body-Shaming Sydney Sweeney. Calling Her Pretty Isn’t the Solution
–– Lying rarely is.
'SNL' Star Chloe Fineman Calls Her Prosthetic Breasts She Wears During Sketches the 'Sydney Sweeneys'
–– Don't knocker if you haven't tried 'em.
Please Don’t Spoil ‘Wicked: Part 2’
–– It’ll rot on own.
Blake Lively Accuses ‘It Ends With Us’ Co-Star Justin Baldoni of Sexual Harassment; His Lawyer Slams ‘Shameful’ Complaint Full of ‘False Accusations’
–– Deadly serious?
Hear Steely Dan musician's response when asked to participate in ‘Yacht Rock’ documentary
–– Told director where to stick Steely Dan.
Travis Hunter says Colorado coach Deion Sanders ‘ain’t going nowhere’
–– So ‘is going somewhere?’
Charlotte Hornets apologize for gifting PlayStation 5 to child – and then taking it away off camera
–– In sting operation?
Mark Cuban says AI won't have much of an impact on jobs that require you to think
–– He thinks.
An 88-Year-Old Woman Was Brought To My ER. When Her Family Told Me Why, I Was Stunned.
–– Needed IUD removed.
The Misunderstood Reason Millions of Americans Stopped Going to Church
–– Some unintelligible quote in Aramaic.
He spent his life building a $1 million stereo. The real cost was unfathomable.
–– That deep underwater?
The median renter in America has a net worth of $10,400. The median homeowner’s net worth is $400,000
–– Median street person: $1.75.
Is It Ever OK to Go Barefoot in Public?
–– We’re asking you, Jesus.
Does yawning mean our brains aren’t getting enough oxygen?
–– Clearly in your case.
Detroit-area library says Chicago man can keep overdue baseball book -- 50 years later
–– If he pays $3 million.
Warren Buffett says there’s 1 simple way to prevent your family from being ‘confused’ and ‘angry’ after you die
–– Leave them your money now.
Why you shouldn’t try to shoot down a suspected drone
–– Might land on you.
I Drank 2.5 Liters Of Water A Day For A Week –– Here’s How My Skin & Body Changed
–– Not to mention my distended bladder.
Chili’s is America’s unlikeliest restaurant comeback story
–– More comes-up story.
I’ll Let You In on the Finger Trick That Gets Me Perfect Salmon Every Time
–– I use it in fish monger so I get best cut.
Here’s what 'porn addiction' actually is (and how to manage it)
–– With two hands.
‘Hawk Tuah Girl' says she’s 'cooperating' with lawyers in suit related to crash of meme crypto
–– Says she's 'almost mad enough to spit nickels.'
Luigi Mangione's mother said she could 'see him doing' shooting of insurance CEO: police
–– Cuz she raised him right.
Shock poll: 41 percent of young voters find killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO acceptable
–– 65% if with rpg.
Deny and delay: The practices fueling anger at U.S. health insurers
–– Execs now running for coverage.
Police identify 15-year-old girl as shooter in Madison school attack that killed two
–– Acknowledge female empowerment before zipping up body bags.
Texas man gets 100 years in prison for shootings that killed 1, wounded others in Nevada, Arizona
–– It's always ones you'd never suspect.
When a Glock Isn’t a Glock: The History of the Pistol Found With Luigi Mangione
–– Glock: a spiel.
25-year-old Indiana man last seen on security video at an Arby’s in 2018
–– He had the meet.
A young woman's body was chopped up for science — as her mother desperately fought to bring her home
–– Almost went to pieces.
Vet explains what happens if you stop your dog from licking you
–– Might regain slightest semblance of self-respect.
Inside the life-saving world of canine blood donors
–– And the werewolves they've rescued.
California squirrels are eating another rodent for the first time, new study finds
–– Horny rat pays in nuts.
Scientists Just Dissected the World's Rarest Whale in New Zealand. Here's What They Found
–– A smaller whale inside a smaller whale inside a smaller whale…
‘Scientists have never seen anything like this': Blob-headed fish among new species discovered
–– If they haven't attended crappy sci-fi films.
Acid-spraying ants and cat-sized scorpions – meet the deadliest prehistoric bugs
–– Climb into our time machine…
New research says people arrived in Americas much earlier and co-existed with giant sloths and mastodons
–– Had some really slow and dangerous threesomes.
SpaceX delay means Boeing Starliner astronauts will get an even longer stay on the ISS
–– Hoping the Enterprise happens by.
Scientists know our bodies are full of microplastics. What are they doing to us?
–– Scientists? Messing with our heads!
Why sea level rise is skyrocketing across the U.S. South
–– Very soggy skyrocket, but still…
2024 was hot—but it might be the coldest year of the rest of your life
–– We’re cool with that.
Wells Fargo departs climate banking group in another high-profile exit after Goldman
–– Who'd bank on them?
Bob Fernandez, 100-year-old Pearl Harbor survivor, dies peacefully at home 83 years after bombing
–– On stage at Copa.
E.B. Furgurson III, Who Covered Massacre at His Newspaper, Dies at 70
–– 5 killed in 2018 we can barely remember in ongoing mass shooting marathon.
