Doubting Hamas
Week of 10/18/24
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
For a year the IDF hunted Sinwar in tunnels – then troops ran into him by chance
–– It’s funny old world.
Here Is the Remaining Leadership of Hamas
–– Group's taken numerous head shots.
Biden has approved $175 billion in student loan forgiveness for nearly 5 million people
–– Grateful college students pledge Trump.
Arab and Muslim leaders risk blowback for endorsing Harris
–– Only hope is finding biggest anti-Semite.
Trump’s pro-Israel stance alienates far right as it ramps up antisemitic attacks
–– Getting hard to keep facists straight.
‘Trump is the only hope for peace’: Arab Americans in Michigan desert Democrats over Gaza
–– See above, geniuses.
Kamala Harris' campaign releases agenda to support Black men
–– Trump releases plan to incarcerate more, poll numbers among Blacks rise.
Why education level has become the best predictor for how someone will vote
–– Need to be complete idiot to support Trump.
Why Does Trump Sound Like Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini?
–– Music to morons’ ears.
Trump Spews Profanity and Bizarre Insults at Catholic Charity Dinner
–– Wish this guy was there.
Trump Bobs His Head to Music for 30 Minutes in Odd Town Hall Detour
–– Shakes loose final intact synapse.
What Is This ‘Post-Birth Abortion’ Donald Trump Keeps Talking About?
–– Utter afterbirth.
Trump suggests a protester may get 'the hell knocked out of her' by her parents
–– Offers Corey Lewandowski to slap around teenager.
Trump is ‘fascist to the core,’ Milley says in Woodward book
–– ‘And he hasn’t even got one.’
Donald Trump Lashes Out at ‘The Apprentice’ by Calling It a ‘Politically Disgusting Hatchet Job’ Made by ‘Human Scum’; Director Responds: ‘I’m Available to Talk Further’
–– Trump: ’Can I hire them to do my ads?’
Mike Johnson Insists Elderly Trump’s Medical Records Are ‘Irrelevant’ to Voters
–– How about your psych eval, lickspittle?
Why Trump accuses people of wrongdoing he himself committed − an explanation of projection
–– Project scam way.
Trump reportedly had no sense of ‘who he was talking to’ when he made shocking Harris slur to billionaire donors
–– Conversation only between self, voices in head.
Trump says he is the ‘father of IVF’ at all-women town hall event
–– Vaguely recalls banging model with those initials.
Omarosa backs Harris: Trump losing ‘to a woman of color would be devastating to his ego’
–– We fear a moroser outcome.
The new enemies list: Don Jr reportedly leading charge to create list of people banned from second Trump White House
–– Who’d want in without hazmat suit?
Man With Loaded Gun Arrested Near Trump Rally: What We Know
–– It was Nevada –– he forgot to put away after shooting scorpion for lunch, threatening croupier.
A Candidate for U.S. Senate Says He Was Shot in War. Was He
–– Nah, just acts like he has bullet in brain.
Project 2025 ex-director condemns Heritage Foundation president’s ‘violent rhetoric’
–– Much prefers own.
Springfield Haitians weigh their future as Trump threatens deportations
–– Consider hiring Fernando Vidal.
New York Can Do Better Than Andrew Cuomo
–– We’re sure there are two women NY Times would rather endorse.
IDF video appears to show final moments of Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar, throwing stick at drone
–– More fun than you can throw stick at.
Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar weakly threw piece of wood at Israeli drone just moments before he was killed, shocking footage shows
–– Then paused, for instant, regretting Oct. 7th decision?
‘This is how a hero dies' say Gazans of Sinwar's battlefield death
–– Like murderous psychopath?
Sinwar's death will prolong Hamas war, Palestinians in occupied West Bank say
–– And they’ve been dead-on about every other aspect of conflict.
Lebanon issues rare rebuke to Iran over 'interference'
–– In latest slang for 'rape.'
In Rambling Interview, Trump Blames Zelensky, Not Putin, for Ukraine War
–– Closes eyes, rubs crotch each time he invokes Vlad's name.
Swiss defend decision not to adopt latest Russia sanctions in full
–– Cite proud history of ducking fights.
Egypt Replaces Its Powerful Spy Chief, a Key Gaza Mediator
–– Sisi says nono.
U.S. Charges Indian Official in New York Assassination Plot
–– Sikh authorities on him?
Scholz praises 'spirit of Berlin' ahead of Western Balkans summit
–– c. 1938?
Italy passes anti-surrogacy law that effectively bars gay couples from becoming parents
–– Mama mia culpa!
They’re cute, cuddly and coming to America: China’s newest panda diplomats headed for Washington
–– With listening devices, spy cameras.
North Korea projects military strength as risk of new Korean war seem ‘higher than ever’
–– Along with Kim's vomit after week-long binge.
‘Joker: Folie à Deux’ to Lose $150 Million to $200 Million in Theatrical Run After Bombing at Box Office
–– Folie à douche.
Paul Schrader Walked Out of ‘Joker 2’ After 15 Minutes to Go Buy Something, Then Returned and Could Only Last 10 Minutes: ‘A Really Bad Musical’
–– Paul shredder.
Superman’s James Gunn on Why Krypto Isn’t a Labrador in the Movie
–– Tails from the Krypto.
Tom Holland Says He Read a ‘Spider-Man 4’ Script With Zendaya, But It “Needs Work”
–– Chaos Walking, Cherry, Uncharted didn't?
Tom Holland Says Robert Downey. Jr Playing Doctor Doom Was a 'Tough Secret to Sit on' Because 'I Have a Reputation for Ruining Things': 'I've Done No Press'
–– Could've been Doomkopf.
‘Dune: Prophecy’ Will Explore “Boundaries of What It Means to Be Human”
–– “And limits of what it means to exploit IP.”
What to Expect From Benedict’s ‘Bridgerton’ Season
–– Bodice whipping.
Rihanna Says Being a Boy Mom Is ‘So Fun’ But, Candidly, ‘It’s Just Hard to Share Toys and Pacifiers’
–– Hers?
Ben Affleck 'Never Looked Back' After Moving Out of Home with Jennifer Lopez (Exclusive Source)
–– Not even at her magnificent back?
Liam Hemsworth, 34, and Laura Dern, 57, sizzle in racy love scenes in their new age gap romance Lonely Planet
–– Like aged meat left on grill too long.
Jane Fonda to Receive 2024 SAG Life Achievement Award
–– Even though she refuses to.
Brittany Broski Doesn’t Care What You Think of Her. “If You Don’t Like Me, F*** You.”
–– Our level of contempt should rate ‘and horse you rode in on.’
Al Pacino Acted in Movies He Didn’t ‘Relate’ to at 70 Years Old Just for the Money: ‘I Was Broke. I Had $50 Million and Then I Had Nothing’
–– Heat and hot water.
Former ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ Writer Elisabeth Finch Admits to Having “Lied About So Much”
–– So long as you didn’t claim scripts were any good.
‘High Tide’ Director and Star Fell in Love While Developing the Queer Romance: ‘There’s a Love Story Behind the Love Story’
–– Not inappropriate or unprofessional because gay.
Jamie Lee Curtis Shares Her Horror-Free Halloween Plans: 'I Have Retired My Pumpkins' (Exclusive)
–– In reference to fake boobs?
Xavi Says His Debut Album Isn’t Just ‘Basic Corridos,’ It’s the Genre’s ‘Apocalypse’
–– 20-year-old from Phoenix would know.
The 'Ready or Not' sequel is officially happening
–– We’re officially ‘not.’
Secret tomb found under ‘Indiana Jones’ filming location in Petra
–– Containing George Lucas’ reputation.
Disney+ Taps Martin Scorsese For New Doc ‘Beatles ’64’
–– Because we need documentaries covering every hour of careers.
Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Will Include Minnie Mouse Balloon for the First Time
–– Squeaky voice approximated by escaping air.
Angel Reese says WNBA salary doesn't even pay rent: 'Living beyond my means!'
–– How about real job?
Ellie the Elephant: the viral mascot twerking her way into New York lore
–– Liberty belle.
How Starbucks Became a Sugary Teen Emporium
–– A Jittery Sugary Teen Emprium.
Canadian drink company tastes controversy after Simu Liu raises cultural appropriation questions
–– Boba fit.
This American fruit could outcompete apples and peaches on a hotter planet
–– Like Venus.
All Those Mysterious Codes on the Menu Can Keep You Safe at a Restaurant
–– We look for skull, cross-bones.
You’re Storing Ginger Wrong — Never Let Ginger Go Bad Again With This Clever Hack
–– Ginger snaps.
Why So Many Companies Are Firing Gen Z
–– Z short for Zzzz.
The new burnout generation
–– See above.
His country trained him to fight. Then he turned against it. More like him are doing the same
–– What about those unlike him?
What too much anger does to you –– and how to stop it
–– Shoot that bastard.
Scared men can biohack women’s brains. Here’s how
–– Claims bio hack.
Why double-jointed people are more likely to have health problems
–– All that bending over backwards.
More pharmacy closures leave consumers in pharmacy deserts without access to medications
–– Dry, not high.
Kentucky man’s organs were nearly harvested. Then doctors realized he was still alive
–– Little too ripe.
Scientists Use Human Stem Cells to Restore a Monkey’s Vision
–– Now they can’t keep him off smart phone.
UTI’s are rising fast––an the cause could be in your refrigerator
–– Throw out Cheezy Whiz.
Dogs Are Entering a New Wave of Domestication
–– Total domination of humans.
Walking with breaks might use more energy, but dogs can’t stand it
–– See above.
Kenya relocates 50 elephants to a larger park. A sign poaching is under control, officials say
–– Who packed trunks?
It's venomous, has an electric organ, glows in the dark and sweats milk – meet the world's most confusing animal
–– And its weird cover of Whiter Shade of Pale.
Are cleverer animals better at crossing roads?
–– Like splatterpus?
When researchers dropped a camera into a murky river in the Amazon Rainforest, something rare and peculiar appeared
–– Text from rental company demanding repayment plus damages.
How Rediscovering A ‘4-Legged Snake’ Fossil From Brazil Sparked A Global Controversy
–– And stint in alcohol rehab for paleontologist.
Milton and Helene are taking a toll on the mental health of Floridians, leaving a trail of anxiety and frayed nerves
–– Which used to be sooo robust.
Man arrested for threatening FEMA workers speaks out
–– And he looks like such a reasonable guy.
After Helene and Milton, residents of Casey Key question its future
–– Casey afflict.
Joe Biden returns to a beleaguered Florida to survey Hurricane Milton damage in Tampa area
–– For preview of next four millennia.
Phoenix ends 21-day streak of record October heat
–– 2,100-day streak of global warming denial intact.
Overwhelming majority of young Americans worry about climate crisis
–– At least one fear not imaginary.
Trump has vowed to gut climate rules. Oil lobbyists have a plan ready.
–– Epitome of gutlessness.
Coastal erosion eats away at Irish family's 200-year-old home
–– Like moldy soda bread.
British content creator dies trying to climb Spain’s highest bridge
–– Contented.
Mitzi Gaynor, Showbiz Dynamo and Star of ‘South Pacific,’ Dies at 93
–– Mitzi loser.
Megan Marshack Dies at 70; Was With Nelson Rockefeller at His Death
–– Had Marshacked up.
Backstreet Boys, Rita Ora, Charlie Puth Among Those Paying Tribute to Liam Payne: “He Had the Kindest Soul”
–– One Direction: down.
I Started a One Direction Stan Account to Find My Tribe. I’ve Revived It to Process Liam Payne’s Death
–– Stan back.
