Sinema Dreck
Week of 10/22/21
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
Sinema is 'smart as the devil' and Manchin is 'not a bad guy,' Biden says
— Satan: ‘I’m offended.’
Kanye West is now officially 'Ye'
–– Ye gads!
Democratic Sen. Kyrsten Sinema received the legal maximum of donations from several known GOP donors, new FEC filings show
–– Now you're criticizing the poor woman for bi-partisanship!
Biden says he's considering deploying the National Guard to ease supply chain crisis
–– Swapping Hummers for Amazon delivery trucks.
Democrats, Scaling Back Budget Bill, Press for Compromise by Week’s End
–– From pie in stratosphere to just sky.
Biden discusses $1.9 trillion top line for economic package and tells Democrats free community college is out
–– Guaranteed million-dollar salaries, lifetime supply of popcorn, free rainbows also on block.
Kamala Harris Gets Flowers, Cake, Kisses and a Presidential Present on 57th Birthday: 'Very Touched'
–– Was ‘touched’ also Biden?
Neera Tanden Named as Biden’s New White House Staff Secretary
–– Moves Neera to real WH job.
Lawmakers puzzled that Biden is yet to name nominee for senior military job
–– Has senior moment, forgets.
Newt Gingrich: Joe Biden's White House is totally out of touch with reality
–– Says Tweedledum from Wonderland.
Supreme Court Agrees to Quick Consideration of Texas Abortion Law
–– In first trimester.
'Listen to your bodies': Bill Clinton grateful for support after hospitalisation
–– ‘Lil Bill’ told him to hit on Monica.
Purported hacker claims they defaced Trump's campaign website to protest Joe Biden's stance on Turkey
–– That, um, tracks.
Former defense secretary says Trump and Biden 'absolutely' share blame in Afghan withdrawal missteps
–– Gates, architect of disaster for five years, should know.
Zalmay Khalilzad, special envoy to Afghanistan, resigns
–– After stellar work on pullout.
Giuliani associate Lev Parnas convicted in campaign finance fraud case
–– Will receive Lev sentence?
3 reasons why Donald Trump's new social media company is doomed to fail
–– Donald. Trump. Company.
Trump Lashes Out At Meghan McCain, Calling Her An Ungrateful 'Lowlife' Bully
–– From block and tackle bully.
Trump told Sen. Tommy Tuberville to 'protect yourself' right before the riot on January 6
–– Was referring to dental dam before ‘orals.’
Publix grocery store heiress donated $150,000 to GOP attorneys general group to promote the January 6 protest
–– Publix enemy.
House votes to hold ex-Trump aide Steve Bannon in criminal contempt
–– Now must find someone who can bear to hold him.
Liz Cheney calls out Jim Banks for falsely signing letter as the ranking member of January 6 committee
–– Schedules Banks withdrawal.
Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson says Trump's continued focus on the 2020 election is 'a recipe for disaster' in the midterms
–– Asa base.
Trump said 'Ku Klux Klan-dressed protesters' who allege they were beaten by his bodyguards have 'no one to blame but themselves’
–– Adds, ‘Bless their pointy little heads.’
Trump says his son Eric 'gets treated terribly' and 'would like to have a normal life': book
–– Like average village idiot.
Christopher Steele said the infamous Trump pee tape 'probably exists' but Russia hasn't needed to release it yet
–– No leaky force it?
Rocket failure mars U.S. hypersonic weapon test as others succeed
–– Tough to be upset when killing machine fizzles.
Russian film crew bids farewell to ISS, returns to Earth after filming first movie in space
–– And conducting experiment on effct of weightlessness on vodka consumption.
Andrew Yang’s New Political Party Logo Razzed for ‘GI Joe’ and ‘Top Gun’ Similarities
–– Spin and Yang,
'Rust' crew member dead after shooting incident involving Alec Baldwin
–– 'Rust' sleeps.
Prop Gun That Killed Cinematographer on Alec Baldwin Film Contained ‘Live Single Round,’ Union Claims
–– For shooting film.
NBC Shuts Down Production on AGT: Extreme Temporarily After Performer Injured in Stunt Gone Wrong
–– Didn't realize cars were loaded.
Other passengers aimed their smartphones toward a woman being raped on a SEPTA train, police say. But no one intervened.
–– Devianted SEPTA.
Jessica Chastain agreed to 'Scenes From a Marriage' nude scenes on the condition that Oscar Isaac 'show the same' as her
–– Why they cast pussy.
‘Kiss My Black A—!’: Halle Berry Had a Fiery Response After ‘X-Men United’ Director Lashed Out During a Staged Drug Intervention
–– Blows a raspBerry.
Sarah Snook says the 'unrealistic beauty standard' in Hollywood 'makes more women unhappy'
–– In latest explanation of her gym aversion.
Kate Beckinsale Wants to Know What You're Putting Up Your Bum
–– What wrecked ‘em.
'Tiger King' zookeeper Erik Cowie died of 'chronic alcohol use'
–– Cowie flop.
Today’s lesson children: White privilege and why there hasn't been a black Bond
–– Yeah, like character was originally written.
Prince William turns heads in green velvet blazer and turtleneck: 'The next James Bond'
–– But there’s never been bald one.
‘The Munsters’ First Look: Rob Zombie Shares the Cast in Costume in Front of the Iconic Mansion
–– Would that it were our last.
Melissa Joan Hart becomes the first to win $1 million on 'Celebrity Wheel of Fortune'
–– Casts freakin’ spell, but still…
Paris Hilton Recounts Being ‘Strangled,’ ‘Slapped,’ and ‘Watched in the Shower’ While Calling for Troubled Teen Industry Reform
–– By her.
Jamie Lee Curtis says #MeToo movement 'would have really upset' late mother Janet Leigh
–– Easy Leigh?
Andie MacDowell explains how men inspired her to go gray: ‘That’s where I got my manspiration’
–– It's not to dye for.
Sharon Stone, 63, Flashes Her Killer Legs In A High-Slit Dress
–– Allows varicose veins to breathe.
Kate Beckinsale Says Her High IQ May Have Been a 'Handicap' in Her Career: 'It's Really Not Helpful'
–– Yeah, gets offered nothing but brainy roles.
Robert Pattinson wore Val Kilmer's 1995 'Batman Forever' batsuit during a screen test for 'The Batman'
–– Still smelled of 90s hair gel.
Hulu Orders Mel Brooks’ HISTORY OF THE WORLD, PART II Series
–– Even Mel was like 'History of the What When?'
Indiana Jones 5’ Delayed Another Year – Harrison Ford Will Be Nearly 82 When Sequel Opens
–– Will crack lubricated catheter instead of whip.
Denis Villeneuve Changed His Tune with ‘Dune’ — ‘I Wanted This Movie to Be My Best Pop Movie’
–– To dirge.
Christopher Walken: ‘Nobody has asked me to do a Marvel film!’
–– Not even as Irony Man?
Were Wings really the band The Beatles could have been?
–– Fuzzy wassy.
Paul McCartney says Bob Dylan gave The Beatles weed so potent it made them feel like the ceiling was 'coming down'
–– Inspired hit Get Baked.
Miley Cyrus Revealed The Surprising Reason Why Her Voice Has Constantly Been Criticized By Professionals
–– They have ears.
Susan Sarandon looks back on her last conversations with former lover David Bowie: 'We said things that needed to be said’
–– ‘I hectored him about Bernie Sanders for two hours.’
‘Clueless’ actress Stacey Dash reveals secret painkiller addiction: ‘I was taking 18-20 pills a day’
–– Dangerous in combination with all those stupid pills.
Mike 'The Miz' Mizanin Has Lost 15 Lbs. on Dancing with the Stars — but His Wife Likes Him 'Thicker'
–– Lame Miz.
The Actress Who Played Allison in ‘Hocus Pocus' Basically Just Confirmed That She's Not in the Sequel
–– Even her immediate family doesn’t care.
James Blunt Warned Adele About Releasing Her Album The Same Day As Him, Like Adele Is Going To Have To Do Something About This
–– Was smoking blunt.
Darren Aronofsky Says He Still Gets ‘the Best Hate Mail Ever’ Because of ‘Mother!’
–– That ‘mother!’ load.
Nicolas Cage and Wife Riko Shibata Pose Together for Their First-Ever Cover
–– First time he saw her in focus.
George Lopez to Star in, Executive Produce NBC Comedy
–– NBC: ‘We refuse to believe he couldn’t make it on TV Land.’
Kanye West Wears Another Halloween-Like Full Face Mask for Coffee with Michael Cohen
–– Ye-esh.
I’ve Been a Hip-Hop Fan All My Life, and I'm Done With Women Rappers Being Oversexualized
–– Especially by selves.
‘Bus Would Smoke ’em Like Barbecue Chicken’: Busta Rhymes Claims Five Rappers Declined to Do a ‘Verzuz’ with Him, Social Media Reacts
–– Busta gut.
Yvonne Orji on Emotions of Saying Goodbye to ‘Insecure’: ‘We’ve Never Seen Black Characters Like This”
–– Is that royal we?
Paulina Porizkova, 56, wears nothing but a bedsheet in latest photo
–– Could almost see dirty pillows.
Comedian Bridget Christie: ‘I see my flasher’s penis all the time. But I can make horrible things amusing’
–– Hard-on har har.
Nathan Chen: ‘Simone Biles gave athletes a sense of peace’
–– ‘Assured it's cool to quit on team.’
Pharrell Williams Shares Rare Family Photo with Wife Helen and Son Rocket from Egypt Trip
–– At launch?
Michael K. Williams Was Brooklyn’s Son — And Its Champion
–– Until he ended high Wire act.
Florida porn star sentenced in death of man found in shallow grave
–- With penile marker sticking up.
Woman jailed for throwing killer litter from 50th floor in CBD after tiff with boyfriend
–– Litter of pit bulls!
Why large age gaps in marriages are declining
–– Old men dropping off.
Zillow slams the brakes on home buying as it struggles to manage its backlog of inventory
–– Zillow fucks given.
Backlog of cargo ships at southern California ports reaches an all-time high
–– Freight so.
Cardboard shortage has retailers grappling with how to send online orders
–– Boxed out.
The Smoky Taste of Wok Hei, Without a Wok
–– Wok it back.
2 Chinese diners refuse to pay restaurant bill after being allegedly angered by US national anthem
–– What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last grifting.
Former Olive Garden Employees Shared Their Secrets And Stories, And Frankly, It's Interesting As Hell
–– If you have bread stick in head.
Taco Bell is giving away free breakfast burritos
–– In new ‘Whip Constipation’ campaign.
McDonald's is testing out its McPlant burger in these cities
–– Run by Mayor McBarf.
–– And when passenger asks for milk in coffee.
15 Petty, Outrageous, And Downright Ridiculous Reasons Why These Employees Got In Trouble At Work
–– 11. Stealing from cash resister!
‘Big John,' the world's largest Triceratops ever found, sells for $7.7 million
–– Bone he was named for to be prominently displayed.
Diver Discovers 900-Year-Old Sword Dating to the Crusades
–– Not attached to fish.
Scientists find rare fish trapped, and it nearly breaks their scale
–– How about fish’s scales?
'This is a big moment for crabs': 100-million-year old fossil in amber alters crustacean past
–– Bigger than VD convention?
In a First, Surgeons Attached a Pig Kidney to a Human — and It Worked
–– Pig never felt better.
Deadly and 'very agitated' snake found in English shipping container
–– Threatens to give on-board accommodations one-star Yelp review.
Spacecraft spots mesmerizing swirls at one of the lowest points on Mars
–– Day after Christmas when Martians are bummed.
3,500-Year-Old Babylonian Tablet May Contain Earliest Known Depiction of a Ghost
–– Or not.
Have Sumatran fishing crews found the fabled Island of Gold?
–– Sure, why not.
Products in your medicine cabinet may soon be getting more expensive
–– If we try to auction them?
Prince William slams space tourism and says billionaires should focus on saving Earth
–– Continues to encourage Kate to try out for Mars mission.
Queen Elizabeth II cancels trip on advice to rest for a few days
–– Charles crosses fingers so hard he cuts off circulation.
Syria's President has rewarded himself at least $100M from int'l aid, group says
–– Passed Assad test?
Artist stages mass nude photos to highlight disappearing Dead Sea
–– Dud see.
Boston Celtics Games Pulled in China After Enes Kanter Calls Xi Jinping a “Brutal Dictator”
–– That was tip-off.
FIFA 'deeply concerned' at social media footage of DR Congo Under-20 women's national team
–– What’s their pitch?
Africa’s Last Mountain Glaciers Will Soon Be Gone, U.N. Report Warns
–– Relo to Antarctica where they belong.
Greta Thunberg Sings, Dances to Rick Astley's 'Never Gonna Give You Up' at Climate Activism Concert
–– Didn't exactly melt hearts.
The EPA wants to regulate hazardous 'forever chemicals,' which are found in items like pizza boxes, nonstick pans, and cleaning products
–– Want to 'forever stamp' out.
Florida education agency to investigate private school ordering pupils who get a vaccine shot to stay home
–– Bureau of Oxymorons to investigate ‘Florida education.’
Leaked Covid-19 report calls for mass homicide charges against Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro
–– Sound Trumped up.
’Don’t feel sorry for me,’ Powell said as the end approached
–– No probs.
Fox News anchor John Roberts deleted a tweet that questioned vaccine efficacy in light of Colin Powell's death, clarifying that he is actually pro-vaccine
–– And pro-death.
Trump calls Colin Powell a 'classic RINO' who 'made big mistakes' in Iraq: 'But anyway, may he rest in peace!'
–– He’s classic HIPPO.
Colin Powell Was Nearly the Future of the GOP Before Trump
–– Yeah, and Texas was almost Blue State.
Colin Powell was a longtime Republican. But he often criticized the party's race problem
–– Which they obviously took to heart.
Peter Scolari, of 'Newhart,' 'Bosom Buddies' and 'Girls,' dies at 66
–– Breast in peace.
Leslie Bricusse, songwriter behind Goldfinger and Willy Wonka, dies at 90
–– The Candy Man canned.
