Steph Infection
Week of 10/08/21
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
I’ve Read Nearly Every Trump Tell-All. The Latest Is the Dishiest.
–– If you have taste for garbage.
California Oil Spill May Have Been Caused by Anchor
–– Let's assume Steve Doocy.
Stephanie Grisham says she and other Trump staffers 'got heady with power' and 'didn't think about serving the country'
–– Not much room in those heads.
Stephanie Grisham was irritated by Hope Hicks and accuses her of taking 'the easy way out' after leaving the Trump White House for Fox: book
–– Preferred Hopeless situation.
Stephanie Grisham says when Trump 'needed someone to tell him how awesome he was' he'd call Matt Gaetz, who would 'sing for his supper'
–– Which was ‘POTUS pie.’
Lindsey Graham Laughs Off Claim He's a Trump 'Freeloader' Who Liked to 'Stuff His Face with Free Food'
–– Like ‘Trump steak.’
Stephanie Grisham didn't see anything wrong with Trump's Ukraine call because he 'frequently said insane things to foreign leaders'
–– Often made 'calls' to Stalin, Mussolini, Palpatine.
Inside the Manchin-Sanders feud that has Democrats nervous about Biden's agenda
–– Grumpiest Old Men.
Senate passes bill to raise debt ceiling into early December
–– So they'll still have roof over head.
Governments launch investigations after Pandora Papers show how elite shield riches
–– Issue official denunciation.
Marjorie Taylor Greene says she'll vote for bill if Trump is put back in White House
–– How about buried in Rose Garden?
Biden to expand Bears Ears and other national monuments, reversing Trump cuts, White House says
–– Enlarges Bear Claws in White House executive office cafeteria.
Massive California oil spill threatens wildlife and closes beaches
–– And like totally effs up wild life on beaches.
Psaki asked if Kamala Harris’ portfolio ‘is trash’ because Biden doesn’t support her
–– Bin there, done that.
Who’s the boss? Pelosi's legacy sealed after kowtowing to 'the Squad'
–– Not ‘Nancy with the smiling ayes?’
Cuomo aides sought post for Hochul in Biden administration before the N.Y. governor was engulfed in sexual harassment crisis
–– Saw if they could get her job at Albany Forever 21.
Senate Judiciary Committee issues sweeping report detailing how Trump and a top DOJ lawyer attempted to overturn 2020 election
–– Coup d'twat.
Trump indicates he will try to assert executive privilege to prevent House investigators from getting information
–– Because he’s still President.
House committee investigating January 6 can't find Trump aide to serve subpoena
–– He’s been locked in own bathroom for two weeks.
Trump’s Sprawling Use of NDAs Now Threatens to Humiliate Him
–– A Trump capable of humiliation –– what a quaint notion.
Former Trump aide Omarosa, newly freed from her NDA, suggests Trump won't 'be healthy enough' for a 2024 run
–– She's as qualified to offer diagnosis as former guy.
Donald Trump told a Christian TV network that
–– Did get Americans praying for salvation.
Nikki Haley says she doesn't want the GOP 'to go back to the days before Trump' as she flirts with a 2024 presidential bid
–– She thrives in Hell.
Lin Wood claims no planes hit Twin Towers and Pentagon on 9/11: "We got played"
–– Insists he dined at Windows on the World last week.
Kevin McCarthy dismisses importance of Chamber of Commerce: 'I didn’t even know it was around anymore'
–– Questions if Chamber of Secrets ‘was still a thing.’
“I Sleep Well at Night”: Suzanne Scott on Running Fox News
–– Thanks Fentanyl.
Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram suffer worldwide outage
–– Users attempt to make eye contact, form sentences during down time.
Facebook whistleblower revealed on '60 Minutes,' says the company prioritized profit over public good
–– What are they, a publicly-traded for-profit corporation or something?
AT&T is reportedly a 'crucial source of funds' for the far-right One America News Network
–– Reach out and touch someone touched.
Katie Couric Called Out And Dissed A Bunch Of Celebs In Her New Memoir And I'm Kinda Shocked
–– Profiles in Couric.
‘Baywatch star’ Donna D’Errico, 53, rocks a dangerously low-cut look after commemorating a year of sobriety
–– C’mon Fox News, you were dying to headline this Boobwatch.
Monica Lewinsky says Bill Clinton's role in affair scandal was 'wholly inappropriate'
–– Stain on his reputation, her dress.
Monica Lewinsky: ‘Consequences were way worse for me than they were for the most powerful man in the world’
–– Didn't get cleaning bill?
David Lee Roth Says He's Retiring in January: 'I've Given You All I've Got to Give'
–- And we’re still trying to scrape it off.
Joaquin Phoenix Smiles on New York City Stroll with Fiancée Rooney Mara
–– Who was Joker?
Owen Wilson Talks Reading Only Good Reviews and More in ‘SNL' Monologue
–– So ‘doesn’t read reviews.'
Pete Davidson plays Dog the Bounty Hunter in search of Gabby Petito's fiancé Brian Laundrie on 'Saturday Night Live's' premiere - drawing mixed reactions from viewers
–– Was way off track.
Daniel Craig celebrated being cast as James Bond by mixing himself martinis, which he drank alone
–– Sat there shaken, didn’t stir.
How Daniel Craig Became the Longest-Reigning James Bond After a Brutal Start
–– They made far fewer Bond films in 2000s.
Roger Moore Is the Best James Bond Actor. Here's Why.
–– For your eyes only, buddy.
Rami Malek Recalls Catching Kate Middleton “Off Guard” After Asking a Personal Question
–– She eventually replied: ‘Spit.’
Daniel Craig Calls Out Rami Malek for Offering to Babysit Prince William and Kate Middleton's Kids
–– Thinking it was SPECTRE kidnap plot.
Christopher Lee wins Best Actor in Miniseries at Golden Bell Awards for HBO comedy Workers
–– Overcoming doubts that Asian Dracula in hardhat would put off viewers.
Malcolm McDowell Recalls ‘Torture’ of Making ‘Clockwork Orange’: ‘It Was Worth It’
–– Though pain in the yarbles.
Actor Pleads Guilty to Running $650 Million Hollywood Ponzi Scheme
–– He was clearly too smart to be actor.
‘Venom: Let There Be Carnage’ Grosses $90 Million, the Best Opening Since ‘Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker’
–– So not boxoffice poison.
Brian Herbert on Dune: ‘My Father Could See Into the Future’
–– Knew they could never make decent movie of book.
Harvey Weinstein demanded the Twin Towers be digitally erased from a shot in 'Serendipity,' says director
–– Are we sure that monster didn’t co-produce attack?
Elijah Wood Claims 'Lord of the Rings' Orc Was Designed to Resemble Harvey Weinstein
–– Mark Hamill makes same claim about Jabba the Hutt.
Harry Styles Confirmed The NSFW Meaning Of "Watermelon Sugar," And It's Probably What You Think It Is
–– Pitful.
Billie Eilish stops mid-performance at Texas music festival: 'My f**king choice!'
–– Her stopping whole audiences choice.
Miley Cyrus and Megan Thee Stallion Twerk Onstage at ACL Music Festival: 'Dreams DO Come True!'
–– Slurs sloppy drunk creep in first row.
‘Seinfeld’ Fans Upset That Netflix’s Aspect Ratio Cuts Out Jokes, Literally
–– Streamer somehow gets hold of original scripts, edits gags, reshoots episodes.
Jerry Seinfeld apologizes for the 'uncomfortable subtle sexual aspect' between a human and an insect in 'Bee Movie'
–– Beestiality?
Critics call to cancel Dave Chappelle, Netflix for ‘ridiculing trans people’
–– Chapelle and worse.
Dave Chappelle criticized for ‘lazy and hostile transphobia and homophobia’ in Netflix special ‘The Closer’
–– Won't turn to Closer for comfort.
Dave Chappelle Gets Standing Ovation Amid Netflix Special Controversy: “If This Is What Being Canceled Is, I Love It"
–– Cancel bluffs.
Bobby Flay to Leave Food Networkå
–– Flay: 'Oh, fish!'
Ben Affleck on Getting Acting Notes From George Clooney: “You're Embarrassed You Didn't Think of it”
–– Slugging him at the time.
Jennifer Lopez Paired a Turtleneck, High-Slit Dress with the Tallest Stiletto Boots
–– Finally saw deadness in Ben Affleck’s eyes.
’Succession’ star Nicholas Braun reveals he's never been in a long-term romantic relationship: 'I do yearn for it and yet I'm incapable of it'
–– Brains or Braun?
Capt. Kirk will be in space again as actor William Shatner, 90, flies Jeff Bezos rocket
–– Had to promise not to perform Rocket Man.
Jamie Lee Curtis thinks cosmetic procedures are 'wiping out a generation of beauty'
–– Just in time for Halloween.
Jewel's parents were emotionally unresponsive, so she grew up thinking she wasn't 'lovable.' She's now helping her son navigate emotions.
–– Empty Jewel case.
Jewel Says Her Son Is 'Very Emotional' and She's Learning to Not 'Over Empower' His Feelings
–– Wants just right level of brat.
Halsey Rocks a Little Black G-String, Absolutely Nailing the Visible Thong Trend
–– Yeah, she's real thong stylist.
The Green Bay Packers added a pocket to Aaron Jones' jersey so he can play while carrying his father's ashes
–– Urns start.
Jacksonville Jaguars owner Shad Khan says head coach Urban Meyer must 'regain our trust' after 'inexcusable' video
–– Urban decay.
18 former NBA players indicted for allegedly trying to defraud league's health care plan out of millions
–– Pretending they were basket cases.
Couples sleeping apart aren't just in 'I Love Lucy' anymore
–– Beds spread.
Issa Rae Says She Was Advised to Add White Characters to Shows So “White People Will Care”
–– What are producers of 18th-century European costume dramas told about black characters?
The Untold Story of van Gogh's Once-Maligned Masterpiece, 'The Potato Eaters'
-– Should open eyes.
Hundreds of giant sequoias may have burned to death in KNP Complex, Windy fires
–– And in simple, calm ones.
A group of little-known killer whales have been identified as big hunters of the sea
–– After hiring new PR firm.
Scientists Studied Spicy Chili Peppers and Cool Menthol for Their Nobel Prize–Winning Research on Heat and Touch
–– Rection tepid.
Rare 16th century Italian dish discovered in a drawer sells for $1.7 million
–– Petrified lasagna.
Toxic chemicals in Puerto Rican tap water linked to coal ash from energy firm, study says
–– Should file lawsoot.
Squid Game lays bare South Korea’s real-life personal debt crisis
–– Owe really?
Rio de Janeiro police find more than 8,000 Nazi memorabilia items in suspected pedophile's home
–– All uniforms in junior sizes.
Mussolini's granddaughter tops polls in Rome council vote
–– Got goose-step bumps.
A French diplomat saved an Afghan refugee’s pet bird. Now it says ‘bonjour’ and has become a symbol of hope.
–– In myna incident.
US submarine hits underwater object in South China Sea
–– Stubs dragon’s toe.
A tantalising discovery in China hints at the possibility of one day finding dinosaur DNA
–– Slightly more likely than uncovering COVID origin in Wuhan lab.
Archaeologists Extract 1,300-Year-Old Wooden Ski From Norwegian Ice
–– Pole still stuck in Viking.
2,700-Year-Old Private Toilet Found in Jerusalem
–– Gospel according to john.
Rover’s pictures show long history of rivers flowing into Martian crater
–– Remnants of inner tubes detected.
Perseverance Pictures Confirm Jezero Crater Was Once An Ancient Martian Lake
–– And site of Red Planet Playland.
Gas Giants May Have Bullied Planet 9 to the Fringes of Our Solar System
–– With galactic flatus.
Ancient humans might have bred one of the scariest birds on the planet
–– Suspected of egging them on.
With a Nearly Foot-Long Proboscis, This New Moth Species Holds Record for Longest Insect Tongue
–– Dubbed Tinea Cunnilingus.
Modern Crocodiles Are Evolving at a Rapid Rate
–– Expected to begin walking on two legs, wearing crocs.
The American Bumblebee Has Vanished From Eight States
–– Murder hornets being questioned.
A Group of River Otters Is Attacking People and Dogs in Alaska
–– In most adorable way possible.
Pet Chihuahua Tries to Join Texas Couple's Vacation By Hiding in Owner's Suitcase Ahead of Trip
–– Forgot doggie bag?
Dog alerts father and son to Burmese python slithering on back porch
–– IMs: ‘OMG, big snak out bak WTF???!!!’
Zodiac Killer, Long-Sought Bay Area Serial Murderer, Identified By Cold-Case Task Force
–– But no star witnesses.
US records highest increase in nation's homicide rate in modern history, CDC says
–– Countries would kill for these numbers.
Brian Laundrie live updates: Chris Laundrie arrives at Florida park to join search
–– To collect dirty Laundrie.
A woman vanished from a home in the California desert in June and hasn't been seen since
–– And we want to know what to do with mail.
A drunken man who had been reported missing spent hours with a search party looking for himself, report says
–– After failing to find own ass with both hands.
Man clings to mirror of moving semi while trying to open door, Tennessee police say
–– Reflects poorly on him.
Embattled Miami police chief offers olive branch. One critic still wants him to ‘pack his bags.’
–– Turns out olive branch was stolen.
Some students face charges for the 'slap a teacher' challenge. Now schools are issuing warnings.
–– Teachers would love to issue 'hand-outs' to little buggers.
A cartoonist with a $100,000 Al Qaeda bounty on his head for drawing the Prophet Muhammad as a dog died when a truck crashed into his car
–– Terrorists howl with delight.
Harsh public justice and private despair reign in Taliban-ruled Herat
–– Herat attack.
Riverside restaurant makes waves in Thailand as flood dining goes viral
–– With convenient over-the-portside toilets.
Time Out picks the 'world's coolest' neighborhood for 2021
–– Hip hip hoo-ha.
Censored letters between Marie-Antoinette and her rumored lover revealed in full with X-rays
–– Was not offer to ‘eat cake’
Biden defends use of vaccination requirements to end pandemic: 'We have to beat this thing'
–– Exposing self, gesturing to ‘Joe Jr.’
Black Panther star Letitia Wright has allegedly espoused anti-vaccine views on set
–– Wakanda nonsense is that?
Geraldo Rivera calls out 'vaccinated d*** heads who urge the unvaccinated to fight for their freedom'
–– Well, there are no pricks among them.
Candace Cameron Bure Says She's "Standing Up for Freedom" In Response to COVID-19 Vaccine Mandates
–– Which is Bure nonsense.
Vaccines may have prevented a quarter-million Covid-19 cases and 39,000 deaths among seniors
–– Or not.
More people are getting Covid-19 vaccine boosters than getting their first shots, CDC data shows
–– Americans never good with math.
Battling Delta, New Zealand Abandons Its Zero-Covid Ambitions
–– Gandalf to virus: 'Ye shall not pass…entirely.'
Juli Reding, Actress in the Ghostly Horror Film 'Tormented,' Dies at 85
–– Appearing in Great B-yond.
