Debate and Tackle
Week of 06/21/24
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
Hear who is likely to play Trump during Biden’s debate prep
–– Trying to get Daniel Day Lewis as Bill the Butcher.
North Korea's Kim gives pair of dogs to Putin
–– For dinner.
Biden settles on a message against Trump: He’s even worse than before
–– Or the truth.
Biden campaign launches advertising attack on ‘convicted criminal’ Trump
–– Should post 'Unwanted' ads in post offices.
Trump’s convictions fueled donation surge that could reshape contest
–– Crossed the rube con.
Judge Judy slams hush money case against Trump as 'nonsense'
–– ‘Real courts should be deciding how many tens of dollars a tenant should pay an irate landlord for her pitbull tearing apart the sofa in an apartment.'
Judge Aileen Cannon to entertain Trump’s claim the special counsel is unlawful in Friday hearing
–– With her wacky antics.
Judge in Trump classified documents case reportedly refused to step aside
–– Footwork 'too complicated' for her.
RFK Jr. won’t meet CNN debate requirement for ballot access
–– Doesn’t meet requirement for sentient being.
Here’s what the Christian right wants from a second Trump term
–– Hell in high water.
'Nowhere to be found': Milwaukee Mayor on Trump claims that he selected city for RNC convention
–– Milwaukee bucks.
Police officer attacked on Jan. 6 'sick' over Republican welcome of Trump at Capitol
–– 'Unsurprised' members of Congress presented buttocks to dominant male.
Democratic National Convention will open media credentials to influencers
–– One can smell desperation all the way from Chicago.
Nevada judge dismisses case against Trump electors, citing jurisdiction
–– More like jurist dick shun.
Steve Bannon’s bid to stay out of prison rejected by US appeals court
–– Prison still hoping it can avoid housing slob.
Kennedy Raises Just $2.6 Million, a Sign of Reliance on His Running Mate
–– $1 mil was for worm in head.
Mike Johnson’s Intelligence Committee choices anger some GOP lawmakers
–– Forgot to read ‘Intelligence.’
Louisiana Requires All Public Classrooms to Display Ten Commandments
–– Thou shalt not be kidding?
Supreme Court upholds gun ban for domestic-violence restraining orders
–– Except Thomas who also suggests beaters should try bag filled with oranges to leave fewer marks.
Russia’s Putin to visit North Korea in rare trip as anti-West alignment deepens
–– Bitchness to bitchness marketing.
North Korea’s Kim declares ‘full support’ for Russian war in Ukraine
–– Offers to be Putin's foot stool.
Ukraine to get German-made ‘Frankenstein’ tank
–– Weirdly growls, backs away from fire.
U.S. Pier for Gaza Aid Is Failing, and Could Be Dismantled Early
–– No moor?
Netanyahu on 'gays for Gaza': 'You'd be shot in the head'
–– Would be from the rave to the grave.
All eyes should be on Al Jazeera for being founded, funded -- and directed -- by terrorists
–– Dumb as bag of Hamas?
China’s Xi accused the US of trying to trick him into invading Taiwan, but said he won't take the bait, report says
–– Chump on hook.
Scorching Heat Ravages Hajj as More Than 1,170 Pilgrims Die
–– Hajj as hell.
Surgeon general wants tobacco-style warning applied to social media platforms
–– What’s he smoking?
Tesla is the biggest stock bubble in history and shares are headed to $15, short seller says
–– Guy’s like 4’10”.
Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang says a Japanese gardener taught him one of the most ‘profound learnings’ of his life—it’s why he can be on top of every detail at the $3.2 trillion chip giant
–– Stiff your workers.
Jerry Seinfeld Goes to Town on Anti-Israel Heckler Who Interrupted His Set
–– Gaza strips.
George Strait tops one of the most successful live bands in history to set new US concert attendance record
–– Strait to top.
Billy Ray Cyrus Files Emergency Motion Seeking Temporary Restraining Order Against Estranged Wife Firerose Over Credit Card Bill
–– Reaches for firehose.
Fans Are Calling Out Taylor Swift For Being Anti-Feminist
–– Not too Swift.
Travis Scott arrested in Miami-Dade County for disorderly conduct
–– Scott not free.
Armie Hammer says cannibalism accusations caused a ‘career death,’ but he’s ‘grateful for every single bit of it’
–– Ate him up.
Jonathan Majors Lands First Movie Role After Domestic Assault Conviction
–– Who’d he beat out?
–– What possesses him?
The Art of Filming Sex Safely and the Case for an Intimacy Coordinator Oscar
–– How about for Hardest-working Fluffer?
Lala Kent Recalls Losing Her Virginity to Guy Who Looked Like the ‘Offspring of The Rock’
–– Bamm-Bamm?
House of the Dragon Boss on Why Season 2’s ‘Blood & Cheese’ Murder Doesn’t Unfold the ‘Nakedly Cruel’ Way It Does in the Book
–– Kinder, gentler infanticide.
‘America’s Got Talent’ judge Howie Mandel found his wife in pool of blood after drunken accident: ‘It was too much’
–– Wouldn’t hit golden buzzer.
Sebastian Maniscalco Reveals the One Thing You’ll Never Find in His Fridge
–– Subtlety.
"There Really Is Nothing Funnier Than a Fart Joke": Ramy Youssef, Taylor Tomlinson, Alex Edelman and the Stand-Up Roundtable
–– For these comic geniuses.
Billy Zane Says 'Actors Should Get Emotional Stunt Pay' After Playing a Sex Cult Leader and Filming Abuse Scenes: 'You're Recreating Weird Trauma'
–– Acting Zaney.
Cardi B Teases Sophomore Release Title: 'What Y'all Think My Album Name Is?'
–– We Don’t Give a F**k?
David Beckham’s 'unless it’s a knighthood, f—k off' tantrum ruined his chances of being made a 'Sir': book
–– Sir Dicks-a-lot.
Bryson DeChambeau’s secret to US Open success: Floating his golf balls in Epsom salt
–– Along with his golfer’s balls.
One soundtrack at the U.S. Open: Heckling from gamblers
–– And their pills hitting ground.
Opinion | What the Caitlin Clark uproar is really about
–– You trying to pretend there is one.
‘Push through the painful bit’: record 3,000 people join nude Dark Mofo swim in Derwent
–– Dingle dangle.
How the Olympic Village was designed to stay cool—without AC
–– And why it won't.
Incoming Post editor tied to self-described ‘thief’ who claimed role in his reporting
–– From pillar to Post.
Washington Post will not bring in Robert Winnett as its top editor after report raised ethical questions
–– Lose it.
Opinion | These gaming terms are transforming slang. Do you know them?
–– Are you pimply-faced tween on spectrum?
AI is exhausting the power grid. Tech firms are seeking a miracle solution.
–– Power grid in our brains.
What 8 hours a day on TikTok taught her about the ultra-rich and influencer culture
–– New slang terms for patsy.
My Parents' Obsession With Purity Nearly Ruined Us. Years Later, I Found Their Secret In A Box Of Their Things.
–– Bar of Ivory soap.
Girls are going through puberty much earlier. There may be several reasons why.
–– Of course there are reasons, Einstein, you may just not know them.
It’s called an urgent care emergency center — but which is it?
–– OK, is this concussion protocol question?
Dave Ramsey Says You Can Get A Decent Car For Under $5,000, The Internet Says He's 'Out Of Touch'
–– Carjacker, ‘Sucker!’
McDonald’s is removing its AI drive-thru voice-ordering system from over 100 restaurants after its mishaps went viral
–– Served quarter that had been pounded, filet-o-fist, large flies.
McDonald’s releases a new $5 value meal to combat inflation
–– Although anti-diahrreals aren’t getting any cheaper.
Review: Pizza Hut Scores With New Thin-Crust Chicago Tavern-Style Pies And A Fresh Topping Lineup
–– Cubs' jersey, crap they put on hot dogs, sleet.
The Newman's Own Pizza Truck Lets You Pay What You Want For A Slice
–– Hopes you don't pay what it's worth.
A chopped salad is a catchall that’s easy to adapt
–– Like gutter trap.
How the $17 Desk Salad Won
–– With sprinkling of pencil filings.
“It’s Cheap, Has Plenty Of Protein, And Is Very Filling": People Are Sharing Their Favorite "Poor Man's Meal"
–– Hobo brains.
Utah Homebrewer Recreates Ancient Egyptian Beer Using 3,000-Year-Old Yeast and Recipe
–– Calls it Mummy High Life.
What Not To Do When Ordering A Free Water At Starbucks
–– Use as tall bidet.
The mysterious tyranny of trendy baby names
–– We blame Illuminami.
All Of The Most Major Vogue World Beauty Looks To Date
–– We wouldnt date any of 'em.
I Moved In With The Man Of My Dreams After Our Second Date. Then He Made A Request That Had Me Packing My Bags.
–– Gay sex!
Struggling with ‘bacne?’ New treatments can help an embarrassing problem.
–– Pop the question?
How Big Tobacco enlists Black activists to fight menthol, vaping bans
–– Smoove operators.
Passenger gets banned from flight for using viral packing trick
–– Bagged.
A year after the Titan tragedy, a sub is planning to go back to the Titanic to make a point
–– Let that sink in.
Yellowstone tourist sentenced to 7 days in jail over 'dangerous' caught-on-camera incident
–– Old Faithful not a glory hole.
Family of taekwondo instructors fights off sexual assault attempt
–– Amongst selves!
’Jeopardy!’ champion Winston Nguyen arrested in front of his students as elite NYC school probes him over explicit photos: sources
–– What’s a pedophile?
She spent 23 years asking who killed her mom. Then her phone rang.
–– Only interested if it was her mom.
Once nicknamed ‘Murderapolis,’ the city that became the center of the ‘Defund the Police’ movement is grappling with heightened violent crime
–– Now nicknamed St. Pall.
What Happened in Jonestown if You Refused to Drink the Kool-Aid?
–– Jim Jones offered you dirty Martyrtini.
WFAA: Texas megachurch pastor admits past inappropriate behavior with ‘young lady’ after accusation of molesting 12-year-old
–– "Y'know, a 'young lady' like Mary."
How long does it take for dogs to forget people?
–– You? Two minutes.
Lost Donkey Seen Living With Elk Herd 5 Years Later: 'Living His Best Life'
–– Horny as hell.
Nothing like a popsicle on a hot day. Just ask the leopards at the Tampa zoo
–– They like theirs with child’s hand still holding.
Puerto Rico’s ‘Monkey Island’ was destroyed by a hurricane. Researchers were shocked by how the primates responded
–– Sued forecaster!
Millions of mosquitoes released in Hawaii to save rare birds from extinction
–– Itchy residents ‘real grateful.’
12 horns and a spiky crown: A new dinosaur so unusual scientists named it Loki
–– Well, Loki here!
Animal homosexual behaviour under-reported by scientists, survey shows
–– Observation in rut.
We’re (probably) wrong about griffins
–– Figures, stupid.
Polar sea reptile 'nothosaur' fossil is the oldest ever discovered
–– Canceled actor hopes it will rehabilitate image.
Centuries-old cherries were found at George Washington's home. What can they tell us?
–– Talking cherries?
Shepherd’s Graffiti Suggests An Ancient Temple Once Existed Where The Parthenon Now Stands
–– Shows Herakles humping sheep.
Codename Nemo: How nine men captured a Nazi sub and shortened WWII
–– Hey, Verne, it's earnest.
Two astronauts wait to come home as Boeing races to understand spacecraft issues. Here’s what’s at stake
–– Um, uh, two astronauts?
Microplastics discovered in human penises for the first time
–– Check that, was tiny strap-on that looked so real.
Mysterious Monolith Appears Outside of Las Vegas
–– Oddsmakers lay 100 t0 1 odds apes approach, gingerly touch.
Youth activists win ‘unprecedented’ climate settlement in Hawaii
–– For Aloha rate of emissions?
‘What if there just is no solution?’ How we are all in denial about the climate crisis
–– So we don't have to do anything, but buy life vest?
Dr. Anthony Fauci talks COVID response under former President Trump
–– Mostly, ‘D’oh!’
One Type Of COVID Mask Works Better Than The Rest – But Any Beats No Mask At All
–– In 4,000th mixed message.
Donald Sutherland, Star of ‘MASH,’ ‘Klute’ and ‘Hunger Games,’ Dies at 88
–– Snow falls.
Giants legend Willie Mays dies at 93
–– Mays not.
Why Willie Mays' 'The Catch' remains one of the most legendary baseball plays of all time
–– Biggest thing since whale landed Jonah.
