Breyer Convictions
Week of 01/28/22
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
Biden, Senate Democrats Can Replace Justice Stephen Breyer on Party Lines
–– A slam donkey.
A former NATO ambassador gets inside Putin’s head
–– Has to wriggle past snakes.
Sen. Lindsey Graham says Democrats will likely be able to replace Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer without any Republican support: 'Elections have consequences'
–– As he briefly rouses from coma.
Fox News panel reacts to Breyer retirement with immediate backlash to Biden picking a Black woman: 'What you're talking about is discrimination'
–– Breyer’s ‘I scream.’
Opinion: The carping over Biden’s Supreme Court pledge is historically inaccurate and racially tinged
–– Granted his pledge is racially steeped.
Ben Carson Calls Joe Biden's Plan To Nominate Black Woman For Supreme Court 'Abominable'
–– Uncle Tom’s crabbin’.
Biden Weighs Deploying Thousands of Troops to Eastern Europe and Baltics
–– Heavy causalities.
Britain Says Moscow Is Plotting to Install a Pro-Russian Leader in Ukraine
–– Voldemort Pukin.
Nikki Haley says Biden should 'step down and take Kamala with him' because the US looks 'weak' on foreign policy heading into the Beijing Olympics
–– Typical reason President resigns as opposed to, say, treason.
’Shameless,’ former NBC host says of the Olympics returning to Beijing
–– The Costa doing business.
US athletes told to use burner phones at Beijing Winter Olympics
–– Where government meddles in Freestyle Spying.
Sinema censured by Arizona Democrats over filibuster stance that blocked voting rights legislation
–– Filly buster.
Joe Manchin says Bernie Sanders is not what 'the majority of Americans represent' after Sanders hinted at Manchin getting primaried
–– True, but Bernie isn’t even what majority of Vermonters represent.
Poll: Nearly 6 in 10 Republicans say they will not vote for any candidate who admits Biden won 'fair and square'
–- 8 in 10 if candidate admits
Donald Trump slams Jan. 6 panel after Ivanka Trump interview request: 'They'll go after children'
–– ’Or mental equivalents thereof.’
Man who wore 'Camp Auschwitz' sweatshirt during US Capitol riot pleads guilty
–– To fashion crime.
‘We are desperate for new people’: inside a hate group’s leaked online chats
-– Offering $10 gift certificates to Trump Store.
Crypto collapse erases more than $1 trillion in wealth, forcing a reckoning for everyday investors
–– Cryptonite!
Crypto Co-Founder Revealed to Be Infamous Fraudster, Investors Shaken
–– Others less famous fraudsters.
Elizabeth Warren wants Bitcoin miners to explain the climate impact of their power hungry rigs
–– First let them try to explain Bitcoin.
Meet Chinese crypto king Zhao Changpeng: a former McDonald’s worker turned Binance billionaire who now hosts lavish dinner parties at his Dubai mansion, and was once richer than Mukesh Ambani
–– And by end of headline asking for job back at McDonald's.
Melania Trump’s Auction of Hat Hit by Plunge in Cryptocurrency
–– Never reached tipping point.
North Korean hackers said to have stolen nearly $400 million in cryptocurrency last year
–– Currently worth $4 billion or $400.
More Than 80% of NFTs Created for Free on OpenSea Are Fraud or Spam, Company Says
–– Other 20% worthless.
The Kamala Harris mug Biden purchased during a shop visit yesterday is reportedly already sold out online
–– Wouldn't you prefer cup of Joe?
Pod Save America Hosts Laugh Along as Obama Alum Calls Kyrsten Sinema a ‘C***’
–– Were down for the ‘C***’?
Why the Sarah Palin v. New York Times trial will be an 'excruciating experience' for the paper
–– Always painful when stupid opens her mouth.
New York's response to violent incidents will include reinstating plainclothes officer unit, mayor says
–– And undercover flashers.
What CEOs are really saying when they lash out against 'woke' America
–– They, um, think it’s bullshit?
Virginia's new Republican governor, who banned critical race theory in schools, is launching a tip line for parents to report their kids' teachers
— Angry Youngkin man.
Spotify removes Neil Young's music after falling out over Joe Rogan
–– The needling and the damage done.
Howard Stern, Joy Behar and More Defend Joe Rogan Against Cancellation: Just ‘Don’t Buy Spotify’
–– Doycott.
Peacock Loss Grows to $1.7 Billion in 2021 as Comcast Q4 Tops Expectations
–– Bigdick energy?
MSNBC Sends Stephanie Ruhle to Brian Williams’ Slot As ‘Morning Joe’ Expands
–– Ruhle of snore.
CNN Struggles to Replace Chris Cuomo as Ratings Sink Under Guest Hosts Brianna Keilar, Jim Acosta
— Would need wind farm to replace.
Kid Rock Seems to Really Want to Have Sex with Fauci on New Song with “Let’s Go Brandon” Chorus
–– "Let's go Tony?"
Former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger involved in multi-vehicle accident
–– In dents fog.
The return of Jackass: ‘It’s never not funny to see someone get hit in the nuts’
–– Unless you're looking down at own fly.
John Leguizamo Says He Avoided the Sun ‘For Years’ to Stay Light-Skinned for Hollywood Roles
–– Is he SPFin’ us?
Fans sue over the movie 'Yesterday' after they realize Ana de Armas didn't make the final cut
–– Wanted to keep at Armas length.
Aaron Sorkin ‘Splains ‘I Love Lucy’ Interest, Desilu History and ‘Ricardos’ Structure
–– Pansplaining.
‘I Was Not Expecting That at All’: Tiffany Haddish Shares Details Regarding Her DUI Arrest
–– Assumed cops would figure it was unfunny drunk bit.
Britney Spears Dances in Yellow Target Bikini and Unexpected Heels With an Empowering Body-Confident Message
–– Unexpected heels wore leather jackets, motorcycle boots.
Britney Spears slams 'hateful' media for unflattering photos: 'I know my body is not perfect'
–– Baby, it’s the head you should be worried about.
Megan Thee Stallion and Jamaican Star Shenseea Are Cunning Linguists on ‘Lick’
–– Tongue and groove.
Jennifer Lopez's Head-to-Toe Plaid Look Included Sky-High Boots with the Coolest Detail
–– Almost reached sky box.
Chrissy Teigen Shows Fans What She Looks Like with and Without Makeup — in the Same Photo!
–– Through modern miracle of megalomania.
Sydney Sweeney Said There Were Times When Filming Nude Scenes Made Her "Feel Disgusting," But The "Euphoria" Creator Didn't "Make" Her Do Anything Unless She Wanted To
–– Sweeney bod.
'Becoming Pamela Anderson: Inside Lily James' daily 4-hour transformation on Pam & Tommy
–– 3 hours of push-up bras.
‘Pam & Tommy' recaps sex tape drama through a #MeToo lens
–– Cap should’ve been over lens.
Jaz-O Says He Gave 12-Year-Old Jay-Z A Gun To Shoot His Own Brother
–– Which is what mentors do.
Drew Barrymore Reveals She Was Once in an 'Open Relationship' with Luke Wilson: 'Young and Wild'
–– Lukes aren't everything.
Stanley Tucci says he can 'eat almost everything' now after treatment for oral cancer, but 'at my age, that's probably a terrible idea'
–– Doesn't have to get all Tucci about it.
Why Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, Stevie Nicks and more artists have sold their music catalogs
–– The answer my friend is blowing in the
Crystal Hefner Confirms Holly Madison's Claim About Hugh Hefner's 'Thousands' of Explicit Photos
–– A pornographer with dirty photos of nude models? C’mon!
Was the Playboy Mansion 'cult-like'? Hugh Hefner had 'profound' fascination with Charles Manson.
–– The Playboy Manson?
Playboy 'strongly supports' women accusing Hugh Hefner
–– With sizzling hot pictorial ‘Girls of #MeToo.'
Sean Penn says there are ‘cowardly genes that lead to people surrendering their jeans and putting on a skirt’
–– Macho doo about nothing.
John Leguizamo says he was fired from a film so it wouldn't become a 'Latin movie'
–– Which is apparently mierda.
Aaron Paul Recalls Moment He Told His Wife He Wanted to Have Kids: She Started 'Sobbing'
–– She was taking bad.
Janet Jackson says brother Michael teased her about her weight: 'Pig, horse, slaughter hog, cow'
–– ‘Why can’t you look normal like me?’
Bollywood star cleared of obscenity 15 years after Richard Gere kiss
–– Antibiotic regimen to end soon.
Alicia Silverstone gives the middle finger to body shamers: 'I think I look good'
–– Hey, clean it up, guttermouth!
Ezra Miller Delivers Cryptic Message to Ku Klux Klan in Instagram Video
–– Somebody’s kray-kray-kray.
Emma Thompson Talks About Taking On 'Hugely Difficult' Nude Scenes At 62
–– Brave for member of SAG.
Martha Stewart shades Ina Garten for 'more large cosmos' during the pandemic comment: 'That's not charming'
–– Garten hosed.
A live-action ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’? Peter Dinklage calls it ‘backwards’
–– ’Dopey.’
Disney on thin ice as Peter Dinklage criticises 'dwarfist' Snow White remake
–– While seven out-of-work little people say, ‘Wait a second…’
A first: Minnie Mouse ditches polka dot dress for 'ultrachic' Stella McCartney pantsuit
–– Got $2000 from sugar daddy Scrooge McDuck.
Tom Holland says he doesn't know if he'll play Spider-Man again but admits 'there definitely was a sense' that he's worn the suit for 'the last time'
–– Spun out?
The Batman' director explains why Robert Pattinson wears smudged eyeliner in the upcoming movie
–- Attacked by The Cure.
Daniel Craig did a whole interview with Javier Bardem without realizing he was bleeding from his head
–– Spyfall.
Virginia man arrested after crashing car into Taylor Swift's NYC apartment building
–– Uber obsessed.
INXS' Tim Farriss 'Very Disappointed' After Losing Court Battle Over Severed Finger
–– Court ruled lawsuit ‘pointless.’
Lena Dunham on Her First Film in a Decade, Youthful Blind Spots and Hope to Reboot ‘Girls’
–– They should remain booted.
You Won't Recognize Original Joe Millionaire Star Evan Marriott Nearly 20 Years Later
–– Make that ‘still won’t recognize.’
Queen Elizabeth (a Rumored Burger Fan!) Launches Her Own Ketchup Using Ingredients from Sandringham
–– Prince Andrew bottling his own 'mayo.'
Little Debbie's Beloved Snacks Have Been Transformed into New Ice Cream Flavors
–– Debbie
Hooters waitress blasted for being 'ungrateful' for small tips
–– On big tits?
Australia pays $14 million for copyright to Aboriginal flag, making it free for all to display
–– Even out back.
Iranian women allowed to watch landmark moment as Iran qualifies for World Cup
–– This week in Enlightened Sharia Law.
British banker locked in Dubai jail because he cannot repay millions
–– Why not in vault?
A stowaway was found alive aboard a plane wheel in Amsterdam after flying more than 11 hours
–– Nut's landing.
Was Dorothy Day Too Left-Wing to Be a Catholic Saint
–– Just leave off right angel’s wing.
I tried to live the tiny house dream with a baby and a toddler. Things quickly fell apart
–– We can’t even muster tiny shit.
Stormy Daniels tells jury she had no choice but to hire Avenatti, other lawyers 'were just afraid'
–– Even Waldorf T. Flywheel was like, ‘Whoa!’
On second day of his trial for allegedly defrauding Stormy Daniels, Michael Avenatti convinced a judge to let him represent himself
–– ‘Ave a nutty!
Chicago man released from prison 20 years later after twin brother confesses to murder
–– Yes, Virginia, there is an Evil Twin.
El Chapo devoured Viagra, delivery meals and women in prison
–– Talk about hard drugs.
Man Admits He Tried to Smuggle 2 Men Into U.S. in a Coffin
–– With DedEx.
Thief steals $8K guitar by stashing it in his pants: police
–- So he could strum in his pants.
Nearly Two Dozen Charged in Fraud Ring That Staged Car Crashes, U.S. Says
–– Did bang-up job.
Trailer carrying about 100 monkeys crashes in Pennsylvania. One monkey is on the loose
–– He’d been driving.
3-foot-long creature with scales found during drug bust at Texas home, cops say
–– Scales to weigh pot.
Oscar Mayer wants you to put ‘bologna’ on your face. We had to investigate.
–– Cold cuts instead of cream?
Black lab breaks TikTok’s heart with her secret home alone behavior: ‘I’m never leaving her alone again’
–– 'Alive.'
Birds are remarkable and beautiful animals – and they’re disappearing from our world
–– Hired PR firm for Twitter campaign.
“Highly Predatory” Brown Bear Killed 38 Newborn Reindeer In One Month
–– Teddy Bundy Bear.
What Preserved This Pregnant Egyptian Mummy's Fetus for Millennia?
–– Amuniotic fluid.
Jeff Bezos insisted on naming rights after $200M Smithsonian donation
–– Was he supposed to name it Sam’s Club?
NASA has found over 5,000 potential alien worlds–here are some of the weirdest
–– Bluto, Alpha senatori, Tattooing, Planet X-lax, Mango, Peculiarda, Carrakis.
Florida forecast calls for cold weather – and stunned iguanas falling from trees
–– And snowbirds dropping on retirement community walking paths.
America’s hottest city is nearly unlivable in summer. Can cooling technologies save it?
–– Phoenix completely unlivable year-round.
The Kiribati island nation was one of the world’s last covid-free places. Now it’s under lockdown.
–– Curbside delivery only at coconut trees.
How many lockdown parties did Boris Johnson and staff attend? Here’s a guide.
–– And how often did he mock 'the poor dumb buggers cowering in their sad little flats'?
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. apologizes for saying the unvaccinated have less freedom than Anne Frank did
–– Remember how she endangered lives of innocent?
Cheryl Hines Finally Breaks Her Silence on Hubby Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s Anti-Vax Lunacy
–– Out of deep sense of wanting to work in Hollywood again.
Marvel star Evangeline Lilly attended anti-vaccine-mandate rally in Washington to support ‘bodily sovereignty’
–– She lie Lilly.
Sarah Palin dines at New York City restaurant days after multiple positive COVID-19 tests
–– Danger of her spreading stupidity far greater.
‘The View’ Hosts Slam ‘Irresponsible’ Sarah Palin for Eating Out While COVID Positive: ‘Basically Giving the Finger to New Yorkers’
–– Chicken finger.
Alicia Witt speaks after parents found dead in dilapidated home: ‘They weren’t penniless, they were stubborn’
–– ‘Not poor, headstrong. Not neglected, otherly supported. Not abandoned, afterthoughted.
‘If I die, I die,’ said Meat Loaf, who bashed COVID rules and died after reportedly being ‘ill with COVID’
–– Virus arrived like bat out of Hell.
So What Exactly Did Meat Loaf Mean When He Sang 'But I Won’t Do That'?
–– Get vaxxed apparently.
Larry Cryer tells nurse one last joke before passing away at age 86
–– Always leave ‘em crying.
