Poller Opposites
Week of 01/21/22
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
Senate Democrats suffer defeat on voting rights after vote to change rules fails
–– Poll axed.
Peloton may be toast
–– Days of peddling over?
McConnell waves off voting concerns since Black people turn out as heavily as ‘Americans’
–– ‘Jes’ like as if they wuz Homo Sapiens.’
Alabama coach Nick Saban — Joe Manchin's longtime friend — signs letter urging the West Virginia senator to support voting rights
–– Mail sack.
Martin Luther King Jr.'s son: Manchin and Sinema "have let down the United States of America"
–– They had a dream…
Supreme Court rejects another attempt to block Texas' six-week abortion ban
–– Tough Roe to hoe for pro-choicers.
–– And grasp his pole with two hands.
‘Big Lie’ Proponents Rudy Giuliani, Sidney Powell Among Latest Jan. 6 Subpoenas
–– Big Lie losing bigly.
As Giuliani coordinated plan for Trump electoral votes in states Biden won, some electors balked
–– Scum electors didn’t.
Jan. 6 committee subpoenas phone records of Eric Trump, Kimberly Guilfoyle
–– 60% of which are butt dials.
Rep. Lauren Boebert Asked Jews Touring Capitol If They Were Doing 'Reconnaissance'
–– For Rothschild owners?
Biden insists U.S. won’t accept a ‘minor incursion’ by Russia into Ukraine after remarks drew criticism
–– Not even just tip?
U.S., Russia Agree to Keep Negotiating to Defuse Ukraine Crisis
–– So far has just been confuse.
CNN Ratings Plummet 80 Percent to Start 2022
–– So-called Trump Dump.
Kathy Griffin says CNN President Jeff Zucker 'started yelling at me' and fired her when she asked for a raise
–– Wasn’t she used to being D-Listed?
New York Attorney General: We Found ‘Significant Evidence’ of Trump Organization Fraud
–– By finally opening eyes?
New Evidence Shows Trump ‘Personally Implicated’ In Potential Fraud, Including Lying About the Size of His Manhattan Apartment
–– Pad’s numbers.
Michael Avenatti is seeking $94 million in damages over claims he was mistreated in federal custody and only given Trump's 'The Art of the Deal' to read
–– Apparently taught him lesson in filing outrageous lawsuits.
A professor said her students think average Americans make six figures. That’s a long way off.
–– Does sound like Wharton Trump keeps bragging he graduated from.
The Brain Drain That Is Killing America's Economy
–– Higher Ed producing uni tards.
Cuomo Has $16 Million in Campaign Cash and No Campaign. What Now?
–– Chicks, chicks, chicks!
Eric Adams, a Bitcoin Booster, Is Taking First Paycheck in Crypto
–– Adams' Family's Cousin Bitt.
–– Turnaround, put hands behind your back.
Theodore Roosevelt statue removed from outside New York’s Museum of Natural History
–– Rough rider.
Tiffany Haddish Arrested For Suspicion Of A DUI After Admitting Her ‘Life Was In Shambles’
–– Reflecting her ‘art.’
Lili Reinhart says she’s struggling with her body image: 'It's challenging to look at your body with love instead of criticism'
–– How about more time looking elsewhere?
Bradley Cooper Explained Why It Was "Pretty Heavy" To Do Full-Frontal Nudity For The First Time In "Nightmare Alley"
–– OK, Brad, so you’ve got a big dong.
Sean Penn Says He’s Glad He’s Old and Won’t Have to “Deal” with Where the World is Heading
–– World: ‘Likewise.’
–– "Yes, he's missing rehearsals and the rest of the cast is relieved … like they would help anyways."
Pete Davidson and Colin Jost buy old Staten Island ferry boat
–– Ferry tale ending.
Britney: I Should Have Slapped My Mom and Sis ‘Right Across Your F**king Faces’
–– This week in Mental Stability.
’Leave It to Beaver’ star Tony Dow reflects on past depression battle: ‘It’s had a lot of effect on my life’
–– Dow jonesing average.
Brian Cox Says He Turned Down A Role In "Pirates Of The Caribbean" Because He Thought Johnny Depp Was "Overrated"
–– Displaying Depp perception.
Françoise Gilot: ‘It Girl’ at 100
–– ‘Eat it, Betty White!’
Joss Whedon Breaks Silence on Misconduct Allegations, Calls Ray Fisher ‘A Bad Actor in Both Senses’
–– And he’s not Jossing.
Jeremy Irons Says Snyder Cut ‘Couldn’t Have Been Worse’ Than ‘Dreadful’ ‘Justice League’
–– Then he saw it.
Daniel Radcliffe to Play “Weird Al” Yankovic in Biopic
–– Parody animal.
'I'm just so embarrassed': Bono really isn't U2's biggest fan
–– Anti Bono?
How Nashville Legend Ralph Emery Dissed Country-Rock Pioneers the Byrds — and the Night They Buried the Hatchet
–– In Roger McGuinn's skull.
“The Dick Van Dyke Accent School”: Social Media Obsesses Over Oscar Isaac’s British Accent In ‘Moon Knight’ Trailer
–– Cock kneed.
‘Gentefied’ Co-Creator on Cancellation: “We Blasted Through a Brick Wall”
–– And hit another one.
Kendall Jenner Proves She Isn't Afraid of the Cold as She Wears Tiny Bikini & Fur Boots in the Snow
–– Too stupid to understand concept of cold.
Why therapists ARE talking about Bruno -- and all the other 'Encanto' characters
–– Not Bruce Willis’ alter ego?
'Succession's' Brian Cox on Trump: How can US 'vote for such a f---ing a--hole?'
–– Basically a lobotomized Logan Roy.
Taylor Lautner Shares Shirtless Gym Selfie on Instagram: 'Let's Crush This Week'
–– ‘Like it was my career.’
Twilight' director warned Robert Pattinson that Kristen Stewart was a minor after their passionate audition kiss
–– And minor talent.
Dakota Johnson Had The Best Response To James Corden Asking If Her Red Mini Dress Was Too Short
–– Vertical smile.
Mass: Ann Dowd explains why she is unable to watch her intense new film
–– Taste.
Martha Stewart Recalls Dating Anthony Hopkins and Why She Broke up With Him
–– When he said, 'I could eat you alive!'
’The Aristocats’ Live-Action Adaptation in the Works at Disney
–– What hairball will they spit up next?
Fashion designer sues Lego over leather jacket worn by toy Antoni on 'Queer Eye' set
–– Wants to knock their block off.
Nick Cannon says he's insecure about his 'skinny' body when being intimate: 'I hide under the covers'
–– Imagine the bastards if he was more body positive.
In parched Beijing, claims of a ‘green’ Olympics may not hold water
–– Aren’t they supposed to be ‘white’ in winter?
Covid Live Updates: NBC’s Beijing Olympics Play-by-Play Coverage to be Mostly Remote
–– Almost completely detached from reality.
Sherlock returns to Mets as bench coach
–– Maybe he can solve Mystery of the Missing Offense.
Dak Prescott on Cowboys fans throwing debris as refs raced to tunnel: 'Credit to them'
–– After piece of garbage trashed game.
Former New York Post digital chief alleges wrongful firing after privately reporting longtime Murdoch lieutenant propositioned her for sex
–– And demanded she pass digital exam.
Ghislaine Maxwell ends fight to keep eight 'John Does' secret, court to decide whether names should be unsealed
–– Redesignated John D’ohs.
Prince Andrew’s Bizarre Teddy Collection Had to Be Perfectly Positioned on Bed or He Would ‘Scream and Shout’
–– Bears or lingerie?
Prince William Was "Heavily Involved" in Stripping Prince Andrew of His Royal Titles
–– Who requested he do it slowly with Andrew hanging on a pole while The Stripper played.
‘There’s Not Just One Type of Porn’: Erika Lust’s Alternative Visit
–– How about spread of Gray Lady doing it, New York Times?
Most ‘Havana Syndrome’ Cases Unlikely Caused by Foreign Power, C.I.A. Says
–– Looking into spoiled Medianoches.
80 Years Ago the Nazis Planned the ‘Final Solution.’ It Took 90 Minutes.
–– Had them on speed die.
Coke is giving its cans a makeover
–– Still filling with polluted sugar water.
A Tennessee jury orders Cracker Barrel to pay man $9.4 million after he was served glass filled with a chemical
–– That tasted better than anything else on menu.
Thieves loot freight trains in Los Angeles with impunity
–– Botch casually and some dunce kid.
Greens v ‘beefatarians’: Europeans go to war over their dinner
–– Asparagus spear vs. shish-kebab, firecracker tofu vs. torpedo sandwich, stuffed shells vs. chicken club.
Nestle withdraws Hindu KitKat range in India over accusations of disrespect
–– Refused to add Karmal flavor.
A Dam in Syria Was on a ‘No-Strike’ List. The U.S. Bombed It Anyway.
–– Dammed if they didn’t.
Grandstanding fears as Norwegian mass killer seeks parole
–– He’s seeking release after 10 years of a 21 year sentence for killing 77 people. Attention, murderous racist psychopaths, Norway’s for you!
Indonesia names new capital, approving shift from Jakarta
–– Given jack order.
The Japanese WWII Soldier Who Refused to Surrender for 27 Years
–– This Week in Human Punchlines.
The enormous Tonga volcano eruption was a once-in-a-millennium event
–- Will check back in 3022 to confirm.
‘Our ears were ringing’: Tongans describe harrowing volcano eruption, hours swimming at sea
–– The Middle Ear: Hammer and Tongans.
Winter Storm Izzy Spreading a Mess of Snow, Ice from the South and East into MLK Weekend
–- Weather Channel: ‘Which is why we gave it such a dopey name.’
A TV reporter was hit by a car while on the air in severe weather, highlighting risks of do-it-all journalism
–– Yeah, we need Congressional investigation.
Kidneys From a Genetically Altered Pig Are Implanted in a Brain-Dead Patient
–– Pig no longer pissed.
Mysterious Purple-Coated Rocks Found All Over The Place On Mars
–– Especially outside head shops.
Hostages Rescued Safely, Suspect Dies in Texas Synagogue Standoff
–– Of natural causes?
‘I escaped a Jewish cult that wanted me to marry my 12-year-old cousin’
–– Which is definitely not kosher.
Benedict Faulted for Handling of Abuse Cases When He Was an Archbishop
–– Benedict bumble botch.
Detective Shot in Leg During Drug Search on Staten Island, Police Say
–– Usually shoot up in arms.
Man ‘Accidentally’ Stabbed Grandma 60 Times Because She Nagged Him
–– 50 times we could buy, but, c'mon, 60?
Surveillance footage shows a woman left distraught after police officer shot her dog 6 times while responding to a 'barking complaint'
–– Did it stop barking?
Watch A Dog Moonwalk On 'The Tonight Show' And Change Your Worldview
–– After dropping ‘moon rock’ on stage.
A California City Is Overrun by Crows. Could a Laser Be the Answer?
–– Countering crows.
A Florida woman went on a night walk with her dog. A black bear attacked her: ‘I feel lucky to be alive.’
–– Authorities suspect escapee from Disney World’s Country Bear Jamboree.
Archeologists Discover Two Huge Sphinxes in Egyptian Ruins
–– With several mummies in their sphincters.
Why did the Frenchman Manet paint a Spanish matador?
–– And could he today without being cancelled?
What’s All the Hype About the Metaverse?
–– Never meta verse we didn't like.
Superstores can meet half their electricity needs with rooftop solar, says a new report
–– Other half with tons of AAA batteries.
Critics accuse DeSantis of base pandering as he pushes bill to shield white people in Florida from ‘discomfort’ at school or in job training
–– And pampering them with free fur-lined adult diapers.
Ron DeSantis Opens Antibody Centers That Are Useless Against Omicron
–– All because he heard Democrats were pro-body.
DeSantis administration puts Florida health director on leave for encouraging vaccinations for his staff
–– Fined for each peer-reviewed study he ever read.
A passenger refused to wear a mask on a London-bound flight. The pilot turned the plane around.
–– To, you're not gonna believe this… Florida!
Hong Kong hamster massacre: Residents resist ‘zero covid’ city’s pet project
–– Won’t have them treated like guinea pigs.
What the Joe Rogan podcast controversy says about the online misinformation ecosystem
–– It's sole online ecosystem.
Dutch artists protest covid lockdown of cultural venues by hosting haircuts at shut-down museums
–– Clip art.
Neil Gorsuch defied a request from Chief Justice John Roberts to wear a mask out of respect for Sonia Sotomayor, a report says
–– The jury is out.
Boris Johnson denies he was warned 'BYOB party' was potential breach of Covid-19 rules
–– Bring your own Boris?
How, and Why, Boris Johnson Could Lose His Job as U.K. Prime Minister
–– Why is job as U.K. Prime Minister.
Novak Djokovic faces deportation after Australia revokes his visa again
–– Love all.
Man ejected and fight breaks out in Melbourne as anti-mask furore overshadows day one at Australian Open
–– Like joker bitch.
–– Smooth like Buddah.
Miami rapper Wavy Navy Pooh shot to death while driving. Kids narrowly escape harm
–– Popo on Pooh poo.
André Leon Talley, Trailblazing Former Vogue Editor-at-Large, Dead at 73
–– Grim Talley.
Yvette Mimieux, ‘The Time Machine’ actress, dead at 80
–– Morlocks questioned.
Hardy Krüger Dies: ‘A Bridge Too Far’ & ‘Barry Lyndon’ Actor Was 93
–– Deady Krüger.
Louie Anderson, comic and 'Baskets' star, dead at 68
— Dunked.
Meat Loaf, 'Bat Out of Hell' singer, has died at 74
–– Meat's maker.
Meat Loaf Fans Honor Actor in Classic ‘Fight Club’ Fashion
–– Salute with bottle of ketchup.
