Too Weak Notice
Week of 06/20/25
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
Two weeks' notice: Trump's deadline on Iran is a familiar one
–– Standing stall.
We’ve Reached Rainbow Capitalism’s End
–– Trump queered deal.
Trump Might Take the U.S. to War. Where Are Schumer and Jeffries?
–– Hiding under desks?
Trump says supporters ‘more in love’ with him than ever, as MAGA world splits over Iran
–– Those quips, those lies!
'You Will Hear From Heaven': Huckabee Tells Trump Only God's Voice Matters in Israel-Iran Conflict
–– If there was God he already would’ve gotten final call.
MTG’s Boyfriend Confronts Trump in MAGA Civil War
–– Where everyone's routed rebel.
Record Debt Limit Increase Would Break Republican Precedent
–– Republican President already did that.
Canadian Indigenous leader says he was 'filled with rage' before 'intense' conversation with Trump
–– Trump on warp path.
Trump can keep National Guard in Los Angeles for now, appeals court rules
–– Guess how many on 3-judge panel appointed by him.
‘Stone Cold Liar': Gavin Newsom Puts Trump On Blast For Fantasizing Phone Call
–– Not 'Dumb as a Stone Cold Liar?'
DHS Secretary Kristi Noem brought to hospital due to allergic reaction
–– Came in contact with Truth.
Conservative CNN Guest Shocks Panel With What He Said to His Friend’s ‘Illegal Immigrant’ Wife
–– After he told her to clean off table, get him drink.
Trump Says ‘America First’ Means Whatever He Wants
–– Or, more accurately, 'nothing.'
‘The best poles anywhere in the country’: Trump installs gigantic US flags at the White House
–– ‘Including Poland, lemme tell ya.’
Mulvaney warns of safety concerns over White House’s new flagpoles
–– Was used to sitting on Trump’s pole during stint as Chief of Staff.
What to Know About President Trump’s Military Parade for U.S. Army’s 250th Anniversary
–– Besides being f**kin’ fiasco?
The Internet Is Truly Losing It Over This Squeaky Tank And Empty Crowd At Trump's Military Parade
–– Don’t tread on me.
Seemingly Intoxicated guest is cut off during Fox News appearance to talk Trump parade
–– Would need to be to watch more than 10 minutes of.
Trump’s team claims 250,000 supporters watched his military parade. ‘No Kings’ protests drew at least 4 million, experts say
–– Trump birthday party dubbed 'Noob King's.'
We Asked An Expert Why Soldiers Were Marching So Badly In Trump's Military Parade, And Her Reasoning Makes Sense
–– Was Trump’s military parade.
Fact Check: Yes, U.S. Army secretary said there is a soldier stationed on the moon. (There isn't)
–– Except metaphorically when Hegseth is so blasted he’s in orbit.
Hegseth says renaming military bases after Civil War soldiers who fought for slavery is ‘important for morale’
–– Among white supremacists.
“Let Them Eat Teslas": People At The "No Kings" Protests This Weekend Brought Signs That Were So Clever I'm Still Laughing About Them
–– Jokings.
Trump criticizes ‘non-working holidays’ on Juneteenth
–– Suggests it be celebrated strictly with White Sales.
As Trump shatters ethics norms with a Qatari jet and a $499 smartphone, experts lament Biden’s ‘failure’ to pass reforms
–– Like blaming Vincent Bugliosi for not publishing Helter Skelter before Manson family massacre.
Katie Miller’s Washington Rise Takes a Musk Detour
–– Katie dud.
Elon Musk Shares Clean Drug Test After Bombshell Report About Substance Use. The Lab Suggests He Had Time to Flush His System
–– And 10 other guys he borrowed from.
Exclusive: US to drop guidance to limit alcohol to one or two drinks per day, sources say
–– Will replace with suggested drinking game linked to RFK Jr.s vaccine denials.
‘Golden Share’ in U.S. Steel Gives Trump Extraordinary Control
–– Equivalent to ‘golden shower.’
Trump Is ‘Flouting the Law’ in Delaying Enforcement of TikTok Ban, Top Senate Democrat Says
–– Claims 'I'm greater floutist than James Galway.'
Minnesota lawmaker killed in ‘politically motivated assassination,’ governor says
–– Fascist gun in midwest.
After losing a close friend, Klobuchar says it’s time "to call people out" for dangerous political speech
–– 'And pin targets to their backs.'
Minnesota shooting suspect was looking for work while doing odd jobs, then emptied a bank account and paid 4 months of rent before the attack
–– Ah, a thoughtful madman.
Roommate claims suspected Minnesota shooter was ‘down’ and security business ‘wasn’t a reality’
–– Extracting eyeballs from cadavers for organ donations not fulfilling?
Political Violence Came to Minnesota. It Didn’t Start There.
–– Whatever the heck that means.
Mike Lee Flees Questions About Deranged Assassin Tweet
–– Tweet and assassin deranged.
‘Truly Disgusting': GOP Senator Slammed For 'Depraved' Tweets After Shootings
–– What about Trump Jr.'s far crazier claim…
Trump says he won't call Minnesota Gov. Walz after lawmaker shootings because it would 'waste time'
–– …or this?
Social Security’s Finances Erode Further and Could Spell Benefit Cuts
–– Start arming seniors now.
MyPillow Founder Mike Lindell Defamed Election Security Expert, Jury Finds
–– Left single penny for truth fairy.
After Announcing Cuts To FEMA, Trump Claimed That If Governors Can't Handle Natural Disasters, "Maybe They Shouldn’t Be Governor"
–– From ‘has-no-right-to-be-president.’
Michelle Obama on being ‘glad’ she didn’t have a son: ‘He would’ve been a Barack Obama’
–– If we try really hard we might start getting impression she doesn't really respect husband.
Cory Booker Reveals Blind Date He Had With A Pop Diva Was ‘Clearly Not A Love Match’
–– Being female and all.
Trump Will Decide on Iran Attack ‘in the Next Two Weeks,’ White House Says
–– Will that overlap with two-week deadline for Putin issued four weeks ago?
Iran warns U.S. military intervention would bring ‘irreparable damage’
–– Well, yeah, sure, to them.
The Smart Way for Trump to End the Israel-Iran War
–– So how it will never happen?
Trump rejects Israeli plan to kill Iranian supreme leader, US officials say
–– Like Netanyahu’s soliciting tactical genius’ advice.
Diplomacy With Iran Is Damaged, Not Dead
–– But, y’know, really, really damaged.
Pentagon Pizza Tracker Betrayed Israeli Strike Plans Against Iran
–– Orders of prepperoni, mushroom cloud.
Kim Jong Un is sending another 6,000 people to Kursk, after an estimated 6,000 of his troops were killed or wounded there
–– And they're lucky ones.
How a leaked phone call between a former strongman and a young leader could topple a government
–– In your dreams.
Former Clinton aide Huma Abedin, Alex Soros marry in swank Hamptons wedding packed with Dem heavyweights
–– He never asked to see her Weiner.
Self-made billionaire college dropout Alexandr Wang signs $14.3 billion deal to bolster Meta’s AI efforts: ‘There’s a huge premium to naivete’
–– So it’s easy being green?
What Was Terry Moran Thinking?
–– ‘How much longer can I look at David Muir’s wounded expression?’
OneRepublic’s Ryan Tedder Says Nationwide ‘No Kings’ Protests on 250th Anniversary of U.S. Army Are ‘Super Bummer’
–– Hate-filled, unhinged autocrat commanding that army 'peachy.'
Arnold Schwarzenegger Reveals How His Wedding to Maria Shriver Was Dramatically Disrupted by Andy Warhol and Grace Jones
–– Let us hear an "'I do' not care."
Jason Isaacs Says ‘White Lotus’ Equal Pay Earned Each Actor $40,000 an Episode: ‘Do I Mind That I Wasn’t Paid More Than’ Younger Co-Stars? ‘I Never Work for Money’
–– His manager, ‘But I f**kin’ do!’
Jason Isaacs Recalls Tense Conversation with Mel Gibson Over His 'Antisemitic Outburst': 'He's Not My Friend'
–– Not even his 'sugar tits?'
‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ Star Brad Garrett Says the Sitcom Will ‘Never’ Be Rebooted: ‘There Is No Show Without the Parents’
–– Not even in zombie version?
Queer as Folk’ Star: People Forget “All the F***ing Time” How Series Paved Way for TV’s Golden Age
–– “The Sopranos can take it up the ass!’
Blake Lively Moves to Block Justin Baldoni From Obtaining Taylor Swift Communications
–– It’s not humanly possible to express how little we care.
Nicholas Galitzine Says ‘Masters of the Universe’ Has Wrapped Production, Calls He-Man ‘The Role of a Lifetime’: ‘I Put Everything Into it’
–– ‘It was like my jacked Hamlet, dude.’
Marc Maron on Ending His Podcast and the Responsibility He Feels to His ‘WTF’ Listeners
–– And how they only have 4 mil other podcasts to choose from.
As Todd And Julie Chrisley Return To Reality TV Following Their Pardons, A PR Expert Doesn’t Mince Words: ‘You Can’t Netflix Your Way Out Of Disgrace’
–– Why they’re on cable-basement Lifetime.
Billy Bob Thornton Says Demi Moore 'Didn't Remember' They Previously Shared the Screen Before Reuniting on “Landman”
–– Was before outlaw hipster pirate days.
Scarlett Johansson Rocks the Shortest Skirt While Cosigning This Millennial Hair Trend
–– Down there?
I’m thrilled that Liz Hurley is 60, naked and smiling in a meadow. But when will the nude celeb arms race end?
–– Isn’t it more ass race?
Byron Allen Reaches Settlement in $10 Billion Lawsuit Against McDonald’s Over TV Advertising
–– Race card nearly worn through.
Bruce Springsteen Calls Out Exactly How ‘Moron’ Trump Rose To Power
–– Moron in the USA?
Jurors at Sean Combs Trial See Video of ‘Freak-Off’ Sexual Encounters
–– Issued stained raincoats before show.
Fat Joe Sued for $20 Million by Former Hypeman in Explosive Complaint: Alleges Rapper Engaged in Sex Acts With Minors and Coerced Him Into ‘More Than 4,000 Sexual Acts to Maintain His Standing’
–– Or his lying.
Tyler Perry accused of sexual assault by The Oval actor in $260 million lawsuit
–– In oval orifice.
Why King Charles Wore a Black Armband on His Uniform at Trooping the Colour
–– At this point, more ‘drooping.’
Astronaut Sally Ride Gave Life Partner Permission to Reveal Their 27-Year Romance 10 Days Before Dying
–– Was along for Ride.
Dodger Stadium singer confirms she performed national anthem in Spanish to protest ICE, in defiance of team
–– Homan directed ICE agents to give Himno Nacional Mexicano a shot in English.
Chelsea beats Los Angeles FC in drab affair in front of ‘almost empty’ stadium
–– Goal for broke.
The heiress of $10 billion Perdue farms and the $12 billion Sheraton hotel empire wore hand-me-downs, still rides the subway, and flies economy
–– Even with all that chicken scratch?
The Design Genius Who Gave American Women Pockets
–– And tons of lint.
’Kill yourself’: Toxic mix of betting, social media fuels athlete abuse
–– Fandull.
201 ways to say ‘f**k’: what 1.7 billion words of online text shows about how the world swears
–– Report cursory.
Man Proposed to His AI Chatbot Girlfriend Named Sol, Then Cried His 'Eyes Out' When She Said 'Yes'
–– AI Chatbot girlfriend checked him into mental institution.
The new nudity: A 21st-century guide to taking off your clothes
–– Not newdity? C'mon!
Instead of worrying about your weight, focus on avoiding fragility
–– Impossible in Age of Social Media.
The Ozempic era is forcing wellness retreats for the elite to change
–– Are they soiling that many garments?
Should Boys Start Kindergarten a Year Later Than Girls?
–– Is that before or after paper training?
Go Ahead, Have a ‘Fridge Cigarette’
–– Apparently a-hole slang for can of soda.
Louvre Staff’s Work Stoppage Shutters Museum for Hours
–– Strike oppose.
Airbnb and Vrbo are going downhill like a hippo on a water slide
–– Talk about low-rent metaphor.
Protests in Europe Target Mass Tourism With Squirt Guns and Roller Bags
–– Sounds refreshing in broiling heat.
Owners of Doomed Nightclub in Dominican Republic Knew Roof Was Shoddy
–– In over heads.
Minnesota lawmaker shot 9 times at his home in 'targeted' attack is in a critical condition
–– Wayne LaPierre gets first chubby in 5 years.
Former police chief known as the 'Devil in the Ozarks' pleads not guilty to a prison escape charge
–– Insists he was already in cell during 12 days of manhunt.
Former NFL WR Henry Ruggs III apologizes to family of woman he killed in fatal DUI crash
–– Went deep.
They Said She Was Home-Schooled. She Said She Was Locked in a Dog Crate.
–– They said she learned to bark in three languages.
SpaceX Starship explodes again, this time on the ground
–– Looks like Musk back fully in charge.
Elon Musk’s SpaceX Starship explodes on test stand
–– Part of DOGE-inspired time-saving program.
100-million-year-old fossil found INSIDE belly of gigantic dinosaur in Australian desert
–– If you can swallow that.
Highly microplastic-polluted US coastal waters linked to serious health risks, study finds
–– And possibity of forming aquarium in gut.
Paul McCartney Pays Tribute to ‘Musical Genius’ Brian Wilson: ‘I Loved Him’
–– Heart made pitter-pet sounds.
Brian Wilson’s Genius Was the Surest Sign We’ll Ever Have That Pop Music Is Religious
–– Holy rock ’n’ roller?
Betsy Gay, ‘Little Rascals’ Child Actress and Yodeler, Dies at 96
–– Yodel-lay-she-who?
Anne Burrell, Food Network Star and ‘Worst Cooks in America’ Host, Dies at 55
–– Pickle Burrell.
William Langewiesche, the ‘Steve McQueen of Journalism,’ Dies at 70
–– Made getaway.
Gailard Sartain, Actor in ‘Hee Haw’ and ‘Mississippi Burning,’ Dies at 81
–– Faced Sartan doom.
Leonard A. Lauder, Philanthropist and Cosmetics Heir, Dies at 92
–– Creamed.
