XMAS GIVINGS
Our Krampus of criticism E. Basil St. Blaise (pictured above in Flick and Flack: More Poison Capsule Reviews) succumbs to seasonal affective disorder by reviewing a new slew of Christmas-themed TV shows and records. Ensconced in his 'mobile HQ' parked somewhere in the arid Nevada desert, with faithful Josef by his side, it's a test of his fierce professionalism to imaginatively engage with these snowy, Santacentric tinsel-fests. But after a few of these cheery bombs, it won't be long before he's into the holiday spirits.
Let it Show! Let it Show! Let it Show!
Once Upon a Sesame Street Christmas (HBO) –– Naivety scene.
Countdown to Christmas (Hallmark) –– Bah nana.
Every Christmas Has a Story (Hallmark) –– Not this sappy.
Christmas Cookies (Hallmark) –– Crumby.
My Christmas Dream (Hallmark) –– Night of the I wanna.
Finding Father Christmas (Hallmark Movies & Mysteries) –– Santa moniker.
Operation Christmas (Hallmark Movies & Mysteries) –– A coal lumpectomy.
Christmas in Homestead (Hallmark) –– The Homestead ack!
Christmas List (Hallmark) –– Found wanting.
A Heavenly Christmas (Hallmark) –– The holly and the IV.
Journey Back to Christmas (Hallmark) –– Noel exit.
All I Want for Christmas (Lifetime) –– Presents of mind.
A Christmas Wedding Date (Lifetime) –– Mistletoe jam.
A Puppy for Christmas (UP TV) –– Cur plop.
Falling for Christmas (UP TV) –– From Santa’s sleigh.
The Rooftop Christmas Tree (UP TV) –– Bough down.
Girlfriends of Christmas Past (UP TV) –– Where we put our Dickens.
The Christmas Swap (TV One) –– Exchange channels.
Merry Ex-Mas (TV One) –– Split take.
Dolly Parton’s Christmas of Many Colors: Circle of Love (NBC) –– Hue and cry.
SuperMansion: War on Christmas (Crackle) –– Mansion in passing.
Ear Candy Corn
St. Blaise suggests you purchase the following holiday music on vinyl whenever possible. Not because he's a nostalgic hi-fi buff or hipsterish audiophile who swears the sound is so much richer. It just gives you something to break once you've suffered through the drippy selections.
Christmas Together / Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood –– Brooks and done.
’Tis the Season / Jordan Smith –– ‘Tis and ass.
A Very Kacey Christmas / Kacey Musgrave –– Most grave.
Laura Xmas / Laura Pausini –– Laura zero.
To Celebrate Christmas / Jennifer Nettles –– Noel cowered.
’Tis the SeaSon / Jimmy Buffett –– Nog for nothing.
It Must Be Christmas / Chris Young –– How else could you get away with this?
Glow / Brett Eldridge –– Log and load.
Christmas Queens 2 / Various –– Glad drags.
Hallelujah! / Mormon Tabernacle Choir –– Faint praise.
The Greatest Gift of All / Rascal Flatts –– For an enemy.
I'll Have Another...Christmas Album / Straight No Chaser –– Round heels.
Songs of Christmas/Christmas with the Norman Luboff Choir / The Norman Luboff Choir –– You’ll have to wipe the lube off.
Behold: A Christmas Collection / Lauren Daigle –– Low and Behold.
Tennessee Christmas / Amy Grant –– Pall Grant.
12 Nights of Christmas / R. Kelly –– 5 Golden Rains, 4 Crying Birds, 3 Frenched Hens, 2 Tiddled Doves and a Preteen in a Perv’s Tree.
White Christmas Blue / Loretta Lynn –– Blah la la la la.
Wonderland / Sarah McLachlan –– Snowman is an island.
Christmas Party / She & Him –– Shim shim cherie.
12/22/16