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Hardy Horror
Booking the Cooks
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EDITORIAL

Hardy Horror

It's once again that season when we don't know whether to laugh or scream. Come to think of it, that's how we've felt for the entire past year. Either way, we've set The Abominable Dr. Phibes ((1971) –– Price gouging.) of film criticism, E. Basil St. Blaise, to reviewing some ghastly Halloween favorites as an entire nation succumbs to hysteria.

Chief source of our nervous titters has been the real-time remake of the Mel Brooks classic Young Frankenstein ((1974) –– The Igor Sanction.) currently being taped in the White House. St. Blaise claims, "Old Trumpenstein combines belly laughs with strangled cries for help in ways we haven't seen since Abbot and Costello Meet the Mummy ((1955) –– Tomb it may concern.) We're all so spooked by it that we're looking for explanations in the strangest places –– from evil Russian trolls to lead in the water to The Invasion of the Body Snatchers ((1956) –– Aiie!Pods). Personally, I blame white-as-a-KKK-sheet supernatural forces like the kind you'd find in these haunted features."

Blithe Spirit (1941) –– Common seance.
The Uninvited (1944) –– The school of horrid knocks.
The Innocents (1961) –– The turn of the screwed.
Carnival of Souls (1962) –– Bury-go-round.
The Haunting (1963) –– Home 'n' spectre.
The Legend of Hell House (1973) –– Habitat for inhumanity.
The Amityville Horror (1979) –– Bugger boo.
The Fog (1980) –– Like pee soup.
Poltergeist (1982) –– Hocus bogus.
House (1985) –– Ghost stories.
Ghost (1990) –– Bury the lead.
Ringu (1998) –– Tape dreck.
The Sixth Sense (1999) –– Chills Willis.
The Devil's Backbone (2001) –– Spine-tinkling.
The Ring (2002) –– Video killed the rounder-eye star.

As Mel Brooks snarked, 'It's good to be the King", and Castle Rock star Stephen has been having his hack-work translated into mediocre monster movies for 40 years. Here's a look back at some notable adaptations from the last millineum.

Carrie (1976) –– Promcom.
Salem's Lot
(1979) –– The shunshine boys.
Creepshow
(1982) –– Fright tracker.
Christine
(1983) –– Plymouth rot.
The Dead Zone
(1983) –– The Foresight Saga.
Cujo
(1983) –– Sics sics sics.
Children of the Corn (1984) –– Scream of the crop.
Firestarter (1984) –– Corpus crispy.
Maximum Overdrive (1986) –– Garbage truck.
The Running Man (1987) –– Track scars.
Pet Semetary (1989) –– Father knows beast.
It (1990) –– Fears of a clown.
Misery (1990) –– Fan friction.
The Lawnmower Man (1992) –– Rotor ruder.
Thinner (1996) –– Diet hard.
The Shining (1997) –– Overlook.
Apt Pupil (1998) –– Fascist and furious.
The Green Mile (1999) –– Racking chair.

10/30/17