Talk to the Hair
A Look Back at the First 100 Days of the Trump Presidency

L.K. Peterson's Talk to the Hair offers up a satiric alternative first-100-day-by-day account of President Donald Trump making good on his campaign promise to "Make America Totally Classy Again!" From Inaugural Ball-related injuries to good fences not making for such good neighbors, the new president lets the chips fall where they may — ideally into one of his own casinos.

And, when the going gets tough, The Donald turns to the international diplomacy stylings of Sarah Palin and the muscle of some guys named Vinny. However things turn out, it's gonna be YOOOGE!

This is how it might've and, let's be honest, should've been. It's a Bizarro take on our Bizarro political world –– a very funny doppelgänger and evil twin for a Commander-in-Chief who doesn't even need one.

So relive the glory of the Icky 100.

With illustrations by Martin Kozlowski.

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Swept into office by a coalition of supporters angry at the political process and everyone in it, Donald J. Trump defied experts’ expectations, pundits’ predictions, conventional wisdom and common sense. The reality TV star and real estate-mogul’s brash unfiltered style, oversize personality and vow to “Make America totally classy again” drew large and enthusiastic crowds throughout the campaign, ultimately winning “The Donald” the presidency over candidates once thought to be as unbeatable as they were inevitable. As a victorious Trump crowed triumphantly on election night, “We are going to be huge! We will be the envy of all the losers who aren’t us.”

In the weeks before the inauguration, president-elect Trump and vice president-elect Kardashian began vetting potential cabinet secretaries in a series of televised “Celebrity Apprentice” style competitions. How many of these contestant-nominees would ultimately be confirmed by Congress was anybody’s guess although most of the commentariat agreed Howie Mandel was a lock for Secretary of Agriculture.

Day 18
The White House Gift Shop adds a section devoted exclusively to Trump brand merchandise, including Trump cologne, ties, mineral water, real estate listings, all of his books, and a rack of “collector-quality” New Jersey Generals memorabilia. “The Donald” dashboard bobble heads are especially big sellers.

Day 33
On a “Very Special Episode” of the ancestry TV show, “Who Do You Think You Are?” DNA test results “reveal” that Trump is descended from every Native-American tribe that ever existed. He declares all his properties are now “reservations” and eligible for the development of casinos.

Day 42
“Outrage Fatigue” is the only explanation for the nearly total lack of response when the Trump campaign’s list of supporters’ names and email addresses (known to insiders as “The Dipshits Who Drank the Sucker Punch”) is offered for sale on eBay. Deemed “priceless” by advertisers and marketers who see in it a mother lode of reliably gullible consumers, the winning bidder — at $122 million — is a “Nigerian Prince.”

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Paperback • 72 pages • Black and White • 5"x7"

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