MUSIC

Bionic / Christina Aguilera — Roboflop.
Glee: The Music, Journey to the Regionals / Soundtrack — Kitsch n' synch.
Up on the Ridge / Dierks Bentley — For jierks.
Sweet and Wild / Jewel — Kilcher shock.
To The Sea / Jack Johnson — Putrid Sound.
Contra / Vampire Weekend — Band.
Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix / Phoenix — Johan Sebastian Crock.
Soldier of Love / Sade — Shoddy.
Rebirth / Lil Wayne — Borin' again.
Who I Am / Nick Jonas & The Administration — The Nixon Administration?
The Sea / Corinne Bailey Rae — Dog.
Need You Now / Lady Antebellum — The feeling is not mutual.
Animal / Ke$ha – ¢rap.
Battle Studies / John Mayer – War and piss.
Stronger With Each Tear / Mary J. Blige — She must look like She-Hulk.
My World 2.0 / Justin Bieber — Leave it to Bieber.
The Dark Side of the Moon / The Flaming Lips — Punk Floyd.
We Are Young Money / We Are Young Money – Penny ante.
The Element of Freedom / Alicia Keys — Esc Keys.

Christmas Albums 2009
My Christmas / Andrea Bocelli — Oh, Holey Night.
If on a Winter's Night… / Sting — Do you hear what I hear? Poor bastard.
Christmas From the Heart / David Archuleta — He came upon the midnight queer.
Christmas in the Heart / Bob Dylan — Or is it a myocardial infarction?
A Cherry Cherry Christmas / Neil Diamond — Roman Polanski bought two.
The Irish Tenors Christmas / The Irish Tenors – Harp! the herald angels sing.
Ultimate Christmas Collection / The Jackson 5 – Jingle fever.

The Fame Monster / Lady Gaga — Gagarbage.
The Circle / Bon Jovi — Jerk.
Play On / Carrie Underwood — Carrie off.
Memento Mori / Flyleaf — Reminds you it's dead.
The Fall / Norah Jones — Out.
My World / Justin Bieber – It's a small world, after all.
For Your Entertainment / Adam Lambert – If you like drag.
I Dreamed a Dream / Susan Boyle — And woke up screaming.
Rated R / Rihanna — For Rancid.
Crazy Love / Michael Bublé — Don't break out the Bublé.
Love is the Answer / Barbra Streisand — "What's a synonym for zero?" is the question.
Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel / Mariah Carey – Holy shit.
Brand New Eyes / Paramore – You'll need brand new ears.
Ocean Eyes / Owl City — I don't give a hoot.
Backspacer / Pearl Jam – Can it erase this?
The Blueprint 3 / Jay-Z – Schematic.
#1s…And Then Some / Brooks & Dunn — A load of #2s.
Breakthrough / Cobie Caillat — Yippee Caillat.
Before the Frost…Until the Freeze / The Black Crowes — Leaves me cold.
Awake / Skillet — Just barely.
Twang / George Strait — Dumb pluck.
Here We Go Again / Demi Lovato — Déjà vu doo.
Leave This Town / Daughtry – Alone.
Only By the Night / Kings of Leon — Leon stinks.
Loso's Way / Fabolous — Incredolous.
Battlefield / Jordin Sparks — Fatigue.
Guilty Pleasure / Ashley Tisdale — 'Tis dull.
Exposed / Kristinia DeBarge — As a fraud.
The E.N.D. / Black Eyed Peas – Of the l.i.n.e.
Big Whiskey and the GrooGruz King / The Dave Matthews Band — Sour mash.
Chickenfoot / Chickenfoot — Scratch tracks.
Ecstatic / Mos Def — Sheer blitz.
Lines, Vines and Trying Times / The Jonas Brothers — Sibling abuse.
ISolated INcident / Dane Cook – Recurring nightmare.
21st Century Breakdown / Green Day — In the slow lane.
Relapse / Eminem — More like Collapse.
Defying Gravity / Keith Urban — Urban decay.
Together Through Life / Bob Dylan — Bob hopeless.
Asleep in the Bread Aisle / Asher Roth — A loafer.
Sounds of the Universe / Depeche Mode — Synths of commission.
Unstoppable / Pascal Flatts — No, just hit Pause.
Defying Gravity / Keith Urban — Urban decay.
The Last Kiss / Jadakiss — The pucker factor.
Quiet Nights / Diana Krall — Jazzzzz.
Fork in the Road / Neil Young — Which you can stick in his career.
No Line On the Horizon / U2 — Flat one on the EKG.
All I Ever Wanted / Kelly Clarkson — Was for this to end.
Love Vs. Money / The-Dream — Money by a KO.
It's Blitz / Yeah Yeah Yeahs — The same alt thing.
Middle Cyclone / Neko Case — Snor'easter.
Working on a Dream / Bruce Springsteen — With a jackhammer.
The Fray / The Fray — The fey.
Incredibad / The Lonely Island — Wonderfoul.
Troubadour / K'naan — Able.
It's Not Me / Lily Allen — But it sounds as bad.
Raising Sand / Robert Plant & Alison Krauss — Fiddle shticks.
Folie à Deux / Fall Out Boy — Folly of Duh!
Day & Age / The Killers — Dead airs.
A Different Me / Keyshia Cole — We wish.
And Winter Came / Enya — Blecch ice.
Circus / Britney Spears — Flee.
Chinese Democracy / Guns N' Roses — Tiny men squared.
I Am…Sasha Fierce / Beyoncé — Such a farce.
David Cook / David Cook — Underdone.
Fearless / Taylor Swift — Not too swift.
Dark Horse / Nickelback — Foal play.
Safe Trip Home / Dido — And an anus.
Evolver / John Legend — He's now a fungus.
The Fame / Lady GaGa — GagGag.
That Don't Make Me a Bad Guy / Toby Keith — No, just a lousy singer.
Cardinology / Ryan Adams — Cardinals' sins.
19 / Adele — Oh, beehive!
Funhouse / Pink — Carny barfer.
Death Magnetic / Metallica — Draws flies.
Paper Trail / T.I. — Stuck to his heel when he left the stall.
Do You Know / Jessica Simpson — Because she certainly doesn't.
Simple Times / Joshua Radin — Demand simpletons.
The Quilt / Gym Class Heroes — Sew-sew.
We Sing. We Dance We Steal Things / Jason Mraz — Mostly hooks.
The Recession / Young Jeezy — Cheezy.
Mamma Mia! (The Movie Soundtrack) / Various — Swede and sour.
A Little Bit Longer / Jonas Brothers — And we'll make your ears bleed.
Breakout / Miley Cyrus — Try Clearisil.
Love On the Inside / Sugarland — Pootie twang.
One of the Boys / Katy Perry — Lez dance.
Camp Rock / Various — Short sheet music.
Modern Guilt / Beck — It's OK, we'll forgive you this time.
Can't Stop Won't Stop / The Maine — So stop already!
Tha Carter III / Lil Wayne — Wayne, Wayne go away.
Flavors of Entanglement / Alanis Morissette — Tastes like mint dental floss.
Indestructible / Disturbed — A complete metal breakdown.
Perfectly Clear / Jewel — Like a pane in the glass.
Here I Stand / Usher — So show me to my seat.
The Declaration / Ashanti — A shonda.
Rockferry / Duffy — Run aground Sue.
Narrow Stairs / Death Cab For Cutie — Step off!
Home Before Dark / Neil Diamond — Diamond in the rut.
Third / Portishead — Rate.
Viva La Vida / Coldplay — Loca.
Lyfe Change / Lyfe Jennings — Moanerpause.
Songs of the Sparkle Lounge / Def Leppard — Glitter rock?
Rising Down / The Roots — Does make the hair on my arms stand on end.
Bittersweet World / Ashlee Simpson — Sugar and spite.
E=MC2 / Mariah Carey — Einstein on the bitch.
Hello / Tristan Pettyman — Not a good buy.
Spirit / Leona Lewis — The X-cruciation Factor.
On the Way Here / Clay Aiken — I stopped for a queer.
Acclerate / R.E.M. — Down a Stipe decline.
Keep it Simple / Van Morrison —Mini Van.
Randy Jackson's Music Club / Randy Jackson — Itchy-pitchy-goo.
Seventh Tree / Goldfrapp — Double crappucino.
The Odd Couple / Gnarls Barkley — Funk & Wangles.
Trilla / Rick Ross — Filla.
Ego Trippin' / Snoop Dogg — Pooper Snoop.
Elephant in a Room / Fat Joe — Babaric.
Once / Various — Is enough.
Discipline / Janet — Scat singing.
New Amerykah, Pt.1 (4th World War) / Erykah Badu — Amerykah the Badutiful.
Don't Look Away / Kate Voegele — OK, but I will cover my ears.
River – The Joni Letters / Herbie Hancock —Herbie goes bananas.
Simple Plan / Simple Plan — A) Push eject.
Sleep Through the Static / Jack Johnson — Ick Static.
It Is Time For a Love Revolution / Lenny Kravitz — Doody Kravitz.
Vicious Circle / Dane Cook — An acquired taste, like Drano.
Yael Naïm / Yael Naïm —The Yael bawl.
Vampire Weekend / Vampire Weekend — Makes you miss the Plasmatics.

Watershed / k.d. lang — Draining.
Detours / Sheryl Crow — Off tracks.
I Stand / Idina Menzel — I can't.
Special Company / Josh Kelley — With special needs.
Pocketful of Sunshine / Natasha Bedingfield — Head full of air.
Growing Pains / Mary J. Blige — Now her ego doesn't fit in her jeans.
In Rainbows / Radiohead — Like finding a pot o' pot.
Juno / Various — No, I don't.
Some People Have Real Problems / Sia — And some have real talent.
Long Road Out of Eden / The Eagles – Down Aisle 17 at Wal-Mart.
Noël / Josh Groban – Pa rum pum pum bum.
Mothership / Led Zeppelin – Oh, the humanity!
As I Am / Alicia Keys – Off Keys.
Taking Chances / Celine Dion – Dionetics.
Carnival Ride / Carrie Underwood – The kind that makes you puke.
Sawdust / The Killers – B-sides the point.
Frank / Amy Winehouse – And beans.
Jordin Sparks / Jordin Sparks – Don't fly.
Dreaming Out Loud / OneRepublic – Can they hear themselves stink?
Rock N Roll Jesus / Kid Rock – Savior money.
Blackout / Britney Spears – Mercifully, you won't remember a thing.
Graduation / Kanye West – Invalidictorian.
Curtis / 50 Cent – Fit descent.
Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace / Foo Fighters – We'll take silence.
The Reminder / Feist – Note to self: this reeks.
Magic / Bruce Springsteen – The Boss from Hell.
Just Like You / Keyshia Cole – If you can't sing.
Remedy / Dave Crowder Band – Penicillin?
Still Feels Good / Rascal Flatts – To bilk the public.
All the Lost Souls / James Blunt – Well, at least he knows his audience.
Just Who I Am: Poets & Pirates / Kenny Chesney – & Pretty Pink Parasols!
Riot! / Paramore – More of a groaner.
The Jonas Brothers / The Jonas Brothers – Jonas sulk.
Coco / Colbie Caillat – Caca.
Zeitgeist / Smashing Pumpkins – Out of their gourds.
Icky Thump / The White Stripes – Thump sucker.
Little Voice / Sara Bareilles – Less talent.
Memory Almost Full / Paul McCartney – Of forgettable clichés.
Good Girl Gone Bad / Rihanna – Rotten, in fact.
Epiphany / T-Pain – Ohhh, T-Pain.
Konvicted / Akon – Sheer Akony.
Eat Me, Drink Me / Marilyn Manson – That's sweet, MM, but we're on a diet.
It Won't Be Soon Before Long / Maroon 5 – It won't be Maroon before long.
Favourite Worst Nightmare / Arctic Monkeys – The one where I actually buy this.
Love Songs of the '70's / Donny Osmond – Lethal Mormon.
Year Zero / Nine Inch Nails – On a ten-foot blackboard.
Shock Value / Timbaland – Tim-baaaaaaaaaaaa.
Idol Gives Back Charity Album / Various – No, please, you keep it.
Ain't Nothing Like Me / Joe – Well, that's something.
Dignity / Hillary Duff – Hot dignity dog.
Life in Cartoon Motion / Mika – Like Goofy on a treadmill.
The Best Damn Thing / Avril Lavigne – In the worst damn case.
Back to Black / Amy Winehouse – Pickled beats.
All the Right Reasons / Nickelback – To put your iPod in the trash compactor.
Elliott Yamin / Elliott Yamin – An Idol threat.
Katharine McPhee / Katharine McPhee – McPheeble.
The Shins / Wincing the Night Away – Shins feign.
Not Too Late / Norah Jones – Not too great.
Some Loud Thunder / Clap Your Hands Say Yeah – A case of the clap.
John Mellencamp / Freedom's Road – Routes rock.
The Black Parade / My Chemical Romance – You'd have to love phenobarbital to like this.
Daughtry / Daughtry – Dorky.
Oh! Gravity / Switchfoot – You nasty force, you!
The Dutchess / Fergie – Fergadiculous.
Still the Same / Rod Stewart – Rod the Nod.
Hip Hop is Dead / Nas – Don't get our hopes up.
Love, Pain & the whole crazy thing / Keith Urban – Plus a soupçon of smack.
Kingdom Come / Jay-Z – Kingdom go.
Awake / Josh Groban – Yeah, but it took a case of Jolt.
The Road to Escondido / J.J. Cale & Eric Clapton – Via the Schlossen Cutoff.
Enjoy the Ride / Sugarland – Chevy ad-ready.
The High Road / Jojo – No-no.
The Open Door / Evanescence – Use it.
Sam's Town / The Killers – As indie as Sam's Club.
FutureSex/LoveSounds / Justin Timberlake – PresentSux.
Face the Promise / Bob Seger – Mold time rock 'n' roll.
B'Day / Beyoncé – Bidet.
Revelations / Audioslave – Listening to this is hard work.
Modern Times / Bob Dylan – Like a kidney stone.
A Public Affair / Jessica Simpson – A private part.
Danity Kane / Danity Kane – A Danity crisis.
Continuum / John Mayer – It never ends.
Let Love In / The Goo Goo Dolls – Gaga.
Eyes Open / Snow Patrol – Mouth wide shut.
Paris / Paris Hilton – Paris when she fizzles.
Idlewild / Outkast – Kast out.
How to Save a Life / The Fray – 'Fraid not.
Highway Companion / Tom Petty– Designated drivel.
Back to Basics / Christina Aguilera – First t, then a.
A Thousand Different Ways / Clay Aiken – To say, "I'm gay."
St. Elsewhere / Gnarls Barkley – I don't know if that makes you crazy, but it's driving me friggin' insane.
Andrea Bocelli – Amore / Andrea Boccelli – I canna takea amore dis!
12 Gardens Live / Billy Joel – And he drove through every flower bed.
A Fever You Can't Sweat Out / Panic! At The Disco – Like swine flu.
Earth to America / Widespread Panic – Stop listening to this trash...I repeat: Stop listening to this trash...
Broken Boy Soldiers / The Raconteurs – White gripes.
Yeah! / Def Leppard – Lucky leppard.
Stand Still, Look Pretty / The Wreckers – And keep your mouth shut.
Taking the Long Way / Dixie Chicks – On the short bus.
I Love My B**** / Busta Rhymes – Oh stop it, Busta, you big romantic lug you!
We Don't Need to Whisper / Angels & Airwaves – But we'd prefer if you did.
Jagged Edge / Jagged Edge – Dull cuts.
Surprise / Paul Simon – Still uppity after all these years.
Stadium Arcadium / Red Hot Chili Peppers – Medium tedium.
What's Left of Me / Nick Lachey – Besides the beetle brow, big teeth and desperately-needed alimony.
Pearl Jam / Pearl Jam – Jam boree.
Goodbye Alice in Wonderland / Jewel – Hello Little Annie Fanny.
We Shall Overcome: The Seeger Sessions / Bruce Springsteen – Faux singer.
Who the F*** Are Arctic Monkeys? / Arctic Monkeys – Who the f••• cares?
Move Along / The All-American Rejects – Yankee Doodoo Dandies.
Me and My Gang / Rascal Flatts – Like Alfalfa in Branston.
I'm Not Dead / Pink – Shucks.
Now That's What I Call Music!: 21 / Various Artists – Omnibust.
Daniel Powter / Daniel Powter – Puff.
Show Your Bones / Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Nah, nah, nahs.
On an Island / David Gilmour – Survivor: Hasbeeña.
Sing-a-Longs & Lullabies for the Film Curious George / Jack Johnson & Friends – Snore guard.
Oral FIxation, Vol. 2 / Shakira – Your BJ joke here.
Breakaway / Kelly Clarkson – Breakawind.
For Me, It's You / Train – For me, it's eww.
Back to Bedlam / James Blunt – Like a blunt instrument.
Sweatsuit / Nelly – Pore.
Get Lifted / John Legend – Drop it.
Unpredictable / Jamie Foxx – Yeah, you never know when a movie star will release a formulaic vanity recording.
PCD / The Pussycat Dolls – Faster Pussycat, Shill! Shill!
The Real Thing / Bo Bice – Banana Bana, No Dice.
The Emancipation of Mimi / Mariah Carey – ME! ME!
Jesus, Take the Wheel / Carrie Underwood – And head straight for that abutment.
Greatest Hits / Blink-182 – I'm sorry, but is that plural?
Confessions on a Dance Floor / Madonna – I sing like Latoya Jackson. I dance like Charo. Oh, and I can't act and my childrens' books bite.
Love, Angel, Music, Baby / Gwen Stefani – Murder, Dear.
Get Rich or Die Tryin' / 50 Cent – Why not both?
Late Registration / Kanye West – So I guess he missed Composition 101.
Irresistible / Jessica Simpson – Blonde on Bland.
Naked Truth / Lil' Kim – Pretty bad, but did they have to throw her in prison?
Hoobastank / Hoobastank – It wasn't just Hooba.
Nothing is Sound / Switchfoot – And get off my toes.
Wanted / Bow Wow – For impersonating a playa.
Most Wanted / Hilary Duff – Many didn't.
A Bigger Bang / Rolling Stones – That was the door slamming shut on your cred.
American Idiot / Green Day – Well, Joe, you sound a lot like a British jerk, but we'll take your word for it.
Encore / Eminem – You're exhausted? How do you think we feel?
How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb / U2 – Bono-boom!
Monkey Business / Black Eyed Peas – The kind they fling at the zoo.